Today was the day. The first day in the long list of experimentally horrible films that would be sent aboard the Satellite of Love. The first day that Dr. Clayton Forrester would try to drive an innocent man, Joel Robinson, insane! The first day that theoretically would lead Dr. Forrester down the path to world domination! It was a good day for Dr. Forrester and a bad day for Joel.

"This is it Larry!" Dr. Forrester was on the phone anxiously awaiting his lackey's arrival so they could begin the experiment. "Get your buns down here!"

"On my way Clay!"

"And don't forget the disguise!"

"I won't!" He hung up the phone.

"Now, to get that darn camera functioning properly." He tooled around and opened up the control panel on the camera's side. Inside the device was a glob of blue goop. "Is this Jell-O!?"

"Alright guys, today is the day." Joel was on the bridge standing behind the desk holding his clipboard with the 'Robot Roll Call'. "I'm sure the evil jerks below will be contacting us soon, so let's get everything ready: Robot Roll Call! Cambot?"

Cambot chirped to acknowledge his presence.

"Gypsy?"

Gypsy briefly appeared on the bridge before disappearing back in the ships corridors.

"Tom Servo?"

Tom hovered up onto the desk. "Check me out!"

"Croooow?"

"That's one 'o'!" Crow replied flatly.

Joel tucked the clipboard under the desk. "All present and accounted for. Ready to please our 'masters'?"

"No." The robots answered together.

"Good. Neither am I."

Dr. Forrester was adjusting the camera that connected Deep 13 to the Satellite of Love, when Larry came rushing into the lab.

"Clay! Clay! I think I was spotted on my way down here!

"Did you wear your disguise?"

"I was wearing my disguise but I'm just not very good in heels!" He whined nervously.

"No one must know we're down here doing this!" Dr. Forrester impatiently explained.

"I'm sorry..." He bowed his head in shame.

"It's time to call Joel about the experiment." With the camera already adjusted he simply pressed a button on the control panel to make contact. "Come in Joely-poley, puddin' and pie!"

From the bridge of the satellite Joel answered with confidence, Crow and Tom Servo standing alongside him at the desk. "Hey sirs, I'm ready for this week's 'invention exchange'." Reaching down to the floor Joel grabbed his latest, finished contraption. "Check this thing out!" He displayed it on the desk. "I just made it. It's the world's only electric bagpipe. Alright?" He turned it on.

The attached electric motor quickly filled the bag and Joel proudly held it up for all to see. In his own, crude rendition, Joel serenaded is captor's with the classic song 'Amazing Grace' as he used his arm to pump the bag as he tucked positioned it at his side. Crow and Tom joined him in song and started moving a little from side to side as if they were keeping beat with the music.

"Okay," Joel turned off the bagpipe. "and the robots and I have worked up a special cover version of Led Zepplin's 'Whole Lotta' Love'. You ready guys?"

"Ready!" Crow answered quickly.

"One, Two, Three..." Joel counted down.

"Rock it!" Crow tagged on.

Joel started the song. "She's gotta' whole lotta' love!" He turned on the bagpipes and turned them off again.

The trio sang in unison. "A whole lotta' love!" The bagpipes were again switched on. "She's gotta' whole lotta' love!" The irritating sound of the bagpipes accompanied their vocals. "Really, a whole lotta' love!"

Joel turned off the bagpipes for the final time and looked at the monitor to see his captors' reactions.

Dr. Forrester was examining Larry, who seemed to be having some adverse reaction to the device. "I love it!" Dr. Forrester praised. "Look! Larry's corneas are bleeding!" He patted his lackey on the shoulder.

Larry shook his head and regained his composure.

Dr. Forrester resumed the invention exchanged. "Well, it's time we sent your our experimental nugget this week, Joel." He seemed enthusiastic about the moment. "Now, human under arm perspiration is something that happens to everyone after they go through puberty. Which I assume includes you, Joel!"

The evil scientists shared a moment of childish laughter at Joel's expense.

Getting back to the exchange, Dr. Forrester continued. "When's the last time you saw a dog sweat?" He turned to his lackey. "Larry?"

"Never!" Larry replied correctly.

"Exactly! And why is that?"

"Dogs don't sweat! That's why!"

"Exactly! Because of the dog's pineal gland. Nature's own canine-antiperspirant." Dr. Forrester was getting ready for the demonstration. "Now, you take the pineal gland and you make a serum! You take a dog, it doesn't matter what kind of dog and you inject that serum into a human subject!" He held up a syringe preloaded with the serum. "In this case, Larry!"

Larry was begrudgingly preparing for the injection. He dropped his pants and bent over.

Dr. Forrester looked for a good spot to inject the serum into. "Now, let's see... It's so hard to find a spot I haven't hit... Uh, what's this flower? And who's Roseanne?"

"Oh, just stick it! Will you?" Larry was both impatient and embarrassed.

"So long 'silver bird'!" He injected the serum into Larry's backside.

Larry shot upright in pain. "Oh! Geez!" He pulled up his pants.

"Now, instantly the serum races through the bloodstream like a Porsche-Targa 9-11! Commandeering each pore slamming it shut, like a vault at your favorite 'Savings and Loan'."

Larry was showing signs of the serum's effects jus behind Dr. Forrester. He began panting like a dog, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"And, checking the wetness sensors..." He pulled a small padded sensor from beneath Larry's armpit. "we that they are free from wetness and/or odor!"

Larry was still panting like a dog as he gave an impatient look to Dr. Forrester. "Antidote..." He muttered.

"Oh, of course." He picked up a second preloaded syringe and injected its contents into Larry's arm. "The antidote, there you go!" He tossed aside the syringe. "The antidote, and here's your treat!" He pulled a small reward from his coat pocket and tossed it into the air, over his shoulder.

Larry easily caught the reward in his mouth and gave a pleased grin to the camera.

Back aboard the Satellite of Love, Joel and robots were not impressed.

"Oh brother!" Crow complained.

"That was pathetic!" Tom observed. "Ew!"

"Hey, no, I thought that was really good you guys." Joel lied innocently. "I think you're doing really well, and I think that someday you'll be ready for the Nobel Prize."

Tom chimed in. "Maybe for fiction!"

Crow chuckled a little.

"Hey!" Joel regained control of the conversation. "Hey, I noticed you moved! You guys must've got kicked out of Gizmonic Institute for shooting us into space like this, I bet."

Larry and Dr. Forrester looked a little offended. Larry spoke up. "Oh, don't be ridiculous! We moved!"

"It's our grand re-opening!" Dr. Forrester defended. "Welcome to Deep 13!"

Joel recognized the location. "Deep 13? What a minute! That's in the subbasement of Gizmonic Institute! I had to clean up a flubber spill once, there. It's incredibly radioactive!"

Larry was still on the defensive. "But it hasn't affected our brain any!"

"We like it here!" Dr. Forrester passionately claimed. "Now we're even closer to the atomic pile!" He wrapped his arm around Larry's shoulder. "And one day..."

Joel wasn't listening. "Well, I suppose it's time for you guys to start experimenting on us again?"

Dr. Forrester retorted angrily. "I'll tell you when it's time to do the movie, you squinty-eyed space chimp!"

Larry gently corrected his colleague. "Oh, uh, Clay? It is time."

"Oh! Uh..."

"Nice insult though!"

"Thank you. Well, it's a real 'stinkburger' of a film this week Joel! It's called 'The Crawling Eye'! He held up the tape for Joel to see.

Larry chuckled a little as he began listing the film's flaws. "Oh, it's got a bad audio track, it's in black and white and worst of all: it stars Forest Tucker!"

"Hmmm..." Dr. Forrester had an interesting thought. "Good name. Bad actor."

Again Larry chuckled.

"I'll put in the tape."

The evil scientific due shared maniacal laughter as the tape was put in the control panel to be broadcasted up to the Satellite of Love.

Onboard the Satellite of Love a warning buzzer sounded off and the lights began blinking. Joel of course reacted appropriately. "Movie sign!"

He ran into the Mystery Science Theater 3000 with Crow and Tom Servo.

-The End