Chapter 9

The past few days had been nothing but hell. After Ryo sent me back home, I have practically been living in my room ever since.

Lying on my bed, with thoughts that are laced with so many emotions weighed heavily on my heart.

I thought back to my outburst with Asuna. I should not have been so rash, I should have took things slower, controlled myself. I used to be calm and collected, what happened? I was never this agitated. Now even Asuna does not want to see me anymore. How had things become like this? I close my eyes and felt tears squeezing out the corner of my eyes. I'm so angry with myself from losing control of my emotions so easily.

*Knock knock*

'Hey, are you alright?' a quiet voice came from the opposite side of my bedroom door.

I got out of bed and opened the door. 'Yea, I'm fine, Sugu. Thanks for asking.' I forced a smile.

Sugu stood by the doorway in a pink shirt and shorts with her hair still wet from the shower.

Leaving the door open, I walked towards my desk and sat on the chair. Sugu followed me into my room and sat cross-legged on my bed.

'Are you really alright?' Sugu asked again.

'Yea, I'm fine. Really.' I said.

'So you won't mind me asking anything?' Sugu asked nonchalantly.

I didn't reply, instead I just turned on my computer.

'So, I assume you met Asuna and it didn't go well huh.' Sugu went on.

'Eh, what? How did you know?' I asked, shocked that she was spot on in just one guess.

'Well, it's kinda obvious isn't it? I don't think anyone other than our family has that big an impact on you for you to act so depressed. Since everyone in our family is fine, it must be Asuna right?' Sugu looked over at me expectantly.

I turned away, refusing to answer.

'I know that I'm in no position to judge, plus, I have no idea what is going on between you two. But you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. You are always like that, blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. Just like you feeling guilty, thinking that you forced me into kendo.'

'Not everything is your fault, you know. Some things are just beyond your control, you have got to accept that. Stop trying to take responsibility for everything!' Sugu said, looking intently at me.

'I-I, Asuna's really important to me, you know. She's as important as you, and mom, and dad. I-I tried so hard to find her for the past two years, only to finally meet her and have her tell me she doesn't remember me. Tell me that she's with another guy, and she doesn't want to see me ever again. What should I do?' I cried, burying my face into my hands.'

'I seem to be losing my mind again, I can't control my emotions anymore. Crying, shouting, confronting, my emotions doesn't pass through my head anymore. What is happening to me? God, I know I'm not like that! But why? Why?' I said as I curl into my chair, willing myself to disappear off the face of the earth.

'Hey, hey, hey! Stop being so harsh on yourself. You are bound to be emotionally unstable after SAO, even the doctors said so. After that game, such things are inevitable. I know, you may not seem like who you used to be, but deep down, I know you are still the same Kazuto. I can see it. I can see him! Stop trying to hide him away. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up again, not anymore.' Sugu said, as she wrapped her arms around me.

The warmth of her body, the floral scent of her body wash, all the familiar touches as she envelopes me into her embrace. I could feel my heartbeat slowing down.

'Thanks Sugu, you sound just like mum. I feel like the roles should be reversed somehow. I'm sorry for being so useless.' I laughed.

'Hey stop that! Stop blaming yourself for everything. Who cares? I will take care of you, there's nothing to worry about.' declared Sugu.