Chapter #10:Journal

Four POV

I kiss her.

Her lips are so soft, so sweet. They feel like I should kiss them everyday for the rest of my life. We run our hands down each other's body's. I am so caught up with Tris's sweet lips I hardly hear someone knocks on the front door. When we break apart all I can think about is kissing her again. It makes me feel guilty because I should be wanting to kiss Lily, but I don't. Soon I remember there is someone at the door, and since Tris still looks like she is in shock, I make my way. Just before I open it I hear Tris run to her bedroom.

"Hey" I say awkwardly to Lily when I open the door and she is standing there, we haven't made any plans to hangout today.

"Hey babe" She pulls me into a hug which only lasts about 2 seconds because I pull back.

"What are you doing here?" I don't sound angry just curious.

"Do I need a reason to see my boyfriend?" She says with a small smile. She frowns when she looks at my swollen lips that our from kissing Tris. "What happened to your lips?"

"I burned my lips on my coffee" I say the first lie that comes into my head.

"Oh okay. Can I come in?" Since my body is blocking the doorway she looks around me into the apartment.

"Actually this isn't a good time, I have a lot of work todo today. Maybe tomorrow?" I suggest.

"Mm k. See you later then" She snaps, sounding a little angry. She walks down the hallway to the elevator while I shut the door.

Tris POV

He kisses me passionately, lovingly, devotedly all at once. Is that even possible? Well it sure is now. I run my hands through his hair, admiring how soft his hair is. He grabs my hips pulling me closer to him. His hands start roaming all over my body, he stops at my hair and then gently grips it in his hands, as if to keep me from moving from his lips. We continue of this bliss until we hear the door knock, which brings me back to reality.

We pull apart both looking guilty because what we just did comes crashing down on me. What was I thinking, he's dating someone, i'm not exactly single. He starts walking to answer the door while I'm trying to recover from the shock. Hearing Lily's voice breaks me out of shock and I gasp, touching my lips, I blush bright red and start run into my bedroom going 90 miles per hour. I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is completely messed up from Four's hands, my clothes are crooked and my lips are swollen. I decide to stay in my bedroom until I hear Lily saying goodbye and leaving.

How do I face him? The kiss was so amazing, everything I ever dreamed a kiss to be like. But he has a girlfriend that he just cheated on. How will I keep my emotions in check? Thats when I hear Christina's voice in my head 'write it down in journal'. I walkover to my bedside table and grab it. But I can't focus on writing when I know I'm so close to Four. I need to leave. I grab my bag and head into the living room where I see Four. I try and walk right by him but he grabs my hand.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his hair is still tousled and rough looking from my hands.

"Leaving" I state with a flat expression. He sighs; his shoulders deflate.

"I was hoping we could talk?" He starting to look desperate.

"About what?" I play dumb; I know its stupid but I just need to leave and soon, I dont want to say something I will regret.

"Do you want me to say it dammit…. The kiss, I wanna talk about the kiss" He raises his voice.

"Why do you wanna talk about it, it was a mistake. You have a girlfriend and I'm not exactly single right now" I point between him and me.

"Really" He asked unconvinced.

"Yes. Now I need to go" I pull my hand away from him and walk out the door trying to ignore the feeling of loneliness when his hand isn't in mine.

I walk a good 20 minutes until I come cross a small park where children are playing and laughing. I take a seat at the bench and start writing.

Oct 1, 2014: Journal entry #1

Today Four told me one of the greatest secrets a person and keep. He trusted me enough to tell me when he hasn't even told his girlfriend. I haven't had time to process all of the information yet. I don't know why anyone would want to hurt Four. He was a little boy. I feel so protective over him now, I don't want anyone else to hurt him, he has only been nice to people.

The kiss was a mistake. Him having a girlfriend is bad but whats even worst was the he was vulnerable. Everyone has those moments when you share your deepest secret, it makes you more attached to them. What if Four only kissed me because he thought he had this connection, only because he told me his deepest secret? Why else would anyone want to kiss somebody who looks like there are 13 years old?

Even if the kiss was made with false attraction, it was the best kiss I have ever had. His lips felt like they were made for mine, one simple kiss is making me want to kiss him everyday for the rest of my life. What am I going to say to him? 'We made mistake, it will never happen again?'. No. 'We shouldn't even have feelings to talk about, because you have a girlfriend'. Maybe.

I don't even even know why I'm talking about it. Its not like he likes me. But I have this connection with him that I don't have with anyone I have ever met. I crave him close to me. I know its wrong because he's dating Lily but in that split second we kiss it felt like it was only us. In this whole world, boy was I wrong. I don't understand why I'm even thinking about him. I am perfectly happy with Elliot but someone feels missing. Like he doesn't complete me like Four does. Its all so confusing.

Elliot is was perfect, everything I would ever want in a boyfriend. Him having a child doesn't scare me or make me less attracted to him. But their are so many question I have, and most of them are non of my business and he doesn't have to tell me anything but I feel like if I'm going to continue this relationship with him I need to know all the facts. I would love to meet his child but I know for a fact that we are not ready for that.

But what if Four does like me? Why am I so afraid if he likes me? I have dated before, heck I'm dating Elliot. But dating Four scares the crap out of me and I don't know why. I know I have a connection with him that I don't have with anyone else but why is that making me scared of my feelings, I have never had this problem with guys. I have always been upfront with my feelings. Somethings different with him.

-Never Fear The Night

Chapter 11 is coming.

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