Taiy-Chan: Hello everyone. Sorry if this chapter seems a bit late, almost a month but I wanted this chapter to turn out well; it's an important part of the story. Thank you all so much for the reviews, they are very much appreciated! I wonder when we'll get to 300. That day will make my… day… Anyways, here's the chapter!

Disclaimer: Taiy-Chan owns nothing.

Blah, blah -flashback/hauntings

Blah, blah - dream

Warnings: Mention of abuse. MAJOR angst. Here it comes guys.

Chapter 9

"I cannot cry, because I know it's weakness in your eyes."

This is my problem and I'm going to solve it, no matter what. No one else can do it for me.

I have a good, strong pair of legs; I should get up and use them.

I have to protect those I care for.

I repeated it over and over in my head, but no matter how many times I told myself that I didn't need help- couldn't need help- I still felt regret.

I still wish that I had stayed.

My breath came out in loud, harsh gasps and my body ached. I lay on my side, my bleeding arm folded behind my head. My once shiny, jet black hair now lay in a limp, dark halo around me.

Where had my confidence gone? Where had my certainty gone? I had thought that this time, maybe this time I wouldn't submit to him so easily.

But he knew me too well.

My eyes drifted closed as black spots danced across my vision. Blood… I had lost too much blood, but my body was healing and by morning there would be no evidence left that anything had even taken place.

It was quite smart, if you think about it. Shen really had me this time, I thought grimly. Not only did all… or rather, most of my friends already look up to him, but no matter what I did, I wouldn't be able to prove that he hurt me. I didn't get scars. I couldn't get scars… Only on the inside where no one could see them.

My head ached, a dull throb that wouldn't go away. I gritted my teeth together as my body reminded me that it wasn't only my head that was hurting. Every time I moved, something-a long, bleeding cut or a dark, purple bruise- shot pain right up my spine.

As I turned to try to get in a more comfortable position, I accidentally shifted my head onto a thin, deep cut on the arm I was resting on. The pain was sharp, much like the claw that made it. My hair dragged through the drying blood as I moved away from the wound. I hissed through my teeth as it started to sting.

My golden eyes stared blankly at the dark wall I faced. I had never felt so alone. There was something missing… I had forgotten something, hadn't I?

I felt my eyelids droop as my clawed hand picked at the green carpet under my fingers. Drigger… I had left him at Tyson's dojo. I longed for the legendary tiger's comforting warmth in my hand. I couldn't help but think that maybe if I had brought him here with me… Maybe I would have been able to fight…

I wish I didn't have to go through this alone… Even now when I had so many friends, none of them could help me. I would've laughed bitterly if my voice wasn't so hoarse from shouting.

My thoughts drifted to my silent captain. Kai could've helped me, but I pushed him away. If I had let him help me, maybe things would have turned out…. No, I didn't regret my decision. I had to make a choice and I wouldn't endanger any of my friends just for my own selfish reasons. I had to stick to that… I had to believe that I had done the right thing.

If Kai hated me, then it would be easier for him to forget me… If he didn't care, then he wouldn't be sad if I…

I blinked away the tears that welled up behind my eyes and threatened to spill down my pale cheeks. No, I couldn't cry. Not yet…. Not yet…

How long am I just going to lie here? How long until my wounds heal?

I tried to move. My legs turned slowly and my arms strained as I pushed myself up. I gritted my teeth as my body screamed in protest. No, it was too early to move, to early to come back to my reality.

But I ignored my body's silent pleas and sat up, swaying slightly as a wave of dizziness hit me. I groaned and lifted a bleeding hand to my head, my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

A whisper.

'You've grown up Rei….'

Warm breath on a pointed ear.

I gasped as the recent memory hit me hard. Both hands now clutched at my black hair. I shook my head. No, not again. You won't break me like this, Shen. Your mind games won't win against me. Not any more. Not again.

'But you're still the same, pathetic neko-jin that I remember from seven years ago. Remember how you used to scream my name? Beg for me to stop?'

A cold, hollow laugh. A clawed hand digging into pale flesh.

'You're so weak it makes me sick.'

Dry lips slowly formed words, a quiet voice filling the short silence.

I couldn't hear my voice. In my mind, in the memory, it was like someone put me on mute. All I could hear was his voice…all I could hear was my father's mocking laugh echoing in my ears.

Narrowed amber eyes. A low growl as a large hand fisted itself in the smaller's shirt. The demon yanked his son towards him, his breath tickling the younger's ear once again.

You won't break me like this…

'You have become cocky.' Hissed out between sharp fangs.

I can't let you break me…

A slow smile.

I….

Pointed teeth scraping on sensitive flesh.

…can't…

Something wet trailed down my cheeks. It was salty so it couldn't be blood. My hands were still buried in my hair. My breath was harsh and choppy.

I must be crying.

'I am going to break you, Rei. And this time, there will be no one here to put you back together again.'

I dreamt that night.

I was on the bridge. Its long wooden surface shone as the sun peaked out from behind the clouds. The air was cold and crisp and a thick, lazy fog hung over the land.

I smiled, my golden eyes bright. It felt good to be outside again, the house that Shen took me to was too musty, too dark. It made me feel trapped… caged…

I shook my head and pushed those thoughts back into the dark part of my mind. I could think about them later. Later when the sun wasn't so bright and when I didn't feel so content.

And then I heard voices. Voices that were coming from the direction of the city. Warm, happy voices that called for me. I turned.

My friends ran towards the bridge, waving and yelling my name. They were smiling and I couldn't help but smile as well. I waved back and waited for them to reach me. I had missed them so much

But they stopped at the edge of the bridge, their feet just inches away from the wooden planks. It was as if there was some kind of barrier surrounding it, one that they couldn't cross. I started to frown; they were still smiling, still calling to me. Beckoning me over, telling me how much they had missed me. I took a step towards them and stopped. My shoulders tensed. Someone was behind me.

I turned to the opposite side of the bridge, the right side that lead into the country. My eyes widened and I took an unconscious step forwards.

Kai's crimson eyes stared back at me and a slow smile found its way to his full lips. His hand moved in a silent wave that I returned, grinning.

He didn't hate me.

As I walked over to him, the voices behind me grew quieter and quieter until all I could hear was my footsteps on the wooden bridge.

When I stood right in front of him, Kai took a step back, beckoning me with his pale hand. I stepped off the bridge and was bathed in shadow. I looked around me, confused. My thoughts were cut short when Kai grabbed my wrist, pulling me down the dirt road. He turned and flashed me a small smile, his crimson eyes burning into mine. I smiled back and allowed myself to be lead, all other thoughts already forgotten.

Tall, old trees stood on either side of the eerily familiar road. Their green leaves swayed in a wind that I could not feel, but it didn't really matter to me. I couldn't bring myself to ponder over the strangeness of this because every time I did, Kai would glance at me over his shoulder, his deep crimson eyes would meet mine and I would forget.

As we walked, no words passed between us, but I didn't mind. Kai hadn't pushed me away. He had forgiven me. So wrapped up in my happy thoughts, I didn't notice the house that loomed over us until it was too late.

His hands were cold.

I looked up and froze. This was Shen's house. The one he took me too. Its red brick walls and fancy wooden doors gave one the false sense of comfort and hid the horrors that lied inside. I turned to Kai, my mouth open with a question. I felt my lips form the words, but no sound came from my mouth. My golden eyes widened.

I tried to back away from him, but Kai's hand still held mine in a firm grasp. I yanked my hand away, stumbling away from him. I tensed when my back hit the trunk of a tree. I looked frantically around me, searching for a way out. My head snapped back towards Kai when the blue haired teen took a step towards me.

He was frowning, his crimson eyes held confusion in their fiery depths. He almost looked….hurt. Kai took cautious steps towards me, as if approaching a wild animal that could bolt at any second. My heart beat faster and my breath hitched when he stopped in front of me. His muscled arms braced themselves on either side of my head, but I didn't dare move. I was drowning in his blood red eyes as he came closer and closer. Kai's body pressed flush against mine and I gasped. My eyes fluttered closed as he closed the small remaining gap between us.

And I couldn't move.

I let out a breathy moan at the feel of his lips against mine. My hands reached up and tangled themselves in his wild blue hair as Kai deepened the kiss. An arm wrapped securely around my waist as he pulled our bodies closer. Our tongues battled in a fierce fight for dominance, teeth clacking and hands roaming.

Large hands found their way beneath my shirt and I froze. My eyes snapped open and I was met with black. The body pressed against mine was bigger, taller...wrong. I struggled away and my panicked, golden pools met amber.

I screamed, but my voice was silent. I pushed the other away, my back scraping on the bark of the tree. I yelled and shouted and pleaded as he came closer, but still no sound escaped me. I felt something wet upon my cheeks and realized that I was crying...Crying cold, salty rivers of tears that were filled with hate and shame. I fell to my knees and covered my face with shaking hands.

Why was it that every time… every time something good happened…? Why do I… Why do I have to have it ripped away from me?

Why do I have to go through this alone?

The last thing I remembered was Shen's cold hands on my skin and his warm breath in my ear.

"I'm going to break you, Rei…"

People are always saying how there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. But how can you find that light when everything around you is dark? How can you find that tiny sliver of hope when you don't believe that it's even there? How can you trust it?

I asked myself this as I blinked away the tears that I had cried during my sleep. I lay on my side on the uncomfortable floor where Shen left me that morning. I hadn't bothered to go upstairs and find my room.

I lifted my left arm in front of me, marveling at its smooth, pale skin.

Untouched

No wounds remained on my body; only the drying blood on my skin proof that there ever had been any at all. My dull, golden eyes narrowed as I let my hand drop to the floor.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel... I just hoped that I found my light soon.

TBC

Taiy-Chan: Finally! I'm done! Phew… This chapter is actually longer than it looks, trust me. I hope you guys enjoyed that and I hope it turned out okay. If you have any questions, comments or compliments (wink) be sure to leave a review, alright!