A/N: Finally an update that didn't take two months to publish! The next chapter will be much shorter than the previous ones, as this story is drawing to a close. I could have actually ended the story with this chapter, but I still had the Kenlos sideline story to sum up, and I couldn't just leave them not together right?

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you have a great 2012!

People seemed to have taken a liking to Derek, so I brought him back, even just for a small bit.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do own this plot.

"James? James!" Logan shouted as he hurried towards the writhing body he saw on the floor. James's face looked so pale compared to his usual tan complexion, and his entire body trembled and shivered. Logan tried to stay calm, and he was for the most part. His head and his heart raced, however. He unbuttoned the part of James's shirt near the collar in an attempt to allow James to breathe easier, but to no avail. The taller boy still breathed irregularly, his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate.

Panic struck Logan when James's rapid breathing ceased. He immediately held his ear to James's chest, sighing in relief when he heard it beating. It was slow, but it was beating. James had passed out completely, but his body kept shivering.

Logan didn't know James suffered from panic attacks, as this was the first episode he had witnessed. Did he have them before? What brought them on? Questions formulated by the dozens in his head, but he continued to attend to James regardless.

Logan managed to lift James off of the floor, draping the taller boy's arm around his shoulder, and put him back on the couch, laying James down on the soft cushions gently.

Logan watched as James's body continued to shiver. He checked the temperature of James's neck with the back of his hand. James was running a low fever. Logan hurriedly fetched his blanket, and wrapped James with it. He proceeded to the bathroom, grabbing a small towel and running it under luke-warm water from the sink to put on top of James's forehead.

James's breathing was back to normal, and Logan couldn't feel any more relieved. The damp washcloth along with the blankets seemed to have helped James's temperature to stabilize, making him shiver much less.

There was one thing Logan had left to do. He ran for his room and searched the bottom drawer of his bureau.

Knowing how often they would get hurt from their ridiculous stunts, along with boy scout training when he was younger, Logan had always kept a first aid kit somewhere in the house. He took the blue bandages from the box before storing it away again, ready for the next accident or injury.

James now looked peaceful, all wrapped up in a blanket and breathing steadily, much better than when he was a trembling mess on the floor. Logan took James's wrist in his hands, recalling how the boy hissed in pain when they played foosball. He studied the hand and the wrist, checking for any signs of broken bones. They seemed fine, but Logan wrapped them in the bandages anyway, as a safety precaution, and because Logan doubted his accuracy of locating broken bones.

Logan hated how conflicted he felt. Part of him wanted to hate James, hate him for everything he put him through. As Logan recalled, this whole mess started with a kiss, and all because they fought over keys to the car so James can be taught how to drive. Logan had wanted to talk to James after, clear the air between them, because it may as well have been just an accident and it shouldn't come between them as friends but James had decided to ignore the kiss and Logan altogether. A little light was shed along the way when James admitted to being the one at fault, but that apology was gone by the following morning and Logan didn't even know what had happened over the course of that night that made James hate him all over again. Needless to say, James caused Logan so much pain.

But then again, a part of Logan can't get himself to hate James because, despite everything, what he told Kendall remained true to this day. The kiss meant something to him. It made him crazy. It made him visit emotions for someone he never thought he would have to. He has truly fallen for James. And nothing has changed that. Not even Derek would have.

Logan kneeled down next to the couch, next to where James lied down. Beads of sweat now encircled the boy's forehead. Logan parted James's hair so none would obstruct the boy's face. James's face. It had returned to its original tan color; the eyes were still shut and the mouth was slightly agape. Logan realized how little space was left between him and James, unconsciously inching in closer to the sleeping boy's body, his face, his lips. Logan jerked back, surprised at how entranced he just was, almost kissing James again. There was no denying it. He was in love with James.

The stress of the day, or for the most part the panic from making sure James was okay, had taken a toll on Logan, as he felt fatigued and in need of sleep. But no one else was home and he couldn't leave James by himself sleeping like that. Logan decided to rest on the other couch, ready to come to James's aid if he needed to.

When James woke up, he took in a sharp breath and shot up, as if he just resurfaced from drowning in water. Labored breaths followed, and he could feel his heart thunder in his chest. A washcloth that seemed to be placed on his forehead had fallen onto his lap, which was covered with a blanket that he recognized as Logan's.

He remembered landing on the floor roughly, having the worst episode of a panic attack that he ever endured. He's never had severe panic attacks like that before, and the mild ones he had over the past few days only started when...him and Logan kissed. No, when he kissed Logan. A memory of the incident played in his head, as did of the dream he had a few nights ago. Logan. They were all about Logan. His head hurt, his wrist hurt, his entire body hurt, his heart hurt.

"James?" a voice from somewhere in the room spoke. "James. Are you okay?" It came from Logan who was suddenly now kneeling next to the couch he was on. Logan seemed to have come from the other couch, his voice groggy seemed like he just woke up.

James couldn't think clearly for a while. He felt a bit lost, as if he was put in a new environment and everything around him seemed foreign. He was shaking again.

"James." Logan repeated.

"Where is everyone?" James asked as he started to become more aware of where he was.

"They're all still out. Can you breathe?"

James confirmed with a nod. He then remembered where Logan ought to be. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be, with…uh…" James couldn't for the life of him remember the guy's name.

"Derek. And no. He, um, called it off." Logan paused. "You were having a terrible panic attack when I came back. Are you okay?"

"He called it off? Why?"

"It just wasn't going to work out... You really should lie back down."

James saw the worry in Logan's eyes. "No, I'm fine…So," James gulped, "you were the one who helped me?"

Logan nodded, and kept his worried look.

James felt a tightness enveloping his hand, and he hissed in pain as he held it in front of him, seeing a bandage that he could only guess Logan had wrapped around it.

"Does it hurt? I am so sorry, I didn't know if I wrapped it too tight or not. Here." Logan immediately took hold of the bandaged wrist and started to undo the gauze.

James watched as Logan tended to him with much care. As Logan's eyes were focused at the task at hand, James's eyes were transfixed on Logan's, and James saw affection and worry, but also hurt. And that in turn hurt James, because here's Logan, still helping him after the damage James knew he did. Knowing Logan still cared for him, James's resolve, one that made him ignore Logan at all costs, one that he never should have made, broke completely.

Logan finished reapplying the bandage and looked at James to smile at him. "There. Does that feel better?"

James swallowed, "Yeah, thanks."

Logan gave him a sincere smile before standing. "You must be starving. Would you like me to fix something up for you?"

"No, I'm good..."

"Are you sure? I can whip something up really quickly." Logan said as he walked towards the kitchen.

"No Logan, I'm fine."

"...okay, I'm sorry." There was hurt in Logan's voice and James mentally slapped himself. He didn't mean for that sentence to sound disdainful.

The door burst open before James was able to apologize. Katie stormed in, followed by Mrs. Knight, then by Kendall and Carlos and was Kendall wearing a helmet?

Katie complained at how dreadful the dinner went, something about her mother's friend being so boastful about her success in finding herself a wealthy man to be wed to, and Mrs. Knight just laughed at her daughter. Her rant was followed by a storm off to her bedroom.

Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes. "Did you two boys have dinner?" Mrs. Knight asked, pertaining to Logan and James.

"Hm?" Logan hummed, caught off-guard, "Oh, no. But it's okay. I'm actually not that hungry. I am tired though so, I'm heading to bed." Logan trailed off, leaving Mrs. Knight a bit suspicious.

"And you James?" Mrs. Knight asked as she spotted the tall brunette on the couch.

James failed to answer right away as he rose from the couch, a little worried and saddened by Logan leaving. He knew he had dinner plans with Derek, and he made it go from that to Logan not having dinner at all. And the guilt from it just made him lose his appetite.

"Actually, I'm fine. Tired too. Gonna get sleep now." James managed a smile before he too walked away from everyone else in the living room.

Mrs. Knight sensed an elephant in the room and looked to Kendall and Carlos in search of possible explanations. Although they both knew what has occurred between Logan and James, they didn't know what could have possibly transpired during the entire time they were gone from the apartment, so they both shrugged their shoulders at Mrs. Knight.

A frown tugged at her lips. She didn't like this one bit.

"Logan..." Kendall whispered, attempting to wake his best friend. It was the day he and Carlos were set to visit Disneyland thanks to their boss' sudden generosity, but after what Kendall came home to last night, with Logan and James not being able to talk to each other at all, Kendall had to make sure Logan would be okay to be left alone with James.

Logan answered with a brief groan. "Mm...what?"

"Wanna have breakfast with us before we leave?"

"Uh, what time is it?"

"It's seven in the morning. Come on. Everyone's already down there..."

"Everyone?" Logan asked as sternly as his morning voice allowed.

"Yes, everyone."

Logan grew quiet, and Kendall knew he shouldn't press on the issue further, but he needed to. "Will you and James be fine, you know, being alone in the apartment together?"

Logan shot Kendall a confused glance.

"Disneyland." Kendall said, reminding Logan.

"Oh. Of course. Of course. I'll be...we'll be fine."

Kendall knew Logan was just allowing him to leave out of the kindness of his heart, and out of his knowledge of what Kendall feels for Carlos. And he really didn't want to cancel Disneyland on Carlos, but he had to be absolutely sure that Logan would be okay.

"Are you sure? I can stay if you want."

"No Kendall, go. Don't waste your ticket."

"I could just give it to James, and he can go with Carlos."

"No, don't do that. We both know Carlos really wants to go with you."

Kendall blushed. "No he doesn't. You can't prove that."

"I'm pretty sure I can." Logan chuckled, and Kendall turned his head in shame. Logan swayed his legs to the side of the bed and took off his covers. "So, what's breakfast?"

"It's not fair! Why do Kendall and Carlos get to go to Disneyland and I have to go to stupid auditions?" Katie whined.

"If you get a free ticket between right now and when we drop them off, you can go with them." Mrs. Knight replied calmly, sipping her coffee after.

Kendall chuckled, earning him daggers from Katie's eyes. She stuck her tongue out to him and Kendall did the same.

"Mom! Kendall's being rude!" Katie yelled.

"What? You started it!"

"No shouting at the table!" Mrs. Knight suddenly shouted. Everyone jumped up from their seats in surprise, and silence between Kendall and Katie was achieved. "Thank you." Mrs. Knight said. Kendall wanted to protest on the irony of his mother's rule since her methodology to silence her children made her shout as well, and he was about to say it when his mom shot him a choleric look and he decided against it.

Logan had been quiet this entire time, idly playing with the oatmeal in front of him, only every once in awhile taking a bite.

James noticed this, and he felt terrible for being partially, or actually fully responsible for Logan's loss of appetite.

The night before truly got to him. Even after mistreating Logan all this time, ignoring him and shouting at him, penalizing him for an accidental kiss that he now admits he had initiated, Logan still came to his aid during his time of need.

Logan rose from the table after what was probably his fourth bite. All eyes averted to him. Logan put on a smile. "Not really hungry yet. I'm gonna go take a walk." Logan doesn't let anyone protest. He just walked out the door of the apartment and headed for the elevators.

Kendall and Carlos thought they knew what it was about; Mrs. Knight and Katie, not so much. Katie probably could guess correctly what the matter was, but she was too bummed about not being able to go to Disneyland to speculate.

"Okay can someone please tell me what is wrong with Logan?" Mrs. Knight inquired.

Kendall was about to answer with some fake excuse, but James beat him to it with a surprisingly truthful response. "It was my fault. We sort of had a fight last night."

Mrs. Knight raised her eyebrow at James. "A fight?"

"It was completely verbal. No physical damage done."

"Your bandaged wrist says otherwise." Katie pointed out.

"Oh, this thing?" James raised his hand, forgetting that Logan had wrapped a bandage around it last night. "This was from playing foosball." He couldn't tell her it was really from punching a wall right? How dramatic would that sound? And no one else even knew about it, so no one had to know.

His excuse was hardly plausible, but Mrs. Knight let it slide for now. Katie was about to ask further questions when Carlos jumped. "We better get going soon. I wanna be first in line for the entrance."

Mrs. Knight glanced at the wall clock and nodded, agreeing with Carlos. "You boys better finish getting ready." Kendall and Carlos left their seats on cue. "You too Katie. I laid out the dress you need to wear for your auditions on your bed."

"A dress?" Katie said in disgust.

"Yes, a dress. You're developing into a little lady. It's time you start dressing like one."

Katie huffed a grunt as she made her way towards her bedroom. James chuckled at Katie's behavior, but immediately stopped when he felt Mrs. Knight's eyes on him, a little dauntingly if he may add.

"James." Mrs. Knight said sternly.

James didn't know what to expect. Mrs. Knight's serious voice always intimidated him, and that said something because there were only a few things that could. He kept his lips sealed, waiting for her to start advising, castigating, criticizing or whichever course of action a mother would naturally take when two of her children get into a feud.

"James." she repeated. "James, you need to tell me what happened."

"It's nothing, Mrs. Knight. Nothing a simple apology can fix."

James can see the doubt in Mrs. Knight's expression, and she had every reason to doubt his statement. At this point, James isn't too sure that Logan would be able to forgive him.

"Mom are you kidding me?" Katie roared from her room.

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Be right there sweetie!" she said, before turning to confront James again, the same serious look on her face. "If I find out that the reason for Logan isn't eating, you will be in big trouble young man."

She could not be more right. James was the reason why Logan skipped on his last two meals. And if a punishment was in order for it, then James was willing to take it. He deserved it.

"And it has ruffles!" Katie shouted again.

"Calm down, Katie!" Mrs. Knight turned to James again. "I do hope you and Logan work this out…whatever this is. And just remember, if you have anything to share with us, don't be scared to do so. We're family, James."

"Mom, you can not be serious!"

"I'm coming Katie!" Mrs. Knight shook her head. "Please, keep that in mind James." And with that, Mrs. Knight walked away from the table and followed the whines coming from her and her daughter's room.

James blinked. Was Mrs. Knight implying something just then?

Logan couldn't tell if it was the right time to head back to the apartment or not. He had left what he estimated around two hours ago. In that interim, Mrs. Knight had called him to inform him that they were leaving and to inquire what time Logan planned on coming back. Logan lied and said that he met with Camille and they were just going to hang out for the day, when in truth he had been sitting alone on a park bench all this time.

Logan allowed all this time to pass by to make sure James would no longer be in the apartment when he returned, to save them both the trouble of forcing small talk. Being alone in the apartment like that was bound to make James bored, and although he wished James would actually wait for him, Logan knew James had better things to do, better people to talk to. It hurt him to think in such a manner, but Logan was willing to do anything for him and James to at least stay friends.

"Hey," a familiar voice surprised Logan. Logan turned to see Derek standing a few feet away from him, flashing that crooked but great smile again.

"Hey," Logan said back, smiling at the other boy.

"Can I take a seat?"

"Sure."

Derek took the empty spot next to Logan on the park bench, turning to the boy to ask, "So what happened last night? Did you and James work things out?"

"Not really..."

"Not really?" Derek sighed. "Tell me what happened."

It's been a good half hour since James had left the apartment. He was looking for someone, and no it wasn't a girl he could flirt with this time. He was looking for Logan. James has checked the lobby, the pool, even the basement; he had also called Camille, who Logan claimed he was with according to Mrs. Knight, but she too had no idea of Logan's whereabouts. There's a part of James that thought Camille was lying, trying to hide Logan from him or that Logan asked that Camille not tell him where they were. He visited her apartment, and asked once more. Camille even invited him in so he can search her place, and true to her word, Logan could not be found. So James kept looking.

The Palmwoods Park was James's last resort before he would come to the conclusion that Logan had run away.

He spotted Logan sitting on a bench, but not alone. That jerk Derek sat next to him, and from the looks of it, they were having a merry little conversation and James found himself clenching his fist until his knuckles turned white. He had no means of justifying calling Derek a jerk when he truly seemed like a nice guy, but James stayed with it.

James felt his fingers tingle again, and he was already familiar with what would happen next. Only this time he knew what he had to do. He ran away before, when it was Logan and Camille talking on the bench, and when he did, a whole mess erupted. James had grown tired of those, tired of causing himself, and Logan too for that matter, such burden. And now, looking at Logan talking to Derek, and seeing Logan happy to do so, James was ready to accept what has been wrong with him this entire time. He's in love with Logan. And he's been kidding himself all this time. And now that it seemed like Logan was happy being with someone else that was not him, he had to stop it at all costs. Despite his chest tightening yet again, he walked over to where Logan and Derek sat.

Logan caught him with the corner of his eye, perplexed as to why James was there and alone, instead of elsewhere with a girl. "Hi..." Logan said faintly.

"Hey. Logan, I need to talk to you."

Between Derek and James, Logan would much rather continue talking with Derek, knowing it would hurt less. But the austere look James had on told Logan that he would not take no for an answer. Logan has grown tired of being verbally ambushed by James, but something inside him wanted to give James a second chance. Logan looked to Derek, asking for permission to leave, and Derek found it a bit silly that Logan had to do such a thing, instantly telling him to go with James. Derek knew deep down Logan liked if not loved James, and as much as he enjoyed Logan's company, he didn't want to get in the way of the two finally working things out and getting together.

Logan and James walked back to their apartment without saying a word to each other. James was actually nervous but his chest pain subsided, and Logan... Logan was just ready for the worst. How much worse could it get anyway?

The door shut behind them, but neither muttered a word. Logan just wanted it over with so that his heart can just completely break then pretend that he's fine, because lately he has been getting exceptionally better at it.

"I'm sorry." James's voice was shaky and it was the last thing Logan expected on hearing. "I'm so sorry. I've hurt you time and again and I know I've been the worst person to you over the past few days and I don't know what I can do to truly show you how sorry I am."

Logan was speechless. He anticipated James yelling at him again, or worse, telling him he no longer wished to be friends with him. But an apology? That Logan was not expecting. Logan didn't expect he'd be this easily forgiving either. "It's okay James."

"It's okay? No it's not. I've been the biggest jerk and it wasn't even your fault. And then seeing you with Derek made me so mad and I was so jealous and I..."

Logan had never seen James so...vulnerable and fragile. And did he just say he was jealous over Derek? He had never heard James talk the way he was right then, close to breaking. Logan could see how a hint of a tear was forming at the corner of James's eye and the way James's hand trembled at his side.

And Logan didn't know why, maybe it was this new side to James that he hasn't seen, or maybe it was because James looked solemnly sorry for what he had caused, or maybe Logan just really loved James, but he just placed his hands on James's cheeks, and captured the boy's lips with his own.

And unlike their previous kiss, no one shoved the other away. No one's eyes widened from the sudden contact. They both let themselves melt into it, get carried away by it.

James willingly kissed back, even a bit roughly with teeth crashing, but the passion and the yearning and the desire was all there. One hand was grabbing a fistful of Logan's hair while the other held Logan by the waist, drawing him in closer until they were chest to chest.

They moved about, lips still intact. The edge of the couch catches Logan's leg, making him fall backward, taking James with him onto the sofa cushions.

There was a sweet déjà vu to it that didn't escape their thoughts. And when James felt Logan smile against his lips, he smiled as well.

James pulled away to look Logan straight in the eye. He didn't know if the make out session they just had meant he was forgiven for what he caused, and his eyes searches Logan's for some sort of indication, but he didn't have enough time as Logan pulled him down for another kiss.

Logan didn't have to say it. It was all said by the way he kissed James. As much doubt Logan still had that James would hurt him again in the future, he couldn't help but forgive James.

"Do you think Logan and James are gonna be okay?" Carlos asked.

"They should be fine."

In all honesty, Kendall had no idea. He hoped they would be. He felt bad, he really did, for leaving the two of them alone in the apartment given the current situation between the two, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to spend some time alone with Carlos. Especially if it's at Disneyland. At this point, he could only hope for the best for James and Logan.

Disneyland had been everything Kendall had imagined and more. Carlos was adorable as always, regardless of the ride they went on. Even when Carlos looked like he was about ready to throw up his lunch after their turn at the spinning cups, Kendall was still able to find Carlos adorable. Kendall's absolute favorite however wasn't a ride nor was it a mini-game that annoyed them both when they were unable to win any prizes, Kendall especially since Carlos had already gotten him a monkey hat and a helmet and he felt like he owed Carlos something in return. No, Kendall's favorite was when Carlos dragged him to fall in line for pictures with the mascots. And then the way he made silly faces with the mascots. Kendall joined in too, and now the camera Carlos had brought with them was filled with cross-eyes, tongues sticking out, hands tugging on ears, and many other shennanigans they were able to think of.

Kendall guessed there had been around six or seven times that Carlos caught him staring, and when Kendall tried to play it off, Carlos just smiled at him, causing Kendall to blush, hopefully out of Carlos's sight.

Now their adventure was over, and they were quietly waiting for Kendall's mom to pick them up from the parking lot.

"Hey Kenny, can I ask you another question?"

"Sure, Carlitos."

"Are you over Jo?"

The question struck Kendall, even though it had lingered in his head for quite some time. To be brutally honest, he still wasn't sure at this point. Although it has been months since Jo's departure, she hasn't completely left his thoughts. But then there was Carlos, and Kendall was almost certain he's fallen for him too. That dream had to mean something right? Kendall had two options, yes or no. No would mean that Kendall still did have feelings for a girl that lived thousands of miles away, and that Carlos, if by any chance that he felt the same way towards Kendall as Kendall did towards him, would feel heartbroken, but those chances are close to none anyway. Yes would mean... Well, that was the thing. Yes would mean he just threw out whatever promise he kept with Jo to wait for her return out the window. But it also meant a chance of having a Kendall and Carlos, if in fact Carlos wanted that as much as Kendall did.

Kendall heaved a deep sigh and with a shaken voice answered, "Yes."

And in that moment Kendall could've sworn he saw a glimmer in Carlos's eyes when the boy turned to him with his mouth slightly agape, as if it was the response Carlos had wanted. But it was probably just Kendall reading too much into things again.

"Why do you look so surprised?"

Carlos shrugged. "Nothing. I just remember how much you liked her. And how torn you were when she had to leave."

Kendall felt the sincerity in Carlos's voice, and it could only warm Kendall's heart.

"Well that was then. I'm not saying I don't care about her anymore because I still do. But I've accepted the fact that it's time to move on."

"...I'm glad." Carlos muttered.

Maybe it was the setting, or the laughter shared between the two of them during the day, or that sentence that Carlos just said, but it was at that moment Kendall realized that he truly did fall in love with Carlos, and he realized that maybe, just maybe, Carlos had fallen in love with him too.

Yay! Chapter 10 is finished and Chapter 11, the final chapter, is well on its way to being published. Hopefully I can get it up by the end of the week. I feel like the Kenlos is a lot easier to write than the Jagan in this story line. There's a lot less angst that I have to dig deep for xD Hope you guys enjoyed the story thus far. Please leave a review!