Tristan wasn't nervous. At least, that's what he told himself. But sitting there at the table in the small café where they went to have coffee after their first date, waiting for Susan to show up for the past ten minutes, he couldn't help but think that he was going to get stood up. Especially because he hadn't seen her in weeks and she had asked him not to call.
He fixed his gaze to the entrance and a minute later, she walked through it. He let out a sigh of relief and stood up quickly to greet her, bumping his knee against the edge of the table. Okay, so maybe he was a little on edge.
Susan brushed a strand of hair away from her face and smiled at him as she approached. It was one of those smiles that left him guessing as to what she was thinking. In his experience, those smiles weren't always good.
"You came."
She shrugged off her jacket and he helped her out of it before pulling out the chair for her. She looked over her shoulder and pulled her hair back. "You asked me to."
He sat down across from her and gave her a wry smile. "I didn't expect you to, I guess."
"You thought I'd crumble or something, didn't you?" Her tone was slightly derisive as she folded her arms on the table.
He shook his head, cursing himself for putting his foot in his mouth. The only other person besides Susan who had the ability to make him act like a complete ass was Rory Gilmore but he wasn't going to go down that road. "That sounds patronizing of me."
"That's because it is."
"I didn't mean to be."
The waitress came and took their order and once she was gone, Susan leaned back in her chair and nodded. "How've you been?"
"Fine," he replied automatically and when she arched an eyebrow, he let out a conceding laugh. "Okay, a little less than fine. How are you?"
Susan shrugged, smiled a little wider this time without that hint of ambiguity in it. "I've had a terrific week. Career-wise at least. It was one of those weeks that reminded me why I love being a doctor."
It was rare to see her smiling about her work. Or maybe it wasn't that rare and he had been so caught up in his own life when they were together, he just didn't see it. "I'd like to hear about it."
"You didn't call me to talk to about work, Tristan."
"That's not true," he protested quickly. "I called because I wanted to see you."
"And I asked you not to call for at least a month," she answered. She shook her head and folded her hands together in front of her. "Look, it wouldn't have made a difference if you called in a week, either. I just want to know where we stand."
"How am I supposed to know that, Susan?" he asked, frustrated. "I'm not the one that ended our relationship."
She frowned. "I was only doing what you were so scared to do."
Tristan clenched his fingers together too keep himself from getting angry. He was the one that wanted to talk to her; he wouldn't cause a scene in a public place. He took a few calming breaths and then met her eyes. "I want to be friends."
"Trist -"
He held up his hand to silence her. "I know you think I can't be your friend or that I'm incapable of having a platonic relationship with a woman but I can. I've had many friends who are girls." She raised a speculative eyebrow and her lips curved into a disbelieving smile that was contagious. "Okay, so at some point they were my girlfriends or I had a more intimate relationship with them but that's different."
She chuckled. "I'm sure it is."
He reached across the table for her hand. "I miss talking to you, Susan."
Her eyes connected with his and she smiled, genuinely. "I missed you, too."
Their coffees came and she reached for the creamer at the center of the table as he reached for the sugar. "Friends?"
"We can try." Her spoon clanked against the cup as she stirred and looked at him thoughtfully. "Tell me something, though. Have you seen her? Talked to her? Slept with her?"
The last question made him spill some sugar onto the table. He let out another laugh. "I forgot how good you are with those non sequiturs."
"It's not a non sequitur, Tristan. Answer the questions."
He sighed and picked up the creamer. "All of the above."
"I'm glad you took my advice."
He shook his head; met her gaze. "Her grandfather passed away."
Susan nodded, took a sip of her coffee and then cleared her throat. "What happened?"
"Heart attack. She was devastated," he answered and leaned back in his chair. Suddenly, he didn't feel like having coffee. "Jess called me and asked me to go and I went."
"That's understandable." Her tone was soothing – she must have heard the self-loathing in his tone. "You wanted to be there for her. You needed to be."
"I should have stayed away. Respected her enough to let her grieve instead of drudging up old memories and falling back into our cycle." Why was he so good at seeing everything so clearer when he wasn't near Rory? He guessed that what they said about hindsight was right on the mark.
"How did she handle it when you did leave?"
He shrugged and picked at the tablecloth, not looking at Susan. "Like she always does. Indifferent. Angry. Not what I want, expect."
"So what do you want?"
"I want her to give me a reason to stay."
They let that sentence hang in the air between them. He stirred his the coffee he didn't plan on drinking and she stared out the window, cup in her hand – both lost in their own thoughts.
"That's never going to happen, you know," she said grimly, making his head snap up. She met his eyes and shrugged. "It wouldn't fit into the whole brooding, troubled, bitter routine of yours."
He saw the hint of a smile on her face and frowned. "I'm not bitter."
"Please," she said and put her cup down to make a dramatic gesture with her hand. "The first thing I realized about you after we talked a bit that you were bitter, right on the surface. It's what made you so interesting. When I cracked through that a little I realized that you're unattainable. That's what made you sexy."
He grinned. "Why thank you."
"I'm not done," she replied, giving him a withering glare. "Once a woman realizes that you're unattainable she understands that it's because you're bitter. It's a vicious cycle."
He ran a hand through his hair and laughed self-deprecatingly. "Yeah, well I'd like to break it sometime soon."
Susan wagged a finger at him. "Well, you're going to have to fix the root of the problem. And I think we both know what that is."
Before he could say anything else, the song that was playing softly in the background caught his attention and he closed his eyes to listen to it, remembering the last time he had heard it.
It's not the pale
moon that excites me
that thrills and delights me,
oh no,
It's just the nearness of you.
He drew in a sharp breath. Oh, it had been awhile.
~*~
Why do I just
wither and forget all resistance
when you and your magic pass by
my heart's in a dither dear
when you're at a distance
but when you are near, oh my...
It was funny how much that song could still affect her. It had been years since she had heard it and she was pretty sure she had put away her Norah Jones CD for the same reason. It brought back too many painful memories.
"Okay, I admit it," Tristan said as they drove through the quaint and scenic town of Lake George on their way to dinner at an Italian restaurant in a neighboring town. Rory had insisted that they listen to Norah Jones on the way up to bring out his more 'feminine side'. "She's got a great voice."
She smiled giddily and clapped lightly. "I knew you'd see it my way."
He laughed. "Just don't let it go to your head. The sentiment behind it is kind of nice." He looked at her briefly before returning his gaze to the road. "I mean, I can get behind it."
She reached over the seat and twined her hands with his. "So can I."
Rory gripped the steering wheel with one hand and turned off the radio with the other. She was driving towards Stars Hollow to forget about the past few days. To escape her problems by reuniting with the quirky town people, by partaking in some silly town festival.
Innocence was comforting.
Lorelai wouldn't be there; she was taking care of Emily who seemed to have stopped communicating with anyone in the household. Rory couldn't bear seeing her grandmother hurting, mourning and completely shut off.
She took the exit into Stars Hollow a few minutes later.
The town was still the same – give or take a few adjustments and repairs. The gazebo stood in the center, dimly lit by lamps. Doose's, Patty's Dance Studio, Luke's were all still standing, still in business. She passed her old high school and then stopped right in front of the Kim's Antiques. She smiled a little as she turned off the ignition, thinking of Lane's mother for a brief moment. She did not want to have to face her tonight so she pulled out her cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Lane, hi."
"Rory! Sweetie, where are you?"
"Outside."
She could imagine Lane's brows drawing together. "Outside where?"
"I'm staring at the sign in your lawn. It still hasn't changed."
"It never will," her friends replied, laughing. "I'll be out in a sec."
Twenty minutes later, the two friends were walking through their old neighborhood, reliving their youth, remembering their past and talking about how comforting and constant this town was to the both of them. Sometimes, in Boston, Rory missed talking to Lane so much. She had almost forgotten how well they related to each other.
"I never thought I'd say this but I miss this town." Rory lifted her brow, surprised. The stopped in front of the gazebo and sat down on the bench. "I know! It doesn't make sense."
Rory hooked her arm with Lane's. "Actually it makes more sense than you know."
Lane pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "How are you, Rory? I mean, really."
"Not so good," she answered, knowing she wouldn't be able to hide the truth from Lane. "I miss Grandpa so much. I needed to get out of that house."
Her friends slipped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her tight. "At the risk of sounding trite or redundant, it gets better."
Rory let out a hollow laugh. "I just don't see how. I don't think Grandma does either. It's like a part of her died with him and now I feel like I lost both of my grandparents and I want to shout that it's not fair but -"
"You don't know who'll listen?" Lane finished for her and she nodded. They sat in silence and then Lane leaned back and sighed. "I'll bet Tristan is making it worse."
"He left."
It was her turn to be shocked. "I don't know why I am surprised."
"I don't want to talk about him right now." Rory rubbed her hands together, realizing that she was a little cold. "I think we need a coffee fix."
"I'll go get some. You sit; you look tired."
"Thank you, Lane."
"Anytime," she replied with a smile. "You know that."
She realized that it wasn't a good idea to be stuck with your thoughts right after a discussion that left you particularly angst-filled. After a few minutes of being alone though, she started to sing - unconsciously. "It isn't your sweet conversation, that brings this sensation. Oh no, it's just the nearness of you."
"That's a great song. Classic." The voice was deep and very familiar. She looked up startled and met those blue eyes. Recognition dawned. His face was more beautiful than she remembered but then it had been awhile. Surprise had her lips parting and he smiled widely. Suddenly, she was sixteen again. "Hello Rory."
She stood up, blue on brown. "Dean."