Fate

Chapter 9: It's Over

Large expressive eyes stared at me from the hospital bed. I froze. Even though I had wanted Reid to wake up, I wasn't prepared for him to. What was I supposed to say? After everything he had been through, what could I possibly do to comfort him? I couldn't tell him that everything would be okay, because I didn't know that it would be. I didn't have any of the answers that I so desperately needed. The answers that we all needed.

"Hotch?" The young man before me asked. The sound of his raspy voice jolted me from my thoughts. The long-term plans didn't matter right now. My priority was showing him that we were here and he was safe.

I smiled and leaned forward so we were eye level. I kept my tone soft, "Hey."

He examined me for a moment before replying, "Hey."

"How're you doin'?"

He didn't answer. I watched his eyes slowly travel around the room before coming back to rest on me. "Was Morgan here?"

I nodded, "He's getting coffee. Gideon's here too. He went to call Elle and JJ. They wanted to be here, but I made them stay in Quantico. They'll be there when we get back home."

"They're in Quantico?" Reid paused, "Where are we?" He looked around the hospital room again, perhaps thinking it would give him a clue to our location.

"Ames, Iowa."

"... oh."

"We got Sibly." I blurted out, not knowing what else to say. Maybe I thought it would offer him a small amount of comfort.

He turned confused eyes to me, "Who?"

"Sibly."

"I... I don't know who... who is that?"

"Mark Sibly."

Recognition flooded his face as blood flowed out. His silence and white face almost had me calling the nurse, but then he whispered, "Oh."

I waited a few moments for him to speak again, but it didn't happen. "Reid?"

"Yeah, I... I didn't know his last name." he told me. I watched him as he bit down hard on his lower lip. I was afraid he'd draw blood, but I didn't know how to tell him to stop. I had a sick feeling that most of his recovery would consist of him unconsciously hurting himself in small ways like this.

Reid sighed and rubbed his hand, the one not in a cast, over his eyes. "Could you ask the doctors to stop..." He paused, licking his lips, "... whatever they're giving me?"

"What they're giving you?"

"Drugs. No more drugs." He scrubbed at his eyes again and I could see him failing in his struggle to stay awake.

"I'll tell them. You should get some rest. We'll be here when you wake up."

As Reid's eyelids started to flutter, he whispered, "It's over."

I felt a desperate need to assure him. One of my hands clutched at his while the other rested on his forehead. I leaned closer and quietly told him that it was over, that he was safe. I kept murmuring these words, even after his breathing slowed and his hand relaxed in mine.

I'm not a person easily moved to tears, but this young man had me wanting to find a dark room or a back door where I could sit down and sob. I wanted to cry until I drowned.

I shouldn't have gotten so close to him, to any of them. Getting close to anyone in this kind of work would only get you hurt. I wanted to shut myself off from them. I had a real family and friends outside of this. I wanted to tell myself that I didn't need them and it would be better for everyone if we relaxed the ties we had to each other. I wanted to believe that, but I couldn't. I don't think any of us could willingly walk away from each other, especially now.

Morgan appeared soon after Reid fell asleep. Even though I hadn't asked for it, he brought me coffee anyway. I was grateful. I swirled it around, trying to lose myself in the dark ripples. I took a sip, relishing in the way it burned my tongue. I took another sip, then said, "He woke up for a few minutes while you were gone."

"Yeah? How was he?" Morgan asked, perking up.

"Lucid enough, but definitely not up to par. Had trouble getting his thoughts together."

Morgan nodded, probably remembering how Reid was when he first woke up. We sat in silence for a few moments until Gideon came back in. I let Morgan recount everything that I had told him.

"If you guys see the doctor before I do, tell him to stop sedating Reid."

"Why?"

"He asked me to."

Gideon nodded, "Okay."

The room was silent again. We just sat, watching Reid's chest rise and fall. His soft wheezing was making me anxious. I hadn't noticed it before, but now it was like nails on a chalkboard and I wasn't sure if I could listen to it much longer.

Gideon must have been reading my mind, "We need to find some place to stay. Why don't you two look for a motel or something. Then get some sleep. You both look like crap. I'll stay with him."

Morgan snorted at the older man's jab, but headed for the door. I stood up to follow, letting my eyes rest on Reid for moment. "Call if anything comes up."

"I will."

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