Could you please give me some tips to improve my writting please? I'd like to improve to make this story better.
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Kara Thrace leaned on the wall next to the door of the metal building that Bumi was being held in. In a split second, she jumped in front of the door, gun pointing straight ahead, ready to shoot any Fire Nation guards that were waiting. There were none. Inside the building, all the walls were still metal. The door lead straight ahead for about ten meters before stopping at a wall, and splitting up into two directions, left and right. "It's clear." She said to the four people left. "Montie, you and Aang take right. Sokka, you and I will go left, check in every five minutes." She started walking up the corridor.
"Who made you the boss?" Sokka asked in an obnoxious voice.
Frak you. "I'm sorry, was there somebody else here with several years of military experience that's lead rescue missions before?" Starbuck had been on missions like this before. More then a year ago, she was in charge of a rescue missions to get survivors off of Caprica after the Cylon attack.
Sokka sighed. "Nevermind."
"Good. Your with me."
The four split up into the two groups. The left path that Starbuck and Sokka took lead to a hole in the ground. Starbuck looked down the hole, that stopped after only two meters. There was a short ladder that the two used to get down. The walls, floor, and roof were still made of metal. There was another straight corridor, dimly lit by torches hung on the walls. Every few feet, a small jail cell was there in place of the wall. The cells didn't have much. Something that looked like a toilet, and a lump of metal that could either be a place to sit or a very uncomfortable bed. The were metal bars between the cells and the corridor, to keep prisoners inside. All of them were empty.
"Looks like we found our jail cells." Starbuck said, reaching for something from her belt. She pulled out a small device, black colored with a small display screen and an antenna sticking up from the top.
"Whats that?" Sokka asked, looking at the device.
"Hang on." She held the device to her mouth. "Starbuck to Montie, we found what looks like jail cells, all of them appear to be empty. What do you see on your path?"
"You really expect them to hear y-" Sokka jumped back in shock when a voice came out of the little box.
"Starbuck, we've found nothing but what looks like a mess hall and a restroom. There's no body home, looks like we did a good job out there. It's a dead end, nothing else to see."
"Understood. You and Aang get back over here, Bumi must be down this hallway.
"Understood, were on our way. Montie out."
The voice stopped, and Starbuck put the device back on her belt.
Sokka stared in disbelief. "What was that! First you have the weird looking metal box we found you at, then you show us a 'gun,' now you have people in boxes!"
Starbuck rolled her eyes. Coexisting with these people will be so much fun.
"And another thing, that wrinkle guy called you Starbuck, but you said your name was Kara. What's Starbuck?"
"Starbuck is my call sign."
"Your what?"
"It's like a… nickname, makes it easier to remember people and give orders."
"Can I have one?"Starbuck laughed quietly to herself "You can't get one just like that. But it's not important right now, focus."
Sokka nodded, and looked around the corridor.
"The Earth Kingdom doesn't use much metal. They must have built this place on or near a deposit or something." Sokka said, looking at the walls. There wasn't a single inch of Earth to be seen.
"But wouldn't it be a better idea to build a prison for Earth benders above ground? It's nothing but Earth down here under the walls."
"I don't know. Maybe it was easier to build? They can just bend the Earth out of the way and put the metal in."
"We can ask Bumi later." She heard footsteps coming from above her, belonging to Montie and Aang "Get ready."
--
"Hand me that, will you?" Gaius Baltar asked from the rear section of the raptor. He had removed a bulkhead to look at the circuitry of the crashed ship in an attempt to get communications back online. They had had little luck so far.
Laura Roslin, the gun given to her by Adama still in her hand, cautiously handed Baltar an oddly shaped tool he had placed on a chair next to her earlier. "How does it look?" She asked.
Baltar silently looked at the panel for a few more seconds, slammed his fists on the ground, cursed, and looked at Roslin. "The outside of the raptor is designed to handle intense heat, and was even tested against lightning. but the designers didn't test it against several lightning strikes near the same time hitting in the same place. The hull can still handle it, but it was heated to a very high temperature. The circuitry inside doesn't have nearly as high a tolerance, it was melted. Broke everything; comm, navigation, engine control. That's why we crashed."
"Can you fix it?" She knew that if he couldn't, it could be days without word from Galactica.
"Probably, but It's going to take time. I have to replace half the equipment on this frakking ship."
Baltar went back to work inside the bulkhead. All he could see was a few rods, wires, and partially melted circuit boards.
Roslin looked at Baltar suspiciously. "How do I know your really trying to fix it? How do I know your not purposefully harming the raptor to delay your sentencing on Galactica? Or to try to escape?""As appealing as the idea of spending the rest of my life with a bunch of people that consider radio a form of magic while ignoring the basic laws of thermodynamics is, I would feel better away from here. Mabye it just hasn't hit me yet, how my life is about to turn. I'm not looking forward to when it d-"
"Quiet." Roslin said, looking as if she was listening for something. "Hear that?"
"Hear what?" Baltar listened for anything. Then he heard what Roslin must have, foot steps. They were quiet, he could barely hear them. But they were there. "Yes, yes I hear it."
Roslin looked out of the cockpit window of the Raptor. It was pitch black, the only reason they could see anything inside the raptor was that they had turned on an emergency light. "There's not enough foot steeps to be all seven of them."
"So, It's Fire Nation?" Baltar said, obvious panic in his voice. They couldn't see them, but anybody outside could easily see the well lit Raptor. "The light, turn off the light!"
"It's to late, they must have seen us by now."
"So what do we do? How did they even find us at night like this!""Mabye fire benders make light. Or maybe Adama brought a flash light, I don't know, just be quiet." She held her breath. Adama, if it is you, give us a sign!
The two were quiet, both looking out the windows of the raptor, for what seemed like an eternity until Roslin finally heard a familiar voice call out.
"President Laura Roslin!" Had this been any other planet, fighting the Cylons, there would no doubt be some complex code to prove it was Adama and not some chrome toaster. Nobody saw the point of making one, for now, as nobody knew who they were, let alone how to impersonate them.
Roslin breathed a sigh of relief. She waited for Adama do enter the crashed ship, she had plenty of questions for him. When he and Kim walked in, she was shocked to see the teenaged girl they had meet unconscious with him. Kim was carrying somebody that looked a little older, she didn't recognize her. Her leg was bleeding.
"Bill, what happened?"
Adama set Katara down on one of the Raptors seats. "We made it all the way to prison, this girl," He looked at Azula. "She shot… lightning at us. Aang was trying to stop us from killing her because of it, he threw Starbuck off balance and caused her to shoot the fire nation girl in the leg. Before she blacked out she managed to hit Katara. Starbuck says they'll both die if we don't get them to Galactica."
"So were bringing them to the fleet?" Roslin never expected Adama to let a group of kids onto the ship.
"From what you told me, thjs 'Avatar' is very important to these people. If we can convince him and his friends we mean no harm, it could help our negotiations"
"I understand." She looked at the two people. "We need to get the Fire Nation girl some bandages." She started reaching for a cabinet under the ships main console. "What happened to… Katara, was it?"
"I'm not a doctor, I don't know."
Gaius Baltar, who had been watching the situation quietly since Adama walked in, decided to speak. "If she was hit by lightning, maybe it sent her into shock, or some sort of coma."Adama pretended not to hear him. "Starbuck says the Raptor can be repaired.""He's working on it, or so he says." She glared at Gaius.
"Me and Kim can take it from here." He pushed Baltar out of the way and started looking at the inside of a bulkhead.
--
The four had started walking down the long, metal corridor of the prison. All of the cells were empty so far.
Aang looked at Starbuck "You really think Bumi is here?"
"Hopefully. I'm guessing they moved the prisoners out after the attack to ensure there weren't any problems. Maybe there planning to reuse the metal somehow, in the mean time this would be the best place to store him."
"Thanks. I guess." He said, with uncertainty.
The four walked until they reached a large, heavy door. There was nothing on it except a small window and writing in a language Starbuck couldn't understand. "Aang, can you read this?"
He looked at the sign. "It says 'POW, authorized personal only."
Finally. She looked through the small window. On the other side, two fire nation troops were talking to each other, not looking at the door. "Montie, I need your rifle."
Montie handed Starbuck some kind of assault rifle. "Give me just a second." She said, as she looked through the sight of the weapon. She pointed the weapon at the first one, and fired five quick rounds. The Fire Nation soilder fell to the ground, and before the second could react, she fired another half dozen rounds in his direction. She pointed the gun at the doors lock and fired the rest of the clip at it, the lock fell down into several pieces. "Alright. Lets go."
Inside, it was like a normal office. There was a desk, some chairs, scrolls that Starbuck thought they used in place of paper. On the other side of the room, there was another door, smaller then the one they had come through. Starbuck opened the door, and was pleased with what she saw.
"Over here!" She said to the others. Inside, she saw cells filled with people. All of them were wearing some sort of uniform, green and yellow colored. All of them wore an insignia that was a circle with a small square in the center.
Aang smiled. "There Earth benders!"
Kara Thrace walked up to one of the people that looked like the person in charge. "Who are you? What happened?"
The man looked at her. Then at Aang. "You travel with the avatar?"
Starbuck looked at Aang, then back at the man. "uh, sure. What happened?" She repeated her question.
"We were Bumi's elite guards. We were captured by the Fire nation during the occupation." He looked at Kara closely. "Your clothes. You look like the space men we saw a few days ago."
Sokka shoot up. "Space men! Whats he talking about. Your not really from space, that's impossible!"
"I told you Sokka, It's a long story, your going to find out all about it fairly soon." She looked back at the man. "Do you know where Bumi is?"
The man nodded, and looked behind him. "Sir, it's the avatar. He brought the space people we saw from the airship."
"Airship!" Aang looked at Starbuck excitedly. "That's what you were in at the cave! Are you air benders. How did you-"
"Kid." She said, stopping him mid sentence. "In a few hours all of your questions are going to be answered. Just give us some time."
"Fine." He said with disappointment in his voice.
The Earth Benders stepped aside, making a path. An old looking man stepped forward, King Bumi.
"Bumi, it's me! Are you ok?" Aang asked, stepping up to the cell.
"Aang. It's good to see you. Never been better."
"Not the time. Bumi, Aang, step away from the cell." Starbuck pulled out her pistol. "Cover your ears." She said before unloading two rounds into the cells lock.
The Earth Kingdom solders all jumped back at the sound of the powerful weapon. Starbuck kicked the door of the cell open. "Lets go, we have to move before a Fire Nation patrol finds the mess we made outside."
The soilders started walking outside of the cell, stretching there legs. Starbuck counted at least two dozen of them. Aang and Bumi hugged. "I'm not going." Bumi said. "This is my city, I can't abandon my people."
WHAT! She screamed inside her head. She took a deep breath to keep from slapping him. "Your people aren't going to get any help from you right now. There's nothing you can do, we have to go now."
"There must be some kind of resistance, me and my men can join them."
"Look." She said with anger in her voice. "We came all this frakking way, fought past at least two dozen guards, two children are close to death, one was trying to help you. I don't give a frak why you want to stay here. No offense, but there is nothing an old man can do to fight off hundreds, if not thousands of these people. You want to help them? You can come with us, help us make contact with your people, tell them the situation here, and organize a counterstrike to retake the city."
Bumi looked insulted. Then he laughed. "Alright. Fine. This will be fun! Where are we going?"
"Near a cave not to far out from the city. We have to get going."
Aang looked at Sokka curiously. "Whats 'Frak?'"
Twenty minutes had passed since Adama arrived at the raptor. Roslin had bandaged the Fire Nation girls leg so she wouldn't bleed to death, but if they didn't get her back to Galactica she could die from infection or some other nasty thing. She was watching Katara closely to make sure she didn't get worse.
"Almost there." Adama said, replacing a melted circuit board. "We should be able to contact Galactica now." He stood up and walked up to the control panels, and pressed a few buttons. "Raptor 043 to Galactica. Galactica do you read?"
The voice of Colonol Saul Tigh came through the raptors comm system. "Bill? Finally! I was wondering what the frak happened to you down there. What's going on?"
Adama and Roslin smiled. "It's going to take some time to explain. Send a raptor down here, get it to us as soon as possible, tell the doctor to prepare for two critical patients.""It's on it's way." He said after a few seconds delay. "Who needs medical care?"
"Two native children. One is Fire Nation, the other said she was from the 'Water Tribe.'
"Water Tribe?"
"Yes, what about them?"
"We think we found there home. The raptor should be there any second now."
"Good." He said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Raptor 043 out." He looked at Roslin. "Lets get the two outside."
The two carried the injured children out of the raptor, and placed them gently on the ground. In the distance, he saw a small, bright light. It had to be a flash light. "That's them. Kara and the others."
--
Starbuck shined the flashlight on the ground, watching her step. When she first turned the device on, Sokka and Aang had called in a Fire Nation tool. If she thought that was impressive, they would be ecstatic on the raptor ride to Galactica. She heard something, a low, humming sound that she had heard a thousand times before. The soft sound of a Raptors engines. "That's our ride."
The two kids looked up in the air. A small ship was hovering above ground, shining a light at the crashed 'airship' they saw earlier. It started going straight down, quickly, faster then Appa ever could. Soon, it was on the ground.
"Whats that!" Aang asked. Before Starbuck could respond, He used his arbending to shoot himself at the landing site, far away from the others. At the raptor, Adama and Roslin already had Katara and fire nation girl inside. "Whats going on? Where are you taking them?" He asked
Adama looked at Aang. "Where taking them somewhere safe, where they will be treated and cared for until there better."
"Were not going to just leave them with you, were coming." A tired sokka said, who had rushed to catch up with Aang and check on his sister.
"We expected you wanted to." Laura Roslin was speaking now. "When we've arrived, we'll answer any questions you have."
"But where are we going!" Sokka was almost yelling now.
"It's hard to explain. You''ll see. Please, just trust us." She gestured at the Raptor. "Get in."
"Sokka, I think we should trust these people. They helped rescue Bumi." Aang was Pleading with him.
Sokka thought about it. Finally, he said, "lets go."
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Hope the ending of this chapter wasn't horrible. Ill try to update some time next week.