Now that the wedding was behind them, Castiel found himself at loss. He had become efficient and fast in his tasks and had focused so much on cooking that he had a hard time finding other things to do.
Dean had suggested a "Movie Night" but Castiel wasn't used to watching a screen for too long and after the first third of Star Wars, he started a discussion about the nature of that "Force" and wondered aloud why characters in stories always had to lose parental figures to be considered interesting. He had lost both parents and it didn't make him a hero, far from it.
Dean sighed, paused the DVD and took Cas on his knees to shut him down with a kiss.
The next day, he put on "I Robot" and asked Cas to focus on the movie.
Castiel lasted a little longer before bringing up the fact that it was nothing like the book and didn't make sense. Dean closed his eyes, chuckling:
"You can't stop analyzing, can't you? Why don't you just enjoy the film?"
Cas frowned and looked back at the screen. The fast-paced action sequences were difficult to follow. He had always been someone slow and reflective. When the movie ended, he smiled apologetically:
"I'm afraid I'm more of a reader than an audience, Dean. I'm sorry."
"Nah, it's okay. Maybe you just like other genre in movies. I can try and look for more nerdy ones..."
"There's no need, I assure you. Gabriel offered me a film adaptation of one of my favorite novels and it's still in my bed table, fully wrapped ."
"What's the title?"
"Remains of the day. It's a film about servants, fascism and social classes in Great Britain."
Dean inhaled loudly:
"Yeah, Sam told me about it. Not my thing. Sometimes, if Jess wasn't here, I think you should date Sammy rather than me..."
Castiel felt his good mood vanish:
"I'm sorry again, Dean. I gather this doesn't make me a good boyfriend?"
"What? No! It's just, you're an intellectual. And I can't be that. I see you're bored these days. I thought I was enough, but..."
Castiel hated those moments when Dean and he felt like strangers. It made him doubt, wonder if he could make efforts and change, as he had tried to for Hannah.
But then, he pictured Michael, looking at him with disdain, manipulating him. He had to stay strong, question everything. Was there some truth in what Dean had said? He looked at his lover who was staring at the wall, biting his nails. That was a good reminder of the vulnerability Dean hid so well.
"I'm not bored because of you Dean."
Dean grimaced but stayed silent. Cas felt that explaining what he missed exactly along with his identity crisis would be too long and not something that would reassure Dean. He forced himself not to panic and took Dean's hand:
"I'm discovering who I am, Dean. Like I did as a teenager. I was robbed of my independence by my controlling older brother and now I'm not sure what I really like. Expect one thing and that's any time spent with you. I'm sure we can find some common interests, or even if we don't, we can learn to be in the other's space and be content. I mean, I know some things about you but not nearly enough. What is your favorite activity?"
"I like... I like working on the Impala. Or any cars really..." Dean said in a whisper.
Castiel nodded:
"Will you work on it this weekend?"
"On her, yes." Dean grumbled. Cas liked that he did, it was much better than him looking sad.
"How about, I bring a book with me and I sit next to you in your garage. We can talk when we want but there won't be any pressure."
Dean gave him a side smile:
"I like that. You'll have to wear something else, though, your suit wouldn't survive the grease."
"Do you want me to buy something new, then?"
"Nah, I'll find you an overall somewhere.
The overall was a little too tall, had a flashy color, looked shapeless and was itchy in places. Yet, when Dean saw him approach, his jaw dropped.
"Wow, Cas... You have... really, really blue eyes."
"Is this attire appealing to you?"
Dean nodded and kissed Cas' cheek:
"Yes, it is. You're a walking kink like that."
He had found an old armchair and put it in a corner, a few feet from the car. Castiel sat and took out his book.
"Sam called. There's a hurricane down there."
"Really? That is worrying."
"Nah, he says, they're inside the hotel and he's found the library. Knowing my brother, Jess will spend the rest of the honeymoon on her own".
Cas snorted:
"I highly doubt that."
Dean looked up from the engine. He had a black stain on his nose. Castiel wanted to kiss it even if it would have been a terrible idea.
"Why?"
"Because Jess is a very beautiful woman."
Dean frowned and dug back under the hood:
"Not thinking about my sister-in-law like that, man."
Castiel went back to his book but something was nagging him:
"Dean?"
"Whaaat?"
"Do you miss it?"
He heard a clung followed by rattling noises. Dean struggled a bit, then he finally looked up again:
"What were you saying?"
"I was wondering... Do you miss them... the women?"
Dean laughed so hard, it made Castiel jump on the chair.
"You have no idea do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You sit there, looking gorgeous even in a damn overall, watching me do something you don't know anything about... And every time you look at me, I feel... I can't think about anyone else, not since I met you."
"Thank you Dean, I needed to hear that."
And Cas did get a greasy kiss after all. And he almost didn't mind.