Chapter 10
I Put My Arms Around You

Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walked down the hall. It was almost 9 and Stan was nowhere to be found.

"So it's funny," Cartman started while stifling laughs.

"What's funny?" Kyle asked not believing anything he had to say was funny.

"It's funny cause the whole school knows…" Cartman said again and let out a bigger laugh. Kenny shrugged at Kyle, obviously not finding it as funny.

Suddenly a blush appeared on his face and the thought crossed his mind that somehow Cartman found out. He quickly asked him, "knows what?"

"That Stan… Stan's parents are getting a divorce." He blurted and laughed louder. It was this arrogant attitude that made Kyle wonder why they hung around him.

"That's not funny asshole!" he said to him as they opened their lockers. "And besides there are a lot of people who get divorced- it's the way it is."

"But not Stan! Not in South Park! Stan's family was supposed to be perfect and now he's from a broken home!" his voice was laced with excitement.

Kyle rolled his eyes in anger. "You don't even have a dad you idiot- how can you think Stan is worse off?" he paused and then the thought hit him. "How do you know?"

"Stan's mom- told my mom- and she told me to…get this…" he started. "She told me to be nice to him today because he would be going through a-a-a hard time…."

"You're such an asshole Cartman. The whole school doesn't need to know this- nor does the school care." Kyle grabbed his necessary books from his locker, slamming it closed.

"And then when he got home this morning-" he began but Kyle cut him off.

"What the hell were you doing at his house?"

"He was missing and my mom went over and brought me alone- end of story. But when he got home he totally yelled at his mom- it was hilarious… you should have seen her face!" he paused and then laughed at the memory. "Gold."

"Unbelievable" Kyle said and left leaving Cartman laughing beside an unfazed Kenny.

Kyle wondered if Stan would be at home. His imagination was acting out of sorts creating stories that he moved out of town with his mother already. He was halfway to the phones when he noticed Wendy already consoling Stan.

The older you get- the wiser you become. I agree with that. Being wise and being smart are two different things. For example, Kyle… was it wise for him to kiss me after seeing what he can do to me? I hope so… but was it smart for Kyle to do so? No, in fact it was a terrible idea because I know too well.

Is it wise for me to go home and speak to my mother? No. Is it smart? Yes, and I know that for a fact. Living with someone for that many years you get to know what gets them angry and I know- I have become wise- to what ticks off my mother and I am smart enough to avoid it.

Being wise and smart are two separate entities- yet are often considered as one.

--Earlier that Morning--

It was shortly after Kyle and Ike left with their mother that Stan headed home. He had 30 minutes to get home and then to school. He knew that his parents would be mad at him from storming out on them yesterday and would probably have many questions of his whereabouts.

Stan entered his house. The mid morning sun was shining through the kitchen window where the previous night he and his parents sat and discussed their future as a family. It was a shock what he saw when he adjusted to the difference in his home.

Taking his father's place at the head of the table was Cartman's mom, her hands tightly bound around a cup of coffee talking intently with Sharon. Eric was sitting on his couch in the living room watching a show on mtv, however the volume was so low that he could hear each word their parents were saying to each other.

"Oh Stanley, sweetheart I didn't hear you come in" Stan's mother said getting up from her seat, just noticing her son.

"What's going on?"

"I was so worried about you- when you didn't come home last night I called everyone. There was no answer at Kyle's till this morning and Shelia said she never saw you. Oh sweetie where were you?" She pulled him into a hug.

"Why is Cartman here?" Stan asked confused pulling away from his mother bitterly. "What were you guys talking about mom? Were you talking about it?"

"Stan Marsh" she hissed. "You have no right to talk to me like that- I am your mother."

Stan peered to the side where Cartman was watching the spectacle with wide eyes.

"You know whatever. You guys enjoy- you might want to tell her to that you and dad haven't slept in the same bed in months, and oh that you guys can't decide on a reasonable way to raise me so you argue about that as well. Here's something else you can talk about is how dad is never around lately because more than likely he was screwing around on you…" Stan seethed angrily and watched his mother's face go white. He swallowed hard and bit his tongue. "It's too early for this dysfunctional family to fight again…" he headed for the staircase, leaving behind his speechless mother, Mrs. Cartman and ecstatic Eric.

"I'm sorry"

"Well, I'd better get Eric to school" Mrs. Cartman said and gently held Sharon's arm. "If you ever need to talk- I'm here…"

Sharon waved and closed the front door, heading up the stairs to confront her son. She opened his door. He was lying on his bed fully dressed with his back turned towards the door. She leaned on the frame, her arms crossed in anger.

"Mind telling me where you were last night?"

"No…" he mumbled to the wall.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me, Stanley- I was worried sick. I haven't slept and Randy was out looking for you all night" she shouted letting her hands fly open. "You can't run off when something bad happens in your life Stanley, it doesn't show maturity."

"And spilling our family secrets is ok and cool to do- especially to the Cartman's. Cartman is never going to leave me alone so I hope you're happy. You've set me up to be the only kid with divorced parents in South Park and on top of it I get to be verbally abused by someone people think is my friend." Stan sat up in bed looking equally cross with his mother as she was with him.

"Eric's a nice boy… sometimes. I'm sure- of all people- he understand your situation. He doesn't even have a father to see-" Sharon told him reasonably.

Stan scoffed. "Right, because we all know you're going to let me see dad on a regular basis."

"Well if you weren't so childish and run off we could have discussed this last night like we had intended to. Now because of your selfishness-"

"My selfishness- you guys are the ones tearing me apart-" he barked at his mother jumping off the bed to be at her level.

"Your father missed his morning meeting in Denver because of you. We were supposed to have this resolved so he could leave late last night" she shouted angrily back at him. Both were standing only a few feet apart, breathing through clenched teeth.

Stan had never fought with his mother before and for once remained silent. He knew every word he spoke hurt his mother but the words were like a poison. They just kept coming out of him when he felt the need to speak. These emotions and feelings he kept bottled up for the past 4 months were all being thrown on the table and he wasn't able to stop them.

"I can't help that I'm not in love with your father anymore, Stanley." She began to cry lightly. "It kills me to do this to you but I just can't do it anymore! I've tried for several years and I just can't." She let herself fall on the floor where she began to cry shamelessly.

Stan felt himself sink. He was ashamed he made his mother cry and he wished he could take back his words. He walked over to his mother and gently placed his arms around her. "I'm sorry" he whispered. "I didn't mean to worry you… and I didn't mean those things I said."

Sharon clutched onto her son and continued to sob. "I just want what's best for you Stan- and both your father and I believe that this is it…"

"I know…" he replied, choking back tears. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry I did those things… and said those things…"

His mother pulled away and wiped away most of her tears. She managed to speak through her shaky breaths. "You have to get to school. You're already going to be late Stan- you can take the car today but be home right after school please."

"Are you going to be ok?" He asked his mother she nodded half-heartedly and Stan helped her stand and then left for school.

The halls were filled with glances, snickers and hushed words. Wherever Stan appeared there was sure to be quiet whispers. He didn't expect for Cartman to keep his mouth shut but he didn't expect for everyone to know.

Since leaving Kyle's early that morning Stan hadn't done anything. He hadn't changed his clothes, he hadn't showered and he had not eaten. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night that smelled like they had been wet all night. He knew that if people weren't looking at him for what they heard- they were looking at him because he looked and probably smelled really bad.

Stan heard the bell ring as he headed towards his locker. Unfortunately, Wendy's locker was in the same place it was every year. Unavoidable by anyone and always beside the phones where she could see who came and went and everyone else's business.

It just happened that on this certain day Wendy had been slightly late herself and was adding the finishing touches to makeup in her locker mirror before her eyes targeted Stan. She quickly closed her locker and pranced up to him with eyes brimming with sympathy.

"Oh Stan- you poor thing I heard what happened this morning." She cried while throwing hands around him and pulling him into a hug.

"Your poor mother- I can't believe Randy would walk out on her like that- and what are you going to do for a house now that he's kicking you out?" She asked, slightly stoking his hair.

Stan pushed her away from him and looked at her with confusion in his eyes. "What are you talking about Wendy?"

She cocked her head and looked around, raising her eyebrows. "Well it's all over school what happened last night- I just don't know why you didn't come to me sooner about this-"

"Cause one: I didn't want to- obviously and two: none of this is true" Stan tried to push past Wendy but she got into his face again and furrowed her brows in worry.

"Then your parents aren't getting a divorce?" she asked with hope in her voice.

"Well, yea they are but not for those reason. Look Wendy why does this matter?" Stan sighed. He didn't want to talk to her about this with her. He caught himself thinking the unthinkable. He didn't want to be with Wendy. He was surprised by this revelation that he stopped listening to her. For once- she was the one who wanted to be with him and he wanted nothing to do with her.

"Stan, are you listening to me?" Wendy looked at him with perplexed eyes.

"Sorry what?"

She smiled lightly. "I said- it matters to me because I love you. And You and I are soul mates Stan… what problems of yours are problems of mine…" she rubber her hand over his arm. "Right?"

Stan looked up and locked eyes with Kyle as he entered this section of the hallway and his heart leapt from his chest. No bad news could ruin the fact that he just ran into the only person he was trying to find.

"No, Wendy…" he said calmly. "I – don't believe we are. I don't want you to have my problems and I don't think I can handle worrying about your problems too- my plate is full." He half smiled at her. Her light-hearted grin faltering beneath his crushing words. "I'm sorry but I know now that we just aren't made for each other…"

"But we work so hard…" the final bell rang overhead and Stan knew he was late. "I thought that since we-" she let tears roll down her cheeks.

"You worked hard sometimes and I worked hard other times. We never worked together and that's how I know. We never had a stable relationship when we were together because only one of us was happy at a time."

"That's not – true" she stated sadly, but she did in fact know it was.

"I've got to go now Wendy." He said and let her arm fall from his shirtsleeve.

"Bye…" she whispered to him.

Stan ran up to Kyle and didn't look back. His thoughts melted when he saw Kyle and he was all out of second thoughts to give her.

"I was just about to call to see if you were coming" Kyle said and Stan grinned causing him to ask, "did something happen that I should know of- like… drugs or something."

"Nope…" he said and then leaned into whisper in his ear, "I can't tell you how happy you make me." Stan knew that without Kyle he would be a train wreck today and he almost was.

Kyle's breath thinned and he looked around. There were eyes on them from every direction and he felt like he couldn't escape. There were whispers, glances and comment from every person they passed. "They know…" he thought terrified. He couldn't believe so many people were bustling to their classes right now.

"Stan!!" Cartman yelled. "We've got class…" suddenly Stan's world came crashing in again. The last person he wanted to see was Cartman.

"I'm not going" he said simply and got shocked looks from both boys. "At least not with you, fucktard" he spat angrily. "Why don't you just blog about it tonight too- tell all your little cyber buddies? You've already told the whole school anyway…" It was one venomous insult after the other but Stan knew Cartman wouldn't be insulted- but proud. Making Stan angry enough to curse and affront someone like he did was a gift- a gift that Eric Cartman seemed to possess.

"Don't be such a pussy-" Cartman said and both Stan and Kyle rolled their eyes. "Besides its true- I wasn't spreading rumors." There was silence and then a burst of laughter from Cartman. 'It's just so god damn funny…' he said through fits of laughter and walked away to his class.

"Whatever Stan, just forget about it-" Kyle pulled at Stan's arm. "Besides- if you're skipping I need to talk to you."

"Oh… ok sure. Where?"

"We can just walk over to the field."

"The field- isn't that a bit far?" Stan asked but Kyle shook his head. He shrugged and said, "all right."

"Stan Marsh, please report to the office please. Stan Marsh" the intercom speakers rang just as he and Kyle were leaving. A lump grew in his throat. Class hasn't even been in session for more than ten minutes and he was already busted.

"God damn it. Alright- how about I meet you there. I'm not going to class… I'll use the whole… family thing… to get out." Kyle nodded.

'Maybe I shouldn't make him skip' the thought crossed through Kyle's mind and he wondered how Stan was really taking the news from his parents. He seemed too happy. 'It's not because of me' he told himself and left the school- heading over to the fields.

When Stan walked into the office a surprise was waiting for him. "Mr. Mackey!?" he shouted in surprise.

"Hello Stan, please come with me mkay…" Mackey said and a stunned Stan followed being directed into a small room down the hall.

"I've been called here today to talk to you about your parent's divorce mkay"

"Look Mr. Mackey- I don't need your consoling. In fact, I really don't want it." Stan said immediately, wondering how long Kyle would wait for him at the field. The only thing he could really think about was what Kyle had to tell him. It was picking at the back of his mind like a hungry vulture and he couldn't focus on Mackey's words.

"Stan, sometimes bad things happen, mkay, but you can't let these things ruin your life… mkay…" he told him sincerely.

"Listen Mackey- I know- I have to make choices, don't do drugs, always do the speed limit, not blame myself for the divorce and to make sure that I eat a lot of good fruits and vegetables. So now that I know the routine I need to go…"

"Stanley, sit down." Mackey made him sit in a plushy chair. "Now this is serious mkay… I'm going to need to evaluate your situation. You don't seem to be taking this well." He observed.

"No you're right- I'm not. This is bullshit and I shouldn't be in. The divorce was inevitable and maybe I'm upset about it but I'm not sick with grief and it's not going to cause my studies to falter. Now please – I'm begging you- please let me go I have somewhere important to be." He thought for a minute and decided to use what he knew would let him get out. "I have to go home and talk with my mother- I was on my way out. Maybe we can talk later?" he suggested.

"That would work better for you?" Stan nodded and Mr. Mackey agreed. "Over the break I want to see you to make sure you are getting along."

'Break?' Stan thought as he left the small room and his eyes widened. BREAK. The Christmas break how could he have been so stupid.

"Sorry- Mackey wanted to see me" Stan said running up to where Kyle was leaning against a fence. The place was desolate and the weather was cold. Kyle's cheeks and nose were red and he looked perplexed at Stan.

"Mackey? What was he doing there?"

"Just about the divorce" he pushed the matter aside and then quickly wrapped a pair of warm arms around Kyle who suddenly felt hot. "Sorry I made you wait- you look frozen."

Kyle's brain poked at him to continue. "It's Thursday," he said and Stan pulled away.

"I know- tomorrow's Friday… and then its Saturday…" Stan said unsure of what Kyle was getting at.

"Well it's the holidays… and for Hanukkah my parents are taking Ike and I up to visit family- away from South Park… for the whole holiday…"

"Oh… but you … can't leave. When are you leaving?" he quickly asked and then Kyle gave him sad eyes.

"Saturday…but I'll be back as soon as classes start again. I've just been so busy with everything – both of us have- that I just forgot that it was so close to the holidays. My mom won't let me stay"

"Do you want to stay?" Stan asked desperately with doubt in his voice and eyes.

"I just don't know anymore…" Kyle answered. His emotions were telling him one thing but his brain was telling him another. "I just think I have to go with common sense on this one…" he added.

"What's that even mean?" He shook his head and couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I will go insane without you here you can't go!" he pleaded. His face contorted to worry and he waited with baited breathing for what Kyle was going to say next.

"Maybe its for the best…" he trailed off as he read the hurt sprawled across Stan's face and decided that going with his head wasn't the best idea.

"You have to stop this…" Stan told him bitterly, his confusion getting a hold of him. He couldn't grasp what Kyle was talking about or why he was doing this to him. "I can't keep doing this," he softly said. Kyle reached out and held him in his arms. The cold from his jacket instantly cooling Stan but he did not move or speak- just listened.

"What we have is- special" Kyle told him. Stan was listening to his heavy breathing and felt his heart beating wildly. Kyle's voice echoed through his body and he waited for him to say another word.

"This is complicated and I don't think that we're right for each other."

"I think we are" Stan answered and felt hands grip.

"I need more time with this- I don't know what to do or say or what I should feel in this situation…"

"This isn't just about you Kyle, you can talk to me. I've confided in you- so many times I have come to you because I trust you and I do have feelings for you…"

Kyle's mind jolted back and forth. Of course he had feelings for him anyone who knew what was going on knew that but the feelings were mutual only Kyle didn't have the courage to tell him that. His reasonable brains kept interfering with the problem at hand.

"I hope you wont hurt me." Stan whispered almost silently. "I've tried so hard to make you realize that what we have is different and unique but you don't want to listen." He pulled away from the arms he felt so comfortable in. "You can't keep pulling me and pushing me at your will because one day you think you like me and the other day you've got a conscious…"

"It has nothing to do with what I feel"

"It has everything to do with what you feel- it doesn't make sense to me that you'd be using me…"

"Exactly!" he shouted with pain across his face. "I'm using you… or I was. I don't know what I was thinking but I can't fix it- and I can't do anything with you without feeling guilty. I can't believe what I've done to you."

"So that's it? You're not even going to try or anything- just going to run off and come back and everything will be normal?" Kyle knew that every word he spoke was an arrow targeted at Stan and he knew that every unspoken word would do more damage then the ones spoken.

Kyle sighed. "I don't want to hurt you- but I need time. I need time to think this through because what I feel for you – whatever this feeling is- is confusing for me and I'm not sure what it is Stan, so please just be patient!"

"I am and always was the patient one Kyle."

Stan's room was dark. It was Saturday and Kyle would be leaving. Stan hadn't come out of his room for hours and he hadn't been taking any phone calls. Not from his father, sister or Kyle.

Ever since Thursday's revelations Stan didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to dwell on the past and think about how and where he went wrong. He could only replay that rainy night and the cold day on the field in his head. Kyle face the whole time was painful and he couldn't get the image from his mind.

He didn't know why Kyle was so scared. "Use me for what?" Stan thought. It upset him but not in the way Kyle imagines. Stan didn't feel as if he was being used and he sure didn't feel like he did any favors for Kyle that he would consider being used for.

He sat up quickly in bed. He needed to talk to Kyle one last night before he left. He needed to clear his head. Stan didn't want these ticks at the back of his mind for the entire holiday.

Stan knew what he had to do. He had to persuade Kyle not to go, to see that he had a good thing here that he might lose if he goes. He pulled on his shoes and headed for the red heads house pondering the right words to say.

The stairs to Kyle's room never looked so steep and so far away. Each step felt like a mountain and his brain told him that he wasn't being smart and that he should know to leave things alone.

He wasn't thinking straight when he knocked on the door. He wasn't thinking straight why Kyle opened it and gave him the most confused face he'd ever seen painted on Kyle.

"What are you doing here?" Kyle asked in shock.

"Trying to convince you to stay!" He said pushing his way into Kyle's bedroom letting the door slide shut. "Please stay for the holidays- you can stay at my house" Stan begged.

"I can't do this anymore – I don't want to hurt you again. And I know you'll realize that too over this break- when I come back we can go back to the way things were."

"You always say you don't want to hurt me- but you do…" he sighed and looked at the floor.

Kyle's heart ached. "After what I did – I don't deserve you-" he thought to himself and watched Stan with a heavy heart.

"I don't know what is in your head Kyle but Jesus stop dwelling on it. I'm being honest with you- I…" he stopped. "I'm being honest… I lo…" he closed his eyes and breathed in. Kyle eyes widened and he breath hung in his throat.

"I am honest with you right now Kyle. I love you," he said quickly. "I look back now and realize you are my soul mate and you always have been. Take that with you…" Stan spilled out the words and then turned and left.

Kyle's heart was racing. No one ever told him he was someone's soul mate.

Last chapter to be up soon :) Please review and it might be up sooooooner
BMB