Hello My Dear Readers,

Well, long time no see right? What's it been? A year, maybe two?

I'm so sorry over time I slipped away from writing and updating. Although so much has happened in the last few years.

My earliest story I have on my account is called "Princess of Akatsuki." I started this story when I was 12 years old, had just moved across states from my hometown I had grown up in my whole life up to then. I had no friends, and my only comfort being watching Naruto, and writing fanfics.
I had zero idea what would be coming my way. What kind of hardships I would face, 14 years old and onwards, but I got to tell you all it's been one hell of a ride.
In Feb. of 2014, I was in a car accident. I was 13 at the time (Birthday is in June) and was just finishing 8th grade. The outcome was severe injured shoulders on both sides, sprained ankle, neck injury on the left side, and a concussion I later found out was also attributed to a TBI. I felt like I was loosing control of myself and my studies. It became much harder to understand material and pay attention in class. Over time I also had anxiety building up inside, and I am someone that had never had anxiety in their life as sudden as this. The pain in my body also continued to stay far past than what doctors said. In fact it stayed for years.
Entering high school I was excited, happy, and tried to ignore the pain, building anxiety, and cognitive struggles. I was surrounded by friends and had goals of studying abroad in Japan if I got high enough grades. Until one day that all came crashing down.
I'm not even sure exactly what happened to this day. Out of nowhere I started getting panic attacks at school and at home. First it was noises that set me off such as pens clicking or when someone cracked their knuckles. Slowly it progressed as I couldnt even be within 5 feet of another person, even my family, without having immobilizing panic attacks. I would hyperventilate, shake, not being able to speak or move. From what I can recall I was in this state about a year and a half before things calmed down. I was not able to attend 3/4ths of the school year and placed on home-bound status.
In my second year of high school even more happened. From early-mid January to late February of 2016, I was in the hospital and later put on bed-rest at home for asthma related complications. In a matter of a couple weeks I was not able to use 40% of my air (taken with a test) and the numbers kept dropping after treatments failed. Eventually we found a steroid that recovered me but I have been on preventative medication for asthma ever since. About a month ago I was at the doctor's office and I'm still in the severe range of asthma after 2.5 years. A few months later I got a lung infection, and about every year or two I get one that I have to aggresively fight off with antibiotics as my lungs and bronchioles are weak, as well as my immune system.
I don't remeber if I mentioned this or not - that I've never actually had a vaccination in my life. So my immune system is fairly weak and I catch colds and infections very, very easily. And if you are thinking I'm one of those anti-vaxx freaks you couldn't be more wrong; There are ingredients used in vaccines today that I'm highly allergic to to the point my doctor himself keeps me far away from them. It's not a little stuffiness or reddening eyes taht can be cured by Benadryl, it's serious consequences. We also have to order in a special anesthetic at the dentist and a specific anethesia if I go under. Though thankfully to herd immunity I'm lucky that I've never suffered from a single childhood illness growing up. So just FYI if anyone is going to harrass me because this, you're just going to get blocked, and I'm not gonna share any more detals on these allergies. I've had way too many people critisize me for this and try to "investigate" to see if such allergies actually exist. In which, yes, people like me actually do exist. That's all I have to say about that.

Then in April of 2016 I went to my horse-riding stables and was in a pretty bad accident. I had been 15 years old at the time (again, birthday in June) and riding since I was 5 years old, so I had about 10 years under my belt. However it was my first time riding a new horse that day named Sunshine, and damn did she have some spunk in her. I'll spare you the details of exactly what happened. The jist of it was Sunshine took off into a gallop all of a sudden, as I was transistioning her into a trot and she threw me off of her. I landed head first with a severe concussion, and a confirmed 2nd TBI later on, when I initially hit the ground I fell unconcious, and as I woke up and started to walk I would continously start to black out, collapse, and vomit. This probably happened over a dozen times. Instead of calling an ambulance, my mom and riding instructor helped me to the car and my mom took me to the ER. I was diagnosed with that concussion, severe bone bruising on my skull, right knee, and right hip. My right hips's 2nd layer of skin was scrapped from the arena grounds and my side was bleeding from an open wound with dirt and sand in it. I was relagated to a wheelchair for 3 months because it was so painful to walk, and had to go through about 2 years of physical and water therapy to walk properly again. I also damaged now the other side of my neck, the right side, and got nerve damage on my vagus nerve. Soon after I started having muffled hearing and fainting spells due to abnormally low blood pressure, and I was diagnosed with vasovagal syncope last year. In tests doctors found there's something not quite right with my heart due to low blood pressure and I'm scheaduled to go to a cardiologist soon. Also I did not have low blood pressure before this accident nor any fainting spells. Luckily after a while the muffled hearing lifted about 6 months ago. With my TBI... I had memory loss. I had nightmares about that riding accident. I had severe migraines, confusion, vertigo and balance issues, cognitive complications proven by further testing, my eyesight worsened, I jumbled up words, or wrote words backwards... I never expected to be like that at that young. I had to even go into homeschooling for my last 2 years of high school because I was falling back too much in class.

And through all of this, of course, I was extremely depressed.
I had never felt so bad in my life. I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, in which I feel a lot, though it was still not as bad as this, and that is saying a lot. I never had such a strong need to disappear.
In 4 years I had tried to commit suicide over a dozen times. I can't even count how many times anymore. At a point I even went a week where I tried to commit suicide every day. I cut, and tore my own skin out of pain. I felt... Helpless.
Though I know today that I'm a lot stronger than that. And no one needs to worry even though I'm making this public. I have not felt this way for a long while now and am getting the treatments I need.

Update to now: I'm 18, in my first semester of college with an intent to get a degree in International Business, and a part time job. I'm surprisingly making straight B's with one A in business class, and my grades keep climbing. My medical problems have been getting easier to handle and I don't need to go to doctor appointments as much, or get tests done as much either. I have only 3 appointments for the rest of the year. I use to be on over 15 medications and am down to 3 that I take on a regular basis.

In 2015, when I was 15, I had the amazing experience of visiting Japan. And I have to tell you all... It's really an amazing place. I hope I one day can go back to see it again.

Also... I was able to meet my current boyfriend in my struggles. I can say I went through hell but he is one of the amazing things I gained from the struggle and pain. I'm not sure how well I can explain it without sounding cliche but he's the one for me. I just know it. I had other relationships while being sick and... There is just no one like him. He makes me so, so happy. He brings a smile to my face everyday. Everyday I want to give up, miss class, and stay in bed he reminds me how far I've come, and that I shouldn't give up. He's the reason I keep going. That if I have him at my side I know I'll never fail. Love is truly an amazing thing in my eyes.

So...

When I was younger I really enjoyed writing to occupy my time when I felt alone and bored. And I came back to my profile, looking at my own stories, and wanting to start it up again. :)

As I was looking at my stories, I'm not going to lie, the grammar is pretty shitty. XD
I mean I'm not going to pretend it's perfect now and I know its not. Though I like to think I'm at least better than 12 year old me.

So I was thinking to completely re-write the stories over. I really want to. I'm actually not very happy how I developed some parts, or even the whole development of some stories.
Some things may be changed, some stories nothing will be changed, and I might even redo some stories completely.

I can't promise Ill be frequently updating because I'm so busy. However, I want to make a commitment to update at least one chapter every month one at least one of my stories. And I'm going to start by rewriting.

Thank you all my readers who have been patient with me.

Ill see you all again with a chapter or two,

-Blackwolf0603