Beyond Grim And Evil
(A/N: Not much of a chapter, but I might put up another today to make up for it.)
Survival Instinct
General's Log 005: Is there anyone left out there but us…?
Jack nimbly leapt over the fence and ran for the thorn bushes laughing his head off and looking back. Those zombies were a joke! He loved every minute of this. Of course, if he got caught or surrounded he'd probably change his mind darn quick, but still. They were on fire, howling in pain and rolling on the ground. Others were ensnared in nets. Still others were dealing with a wide variety of other pranks and tricks, some more brutal and gory than others. He might as well pay homage to the Middle Ages, not that there probably weren't worse methods today that the average citizen couldn't fathom or even know about, but still. He looked into his burlap sack and frowned. Hmm, he was fast running out of tricks to pull. Oh well, at least he'd put rocks inside. If all else failed, whacking them with the sack would put them out of commission for a good long time. Now to try and find the others, figure out what the heck was happening in Endsville and possibly beyond, and get out relatively unscathed.
He pushed out of the thorns and looked down on the city. Well this was peachy. No lights were on, buildings were in shambles or on fire, as were vehicles. The freeway looked like it was suffering the worst traffic jam in history, as hundreds of cars were lined up there. Unmoving and driverless now, he realized. Hmm, this would take some work finding Pain and Boogey again. Or anyone for that matter, by the looks of things. He shrugged then slung the sack over his shoulder, whistling cheerfully as he went down the hill.
Reaching the bottom, however, the whistle died down. The moors. He'd be a sitting duck out there if he went through them; but it was the shortest way into the city. Could he handle a hoard on his own, though? He looked around. He could go through the forest, but no telling what lurked there. Great. Neither choice was good. In the forest he'd be out of sight of any help. In the moor people would see him, but the question was would they reach him in time? Well, he guessed he could always play scarecrow. Besides, he was fast enough. Fine, moor it was.
He took a deep breath then got to the ground, slowly crawling along it towards the city. He was glad he'd packed candles. It would take hours to crawl there, but it was also the safest way. Just then he heard growling and paused. He leapt to his feet and turned. There stood a pack of coyotes! He blinked at them. Well, this wasn't good. They were infected too! "Whoa, who let the dogs out? Nice doggies, good dogs," Jack soothed, slowly backing away. A pity he didn't have dog treats, he realized. With his luck no sticks either. They barked and ran at him. He cried out in alarm and fled, scowling back at them. There was no way he was outrunning these guys!
Wait, idea! He spotted a scraggly tree and grinned. Nimbly he leapt for it, seizing its branches and swinging up. The dogs ran right by and into a shallow moor. They tried to get out, yelping, but they were stuck. Laughing, Jack jumped nimbly down. They'd be stuck there a good long while. "Sayonara suckers, it's been a real dog," Jack called to them, half lifting his hat to them and walking off again. He couldn't risk crawling there. They'd be out before he got halfway across. Here was hoping nothing came after him.
GAoBaM
"You can't do this, father!" Eris screamed at her sire.
"My dear, it is too late now. It's been voted on and sealed. Even if I wanted to change it, I couldn't," he answered. "The deities are not to interfere, you included, Eris."
"Unlikely!" she growled. "I've always been bad for defiance."
"Do you remember what happened to your mother, Hera, when she defied me?" Zeus warned.
"Unfortunately," she answered. "You strung her up and bound an anvil to her ankles, hanging her in all her humiliation from the sky. For so long her screams of anguished filled our ears until finally you took pity on her, with a little persuasion. I still haven't forgiven you. None of her children have."
"What makes you think I will treat you any different than your mother?" he questioned.
"You wouldn't dare," she said, eyes burning.
"Don't test me, Eris, don't you dare," Zeus warned. With a frustrated scream she poofed away. She would have gone right to her boys, except suddenly a voice reached her ears, a call, one of her two favorites. Tuning in slightly more she realized who it was. Jack. Why could she see him when she could no longer find Skarr? Wait… He was praying to her! The prayers of their subjects could still reach their ears! Except… except Jack was likely the only mortal in existence who still called upon the deities of old. It was good enough, though. It was a loophole she could play with, as much as was allowed her, and probably more if she had her way.
GAoBaM
Jack stood stock still as a hoard wandered by him moaning and groaning. They were almost brushing him, but he had the guise of scarecrow down pat. Soon enough they moved on. Chalk one up for him, again. He wandered swiftly on. They knew someone or something was out here, but they didn't know who or what. If he played his cards right, they'd never know, but he didn't want to press his luck with survival at the moment. He needed to find some allies. Preferably either the Undertakers or the Agents of Evil. At this point, though, he'd go for anyone. Even, and he shuddered to think of it, Grim. Then again, he'd have no choice but to be stuck with Nergal too if Grim was still around. Eris was the third factor, he could stand her, but still, Nergal would be there.
Oh well, he'd better head towards Billy's house anyway. Bonehead would be there if he were anywhere. At least he was out of the moor now. He quickly made his way through the streets, cursing Billy's place for being so far. Here he couldn't play scarecrow. Wait a minute… Why did he have to play anything? He had a protection from the start! He was one of Eris's two favorites! He almost face-palmed. He should have guessed that immediately. Fine, first ally would be Eris. "Goddess of Chaos and Discord, I call to you. I could use a little help down here!" he said to the sky. "Do me a favor and don't abandon me like you did in the medieval days."
"I never abandoned you, darling," Eris' voice suddenly said from behind. He turned. She looked none too impressed. "Forgive me for missing key parts of your past. I was new at the whole favorite thing."
"True enough," Jack replied.
Eris blinked, looking around. There were moaning and groaning humans limping towards them. "My word, this is worse than I thought," she said.
"Who cares?" Jack replied, shrugging. "Look, I need to find my friends, you need to find yours. Let's work together, honey," he said, draping an arm over her shoulders boldly.
Eris looked slightly worried a moment, not for Grim and Nergal but for Mandy. After a time she replied, "We haven't been oblivious this whole time, Jack. We've simply been, held back." She picked his arm off of her and looked at him again. "Nonetheless I'll help you. Come along, laughing boy, we have a stop to make." She zapped a group charging them, clearing the path. The two immediately bolted. Jack felt better now. Immortal goddess on his side? He was golden!
"So, where are we going?" he asked.
"Down, down, down," Eris sang.
Jack started and froze. "Wait…" he said. His eyes lit in realization and he backed away in disgust, adding, "Oh no. No, no, no. You're not dragging me down to Nerd-gal's homestead!"
"Good luck on your own then, darling," she replied.
He twitched then growled, "Fine." She smirked and snapped, transporting them both down to Nergal's house.
GAoBaM
Nergal and Grim gasped on hearing the goddess's entrance, looking quickly up. "Eris, you're okay!" Grim exclaimed.
"Oh no, tell me that's not…" Nergal groaned, looking at Jack.
"I'm not too pleased either," Jack retorted before he could finish. "Where's your wife and kid, Nergal. Lose them?" Nergal looked a moment panicked, and Jack knew immediately that they certainly weren't with Nergal. "Of course," he said.
"We need ta get up dere and find any survivors," Grim said.
"And figure out what the cause of this whole mess is," Jack added. He didn't like being stuck with the Immortal Triad, especially since two of the three were quite literally out for his head, but he knew they had things to do up above. "The rate this thing is spreading you'd think it was in the water," Jack sarcastically said.
"Wait…," Nergal began. He, Eris, and Grim sharply looked at Jack in shock.
Well, Jack certainly didn't expect this. "What?" he asked.
The three gasped. "The water!" they exclaimed at once.
"It's a manmade disease and whatever it is must be transmitted through water!" Nergal exclaimed.
"That would explain why none of the lesser immortals have it, or Jack for that matter," Eris declared.
"Am I missing something here?" Jack asked.
"Of course. Most immortals don't bother wit' mortal water—not dat it would effect gods anyway—and Jack don't drink at all," Grim said, quickly catching on.
"It also means that our immortal friends up above should theoretically be safe as well, exceptions being Fred and Dracula who are up there enough to drink mortal water anyway," Nergal deduced.
"The mortals ain't gonna be normal for much longer unless we can get to dem," Grim said seriously.
"Grim, Mandy!" Eris suddenly cried, grabbing his hands in alarm. Grim gasped.
"Oh please, you two are acting like you're the parents," Nergal said. "My real family is up there!"
"And you can't find them," Jack said. "How about we slam into the Troublesome Trio first and build up from there? I'm sure these two have tabs on their kid better than you did on yours."
"Why you little…" Nergal began.
"There!" Grim exclaimed, having opened a portal on Hoss, knowing his masters would have gone to the spectral exterminator. Sure enough they were all there. Nergal and Jack looked over, Nergal blinking in disbelief. The Troublesome Trio plus Pud'n, Gladys, Hoss, and Harold were fighting their way through a small hoard.
Nergal cringed, feeling embarrassed. Jack's laughing his head off didn't help. "Oh shut up," Nergal growled, annoyed. Immediately the four leapt into it.