I do not own the Outsiders. All characters are used with much respect to S.E. Hinton.
10
"Where you think you're goin'?" I looked up from the newspaper and watched Soda sleepily yell at his little brother who tried to quietly sneak past without Soda noticing.
"Nowhere, Soda. Just gonna go outside for a smoke."
"Get your ass over here. I'm tired."
I shook my head and went back to my paper as Sodapop slapped the seat of the couch, motioning for Ponyboy to sit down. Pony let out a dramatic and drawn out sigh; pretending to be irritated with his demanding big brother, but he'd never been irritated with Sodapop in his whole life.
Soda pushed himself part way up while he grabbed Pony by the wrist and hauled him down onto the couch. Once he had Pony seated, he grabbed the pillow, fluffed it up on Pony's lap, and laid his head back down. Pony wore a sideways grin as he looked down at his brother, then gave up and leaned his head back against the couch.
"This is stupid," Pony griped, and I looked up at the both of them.
"Shhhh…I'm trying to sleep." Soda mumbled as he rolled over on his back and looked up at Ponyboy.
"Soda? You gonna sleep all day? Can't we go for a drive or something?"
"Hmmm…" Soda thought about it for a brief moment. "You wanna go for a ride?"
Pony shrugged, "I dunno. It's Saturday; nothin' else to do. You feeling better now?" He asked as he rested his hand on his brother's forehead.
"What about your homework?" I suggested. Ponyboy was still trying to catch up on the school work he'd missed since he got sick after Johnny and Dallas passed away.
"I didn't bring it."
"Uh oh, here we go." Soda groaned as he lifted his head off Pony's lap, and turned to sit up straight on the couch.
"What do you mean, you didn't bring it?" My paper was down in a flash as I leaned forward and glared at my little brother. He couldn't afford to fall even further behind in school and he knew that.
"I didn't have time, Darry. Mrs. Richards came for me; I didn't even know I could come home."
"Pony…" I started, but then Sodapop cut in.
"Pony, make sure you bring your schoolwork home with you next time, 'kay?" Soda made sure to give me a meaningful look before continuing. "We gotta make sure you catch up, you missed so much school already, right Darry?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't think about it. I was just excited to finally come home. I'll bring it next time, I swear. I'm sorry." Pony mumbled to his chest.
"We know, Pony. See, Darry? He's sorry." Sodapop started, but I'd already had enough.
"Great, Sodapop; all better now. He's gonna fail the year and all the hard work he's done will go down the toilet, but hey…he's sorry."
Pony stood up abruptly, and left for his bedroom, and our usual cycle continued. It got awful old being the bad guy all the time when all I was trying to do was help Ponyboy set up a future for himself. He was better than all of us; I knew how smart my youngest brother was. His grades made mine look average. He was put up a year in school because it wasn't challenging enough for his brain. I knew that he could be whatever he wanted to be, but he just didn't get it. He didn't have the foresight to realize he wouldn't be happy until he ditched this one-horse town, and made something of himself. I'd do whatever it took to get him there.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Darry?" Sodapop was mad, as he often was when Pony and I would get into it. Soda got to be the cool brother that was worshipped, while I was the hardass that laid down the law.
"Go get your brother," I muttered bitterly. "That's what you're good at."
"Darry, something's wrong with Ponyboy." Sodapop ambushed me at the door as I was tying up my work boots.
"What's wrong now?"
The last two weekends we had with Ponyboy, Soda had insisted that something was off about him, but I didn't want to get into it because there was nothing I could do. Six weeks, and I'd had numerous meetings downtown at the Social Services office, countless phone calls back and forth with Mrs. Richards, and they all amounted to the same thing: let's wait and see.
"Two-Bit says he ain't seen him around school. Steve too, caught him at school the other day and offered to give him a lift but Pony didn't want one."
"That is kind of weird," I paused what I was doing and looked up at Sodapop. Pony would never miss an opportunity to be with his friends. They were as good as family to him; to us.
We'd taken a lot of comfort knowing Pony wasn't hauled out of his regular school on account of being in a foster home. Everyone laughed when Soda was half ready to quit his job at the DX station and enroll back in school full time just so he could be close to our brother. It took me a few days to talk him out of it; I knew it would just get us in deeper with the State, and make it harder to get Ponyboy back home full time where he belonged.
"I'm tellin' ya, Darry. Somethin' ain't right." Soda's eyes were pleading as he raked his fingers through his hair.
"This has been hard for him, Soda. He's still missing Johnny and Dally and then he gets pulled out of his home. Give it time…"
"No, you're not listening to me. He ain't right, I'm telling you." Soda pleaded with me.
"Not right how? Look, I know he's not happy. I see him moping around the house when he's here. If you want, I'll talk to him, but I thought you'd rather me back off instead of getting' on his case."
"That ain't it, Darry. He's pulling away and I don't like it." I was concerned with how worked up Soda had himself.
"Okay, okay. Let's talk with him tonight when I get off work. You're gonna be here today, right?"
"Yeah, I got Steve to cover me for the weekend so I could spend more time with Pony."
"Good. That's good." I looked at Soda as I stood up and grabbed my tool belt from the coat hook. "Listen, Soda. We'll find out what's going on. He tells you everything, doesn't he?"
Soda frowned sadly at me as he shrugged his shoulders. "He used to."
"Look, I'll be home around four thirty. We'll figure it out, don't worry. I'll press harder on Richards and see what comes out of it."
"Thanks, Darry," Soda looked at me sincerely and touched my arm. I nodded at him and then headed out for the truck for another Saturday of work.
I was thankful it was a short day. The wind was kicking up making it difficult to stay balanced on the gables while trying to nail down shingles. If that weren't challenging enough, I couldn't keep my mind on my work; my mind wandering off to what Sodapop was trying to tell me. Our kid brother was sinking, and we had to find a way to keep him afloat.
It was quiet except for the TV when I walked through the front door. It was hard getting used to a quiet house; it never had been that way before. It started when Johnny and Dallas died, and then progressively worsened when Ponyboy was taken away. We'd all grown quiet, even Two-Bit when he was over, seemed to talk quieter and laugh less.
I kicked off my work boots and left my tool belt on the floor beside them as I headed through the living room to deposit my lunch kit in the kitchen. I noticed my brothers silent on the couch; Ponyboy sound asleep on one end while Sodapop stared blankly at the television set on the opposite end. They weren't touching, and I knew something was off. They were normally joined at the hip.
"What's going on?" I asked curiously, and Soda just looked at me and shook his head.
"You wanna do this now, or after supper?" I asked and Soda just shrugged.
"Soda, you gotta help me out here, little buddy. You know I'm not good at this shit." I pleaded with him.
"I know, Darry. I'm sorry, I'm just worried. Barely said two words to me when he got here. Just laid out on the couch and passed out. Can you just promise me you won't freak out on him? Please?"
"I'll try. Did he bring his homework?"
Soda glared at me and I lifted my hands up in surrender.
"Just asking." I said pointedly. Soda didn't answer, just shook his head at me while he turned his attention back to the TV.
"Okay, I'll start on supper," I slowly turned to the kitchen, placed my lunch box on the counter, and went to the sink to wash my hands before cooking.
I worked on supper for about an hour and a half before it was cooked. A couple of baked chickens, potatoes and corn; the boys and my favorite. I set the table for the three of us before poking my head into the living room and checking on my brothers.
"You hungry? Supper's ready." I nodded at Sodapop who then shuffled over on the couch and started shaking Pony's leg.
"C'mon, Pony. Get up, supper's ready."
I waited until Pony sat up and rubbed his eyes before turning back into the kitchen to get the food dished out. Both of my brothers wandered in like a couple of sad sacks, and I didn't know whether to tease them about it, or worry. Somehow, we had to get back to where we were.
Dinner was quiet, and although I couldn't get enough food into me fast enough, I noticed Ponyboy picking at his plate, rearranging his food. He hadn't eaten a bite. I stopped eating and took a good look at him. His eyes were dark and sunken in, his skin was pale and sallow and he looked like he'd dropped more than ten pounds since the State had taken him away from us.
"You haven't touched your food," I motioned to Pony's plate.
Pony startled before shaking his head. "I'm not hungry," was all he mumbled before dropping his fork onto his plate.
I looked over at Sodapop, sitting to my right, and he looked at me, and I figured it was time for the family meeting.
"What's going on, Pony?" I tried to sound as gentle as I could, but I could still see my question was upsetting my little brother.
"Nothing, I'm just tired." He mumbled.
"Seems like a lot more than just being tired, Pony." I urged, but he just shook his head and looked down at his lap.
"Pony," Soda tried, but things were as Soda had said. I could feel Pony pull away.
"Can I be excused?" Pony asked quietly, not making eye contact with either Sodapop or myself.
"No, Ponyboy. I don't think that's a good idea. I think the three of us need to have a talk. You gotta tell us what's goin' on in that head of yours." I urged.
"I said, nothing," Pony mumbled again, and I sighed in frustration. I knew he'd never open up to me. I looked over at Soda, and I could tell how worried he was.
"Pony, please. You know you can tell us anything. If something's wrong…" Soda started, but Pony cut him off.
"Please, can I go now?" Pony was in tears now, and I felt my heart tug as I covered my mouth and just stared at him. I didn't know what to do.
"Honey," Soda got up from the table and made his way to Pony; kneeling down beside him. "Talk to us, Pony. Please tell us what's wrong. We won't get mad."
"Everything's so messed up!" He finally burst into tears. "I just wanna come home!" And with that finally out, my two brothers clung to each other and cried.
I wanted to hold my brother. I wanted to let him know that I was as lost without him as he was without us, but I didn't move. My mind raced; circling around and around thinking of ways I could get my brother back, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. This was beyond my control, and for once in my life I couldn't be Superman and make everything right again.
"Shhhh, don't cry, Pony. It's gonna be okay. We're gonna get you back here. You know that, right?" Soda cupped Pony's face in his hands as he calmed him down.
Ponyboy looked over at me for the reassurance he needed, and I didn't know what to say to him. I grinned at him, reaching over to mess up his hair. It seemed to be enough; he nodded and smiled at me before turning back to Sodapop to hug him again.
The evening turned into night and it was as quiet as when I'd gotten home. Ponyboy wandered off into the bedroom to finish a couple of assignments for school before crawling into bed for the night. Soda kept close to him, giving me the odd update as he'd come around for a glass of chocolate milk for either him or Pony.
It was around ten when I decided to pack it in and head for bed myself. I turned the lights off in the kitchen, turned the television and lights off in the living room and made my way towards my room. I noticed the light off in the boy's room and hoped we'd made some progress with Ponyboy. I hoped somehow, he'd be able to tough out the next while until I could get him back.
I shucked my clothes off unceremoniously and crawled under the covers of my unmade bed. My mind kept racing, but surprisingly it wasn't hard to fall asleep; hard work in the fresh air always seemed to help me with that.
I didn't know what time it was, but I knew it was late when I felt the trembling beside me that broke me out of my sleep. I looked over to my side, and saw Ponyboy in the moonlight. He had his back to me, fully clothed in his pullover and jeans and shaking like a leaf beside me. I didn't think I was awake at first. There was no reason for my youngest brother to be in my room; he'd never been before, at least not like this.
"Pony?" I whispered as I rolled towards him and let my hand cover his shoulder. He didn't respond, just continued to shiver on top of the covers of my bed.
I scooted closer to my baby brother, shoving my arm underneath him so that I could force him to turn over. He looked to be sleeping; not opening his eyes or saying anything when I moved him closer to me. I think that may have been the moment that I realized this was more than being homesick. Something was going on and my brother couldn't tell us what.
His head rested on my shoulder and his arm went around me. I could feel the flutter of his eyelashes on my arm, and knew he was awake.
"You have a nightmare?" I tried, but Pony didn't say a word.
"What's goin' on, baby?" I tried one more time for my own sanity; praying there was something in the dead of night that would help him open his heart to me.
Pony kept his silence, but the trembling started up again as he brought his knees up. He pressed his face into my shoulder while he shivered away.
"Pony, get under the covers," I didn't know if he was cold or scared, but it seemed important at the time.
Pony slowly sat up and grabbed at the covers of my bed, shoving his feet and legs down first before wiggling himself back into position. His head found its' spot on my shoulder as he rolled towards me and wrapped an arm around my chest. I lay there awake all night as my arms wrapped around him keeping him as safe as I could, at least for one night.