A/N: So after revealing Ashley's secret last chapter I felt that to really understand the who, what, where, when, and why we'd have to see it from Ashley's POV. After thinking about it and going back and forth I decided this chapter will be told completely from Ashley's point of view. This chapter was inspired by the song Sober by Pink and anything italicized is a flashback. Also I just want to give a big shoot out to my new beta, I FINALLY GOT A BETA, Gina for supporting this story even when I had given it up on it for a year.

Chapter 10: Sober

Walking back into the room we just left, my shoulders felt heavy. I feigned ignorance, and won over sympathy from the most respected person in our community. I'm pretty sure I locked in my spot for "most likely to fuck themselves over". When she nods at me to sit in the same chair I was just in, I got right to it. As soon as I sit down, my eyes become glued to the table in front of me. The seconds that tick by feel like hours, and my whole body is tense from waiting for Buffy to start screaming.

I jump a little when she pulls out the chair across from me and sits down. Even though I can feel her eyes staring at me, burning a hole in my skin, I never look up. I know I lied, I fooled her, I broke her trust the minute I earned it, and the last thing I wanted to do is look up into her eyes to see everything I already knew. Even though I'm not looking, I can sense her moving around in her seat, and when she leans forward, putting her elbows on the table in front of us, I lean back in my chair crossing my arms over my chest.

"Okay, you're clearly not going to start; even though you just came to me five seconds ago to confess. I really don't know what you want me to say to you, Ashley. This is some really big, really bad news." Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I could see Buffy let out a sigh, and run her fingers through her hair.

"Aren't you going to start yelling?" I asked, figuring if she knew I was waiting for it, she could finally just get to it instead of killing me with the wait.

"Yell at you?" She asked with a confused face, "Ashley, I don't even know what happened. All I know is what you've told me, and I am doing my best not to create this big horrible story in my head, so please tell me what happened. That's all I care about at the moment."

The sincerity in her words and eyes made me feel even worse than I already did . When we got back in here I expected anger, but instead she's trying to understand what happened. "Oh, and Ashley," She interrupts me before I've even begun, "no lies. This is your last chance with me, so tell me everything. Trust me, okay?"

"No lies. I promise." Pausing for a second to take a deep breath, I try to relax before revisiting one of the lowest points in my life. "My father died the year before I came here," I started speaking as I received an encouraging look from the head Slayer. "He and I were extremely close, even though I barely saw him. My mother and I never really got along. And even though I'm only a few months older than Kyla, I felt as the older sister I always need to be the strong one. I am sure you know how that is." When she gave me a slight nod, I continued.

"Losing him, and then finding out I'm some sort of super hero that is destined to save others, kind of messed me up. I never told anyone how I felt, because honestly, a small part of me was just waiting to leave home. When I got here I tried to pretend everything was alright, but it was only a matter of time before my grades started to slip, and I started using sparring class as a way to let out all my anger," I closed my eyes for a few seconds to collect myself before continuing.

"My dad's passing was in late May, and normally we're back with our families by then, so no one here has ever had to deal with the way I can get. Last year was my junior summer, and being here without Kyla, or anything that reminded me of him, just made me feel even worse. I guess you could say I was really depressed, because I just didn't care anymore. I started sneaking out every night, getting drunk. Or I'd stay in, get drunk, and hook up with one of the girls here." Turning away from Buffy, I went back to staring at the table.

"After three days of skipping classes and training, Faith showed up at my door and told me to come with her." Closing my eyes again, my breathing began to increase as I replayed that horrible day.

Walking the halls with Faith, I found my steps to be sloppy from being slightly drunk. When she opened the door in front of me, I was barely together enough to know where we were. Following her inside the office, I saw Wood sitting at his desk with a stern look on his face. Feeling like they were about to gang up on me, I turned to leave but Faith was leaning against the door behind me.

"Do I really have to say something, because I think you know why you are here, Ashley?"

The tone of his voice should have made me sober up, but maturity wasn't really a strong point of mine when I was drinking.

"Well, if you know why I'm here, and I know why I'm here, then I think we're on the same page and I can go." Turning around, I found Faith right behind me.

"Sit down, Ashley." Not waiting for me to do it myself,, she pushed me into the closest chair.

"Well, Ashley," Wood began, "since you know why you're here, there's no reason for us to dance around the issue. Your absence is inexcusable, and your behavior this last month has been intolerable. You have a week, one week, starting today to clean up your act or you'll be suspended the rest of the summer."

"Fine, are we done?" I was angry, but the last thing I wanted was to let them know that they got to me.

"You have nothing to say?" Faith asked.

"I'm pretty sure Woody here has said it all, but thanks for standing up for me," I spoke without looking at her.

"What?" Joy. I managed to piss her off.

"Nothing. Seriously, can I go now?" With a nod of his head, I was up and out of the office in seconds. Fuck them, just fuck them. I have heard every story ever told about Faith and she was no good girl, so fuck her.

Being angry and drunk just led me to be royally pissed off and wasted. I can honestly say when I snuck out that night I was looking for a fight, which is why I intended to go slaying. I don't remember how long I walked around, but I eventually realized I had drank too much to remember where the cemetery was. But instead of going back to the school, which would have been a good idea, I stumbled my way into town to cool off.

I remember it was the strangled scream that got my attention. The dead silence of the surrounding area made it sound out of place, so I went to investigate it. I got to a creepy alley and saw a figure attacking a woman, and I thought I had finally found a vamp to beat up on.

"Hey stupid face, how about you pick on someone smaller than you?" Drunken quips are not the best ones.

When the figure turned around I saw the surprised face of a regular guy, and also noticed his fly was open. I glanced quickly to the woman on the ground, and saw that the top of her dress was torn and her lip was bleeding. "Call 911!" she pleaded.

Seeing how drunk and tiny I was, the guy smiled at me, and kicked the woman in the face, knocking her out. I didn't need to be a telepath to know what he planned on doing when he started to approach me.

"Hey pretty girl." Was the last thing he said to me when I attacked. Looking at the scene around me, I was enraged. A few minutes into the beat down, someone pulled me off him. I turned around and saw Faith. I'm pretty sure I mumbled to her about what had happened, but if she'd heard me she didn't show it. She was on the phone. I assumed it was 911, but when Wood showed up, I realized they must have both been looking for me, so I turned to him and restated my case.

Without a word, Faith helped Wood put the guy into his car and Wood took off with him. Then, still without speaking to me, Faith picked up the woman and we dropped her off at the hospital, saying we found her outside. When we got back to the school, Faith walked me to my room and I did not see her and Wood until the next day.

"It's not like they let me off easy, I promise you that, Buffy. We had an all-day meeting in Wood's office the next day. They told me the guy was in a coma, and I cried. I'm sorry, I really am. I know we're supposed to protect people, but not to the extent of almost killing another person. Am I glad I stopped him? Of course, but not in the way I went about it." Tearing up, I could not get the picture of his bloody face out of my head.

"We all knew I should have been kicked out, but I begged them for hours. Please don't blame them for taking pity on me. Everything that happened is on me, and I'm sorry. But I understand the situation you're in and I accept my punishment." Meeting Buffy's eyes for the first time since I began my story, I could not read the look she was giving me.

Turning from my glance, after holding it a few minutes, she stood up from her chair and walked around the table to my side.

"Oh honey," Buffy said, giving me a hug as I continued to cry, "I understand, more than you probably know. I once thought I killed my mother's boyfriend after he hit me and I felt just like you."

"What happened to him?" I can't believe the Golden Child of the slaying world fucked up like me.

"He turned out to be a robot, I'll tell you about it another time," Figures. "Still, before the truth came out, I knew standing up for myself was the right thing to do…but as a Slayer there is a line we are not allowed to justify crossing."

"So I'm out, right?" I don't know why I was asking.

"Don't think about that right now, okay? I still need to talk to Faith and Wood, and then I need to make some calls, but you worry about you and spend some time with your sister and your friend." The way she rubbed circles on my back as she spoke calmly to me helped me to catch my breath and stop the flow of tears.

Without saying anything else, Buffy stood up straight and waited on me to walk out of the room. The hall was almost empty except for our families. Walking toward our own groups, I glanced over at Spencer and caught her eye. But as quickly as our eyes locked, she turned away from me completely and walked the other way.