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Peeta was jolted away by two things: The sound of snuffling coming from the bathroom and the feeling of empty space where Katniss had been in his arms a few moments ago. He leaped to his feet and pulled his jeans back on, nearly slipping on the blanket, and put out his hands to steady himself.

There was a small light in the bathroom and Peeta could make out a shape huddled on the floor. He was at her side in an instant, dropping to his knees and flipping her over. His shoulders hunched when he heard her breathing and he sighed.

"Katniss, why didn't you wake me? You can't be walking on those feet!"

"I didn't walk, I crawled," she said in a voice choked with sobs.

"That's worse. C'mon, let me carry you back to your room." He easily lifted her in his arms and carried her down the hall to her room, where he lay her down on the bed. She sniffled and wiped at her nose with her hand. She winced when he turned on the lights and sat down next to her.

"Do you want me to call Prim to get you some pain medication?"

"It doesn't hurt that much."

"Then why were you crying?" She felt stupid for letting this bother her so much and she just shook her head. Peeta gently cupped her chin and made her look up at him. His blue eyes were thoughtful and caring. Katniss saw love and worry swirling around in those depths of blue and she sighed.

"How many were there?"

"How many what?"

"Girls. How many girls did you…umm…"

"Did I what, Katniss?"

"Don't make me say it, Peeta!"

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything with any girls. How many times do I have to tell you, you were the only one I was thinking about!"

"But surely…you had to have…you were so popular!"

"Oh ok, so because I had a lot of friends, you think I slept around with everyone."

"I didn't say that," she felt her temper rising. "But you seem…experienced. At least you're very confident in yourself."

"I had two older brothers who liked to talk when they thought I was asleep. I learned a lot from them." Her face softened and she bit her lip.

"So you never…you haven't-?"

"No." He cupped her chin again and moved up to stroke her face. "I didn't want anyone else. I had eyes for one person and she never had eyes for me. So why would I waste myself on someone else?"

"And you were actually waiting for me? What if you had never gotten up the courage to talk to me?"

"I wouldn't call it waiting, even though that's exactly what it was. I was hoping. Hoping one day, things would change. Dreaming of the day that you would look my way, when you would speak my name. And as I grew older, my fantasies grew more…elaborate. The sound of you crying out my name, how you would writhe underneath me…much like you did tonight." She smiled weakly and sighed.
"I'm sorry. I'm a jealous mess."

"You have absolutely nothing to be jealous of, Katniss. You were the only one who has ever been on my mind. It's only been you. It's always been you." He leaned forward and kissed her gently. Her heart raced for her boy with the bread. Hearing him speak so passionately, so truthfully about his want and need and love for her made her fall in love even more. She reached up and touched his cheek and his hand covered hers, before pulling it away to kiss her palm. He gazed into her eyes and he smiled. He felt a sharp pain flash through his brain and he winced, dropping her hand.

"Peeta?"

"Yeah," he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Are you…alright?"

"Fine, I'm…oh damn." He reached out to grip the chair and he held onto it tightly. Katniss saw his knuckles whiten and his muscles tighten as he fought the images that raced through his mind. He shook his head and whimpered a little. Katniss sat up and reached out for him but he drew back, slamming into the wall.

"Katniss…please, call for some help. I don't…want to be alone with you," he said through clenched teeth. Katniss considered calling for Prim or Haymitch but she bit her lip, thinking that she needed to try to get through to him. To keep him here with her. After all, what would happen when the baby came? She couldn't be scared that the father of her child was going to strangle her at any given moment. She sat on the edge of the bed, not really having a way to get to him.

"Peeta, I know you can still hear me. Come back to me. Stay with me. I love you so much. Don't leave me."
"I'm not leaving you," he said softly, his eyes still shut.

"Then open your eyes and see me. See me for the girl who loves you, not a dangerous mutt."

"A mutt…a filthy mutt…a Capitol mutt," he muttered, his brow furrowing.

"No Peeta. It's all lies. I love you. I'm having your baby. I would give my life for you."

"I love her," he said firmly. "No, I LOVE her." Katniss watched in horror as he started to have a conversation with himself that involved quite a bit of hitting. She couldn't take it. She pressed the button by her bed and soon two doctors entered the room. She pointed a shaking finger and they immediately turned on Peeta, grabbing him by the arms.

"Don't hurt him! Don't sedate him! Just escort him back to his room. Peeta, remember, I'm here and I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't leave me," he pleaded as the doctors dragged him toward the door. "Katniss. Katniss!"

"I'm here, Peeta. I'll always be right here."

"Don't leave me! Don't ever leave me!"

"Never! I'll never leave you," she whispered as she watched him disappear through the door, tears starting to cloud her vision. They returned a few moments later.

"He's been locked in his room, Miss Everdeen. We will check on him in the morning."

"You didn't sedate him, did you?"

"He was hysterical, Miss-"

"He was NOT hysterical, he was confused," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why are you people so worried about me when you should be worried about his recovery? Why are you making it so difficult for him to get better?"

"Miss Everdeen, you should get your rest." The doctor shuffled into the room to turn the lights off and without another word, they shut the door behind them. Katniss could have sworn she heard the sound of a key in a lock and she collapsed on her back, one hand draping over her eyes while the other rested on her belly. In no time at all, she was sound asleep, battling mutts with red eyes and other terrible visions that followed her through her nightmares.

Peeta awoke as the sun was coming up and he blinked several times before taking in his surroundings. He didn't remember returning to his room last night. He supposed he had said goodnight to Katniss and walked back here in the early hours. He quickly pulled some clean cloths from the drawer and went to get a quick shower. When he dried off, he glanced around again, shuddering at how pristine everything was. It wasn't as if the bakery was always messy but flour and sugar were always all over everything and it always had that delicious smell about it. Now all he could smell was something sickly and foul. Shaking himself, he walked down the hall to Katniss's room and peered into her window. He saw she was sound asleep, curled on her side, and he smiled, deciding to let her rest. A thought came to him, which made his smile fade and he started off in the opposite direction.

Haymitch looked up when the door opened and he looked surprised.

"Didn't expect to see you here, kid. How you feeling?"

"It's all jumbled together, Haymitch. The flashbacks aren't making sense and I don't remember anything from when I had one. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt Katniss one day. But I also can't be without her. I don't know what to do."

"You'll figure it out together, kid. You two are strong and your love is even stronger. What's on your schedule today?"

"Training but not until later. Haymitch, I need a favor." Haymitch blinked and waited.

"I need to see the tape."

"What tape?"

"Come on Haymitch. I know there are tapes from my cell. I need to see the night with Katniss. Please."

"Peeta. Why do you need to see it? Really, what good will it do?"

"I just need to see it. Please."

"Peeta-"

"Damn it Haymitch, you OWE me," Peeta growled. Haymitch was taken aback and he noticed just how much the boy had been changed. He hung his head sadly, realizing that he was partly to blame for these terrible changes. The poor kid had been through so much and if he had just tried to think of another way to get both of them out of the arena, safely, they wouldn't even be in this mess. He sighed and reached forward to press a button. Peeta's eyes flew to the screen and they widened at the sight of Katniss hanging limply in her chains, her clothes all torn off and her head resting on her chest. Thread entered the cell and he buried his hand in her hair, yanking up. She let out a cry as she was jerked awake and her eyes focused on him as her body started to tremble with fear.

"You can't save him, little mockingjay. He's too far gone. He's lost to you. He will never return to you. And I'll show you how much we control him." His hand released her and he walked around to a sleeping Peeta on the bed and he withdrew a dagger from his belt, pointing it at Peeta's chest and digging the point into his flesh.

"You'll think twice before you interrupt me during punishment of my prisoners, won't you boy," Peeta and Haymitch heard the peacekeeper say. "Get up."

Haymitch jumped as Thread backhanded Peeta and he stood over him with a cruel smile.

"Since you were so eager to help our prisoner last night, I imagine you won't object to our latest punishment for her." Peeta swallowed as he watched himself being dragged toward Katniss, who continued to shake in her chains.

"Since you have already done this with her, it should be no problem, right?"

Haymitch reached over and turned the volume knob down but Peeta shook his head.

"Turn it back up."

"Peeta-"

"Now!" Sighing, Haymitch obeyed and Peeta focused his eyes on the peacekeeper.

"I thought you deserved a little fun. Don't worry. No one is in the control room right now."

"Sick bastard," Haymitch whispered. Peeta glanced sideways at him before looking back up at the screen to see himself now naked, walking around Katniss, gazing at her naked form.

"Please Peeta…don't do this." Peeta stifled a sob at Katniss's pleading and he bit his lip, watching himself for his reaction.

"They'll kill us both if I don't. Trust me, I don't want to do this. I don't want to touch you. But we've already done this once, right? So let's just get it over with."

"Peeta…we've never…I haven't…please-"

"Don't lie to me! I know you were pregnant during the Quarter Quell. Yet one more thing you took from me." Peeta shook his head and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Peeta, we don't have to-"

"Yes we do. Keep it on." Haymitch swallowed and turned back to the screen.

"You whore," he heard himself say and he gasped. "How many times have you given yourself to Gale, hm? Sleep with me, sleep with Gale, sleep with whomever else! Haymitch maybe? Finnick? You're just a Seam whore!" Peeta groaned and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. Haymitch reached out to comfort him but seemed uncertain how to go about that. He settled for gripping the boy's arm for a moment before patting his hand.

"I bet you like this, being tied up, just waiting. I should blindfold you. Then you'd really enjoy it huh?"

"Oh god no," he whispered, not looking at the screen.

"What if I gag you, huh Katniss? Stuff a sheet in your mouth? Or maybe you'd rather my cock. I could fuck your mouth before I fuck you." He heard the sound of a slap and he dropped his hands, his eyes widening as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Open your eyes, bitch, and look at me!" Peeta hid his face in his hands again, groaning and starting to rock back and forth. Haymitch's hand darted forward to turn it off but Peeta noticed.

"NO! Leave it. I need to see this."

"Peeta it is only making things worse for you! Katniss wouldn't want you to see this."

"I don't care. I know Gale has seen it. I don't want to be the only one not knowing what I've done."

"What you've done is in the past! Why are you torturing yourself?" Peeta didn't answer. His eyes froze on the screen, watching as he stroked himself and walked around Katniss again.

"Does this turn you on, Katniss? Do you like being dominated? You want me to fuck you so hard you can't see straight?"

"That isn't me," Peeta whimpered miserably. "Does anyone know, that is NOT me?"

"We all know it isn't you. It's the Capitol. So stop blaming yourself," Haymitch said gruffly. Peeta's eyes widened as he heard the screams and he broke down completely. He turned away, bending down to put his head between his knees as he whimpered and shook his head. He couldn't block out the sounds of Katniss pleading for him to stop or his sickened grunting. His hands went to his hair and he tugged viciously.

"Peeta, stop it. You wanted to see it. So watch what happens next." Haymitch roughly turned Peeta back around to face the screen and they watched Katniss sob in her chains while Peeta disappeared from the frame for a moment. They heard angry voices and Peeta recognized Johanna's angry cries. When he reappeared in the frame, Peeta held his breath. He stood in front of Katniss, his arms crossed and an unfeeling look on his face.

"Look at me. Damn it, Katniss. Open your eyes and LOOK at me." He was holding her chin between his fingers and he seemed to shake with rage while Katniss trembled in fear.

In my eyes, Katniss. LOOK. AT. ME." Peeta saw it the moment it happened. The moment their eyes met, something shifted and the hijacking failed. He hoped the bastards had had a chance to watch this before they were rescued. A slap in the face, proof that they hadn't destroyed his love for her after all.

"Katniss?" His voice was gentle and smoother than it had been only seconds ago. Haymitch reached out and grasped Peeta's shoulder as they watched him return to her.

"Katniss. I'm so…my god. What have I done?" He saw her shake her head and he groaned.

"Tell me, Katniss," he whispered.

"I don't know what they did to make me…forget…I don't even know what I've done to you…what have I done…" He remembered this moment, how he had shaken with rage and fear when his eyes had appraised her. He swallowed as he watched himself wrap the sheet around her, hiding her flesh, flesh that only he should ever see.

"Did I…did I hurt you, Katniss?"

"Tell me, Katniss. Tell the truth."

"She loves you, Peeta. She doesn't want to hurt you." They watched as she shook her head no and he threw his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. He saw her shoulders shake as she cried into his chest and he slammed his hand on the table.

"Why did she lie to me? Why did she fucking lie?"

"What did you want her to say? She didn't even know about the hijacking, only that something horrible had happened to you." Haymitch turned the monitor off and Peeta did not object. He stared at the black screen, motionless.

"She wouldn't have told me if she hadn't gotten pregnant. She would have kept this from me."

"She would have told you eventually, Peeta. You know how she is."

"Yeah I do and I know she has her secrets. She has her private life that she doesn't let anyone into. Even if we had gotten together in the future, which I don't altogether believe we would have, she would have pretended it was her first time. She would have lied to me again!"

"Peeta. Imagine if the roles were reversed. You've lost Katniss and you know the Capitol is doing terrible things to her. You see her on TV, you think, something is wrong. She doesn't look well. So you agree to help the people who have been pestering you to join and fight with them. Your only thought is to rescue her. You agree to become the face of the rebellion, to save her life. A rescue mission is planned and you know it will be too late, so you go off on your own and try to save her. You get caught and taken by your enemies. Lo and behold, you're in the same cell as your love but she doesn't know who you are. She's been tortured and messed with to hate you, to curse your name, to kill you. But that doesn't stop you from loving her and all you want to do is prove to her you love her. More terrible things happen to her and terrible things happen to you. You are chained up while she is forced to take advantage of you and then after it happens, she miraculously returns to you. She still loves you so much, she knows she could never hurt you because that would never cross her mind. Do you tell her what happened?"

"Of course not, I would just…"

"Just what, Peeta?"

"I would want to keep her safe as possible and let her know how loved she is."

"Don't you think if she knew what she had done, she would feel horrible? Dirty and used and unworthy of your love?"

"Yeah but-"

"Listen! Ok, so you decide not to tell her. Maybe you will one day, but for now, you forget about it. And then you're both rescued! She seems to be coming back to you a little bit more everyday so you would want to do everything you possibly can to keep her recovery going strong, wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to say anything that may cause her to revert to her poisoned mind. So you still don't mention anything about what happened to you both. You keep it a secret, to protect your love. Or do you think you would tell her?" He waited while Peeta thought.

"I don't like secrets. They destroy relationships and wreck the most precious of love. But you're right, I would want to protect her so I would keep that a secret. Even though I know she'd be mad at me, I would keep quiet about it as long as possible." He heaved a great sigh and shook his head.

"Ok Haymitch, you've made your point. I don't like the situation at all…but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nope, nothing. Just stay alive and spend the rest of your life making it up to her. I once told her she could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve you. But I think I was wrong. I think you two deserve each other, and I mean that in the very best way."

"I know you do, I just…wait. You told her what?" Peeta frowned at Haymitch, shaking his head. "Why the hell would you say something like that to her?"

"It was right after the second Reaping and she was asking me to save you. She agreed with me. We think you're much too good for this life."

"This life? You mean with Katniss?"

"I mean before Katniss, kid. Your mom hitting you, you living in one of the poorest districts, you being Reaped, you being taken advantage of and your love exploited, all of it. You don't deserve any of it."

"Neither does Katniss," Peeta said firmly.

"Do any of us? We make the most out of the lives that we are given but at some point, enough is just enough."

"When did enough become enough for you, Haymitch?" Peeta watched his mentor and they were both silent for the longest time.

"When Snow had my family and my girl killed. It was the same situation as Katniss with the berries. I knew Snow would never leave you guys alone. Enough was enough a long time ago but at that moment, I decided if I ever had the opportunity to see that man die, I would seize it. And it came when Katniss and you were flung into my life. It took awhile but I finally saw what she was capable of and agreed that she would be able to lead the rebellion. I agreed to help Plutarch and the others, because my mind was only on vengeance. I'm sorry, kid. I'm sorry I didn't think of how it would affect people. People I actually care about." Peeta was surprised to see such emotion coming from the old drunkard and he straightened up in his seat.

"Haymitch-"

"Damn I need a drink. Hold down the fort for me, ok, while I go see if I can sneak anything."

"Sneak it from whom?"

"I don't care, someone around this place has to have some kind of drink!" Peeta chuckled to himself as Haymitch lumbered off. Peeta turned back to the screens and wondered how Haymitch could watch everything that was going on, on these screens. His eyes scanned over the monitors, pausing to think how creepy it was that they could watch Johanna sleep. Toward the left, his heart leaped at the sight of Katniss in her bed, tossing and turning and surely muttering to herself. Peeta bit his lip, resisting the urge to run to her room and comfort her, and he continued to survey the screens.

The doors opened and Peeta whirled around, freezing in place.