Title: Ladies And Gentlemen

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, OCs

Warnings: None really, slight fluff

Summary: There's something in the hospital…I'm going to use the lyrics through this one (:

Author Notes: Making this a long one hopefully

Disclaimer: If I owned Torchwood Ianto would still be alive and if I owned Short Stack, I'd be married to Andy Clemmensen but I don't cue crying sequence

Prompt: "…Lets kiss and tell an awful truth, the definition of your tongue packed full of slick and this relationship will sink, in this hostile place of hospital sound racka track a track a ah!…"

The dull beeping of heart monitors filled the hospital, making the otherwise quiet, stale white hallways feel unnerving. The atmosphere changed as the hospital doors were pushed open, revealing three people moving in unison.

Ladies and gentlemen can I,
Say this story seems alive away from you,
We'll hope for love on hotel floors,
And write a history for teens with dreamer's truths

At the front of the group, a man dressed in old military uniform, his deep blue coat flowing behind him as they walked through the hallways. He wore a slightly lighter blue shirt and from the collar you could see a white one beneath that. His dark hair was tussled in a fashionable way that somehow seemed right for him and his blue eyes were icy and filled with determination.

Then he looks her in the eye,
She considers hiding spades and trumps so bland
Such a crush of subtle signs,
And disclaimers wish for wings in idle hands and he said baby jump

There was a woman to his left. Her dark hair moved in compliment to every step she made, her dark eyes fixed firmly in front of them. She wore dark navy skinny jeans, a black leather jacket, red undershirt and long black boots. She didn't seem as unnerving as the man in the middle, maybe a little bit intriguing.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy
Sing oh, oh, oh, oh from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy

The man to the right of them wore a dark suit with a red shirt underneath and a red tie with black stripes. His dark hair was shorter than the man in the middle's but also slightly tussled, though not nearly as much. His grey blue eyes were like a storm and if someone were to stop, to look at them they could see pain in them, hidden deep within.

"Hi." The man in the middle smiled cheerfully at the receptionist, "We're going to need access to all areas of this place."

"I'm sorry, we can't…"

"Yes, you can. We have clearance." He assured.

The girl behind the desk shook her head in confusion, "You are…?"

"Torchwood." The man answered simply, winking at her.

Before she had a chance to answer, they started walking down the halls again, not stopping to ask nor answer any questions.

So wrap your lips around these lies,
Just to fall in love girl, love girl tonight,
Into my arms, into the sea,
Just to fall in love girl, love girl tonight

"You can't go five minutes without a flirt, can you?" Gwen scoffed as they walked into an empty room filled with files.

"You know me."

"Do you have any idea how annoying it is?"

"Why are you the one angry with me? You'd think he would be." Jack retorted, gesturing to the Welshman next to him.

"I'm not getting involved." Ianto murmured as he moved through the isles of files, trying to see if the creature was in this room.

Let's kiss and tell an awful truth,
The definition of your tongue packed full of slick
And this relationship will sink
In this hostile place of hospital sound racka track a track a ah!

"Come on though, you're not angry are you?"

Ianto sighed, "No Jack."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, I'm used to you flirting with people."

Jack paused for a moment, watching Ianto look through the room. He looked to Gwen, noting that she was going in another direction. He grabbed a hold of the younger man's arm and pulled him into a soft kiss. Ianto sighed contentedly, running a hand along Jack's cheek. Jack rested his hand at the small of the Welshman's back, pulling him closer.

"You know…you know I only have eyes for you, right?" Jack murmured into Ianto's lips when they parted for air.

"I know, I told you I wasn't angry."

Oh, oh, oh, oh, from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy
Sing oh, oh, oh, oh from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy

"Oi you two! Get off of each other long enough to get the job done, yeah?"

Jack chuckled as the younger man blushed, kissing him again quickly before letting him go.

"I don't think there's anything in here."

"Alright, let's keep moving then." Jack sighed, turning to the door again.

Ianto opened the door, letting Gwen and Jack out first before quickly following behind. They felt eyes on them and Gwen turned to look at a woman watching them. Her leg was plastered. The woman had light brown hair and deep hazel eyes that watched them carefully. Gwen smiled reassuringly at her and kept moving with the others.

So wrap your lips around these lies,
Just to fall in love girl, love girl tonight,
Into my arms, into the sea,
Just to fall in love girl, love girl oh!

"Down this way…" Ianto said, uncertainty filling his voice but the others obliged, moving with him.

Jack pushed open another set of doors and they found themselves in an empty hall, the light much more dull than the halls they were in moments before. Gwen impulsively looked back into the lighter area before moving forward slowly.

We're playing at your home team quarter breaker,
We're swaying while the home team's swimming alone,
So don't you swim alone tonight!

"I don't know Jack. For a hospital, this seems a little…dead."

"Never say that in a hospital." Gwen murmured as she looked into different empty rooms.

"You know what I mean. There's no screaming or anything in this area but even back there, it was a little quiet. You'd think that someone would've noticed something if there was something in here."

"Don't speak so soon." Jack mumbled and stared at the corner.

He could hear growling. Not just growling, but familiar growling. He'd heard it a hundred times before.

"You have the weevil spray, right?"

Ianto pulled it out of his pocket, "Of course."

And she said oh! This intimacy,
Well you've stitched my throat here like a shotgun
So, put your hands up hun, start up the machine
And can I ask you one more question? Say oh!

"Gwen go left, Ianto take right, I'll distract it."

"Again? Jack, you just want to get yourself killed, don't you?" Ianto groaned.

"Well if I get hurt, we're in a good place to get myself patched up."

"Yes but if you die you're in a terribly public place." Ianto pointed out.

"Ianto, can we argue about this later?" Gwen stressed, not moving her eyes from the weevil.

Ianto let out a shaky breath, "Fine."

"Alright, move!"

Ianto and Gwen moved either side of the weevil and Jack moved forward in small, slow steps.

This intimacy,
Well you've stitched my throat here like a shotgun
So, put your hands up hun, start up the machine
And can I ask you one more question? Say oh!

Jack watched the weevil carefully before it suddenly lunged at him, pinning him to the floor and trying to rip at his neck before anything else.

"Do something!" Jack yelled out desperately.

Gwen picked up a fire extinguisher, looking at Ianto for confirmation and receiving a small nod of approval.

"Try to stay out of the way Jack!" She yelled, slightly panicked.

"Just do something!"

She swung the extinguisher; hitting the weevil and making it stagger from the captain.

"Jack!" Ianto tossed the spray at the older man.

Jack caught it and quickly sprayed the creature. The weevil staggered on its feet once more. Gwen held the extinguisher ready to hit the weevil again, watching intently for its next move. The creature growled angrily but moments later collapsed.

Olay! So wrap your lips around these lies,
Just to fall in love girl, love girl tonight,
Into my arms, into the sea,
Just to fall in love girl, ooh oh ooh oh ow!

Ianto moved to Jack's side, lifting his head and checking his neck.

"You're bleeding." He murmured, trying not to touch the spot for risk of aggravating it.

"I'm fine."

"But Jack…"

"Ianto!" Jack gripped the younger man's wrists, "I promise you, I'm fine."

"I know you're fine but it doesn't mean that that doesn't hurt."

Jack smiled at the Welshman, "It doesn't hurt that much, I'll be fine."

Ianto tilted Jack's face to look him in the eyes, "You promise me?"

"I promise you, it'll be fine." Jack chuckled, "Stop worrying about me Ianto."

Ianto smiled, quickly kissing the older man, "Okay, we need a gurney."

We're playing at your home team quarter breaker,
We're swaying while the home team's swimming alone,
So don't you swim alone tonight!

Jack moved ahead again, this time pulling a gurney behind him.

"Thank you." He smiled at the receptionist.

"Hey! You can't just…"

"Haven't we been through this conversation already?"

The three of them didn't stop, moving all the way back out the door they had come from.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy
Say oh, oh, oh, oh from the hospital,
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy!

She had seen it all. Watched as the three of them took down the great creature. The man in the suit looked so scared at the sight of the blood on the other man's neck. The care, the fear had taken her off guard. He wasn't scared in the face of the creature but the blood on the other man's neck terrified him?

She watched the men kiss. She watched the three of them pulling the creature onto the gurney they'd found in the other room. She'd watched the entire scene and managed to hide it well. She watched as they left, wondering if she was the only one to have witnessed the three of them.

The word the man had uttered earlier came to mind and she involuntarily murmured, "Torchwood…"

A/N: My favourite song? Definitely! An AMAZING film clip that just goes to show Short Stack are only getting better. This song is my Torchwood song. It makes me think of them coming in guns blazing and leaving somewhere like nothing's happened, kind of like in this story (: I love you Bradie Webb, Shaun Diviney and Andy Clemmensen. I encourage you to look at the clip; it might help you make sense of some of the bits of my fic. Andy, I know I'm so going to punish whoever beat you guys up but with those cuts and bruises, you are the sex! Haha, okay, I'll stop. Please review.

Cheers,
Gabz
xx