Chapter 10-Accepted and Unaccepted

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there, not to fix anything or do anything in particular, but just to let us know that we are cared for and supported.

Christian:

"RED!" Phoebe's scream pierces through the night sky, startling Ana and me out of bed. Ana winces as I abruptly pull out of her.

I don't have time to apologize as we both leap to our feet. I throw a night gown in Ana's direction and we both sprint down the hall, our pounding feet echoing through the corridor. The door rattles against the wall when it slams open. Ana closely follows me as I rush in, a ripple of fear traveling across my shoulder blade as I crouch by Phoebe.

"re..d" Phoebe whimpers as tears stream down her face. Thin sheets of sweat coat her body and copper hair is matted all over her hollow face. I shake her awake, keeping a firm grip on her shoulders, as she continues to struggle helplessly against the tangled covers. Vaguely, I am aware that Ana has come to sit by me.

Frightened, wide grey eyes flash open. "red." Phoebe whispers, still disoriented. I hug her towards me. "Shhh, sweat pea, you're safe. It's me. Dad." I whisper yell, trying to wake her.

Phoebe trembles in my arms and Ana caresses her back although confusion is clear on her face as she furrows her eyebrows. Phoebe's shaking and crying, trying desperately to get control over her breathing. Shit, shit, shit, I should've known she would have nightmares. How can she not? God, I'm so stupid. I forgot about her because I was so focused on Ana.

"Shhh, baby, can you take some deep breaths for me?" I ask, rubbing her back as Phoebe hiccups to catch her breath. I look at Ana, my eyes pleading with her to understand. I was going to explain what happened but it was all too soon.

Ana's eyes soften as I continue to hush Phoebe. Taylor's quiet shadow appears before the doorway, holding a tall glass of water. Ana gives him a grateful smile as she takes the cup and holds it up to Phoebe's mouth, gently urging her to take a sip. Phoebe sniffles but obediently slurs some water and Ana offers her a warm smile for encouragement.

My mouth goes dry and I rack my fingers through my knotted hair when I spot mom, Carrick, Mia, and Elliot huddled by the doorway. I sigh deeply, rubbing my hands over my face as Taylor smiles a sympathetic smile.

He sits down next to us and tries to pull Phoebe into a hug but she clings onto me tighter. It's not that Phoebe doesn't trust Taylor; it's she's still scared. "Sweet pea?" I coax as I wipe away some of her tears with the pads of my thumbs. Phoebe looks up at me with teary eyes and I press a warm kiss to her forehead, allowing my lips to linger longer than usual.

"How about you go sit with Taylor for few minutes while I…" I gesture towards my family and Phoebe hugs me tighter, sniveling into my chest. "but…but…they don't know about that do they?" She asks, burying her face in my neck as her hot tears soak through my shirt. I feel the little, clear droplets of water roll down my back.

"No sweet pea, they don't. We can't hide it forever though. I'll explain everything and you just go sit with Taylor ok?"

I'm trying to be strong for her.

"But they'll hate me…" Phoebe whispers. I shake my head. How can she think that? it's me they are going to hate.

Ana wraps us both in a hug. She speaks in a hushed tone. "Phoebe, sweetie, I don't know what happened." Ana gives me a pointed look but continues. "and I don't know you very well, but I can already promise you that I will never hate you, no matter what." Ana whispers just loud enough so only the three of us can hear.

I rub Phoebe's back. "Don't be afraid, sweet pea. I'll be right back, ok? Hour tops." I tell her and she nods in my chest as I kiss her hairline once again.

"Ok, baby, go to Taylor." I nudge her. Phoebe smears her tears with her long pajama sleeves as Taylor hugs her. I hear him saying something about calling Gail and that he wanted her to show him how to use skype. Phoebe gives a little laugh admits her tears. Trust Taylor to be the one that's able to bring my little girl back.

Carrick clears his throat. "Son, we'll give you a few minutes with Ana. Everybody in my study, now." He commands and I smile my gratitude. Taylor supports Phoebe's weight in his strong arms as he walks her to the security room so she has some privacy.

And now, It's just me and Ana left in the empty room. I try to swallow back the lump in my throat as I choke on a strangled sob, my misty eyes unable to hide their red rims.

I began to break down when Ana sweeps me up in her warm embrace, her delicate fingers softly stroking my hair becoming my undoing. She doesn't say a word and gently lays me down.

"You want to tell me what happened really quick or do you want to tell me with your family? Hmmm?" she asks. I snivel in her chest, feeling like a baby.

"I don't want to tell anyone." I murmur, being honest.

Ana interlace our hands and gives my fingers a squeeze. "Christian, it's not healthy keeping everything to yourselves." Ana slightly chastises, dabbing my tears with the hem of her white night gown.

She's right, of course. I adamantly shake my head "it's too painful to tell." I choke. Ana cradles my head in her lap, lightly peppering my face with kisses. "Close your eyes." She instructs.

I do as I'm told.

Ana continues to hold me, keeping her hands softly but firmly on my scalp, the gentle pressure keeping me grounded. "Now try." She says, her voice gentle.

I swallow "about a month ago." My voice cracks. "Phoebe…was blackmailed." I swallow more as Ana rubs my shoulder.

"and?" she softly prompts.

I screw my eyes shut. "And she was blackmailed into being a submissive by...pictures…of me." I squeeze out and Ana gasps.

"Christian..." Ana says, pulling me into her. I continue. "Phoebe…didn't…didn't tell anyone, she kept it all to herself until…until I found her, all beaten and abused." I don't bother to hide the tears running down my cheeks anymore. The last time I cried was when Ana left.

God, I hate myself when I cry. I'm supposed to be strong for both of them.

"I…I don't know what he did specifically to her…all I know is that she was canned and rapped, both vaginally and anally." I say, remembering the cane welts, butt plugs and Dr. Green's visit. I summon up all the courage I have and glance into Ana's blue ambers glistening with tears.

I sniffle a little bit more. "I should go see my family." I finally confess.

Ana leans in, keeping the support of her hands on my back. "Ok, do you want me to come with you?" She asks.

I shake my head. This is my own battle.

"No, I need to do this myself." I say. I stumble a little as my legs become wobbly, unstable noodles as Ana helps me up.

She gives me a sad yet understanding smile. "Ok, holler if you need me. I'm going to go see if Phoebe wants someone to sit with her. Poor baby." Ana murmurs the last part more to herself.

I smile through tears. "Thank you." were the only two words that made it out. Ana was what Phoebe needed all along.

Ana embraces me. "Remember your family and I love you Christian, no matter what." She stands on her tip toe and gives me a kiss on the edge of my nose before disappearing down the hall.

Ana:

I knock softly on the security room and Taylor comes to open the door. "Christian told you?" he asks, avoiding my gaze.

I nod solemnly. "Yes…I was wondering if Phoebe wanted me to sit with her." I see Taylor's shoulders slump as he exhales the breath he's been holding.

"That would be great. Ana, she hasn't stop crying. I don't know what to do." Taylor silently says, a look of utter lost on his face. I pull him into a hug; I can't imagine what they all have gone through in the past week.

"I've been trying to get her to read or watch some TV. You know, to distract her, but nothing's working. Her nightmare was one of the worst I'd seen." Taylor says and I shudder when I think about Christian's old nightmares.

Taylor leads me to the back room where Phoebe's curled up. The comedy Neighbors is lightly buzzing in the background. Her pale lips tremble despite the funny scene playing on TV. I take note of her heavy bags and long distressed hair as she folds herself up even smaller in the blanket.

Taylor knocks against the wooden door frame twice. "Phoebe, you have a visitor." He announces and cracks a small smile before leaving us alone. Phoebe looks up, tears streaming down her face.

"Hey sweetie…" I say quietly. Her face begins to crumble when I start to slowly approach her. "You hate me now, don't you?" her voice strains and I quicken my pace, sitting down and squeezing her towards me.

"no, no, no, not at all." I say rushed, hugging her.

"I'm so stupid, now dad has to explain…all…of this, what if they don't want…us anymore?" She chokes, her tears traveling faster than she can wipe them.

"No, no…nobody hates you guys, especially you. Phoebe, what you did was selfless, even if you should've told someone. Very few people can do what you did. Very few people can be so brave" I say, stroking her back.

I smear Phoebe's tears away from the corners of her eyes. "You want to know a secret?" I ask. Phoebe hesitates but eventually nods, curiosity getting the better of her.

I mentally prepare myself. "When I first met your dad and he proposed his wants to me." I see Phoebe grimace so I hug her tighter. "Phoebe, I was so scared. I cannot tell you how much some of that stuff terrified me. But that being said, your dad was very kind. I had safe words and everything we did was with my consent. I can only imagine what your fear is like." I say, my heart going out to her. The fact that she can put on a strong façade and face day to day life alone proves how strong she is.

Phoebe starts sobbing, hiccupping hard to catch her breath. I press her into me and start rocking her from side to side. "Shhh…."

"I'm so scared…he'd never stop, no matter how much I begged." She cries as I continue to sooth her. "Shhh…shhh…it's alright, you're alright."

"The nightmare…felt so real…" she sobs her heart out and I hold her. Sometimes, you just needed to be held. Phoebe gives up and cries on my shoulder.

I don't say anything except for the occasional "shhh…" as I keep my arms around her. Finally, Phoebe cries herself out and her body goes limp in mine.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed, yeah?" I ask, keeping my arms around her and brining her back under the cozy covers, making sure they're all tucked in tight.

I get a warm washcloth and wipe away all of her salty tracks and brush out her knotted hair before kissing her goodnight.

"Thank you." She says weakly.

"Anytime." I whisper but she didn't hear me as her eyes already fluttered closed. I smile to myself and carefully lay beside her. I don't feel ok with leaving her alone tonight.

Christian:

I told my family everything. How I got started in BDSM, how I noticed Phoebe's wince, how I found her, how Phoebe was blackmailed. I showed them the pictures, contracts, Phoebe's medical reports…everything.

I know they hate me now. Who wouldn't?

Grace has tears rolling down her face. "So…when you said Phoebe…had a hard time in school."

"I was lying. I took her here so she can escape for a while." I tell the truth. Grace clasps her hands over her mouth to stop her sobs but fails. Carrick takes her in his arm, giving me a disappointed look.

Mia has fled the room the moment I took out the pictures. Elliot is sitting, expressionless, on the chair. "Christ, was Ana your?" He asks.

I nod, ashamed. "Yes, although she's not anymore." I answer. Elliot becomes silent once again.

Grace wipes her tears in vain. "I can't believe Elena…I knew something was wrong with her…when the reports came out…about the money scandal…but…I…how can I…befriend a pedophile?" Grace sobs. "I…I…handed my own son over…" She weeps, breaking my non-existent heart.

"Don't cry, mama, I choose it myself." I say, I was about to stand and give her hug but stop my tracks when Carrick gives me a stern look.

"Son, I think it's best if you leave." Carrick says, his voice low. Grace eyes widen. "Honey, you can't be serious, Phoebe…" she tugs on his sleeve.

Carrick's voice is filled with authority as he speaks. I would even argue he sounds a little bit dominant. "No, Grace. Phoebe stays here. I've taught my son that I man should never hit a woman but…this…this is unacceptable." He flings the pictures at me as they scatter through the air, their white pages mocking me as they float around.

I hang my head, truly contrite. The thing is, I can't even argue with him. I am a monster in my truest form. I'll come back and get Phoebe when she's ready to go home.

"Chris, Dad's right. You should go." Elliot says, siding with Dad as he looks away. I know my big brother is beating himself up this very instant but he can't just ignore what he saw.

I nod, swallowing. "I'm just going to go say goodnight to Phoebe and Ana." I whisper. Grace stops me, shooting Carrick a mad look as she abruptly gets off of him, shoving his outreached hand away. "Christian, you're not actually leaving are you?" She pleads with me.

I nod, kissing her cheek. "I'm sorry mama, but I think it's best if I stay away for a few days." I quietly head to Phoebe's room after clicking the study door shut.

My heart melts when I see Phoebe sound asleep, head on Ana's lap as soft snores escape her parted lips. Ana is humming a calming lullaby as I stand by the doorway, listening.

Little one, lie with me
Sew your heart to my sleeve
We'll stay quiet
Underneath shooting stars
If it helps you sleep

And hold me tight
Don't let me breathe
Feeling like
You won't believe

There's a firefly
Loose tonight
Better catch it
Before it burns this place down
And I lie
If I don't feel so right
But the world looks better
Through your eyes

Ana finishes and looks up at me, making a shush sign and pointing to Phoebe. I nod, smiling sadly.

How can Ana be so perfect for Phoebe when they are practically strangers?

I come to her side as Ana rubs my shoulder. "How did it go?" she asks, concern clear in her blue ovals.

I fix my gaze on the ground. "Carrick wants me to leave." Ana eyes widen.

"Christian…how could he?" She whispers loudly. Her voice raising with each syllable but she immediately calms down when she feels Phoebe stir from the noise.

"I'll call you later ok?" I ask, giving her a chaste kiss. Ana furrows her eyebrows. "No, Christian. I'm coming with you." She says, stubbornly crossing her arms in the way I love.

"No, babe, stay with Phoebe. She needs you more. I'll come by tomorrow and maybe we can all go out for lunch or something." I suggest. Ana thinks about it and then hesitantly nods.

"I don't want to leave her by herself after…" She trails off, stroking Phoebe's long, copper hair. I smile at both my girls.

"I'll take her to our room so you can sleep also." I say and Ana nods even though I can tell she's still upset.

I gently scoop Phoebe up, supporting her neck so she won't jostle awake and Ana grabs the blankets as we make it back to my old room.

I lay Phoebe on the soft bed, folding the duvets over. "Get in." I order Ana and she obeys. I make sure both of them are equally covered by the blankets.

"Good night, sweet dreams." I say, kissing each of my girls on the forehead before slipping out into the chilly, fall night.