Alice

"Let's head to my office then," Carlisle answered as he turned and headed down the hall. Bella stood for a moment, watching the soft gate. Was he actually going to discuss another patient with him? Bella couldn't help but be a little bit skeptical. Wasn't he breaking a Hippocratic Oath or something by discussing Alice with her? Maybe it was a trap to get her to open up about herself. Well…Bella couldn't deny that it was working. Truth be told she'd probably give her left leg for just a clue into that freaking enigma. And Carlisle appeared to be leading her to the chainsaw. Well, she'd never figure out anything if she kept standing there, so she quickly followed after him.

Carlisle was waiting by his door by the time she caught up. Then he smiled at her and pushed the door open, allowing her to enter first. She did so and took a seat on the very nice feeling leather couch while Carlisle sat in the adjacent chair. It was quiet for a moment as Carlisle observed Bella and Bella observed the room. Bella was reminded of the first time she came here and was surprised that the experience didn't feel very different. Granted, she wasn't nursing a self inflicted hand injury but the same nervousness was still prevalent as was just a slight touch of awkwardness. Carlisle, Dr. Cullen was just so intimidating. Like any shrink to their patients, there was a certain sense of violation that came about when talking to them. You just knew they were reading you like a book, but had no idea what chapter they were on. Definitely obnoxious if nothing else. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Carlisle gave a soft grin, to which Bella shyly returned. Taking the initiative, Carlisle leaned forward in his chair, touching the tips of his fingers together.

"So, what would you like to know?"

"Does she really have schizophrenia?"

"Of course," Bella blushed as she saw Carlisle half chuckling at her.

"Well…I mean…like is she an advanced case or whatever?"

"The severity of Alice's illness varies depending on her most recent outburst. The most recent one would be the scare she gave you your first night here. That one was pretty mild in comparison and she hasn't had one since. It would be nice to hope that she is progressing. But these are just theories."

"Do you know why she's schizophrenic…like the cause?" Bella was on the edge of her seat now. Just that little bit of information had sent almost a calming wave through her. She literally was crazy. Of course, Bella should have known that, given that this place wasn't one massive episode of 'Punk'd' and she had to have been here for some reason. But now, now there was an excuse. Or at least, the hope of the excuse that was behind all of the pixie's actions. Carlisle faltered a bit at her next question which only made her more eager for the answer.

"Well, let's start with the general causes of schizophrenia. Some causes may be genetic while other cases have presumably been caused by stress on the mother during pregnancy. Then of course there's the more macabre side of the bad childhood that could all play factors in this illness. Alice has at least two of these causes. Her mother was abused during pregnancy, causing severe stress and trauma on her and Alice. The abuse led on past her birth and into her early childhood. I assume she's shown you her scar?"

Bella nodded obediently and Carlisle returned it. "What was her story behind it, do you remember?" he asked.

"Uh, she was about to kill herself when her mother came in and they wrestled with the gun. It went off." Bella watched as Carlisle's expression turned to one of intrigued concern. He placed his hand on his chin and maneuvered it for a moment before speaking again.

"That's quite interesting. That's the most truthful story Alice has told to date. However, it's still not entirely true." He paused for a moment and Bella knew that he was gauging her reaction. Trying to remain as stoic as possible, she met his stare. She knew his profession and his intent, but this session was about Alice, not about how she felt about it. Satisfied (or giving up, Bella couldn't tell which) Carlisle spoke again. "When Alice was thirteen, her mother pulled a gun on her. The specifics as to why are not important as neither character is quite right in the head. However, Alice's mother had the full intent of killing her. Alice fought her and the result was wrestling around with a loaded gun. It went off…twice. One shot resulted in the scar you've seen and the other resulted in the death of Alice's mother."

Bella gasped. She couldn't help it. Alice's life had been so tragic for her to turn out so lighthearted. For once, Bella welcomed the sickness that consumed the pixie. Everyone had their own little outlet. Carlisle watched as Bella attempted to scratch under her cast and offered her a pencil before he continued. "Alice has had a tragic life. That is the one certain we do know about her. We are also certain that she has schizophrenia. But other than that and her episodes, we cannot fully determine fact from fiction with her."

"Is she conscious of her lies, if she lies?"

"That also depends. If she's in one of her milder episodes, she could probably make us firmly believe in Santa Clause again because at that time, that's what she believes. It is possible that she is fully conscious of what she's doing and saying most of the time though."

"What about the weird, random stuff she says?"

Carlisle chuckled at this one, shaking his head in reminiscence of Alice's wild tales and one-liners. "We like to call it 'word salad.' That's when a schizophrenic cannot either control or distinguish what they're saying from what they're thinking. Some actions are this way too. For instance, if Alice had the notion of jumping on the bed, wondering what it was like and if it were really bouncy etc, she would almost unconsciously get on the bed and start jumping. Reality is hard for people like Alice. And, to answer your next question, I don't know. As I said, it's very difficult to decipher real Alice from sick Alice."

Bella frowned. This was not what she wanted. But then again, what was she expecting? Was Carlisle just going to give her a copy of Schizoids and the Dumbasses who make out with them for Dummies? It was tempting, but it didn't sound like much of a possibility. Carlisle formulated a similar glare to hers though Bella could tell that it was not directed towards her. It was contemplative of something else. Bella had suspected something from the start. It was as if Carlisle, Dr. Cullen, wasn't quite sure of Alice either. That sounded a bit enticing to Bella. For some reason, Alice avoiding the eyes of Dr. Cullen got her even more brownie points.

"Carlisle…is there something wrong? You seem just as confused about her as I do," Bella asked, leaning forward in her seat. Carlisle smiled humorously and nodded, sitting back in his chair.

"Well, I will admit that Alice has me confused at the moment. But then again, so have you." Bella raised her brow in response and Carlisle continued. "Since your arrival, Alice has been acting strangely. She has had very few attacks, is much more calm and legible in her words and actions. There's also a very strong desire to be near you." This time he raised his brow and Bella flushed, remembering the bedroom this morning. Damn cameras and their nosiness. Damn Alice and her…shit. "That leads me to believe that Alice fakes a lot more than I previously believed. Mind you, I do still believe that she has schizophrenia. I just think that maybe now she uses it more to her advantage. And who can blame her?"

"So, you're in the same boat I am?" Bella questioned helplessly. "What am I supposed to do about her? I mean, you were there this morning. She embarrassed the hell out of me without any regard for my feelings. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Much to her surprise, and slight dismay, Carlisle chuckled. Not just any chuckle but the 'you're such a child' chuckle.

"Bella, I'm not that clueless on Alice. It was quite obvious that she was making light of an intense situation. Her tact may have been nonexistent, but she was clearly having problems dealing with your…kiss." Bella blushed again and he pulled a pen out of his pocket, clicking the end. "Would you like to talk about that by the way?"

"Can't you just watch the tape?" Bella asked a bit rudely.

"I don't mean how it was; I mean how it made you feel and such. You do realize I am a doctor of the mind? I'm not just some yuppie with a clipboard and prescription notes."

"I can't believe you just said 'yuppie.'"

"I'm also an old doctor. A really old doctor." Bella allowed herself to chuckle at that before she felt Carlisle's eyes on her again. Did he really want to talk about this with her? Well, as he oh-so-humorously put it he was a doctor. Maybe talking about it would help a bit. Honestly, she was in a mental institution, what more could she have to lose?

"Well…I mean… I enjoyed it or whatever." Damn, this was going to be hard.

"Do you enjoy Alice's company?"

"Most of the time…not right now."

"Do you enjoy Alice's company, on a good day, more so than you would a friend?"

"Possibly," Bella sighed, rubbing her fuming cheeks. "I'm really not comfortable with this."

"Then we don't have to talk about that," Carlisle answered, scribbling down a few notes as he said it. "Let's talk about what happened in group today then. Do you believe Alice was acting purely on the symptoms of her disorder or if she was just trying to deal with what the two of you exchanged? And don't answer me on behalf of anger, Bella. Answer me honestly."

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember Alice's actions vividly. It was quite difficult, as she kept getting distracted by mindless nothings such as the way her eyes looked, the sound of her voice humming that rhyme, the perpetual bed-head. So she tried to fast forward a bit, past the kiss and onto group. She remembered that Alice was particularly out if it. The bacon nonsense seemed a bit of a stretch in and of itself and the PETA mentioning was a bit off. Alice was crazy, not stupid and Bella was willing to bet against her on the fact that she did know what MADD was and thus should not have said it. Then there was the hurt look in her eyes after Bella glared at her. If Alice really was oblivious, she would have looked confused at Bella's expression, not sad.

"It…didn't seem right. I mean, she was acting particularly out of it and…stupid for lack of a better word," Bella finally said after a pause. Carlisle nodded and stood to head over to his desk.

"I thought so too, Bella, and I'm relieved that you picked up on it. I was wondering if you'd be willing to go in on a hunch I have?" He glanced over at her, reading her expression before he spoke again. "I've studied Alice for years upon years. And mind you, all of this remains in the strictest confidence. I'm trusting that you'll keep what I say to yourself. Everyone else does and you are no different. Do you understand?" Bella's nod told him to go on.

"I've studied Alice for a very long time and the one thing I can get from her is that she is stubborn as a mule. I've concluded that she's bright, witty, charming and overall very normal. However, any time she's put under trauma or stress or anything a little out of the norm, her fits begin. I'm not suggesting that she's faking her actions because she isn't. She is indeed a sick girl. She just…works to stay suspended in her delirium. She's afraid of being herself and lacks the…I don't know yet, courage or desire to help her manage her schizophrenia. I've been working on it for quite some time and have indeed made loads of progress. For instance, at the movie night Esme informed me that Alice was acting bubbly and calm and affectionate. That night Alice was being Alice. Then the cameras displayed her episode shortly after in your room." He stopped, narrowing his eyes. Bella almost grew intimidated but somehow knew that his eyes were staring past her. He pointed a finger at her.

"There's something…something to do with you. I have a feeling it's you that's displaying this new bout of normalcy within Alice. I also believe it's you who is instilling the crazy back in her as well. Do you think that might make sense?"

"I…wouldn't know, Carlisle," Bella stuttered. "I mean, I didn't know Alice before I came here. I have nothing to compare her to."

"Compare her distance and disorientation to Jacob's anger. That's how far gone she was."

Bella tried to imagine it and ended up thinking of Alice as a vegetable, immobile physically but with her mind constantly travelling to strange places. It was quite a scary image and she quickly let it go. "I…I guess then."

"I'd like to know for sure. Alice has plateaued in therapy. She's given me all she's willing to give and I haven't been able to get any more out of her for about six months. She will not get better unless I can figure a way to get past this. Would you be willing to help me engage Alice? And please remember you're more than entitled to say no. I'm well aware of what I'm asking you." Bella studied the doctor. She could see the faint wrinkle lines around his eyes and his slouched posture. But she could also see his soft eyes and almost defeated expression. He genuinely cared for Alice. She couldn't help but let her heart go out to him some. They were both out for the same thing. The least she could do was help.

"What have you got in mind?"

Carlisle smiled and headed back over to her, his shoulders releasing greatly. "I've informed Alice that, if it's okay with you, she can move back into your room. Now, she seems legitimately excited about this. But I want you to tell her no. Tell her no, that she hurt your feelings and that you don't want to be a part of whatever she has going on anymore. It will hurt her and I know it will be hard for the both of you but if something results from this, I believe we'll get one step closer to helping her."

"…What are you looking for?"

"Do you really want me to go into the details? I can assure you that you won't understand."

"Fine," Bella said with a slight smile, "don't tell me then. Okay, I'll try, Carlisle. I just hope you know what you're doing." Carlisle tilted his head to the side then flipped the collar of his shirt.

"I'm the doctor, Miss Swan."

Bella chuckled said her goodbyes to Carlisle before heading out the door. As soon as the door shut behind her, she frowned. She wanted to help Alice. Lord knows she did. But intentionally hurting her wasn't going to be easy. She couldn't do what Alice did to her so easily. But she had to. Even after her discussion with Carlisle she craved more information about the girl. Even though she'd just been made the subject of public mockery, she couldn't stay angry at the girl. It was easily becoming an obsession and Bella felt a knot tighten in her stomach at the thought of the word. Obsession was never a good word to be associated with. She knew this from experience.

"Bella…Bella!"

Bella turned to see Alice bounding down the hall towards her. She was grinning from ear to ear and waving her hands all around her head. Bella slowed and turned, taking deep breaths to keep calm. "Bella, you'll never believe this!" Alice shouted again as she finally caught up with her. "Carlisle says that I can move back in with you! Isn't that great? I've missed you so." She embraced Bella in a hug which the girl couldn't help but return. In fact, Bella held on a little too long as she soon felt Alice awkwardly release her. "Isn't that great?" she repeated again. Bella looked at the floor for a moment and begged for strength before she was able to meet those beautiful hazel eyes again.

"I…don't think so, Alice," she said softly, knowing the girl would hear. The beautiful eyes dimmed and Alice's smile faltered so greatly that Bella had to look away.

"You don't think so? Why, Bella? I thought we were friends…."

"We are, Alice. I'm still your friend but after group today, I don't think I can handle you as a roommate again." Alice didn't respond and Bella felt something forming in her throat, pushing against her esophagus. "I mean, what happened this morning, experiment or not, was not something to be shared in group." Her true feelings about the matter were starting to come back as she remembered everyone's eyes on her. Her cheeks reddened again at the thought.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know it would hurt you," Alice murmured.

"Yes you did, Alice. You were just thinking of yourself." The words were coming out easier now. Alice opened her mouth as if to speak but stopped, closing it again. Bella felt the embarrassment welling up within her. She remembered being laughed at, gawked at and simply feeling small. There was a not a thing Bella detested more than being made to feel small. She'd been small for long enough. "You know how I feel about you! And whether you return it or not, I'm not your fucking toy! So, no, you can't room with me. I think it will work out better for the both of us. I'll see you later, Alice." Livid and satisfied, Bella turned to leave, only to feel a hand on her shoulder halting her. Bella closed her eyes, trying to will the strength to shake it off and keep walking. But she wasn't that strong yet and wasn't sure if she wanted to be.

"Bella…please don't think badly of me."

The words came out as a whimper and Bella felt her knees going weak. However, she forced herself to stay where she was. To stay where she was and not turn around to face that girl. However, she couldn't leave it at that. She couldn't leave it with Alice thinking that.

"I don't think badly of you," was all she said as she shook the hand off and headed down the hall with her head held high. She listened distinctly for any movement or sound from Alice but could hear none. When she made it to her room, she chanced a glance down the hall. Alice was gone. Who knew how long she'd been gone. Who knew how long she'd stayed. Stayed and watched Bella all the way down the hall. Bella sighed, guilt causing her hands to shake, and opened her door. She didn't come out for the rest of the day. In fact, she went right back into her comatose state. Group hadn't helped at all and even the talk with Carlisle was a letdown. All she'd ended up doing was hurting Alice. And she never wanted to hurt that poor girl. Rain still tapped against her window and she allowed it to lull her into a deep afternoon nap.

Someone was screaming. The sound bolted Bella upright in her bed and made her heart race. She'd heard that scream before, though it was much farther away now. Now that she was awake she also heard fighting and crashing. It sounded like it was just outside of her room. Hesitantly, Bella opened her door. There was nothing in front of her room and nothing to the left of it. However, just to the right, in the room where group was held another crash sounded. "Move it, emo!" Jacob shouted as he ran past her, nudging her back into her room. Bella caught herself and watched as he ran into the room. The scream sounded again and instantly Bella was in the room, watching the scene unfold.

Carlisle had Alice wrestled to the ground and was now fighting her as she kicked over a chair and attempted to claw at his face. She was screaming frantically and in high pitched gibberish. She let go of her grip on Carlisle's collar and slapped herself across the face. Esme ran over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly and trying to control the girl. Jacob was leaning against the wall, watching eagerly as if he had a bet going on it. Bella wanted to slap him but knew it would only be bad for her. Alice leaned over and bit Esme's hand, causing the nurse to shriek and let go. "It's been five minutes! Get the syringe!" Carlisle shouted as he grabbed Alice hand and slammed it back to the ground. Alice growled and writhed beneath him, muttering words Bella couldn't understand and proceeded to slam her head on the tile floor. "Come on, Alice!" Carlisle shouted at her. He sounded just as desperate as Bella was feeling. Alice cursed him and slammed her head to the tile again. Bella couldn't take it anymore. She ran over to the girl and fell on her knees, placing Alice's head in her lap to prevent further injury.

Alice slammed against her lap as she fought Carlisle, her eyes tightly shut. Bella saw Esme running up next to Carlisle, tapping a thin needle. She looked down at Alice and noticed the fear within the poor girl. She'd never seen someone act so feral before. Alice was fearful for her life. Bella placed a hand on the girl's chest and noticed that her heart was racing. "Please, Alice, wake up," she murmured as she moved her hand up to caress her cheek. Alice's eyes opened and they met Bella's instantly. She held her gaze strongly and as she did, Bella noticed that she was struggling less and less. Carlisle released his hand from her and told Esme to put the needle away. Within moments Alice's fit had ceased entirely. And neither girl had blinked once. Carlisle got off of Alice and she sighed, closing her eyes for the first time and clenching them.

"Bella…my head hurts," she whispered as a tear fell down her cheek.

"I bet it does," Bella replied, chuckling with relief.

"Come on, Alice, we need to take a look at you." Carlisle gestured with his hand and Alice took it. She stood but faltered, grasping her head as she leaned into Carlisle for support. Carlisle held her for a moment before he decided to pick her up bridal style and carried her out of the room with Esme following. Bella stayed on her lap, watching the door until she could no longer hear their footsteps down the hall. Jacob laughed from his spot on the wall, crossing his arms.

"Way to spoil a good show," he mocked as she stood. Bella felt her blood boiling but forced herself not to look at him as she made her way out the door. "Maybe if you'd stayed out of the way there would have been bloodshed," Jacob sneered as she passed him. Bella stopped, imagining Alice bleeding from her skull and hearing Jacob's laugh, and looked back at him. He winked at her and she answered with a quick slap across his face. Jacob growled and Bella watched his hands clench into fists. He opened his eyes and glared menacingly down at her, only to stop. His ceased and he unclenched his fists. Then he muttered something under his breath and headed past her to his own room. Bella watched him as he went.