"What happened?" Captain Marvel asked as he saw Xander step off the teleporter pad carrying an unconscious Huntress.

"She violated neutral ground, so I had to knock her out," Xander said, trying to recall the way to medical, before he felt a mind brush against his own and remembered. He sent a mental 'thank you' to Martian Manhunter and started walking.

Captain Marvel looked clearly conflicted about the idea but unsure how to respond.

"Wisdom of Solomon, knowledge base of a young boy," Xander muttered as he realized what was bugging Captain Marvel. "The Huntress works hard to be a hero, right?"

"She has no powers and has joined the League," Captain Marvel replied, "I'd say she has to."

"Exactly, she has the strength and dedication to be a hero, something she takes pride in." Xander entered the infirmary handing Huntress off to some medical personnel before unbuttoning his shirt and showing that he had a bit of blood now seeping into his undershirt. "If I treated her any less than I would a male counterpart I would be spitting on her pride and dedication."

Captain Marvel considered that while a pair of medics saw to Xander.

"It's like silk, wrap it tight and just pull," Xander said, giving a grunt while they extracted the bolt from his side so they could remove his shirt.

"Shallow, barely penetrated more than a few centimeters," one of the medics reported while one of the others searched a few cuts on Xander's stomach for glass shards with an ultrasound device.

"I see," Captain Marvel said thoughtfully, "and since you are both roughly equal in power it was a fair fight."

"Actually, I think she's a lot more skilled than I am," Xander said, "so if she hadn't underestimated me, she could have kicked my ass."

"Actually," Huntress said sardonically as she held her head showing she'd woken up, "I was relying on the knock out drug on my bolts to put you down. If you hadn't pissed me off by treating me like a child, I'd never have been stupid enough to let you control the fight like that."

"Which is why I did it," Xander replied with a grin. "Angry opponents are opponents who make mistakes."

"I noticed," she grumbled as a medic shined a light in her eyes to check pupil dilation. "Why didn't my bolt work on you?"

"My shirts are armored," Xander replied. "Of course it works better against blunt force rather than sharp stabby things, but it still does okay."

"I meant, why didn't they knock you out?"

"I'm resistant to a large number of toxins," Xander replied as they cleaned and bandaged his wounds.

"And for the million-dollar question, who are you, and why were you protecting a bar full of villains?" she asked, before taking the aspirin she was handed.

"I'm Flannel Man," Xander said, grinning at the look of shock on her face, "also, I moonlight as the bartender at The Busted Flush, which, as I said, is neutral territory."

"Why is it neutral territory?" Captain Marvel asked.

"Because it helps calm them down, so they don't go off the rails like the Joker and it gives us a way to interact with them that doesn't involve violence," Xander explained.

"One Joker is more than enough," Huntress admitted with a shudder.

"Has associating with Villains done any good other than helping them keep sane?" Captain Marvel asked.

"Lillian Doll and Cheetah are both retired, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are semi-retired, and I've just convinced Killer Croc and The Penguin to pass on any kryptonite they get their hands on to me," Xander listed off.

"I heard how you 'convinced' them to retire," Huntress said with a smirk.

Xander shrugged. "Their problems were easy to fix and the reason they were criminals in the first place. Remove the problem, remove the reason for them to be criminals."

'You didn't seduce them?" Huntress asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What? No," Xander said shaking his head as he put back on his shirt.

"So, you haven't been… intimate with them?" Huntress asked, thinking about the rumors about him.

"Both Lilly and Cheetah retired before anything happened," Xander said, "and Harley and Ivy listened to my ideas because they made sense, sex had nothing to do with it."

"How many girls are you dating?!" Captain Marvel asked in shock.

"I'm only seeing four girls on a regular basis," Xander said.

"Four?! How would that even work?"

"They know each other and get along or it wouldn't." Xander said. "I'm a bit of a pushover."

Huntress snorted. "If a woman acted that way she'd get a nasty reputation."

"Not from me," Xander said.

Huntress looked thoughtful for a moment before she got up, grabbed her crossbow, and left.

"That went better than I thought," Xander said. "Well, it's been nice talking to you, but I have to get back to work."

Captain Marvel nodded absently his mind occupied with what he'd just learned, trying to figure out how he could fit it into his world view.

0o0o0o0o0o

Xander saw the shadow of the dumpster shift slightly, just like the shadow of a dumpster wouldn't, but ignored it and entered the bar.

"Xander!"

"Guys!" Xander replied with a grin.

"Drinks, table five," Mary said passing him a tray, without missing a beat.

Xander delivered the drinks, surprised to find the Royal Flush gang was there, though despite their name they'd mixed up the suits. The king and queen were hearts, jack and ten were clubs, and ace was a spade… not to mention an eleven-year-old girl.

Ace blinked and tilted her head as she felt him direct a question her way and responded in kind.

Xander passed out the drinks with a smile.

"How did you know who ordered what?" Ten asked curiously, the dark-haired girl always paid close attention to her surroundings and hadn't seen any way their drinks had been marked.

"He asked me," Ace offered.

"You're a telepath?" the king of hearts asked curiously.

"Nah, but I've worked with them before," Xander replied, "the are surprisingly easy to talk to."

Ace giggled and sipped her root beer.

The poker game on the bar's television was interrupted by a news report about a family of three being kidnapped and showed a picture of the family.

Half the bar groaned or shook their head as they saw a picture of the twelve-year-old daughter and her name was displayed.

"Of course it's Alice," Riddler said, "and Hatter was doing so well too."

"Boss, I'm going to need an early break," Xander said.

"Going to catch him?" Two-Face asked, rolling his defaced coin across his fingers.

"He's thinking of how to cover it up before he gets caught," Ace said, before wincing. "Sorry," she apologized.

"Anyone swept for bugs?" Xander asked, several hands went up. "Good, anyone know where Hatter would be this time?"

"He's been lair-ing at a closed down tea shop in the south end," Riddler said, "I've got the address."

"I can make Huntress think she saw The Mad Hatter come in just before you got here," Ace said excitedly, before turning to Killer Croc. "He'd like you to sneak out through the sewers and break a couple of windows on some banks without being seen to delay the Bat clan."

Xander stuck his tongue out at her and Ace did the same back.

Croc downed his beer. "On it," he said before disappearing down the hall towards the bathrooms.

Xander accepted a slip of paper from the Riddler and reversed his flannel shirt, revealing a gray and dark blue camo pattern before he slipped into the back room.

"Someone really should explain to him how being a hero works," Two-Face said.

"Bite your tongue," Harley said, "I think he does great!"

Ace looked at the table Harley and Ivy were at and her eyes grew wide.

Ten flicked her ear. "That's not for you."

Ace quickly pulled back her powers letting Ten think she'd just seen something adult as everyone knew about their relationship with the bartender, rather than two incredibly complex and brilliant minds.

0o0o0o0o0o

Batman returned to the Batcave and settled in front of his mainframe. "Entry 268956: Kidnapping appears to be a copycat of the actual Hatter as a distraction for some other criminal activity as of yet unknown. I'm checking the recording from a listening device I'd placed there some months before."

Alfred silently made his approach while Bruce was distracted, sliding a glass of milk and a sandwich, cut into triangle onto the console at his side. He nodded to himself as Bruce began to eat, his entire attention focused on the audio file he was listening to.

"-but it's just another fake!" The Hatter's voice said angrily.

"Is it?" Flannel Man asked in a questioning tone.

"Yes?" The Hatter answered confused.

"Did she ever say she was The Alice?" Flannel Man asked. "Or is she simply 'A' Alice trying her best to not disgrace the name?"

"Maybe," The Hatter conceded. "I was so sure!"

"You were impatient," Flannel Man said firmly. "You will only find The Alice when she decides it's time."

"I'm pretty sure I am supposed to quest for her," Hatter said, a frown evident in his voice.

"Of course you are," Flannel Man replied as if the very idea of not looking was ludicrous, "there's no point in not looking when you are the one destined to find her."

"Exactly," The Hatter said cheerfully.

"But Alice is so very bright that she casts reflections far and wide," Flannel Man pointed out, "so you are supposed to find a lot of Alices before you find The Alice. A quest is no simple thing it's suppose to be a journey, you must have patience and persevere."

"Yes, you are right I have been impatient, demanding The Alice appear before me when she is obviously still busy playing."

"Out of curiosity, why have you stopped taking your meds?" Xander asked. The sound of tea being sipped could be heard.

"They made things so fuzzy it was hard to think clearly," The Hatter replied with frustration. "How can I find The Alice when my sight is so clouded?"

"One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small, and the ones mother gives you does nothing at all," Flannel Man sang.

"Hmm?""

"The pills can't hide Alice, they simply hide her reflections," Flannel Man assured him.

"But if my sight is… Yes, I would never have mistaken her for Alice while on them, but… the pills sometimes make me doubt I'm The Hatter," he admitted.

"You've cast several reflections yourself."

"Pardon?"

"How many Hatters have there been in Gotham?"

"I'm the real Hatter!"

"The pills weed out the reflections," Flannel Man reminded him, "only the True Hatter can continue on his quest while on them. You must be resolute, finding The Alice is the quest of a lifetime!"

"I can see you understand," The Hatter said happily.

"Now let's figure out how to make it up to this Alice for scaring her, because Alice would surely be upset if you treated her reflections so shabbily."

"I'll erase the last few hours from their minds, maybe get the parents to quit smoking?" The Hatter suggested.

"See if you can get them to eat a little better as well," Flannel Man added.

"Won't take but a moment," The Hatter said cheerfully.

Batman stopped the audio file.

"You appear to have been tricked, Master Bruce," Alfred noted.

"Yes," Batman agreed thoughtfully.

"You don't appear to be upset by it."

"He understands madness far too well," Barman said. "Yet… I believe his talk with The Mad Hatter has a greater chance of a positive result than any of the countless sessions with the professionals have had."

"So, you are going to take no action, sir?"

"I don't believe I will," Batman said. "After all, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Hopefully his approach has longer lasting effects than my own."

0o0o0o0o0o

Xander watched Huntress stalk him out of the corner of his eye. She was really quite good at skulking in the shadows, but compared to Angel she was an amateur. She'd been stalking him for the past week, no doubt trying to get a good grasp on his fighting style and tactics. Too bad he really didn't have one.

He watched her slowly raise her crossbow and casually bent down to tie his boot, letting the bolt fly harmlessly by as if he didn't notice.

"Hey," Supergirl said with a smile as she appeared beside him, making him jump.

"Well, that's one way to get my pulse racing," he said with a grin. "Not my favorite way of course." He kissed her.

"Have dinner with me," Supergirl said.

"Glad to," he said and swept her up in his arms.

"Teleporter?" she asked.

"Nah, feel free to fly us," he replied quietly, "you don't have to do the swimming pose to fly after all."

"Teasing Huntress?" she whispered in his ear with a giggle.

"Just a little," he agreed as she lifted them off the rooftop while Xander was holding her princess style.

As the two flew off Huntress just stared. "He can fly?"

Typing by: fyrewolf5

TN: Xander, still proving how overrated sanity is, no matter where he goes.

Omake by fyrewolf5: Is it the cologne?

Xander walked into the bar to start his shift to a call of "Xander!" from the assembled villains.

"Hey Guys," Xander called back halfheartedly, trying to put on a friendly face, but clearly annoyed by something.

After a couple of hours without any noticeable improvement in his mood, Mary waved him over for the next order. "Drinks, booth three," Mary said passing him a tray with drinks for Harley, Ivy and his preferred beer.

Walking over to the booth he gave the ladies their drinks and set the beer in the middle of the table. Before he could head back to the bar to continue working, Harley grabbed his arm and pulled him into the booth. Looking over at Mary, Xander saw her nod to take a break, before she handed out some drinks to other patrons.

"What's the matter, Hun?" Harley asked, while Xander took a sip of the beer they had ordered for him.

"It's nothing," he said trying to brush it off.

"Clearly something is the matter, everyone in the bar can tell something is bothering you," Ivy countered.

"I suppose, I should say it's nothing important, just annoying," Xander conceded.

"Well?" Harley poked him in the side when he didn't continue.

"I keep running out of everything and have had to go shopping at least twice a week, I have no idea how I'm running out of everything so quickly. Shampoo usually lasts me months, but I'm barely getting two weeks from a bottle now, and the same thing is happening with my deodorant, cologne, toothpaste, everything. It's driving me nuts!" Xander explained. "And I need to go get more after work today."

Ivy and Harley exchanged confused looks.

"Have you been buying leaky bottles?" Ivy asked.

"No, that's what I thought the first time, that I must have used more than I thought, or it had been longer than I remembered, or something along those lines, but it's been happening for weeks now and I can't figure it out."

Meanwhile in Xander's apartment

Batman snuck into the apartment without leaving a trace of his presence and retrieved several cameras hidden in the vents, recording who had come and gone through the windows and door, along with a few listening devices, that he'd placed when Flannel Man was being scouted for the League.

Nothing worrying had been found prior to his induction as a junior member, but it was worth making sure nothing had happened since he joined. A quick check for anything worrisome turned up nothing so Batman left as stealthily as he arrived, leaving nothing out of place, and no sign he'd ever been there.

After stopping several muggings, and a bank robbery, Batman returned to the Batcave to review the recordings. Combining all the data into a single recording with multiple views, Bruce started fast forwarding through the data, only returning to normal speeds to listen when Xander was on the phone, or when someone entered the apartment.

The first several days had nothing of concern, the only person besides Xander recorded was Batman himself when he was placing everything. After that a few more people started to occasionally show up, and after the first time they appeared, Bruce stopped slowing down when a female entered the apartment, especially Kara, Barbara, Ivy or Harley.

After about a month, a few unexpected people started showing up and Bruce was worried that they had in fact let a spy into the League, but after listening to all the recordings, and spotting a few heroes show up, he stopped worrying since they all occurred essentially the same.

Hero or villain breaks in, with one degree of stealth or another, makes a note of all personal supplies, takes sample of supplies, sometimes hair or nail clippings for the truly thorough like The Question, and The Riddler, then leaves, occasionally talking to themselves about figuring out what his secret is.

In hindsight, this also explained why the labs on the Watch Tower had been in much higher use lately, especially by some of the less research oriented heroes.

Connecting to the Watch Tower systems, Batman checked the results from the data gathered by the heroes. While he didn't believe there was anything more complicated than Xander's natural empathy, and unique way of thinking, it wouldn't hurt to verify the results to make sure there weren't any chemicals that were affecting others.

Going over the results found nothing out of place from the control samples of the products The Question had purchased, all the products were within normal parameters of what the products were supposed to be. Although he did note a few products that didn't seem to be completely honest about what they were made from. Beyond that the most controversial sample would have been the Gingold cola, which had already been introduced to the station and was a known quantity.

The DNA samples from the hair procured in the apartment matched the results that had already been gathered during his recruitment, so there was no concerns of undocumented powers being a factor either.

So, despite what many believed, it was now confirmed, Xander's luck with women had nothing to do with his cologne, not that the manufacturer's hadn't already seen an uptick in purchases from both heroes and villains who didn't bother to check first, and just assumed it was the cologne.

Omake by Breadnaught: Bizarro kryptonite?

Flannel Man bent down to untie his boots. "Er, Flannel, what are you doing?" Flash asked, while watching the mutant-kryptonian with concern.

Xander shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to fight a kryptonian unarmed, am I?" As he said that, he removed the lead foil inserts and tied the laces of his boots together.

"Boot nunchucks? Flannel, I know you don't take the hero gig too seriously - and I approve - but there's kind of a time and place for joking around." The Flash could hold off and delay Bizarro all day if needed, but was worried Flannel Man was about to get himself killed for the sake of a practical joke.

"Nah, it's fine. I got this." He made a bare-footed advance towards the mutant kryptonian. "Okay Bizarro, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way." He brandished his boot-chucks threateningly.

"Bizarro am liking you. Bizarro will hug you am be your friend."

Xander nodded. "Well, okay then." 'Hard way it is,' he thought to himself.

The Flash shouted in alarm, thinking Flannel Man misunderstood the threat. "WAIT! He's going to-"

The Flash was cut off when he saw the boot connect to Bizarro's head and knock the supervillain ass over teakettle. The entire crowd were slack-jawed as Flannel Man began to make 'Bruce Lee' noises, while circling Bizarro and whipping him with boot-chucks.

Completely unused to the effects of kryptonite, Bizarro was reeling. Every blow from the boots felt like a punch from Superman, while he felt sick and weak and dizzy. The previously intimidating supervillain tried to crawl away, while sobbing, as Flannel Man followed along, demanding he surrender, or the booting would continue.

AN: These two omakes made me giggle like a hyena.