Sorry it's taken so long! The past weeks in college have been really demanding:( But it's summertime now!:D
Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing
3 March 1831
Enjolras shifted in his sleep, pressing his body closer to mine. I could tell him, I thought as I moved his hand down to my abdomen. I closed my eyes and took in the moment, pretending like he knew and was thrilled. Pretending like we had fallen asleep like this, instead of me crying myself to sleep while he bounced around the room like a jumping bean. Some minutes he would be pacing at the foot of the bed while he tried understanding how he was oblivious to Grantaire and Elle's past relationship (Grantaire swore to me that he hadn't touched or thought about Elle for the past two months...convientenly the amount of time he's known Azelma). Other times he would be at his desk, trying to take his mind off the insanity by devoting his efforts to schoolwork and the rebellion. Then when he couldn't stand the thought process of anything else, he would be in bed with me. Holding me and whispering words of comfort in my ear. But the more he whispered, the worse I felt. Of course, all three situations repeated themselves until I fell asleep, and I'm sure they continued even after.
"Enjolras." I whispered into the darkness.
The look on Enjolras's face when Grantaire told him about Elle was like someone had told him they skinned his favorite cat. He didn't even say a word to the drunk before he lead me home at a quick pace so that Grantaire's drunk self couldn't keep up. Elle was the one who gave Grantaire the black eye. Azelma and I were sitting on the couch when Enjolras, Grantaire, and Elle had their argument in the kitchen. Even then, Grantaire didn't get so much as a grunt from Enjolras. It was Elle yelling at Grantaire for telling Enjolras, Enjolras yelling at Elle for not telling him first, and Grantaire defending himself and yelling random words to get Enjolras's attention. The argument ended with Elle's fist making contact with Grantaire's face, which Azelma and I heard clearly. Afterwards, Elle came storming out of the kitchen, barking at Azelma that she could have 'that God-damned bastard'. Grantaire followed and went right to the liquor cabinet, 'I swear to God and you two that I haven't slept with that crazy bitch in two months.' He shook his head and downed his drink when Enjolras finally came out.
I turned over in Enjolras's arms. It was too dark to tell if he was still sleeping or stirring at all. I scooted closer to him, closing the space between us and dipping my hands under the covers. I placed a soft kiss on his lips, and draped my arm over his waist. No, he was out cold. I nuzzled up against him, letting the sound of his heart lull me. Once again, I flipped over in his arms, my back to him, and I put his hand over my abdomen again. At least I could pretend while he slept. While he slept there was no rebellion, no deals, and no schoolboys. While he slept there was just the three of us. No lies. Everything was bare. I sighed and relished the feeling. I was brave while he slept. There was nothing in the way of me telling him the truth. Nighttime brought out the reality in every situation. People stop hiding from the light of day. The moon has a funny way of shedding light on everything.
"We're going to have a baby." I said softly. "Can you feel her?" I pressed Enjolras's hand more firmly against my abdomen.
In my mind, he answered me. A typical Enjolras response. It would have included money matter, university worries, and rebellion talk. He probably would have rattled on about the three as if I hadn't just told him. He would have gotten up and started polishing something that didn't need to be polished, or scrub something that was already dirt-free. Then he would have finished a week's worth of school work. He would have poured himself a glass of wine, but he wouldn't take a sip. He does that sometimes...pours himself something because if he wanted to drink it then it was there, but he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to even use his will to take the drink. Grantaire usually downed it for him. Anyway, after Enjolras would go through all his distractions, he would climb back into bed with a name.
"You don't have to help if you don't want to. Mama raised Azelma and I practically on her own. My father was always out doing business even before we lost the Inn. It was more respectable business then. Besides, I know you'll be plucking up enough courage and charm to talk to your lady friend any day now. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of true love. It's not really fair to me either, is it? How am I to find my true love if I'm too busy trying to figure out if I'm falling in love with you or not?"
I snapped my mouth shut when Enjolras grunted in his sleep and pressed himself closer to me, tightening his grip on my abdomen.
"Enjolras?" I squeaked, my pulse racing. "What will the school boys think of me? What will Marius say? I don't know if he'll be more disappointed with the fact that it's not his baby or that he didn't even see it coming." I paused. "Clearly the latter." I imagined Enjolras agreed with me. "I know Marius will never love me. I'm not a silly girl. If I died, he'd blink but never stir...Would you stir?" I think I prefered silence to an answer.
After another few minutes, I wiggled my way out of Enjolras's embrace and disappeared into Grantaire's room. Azelma was snoring lightly, her body cuddled into a little ball. She always slept that way. I shed my night clothes in the corner and hurried to slip into the drunk's clothes that I usually wore when I wanted to go walking in the night. Not many people stopped a 'boy' wandering the streets. Most scum would rather pester the whores and prostitutes compared to seeing what they could get a boy to do for them.
I didn't get far outside when I caught sight of someone who had my heart pounding and my mind racing. I stuffed my hair in my hat, bowed my head, and tried keeping to myself as I neared the house he was standing before. My footsteps seemed to be as loud as gunshots. It was probaby just me imagining things, but I still tried walking different ways to decrease the noise. He was muttering to himself as he read from a piece of paper under the light of a lantern. Old habits had me walking slower, hoping to catch his attention. I couldn't help it. I knew I didn't want to and shouldn't, but old habits die hard. By accident, honestly, I kicked a stone as I was in clear view.
"Boy." Marius whispered urgently.
I kept my head down and tried turning back in the direction I had come from.
"Hey, I have money for a favor."
"Sorry, monsieur." I shouldn't have talked. I shouldn't have talked. Marius knew all my voices.
I gasped a little too loudly when he grabbed my arm as I tried running.
"Eponine?" Marius yanked the hat from my head. "God, Eponine, the things you do." He stuffed the hat in my hands. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't doing this for him, I was honestly just out for a walk, but he went on. "Since you're here, you might as well help me. Who lives here?" He asked me, pointing to the house he had been standing outside of.
I glanced around the neighborhood nervously. "Marius, we shouldn't be here. You know my father and his gang are out in this neighborhood around these hours." I peered down the road.
"Well, what are you doing here?"
"I was out for a walk." I snapped.
"Your mother being a bit much?" He asked, now nervously glancing around for my father, too.
"I haven't stayed at the Inn for over two months, Marius. Didn't you wonder why Azelma and I were at Enjolras and Grantaire's that night you brought that Lark for dinner? Or the other week when you and the other idiots were over looking at Enjolras's sketches?" When I thought I caught a glimpse of one of my father's drones, I pulled Marius into one of the alleys.
"I just figured you were smitten with Grantaire."
"Grantaire?" I frowned. "Why would you think I was smitten with that raggedy, old drunk?" Gross. Just the idea of Grantaire. Ew.
Marius shrugged, stealing a peak into the street. "I mean, when you were smitten with me, you trailed me like a puppy dog. I guessed that's what you were doing with Grantaire."
I stared at his back as he watched over the street. He knew? He knew all this time? I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and my stomach turning over and over. He knew. He knew how I felt about him, and he just let me go on making a fool of myself? Years! He must have known for years. Years of having me run around looking for the larks he 'loves', and all the while he knew what he was doing to me. He was slowly killing my fire and passion. If he would have just told me...And here I was so worried that our love wouldn't stand a chance because of the feelings I was developing for Enjolras. The feelings that had developed. I felt like I was betraying Marius this whole time, but he wouldn't have even cared. He thought I was smitten with Grantaire! I was a mix of emotions. I was hurt, upset, relieved, and pissed all at the same time. So I pushed him.
"You knew this whole time?" I hissed, giving him another shove. "You let me carry on like a fool for you." I pushed him into the alley wall. "I would have went to hell and back for you, and you used me!" Another shove. "You're a sick bastard, Marius Pontmercy." I spit as his feet.
"And you're delusional! What urchin would keep coming back after everything?" Marius laughed coldly.
"An urchin in love with you!" I cried, turning away from him and furiously wiping my tears away. Why was I getting upset over Marius now? I liked Enjolras. I was with his child. Marius was ancient history. But, I suppose, the hurt was very much in the present.
"'Ponine..." Marius put a hand on my shoulder.
"No." I jerked away from him. "It doesn't even matter anymore. If I did before, I don't anymore. I've moved on." I tried sounding confident, but I sounded more like a scared, little girl. I leaned into the wall and let out a sob. "I'm sorry." I muttered.
"What's the matter? What are you sorry for?"
"Hey!" A shout came from the opposite end of the alley.
Marius grabbed my shoulders and faced me towards him. "Eponine, it's me. Tell me what's wrong!" He whispered urgently.
"Pontmercy, is that you?" Grantaire's voice boomed. "Thank God you found Eponine here. I've been looking for her all night. She's catching a cold, so you know the last thing she needs is to be out and about." Marius's face was instantly replaced by Grantaire's. He looked me in the eyes and then back to Marius as he put an arm around me. "Have you two been out here long?"
"No, not even half of an hour." Marius looked around. "She saved me from getting in a potential rough with her father. She keeps apologizing for something."
"She's delusional." Grantaire smirked. "Thanks again, my friend. Hurry home and stay out of sight, will you?" I watched Marius as he took off running. I can't believe he knew. Now what did I have? Marius would never love me. Enjolras would eventually leave me. Grantaire wasn't for me. All I'd have is the baby of a man who loved some Parisian lady. "You listen to me, Thenardier," Grantaire cupped my face and stared me hard in the eyes. "You've got to stop apologizing. You've done nothing wrong. These late night walks need to stop. The crying needs to stop. You're a strong, beautiful woman. If anyone can take on the shit the world deals, it's you. Look how far you've come. You've got to stop worry about the future. And you've got to stop fretting over Enjolras. The truth will come out when it's meant to. You hear me?" I nodded. "I mean it."
"I hear you." I said between sniffles.
"Seriously, kid." Grantaire shook his head and kissed my forehead before wrapped his arms around me.
I cried into him, letting out loud and obnoxious sobs. "I'm scared." I shuddered at the word.
"You don't need to be."
"I don't have anyone." I murmured as Grantaire started walking me home. "Marius doesn't love me. He's never going to love me. I was just a pawn to him. Someone he could use to run errands for him. And Enjolras...I'm no good for him." I sucked in sharply. "I'm just weighing him down. This baby..this thing. How is he going to woo that lady if I'm chaining him with this thing?"
"What are you talking about?" Grantaire stopped us and grasped my shoulders again. "You've got me, you'll always have me. You're basically the coolest thing to happen to my apartment since the liquor cabinet. Besides, if you go then I'm stuck dealing with Elle and Enjolras alone. And one man cannot take on that responsibility. I can't go back to living life that way." Grantaire shook me lightly. "And this lady you're speaking of? If by lady you mean final exams and by woo you mean pass, then your baby won't hinder him."
"I'm talking about a lady, Grantaire." I shrugged out of his grip. "A flesh and blood lady."
Grantaire laughed and followed me when I walked away from him. "Enjolras isn't meaning to woo any lady. Trust me, I would know."
"No, he's in love with some lady." I snapped. "A friend." I added bitterly.
"Thenardier, the only person Enjolras occupies his time with who doesn't have a penis is you. He doesn't even make an effort to socialize with any other lady. If you ask me, this lady you're kicking yourself over is probably you."
"Well, I didn't ask you." I grunted as he held the door to the complex open for me.
"Think about it." Grantaire said. We walked up the stairs slowly. "What lady is Enjolras friends with who doesn't already have a man?" I searched every memory I had of the girls who hang around the cafe. I could name three. Well, one of them didn't really count. So two. He could be in love with one of them. I bet it was that Janelle one. She was a real book type. I bet they bonded over Locke.
Grantaire and I did our best to be as silent as possible when we walked into the apartment. You know, it was the dead of the night and we didn't want to wake Azelma or Enjolras. But there was already a ruckus when we walked in. There was that first moment of utter silence; it was followed by a loud bang, though. Like a door being slammed shut. I nearly jumped out of my skin, and Grantaire grabbed my arm protectively. It sounded like it was coming from the bedroom. I yanked my arm away from the perpetual drunk and hurried towards the noise. All I could was someone had come in through the window or front door and went for Enjolras. Now the two of them were fighting. I think I was panicking. My heart was racing. This was all my fault if they came through the front door. I should have never went wandering at this hour. But no. I'm expecting a full out brawl and walk into find a frazzled Enjolras. And the only thing he was fighting with was his pants.
"You've got your pants on backwards, my friend." Grantaire nodded to Enjolras's pants.
"Where've you been?" Enjolras barked at me, still ignoring the drunk.
"I went for a walk." I said indifferently as I took my hat off and fluffed my hair like it was no big deal where I had been in the midle of the night. Enjolras looked incredulously at me and then to Grantaire. "This place is suffocating me."
Grantaire rolled his eyes.
"Eponine, it's freezing out!"
"It's not that bad."
"You're sick."
"I'm tired."
"Don't do this." Grantaire grumbled.
"What is going on with you? You're acting crazy." Enjolras snapped.
"Because this place is suffocating me! This apartment! This room! You!"
"I'm suffocating you?" Enjolras gave me a look that told me how full of bull shit I sounded. "If this place is suffocating you, if I'm suffocating you," Enjolras walked past me into the hallway. "Then leave." He held his arm down the hall.
"Are you serious?"
"You eat my food, hog my covers, unorganize everything, borrow money for the most ridiculous things...a place with no you would be a welcome change."
"You two! You're acting ridiculous. Do I need to put you in separate corners?"
"Grantaire, shut up!" Enjolras and I bit at the same time.
"No!" The drunk shot back. "You two, shut up! Enjolras, my friend, I get it: You're upset because she was gone when you woke up. You were worried something happened to her, so her cold indifference set you off. I get it. And Eponine, you've got a lot going on in that nogin of yours. You're scared and excited and nervous. I understand. You feel alone and conflicted. Story of my life." Grantaire shoved Enjolras back in the bedroom. "But you two are driving me nuts. Now, if you have something to say to each other, and I know you both do, say it now. Or I'm kicking you both out of my flat. Honestly. Azelma will be the only one staying." I stared at the drunk. He sounded so serious. It was weird.
"I know about the deal with your father." Enjolras said after some time.
"What?" I choked out.
"I know about it, Eponine." Enjolras sighed.
"I have no deal with him." I lied.
Enjolras gave Grantaire a beckoning look before the drunk left and Enjolras turned his attention back to me. "I'm not mad, but I know." I watched him cautiously as he held my shoulders. "I'm going to do whatever I have to." He added softly. I shook my head. How did he know? How was he not pissed? "No, shh, it's okay. I want to help you." Enjolras cupped my face and ran a thumb over my cheek. "We'll give your father enough money to keep him quiet for enough time, so we can send you and your sister away to America where he can't find you. You'll be safe."
I was panicking again. I could feel my pulse picking up, and the thought of never seeing Enjolras again started to scare me. Was it selfish of me to not want to leave?
"We can't go to America." I told him, shaking my head.
"Or we send you and Azelma to England. Anywhere you want." Enjolras promised.
"We need to stay here." I whispered, taking his hand in mine.
"You can't stay in Paris, Eponine. Between the rebellion and your father, Paris is no place for you and Azelma to start your lives."
"We need to stay here." I repeated, but this time I held his hand to my abdomen and repeated it one more time. "We need to stay here."
I promise next chapter will be a longer one!
In the meantime, tell me what you think:)