Author's Note: Sorry everyone, the cut off chapter was my fault. Here's the rest of the chapter….
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Rachel: *smacks hands over eyes* That's going to be stuck in my head FOREVER….
Gordon: *sneaks up behind Alfred and throws pie in his face* HA!
Alfred: I SAY MASTER GORDON! *grabs pie and throws it at Gordon, who ducks and hits Fox*
Fox: *splutters* What was THAT for—! Wait.... Mm! Apple! :D *eats cake off face*
Gordon: *tackles Alfred with pecan pie* TAKE THAT!
Alfred: *deflects pie with serving tray with ninja-like speed* Never underestimate a butler's ability to dodge flying food! *shoves blueberry pie in Gordon's face*
Bruce: *barges into fight* STOP HURTING THE PIE! D: *grabs all the pie and hugs them protectively* They're MIIIINNNNEEEE.
Alfred: *sigh* Whatever you say, Master Wayne.
Harvey: *comes flying out of nowhere* HEEEEEEYAAAA!!!! *flying side kick into Bruce's stomach*
Bruce: Oof! *barfs pea soup*
Harvey: *scoops up pea soup/vomit and shoves it back into Bruce's mouth* EAT it, Bat!
Bruce: *gags and swallows pea soup*
Harvey: *wipes off hands* That was fun.
Joker: *holding shaver* Oh Raaaacheeeel!!!
Rachel: *horror-struck* N-no!!
Joker: *cackle* YES! *attacks Rachel with shears*
---------- Thirty Seconds Later ----------
Rachel: *bald*
Bruce: O.o …You're not pretty anymore. *shoves Rachel at Harvey* Here, you can have her!
Harvey: Ew no! She's BALD. You take her!
Rachel: Like you should be talking!!! *rips hot pink wig off Harvey's head*
Harvey: *shrieks and snatches wig back onto head* Shut up!
Hailey: ANYway…. Read the next dare Bruce! :D
Bruce: These dares are by Witchy Rain Girl!
Hi! Awesome story!
Anyways, here are my dares.
1) I dare Hailey to melt down her Joker coin and re-shape it into an acorn and feed it to a squirrel.
2) I dare everyone to reenact World War 2.
3) While reenacting World War 2, I dare Bruce to shoot himself with a bazooka.
4) I dare everyone to become surgical interns.
5) I dare the Joker to give Bruce brain surgery.
Hope these dares work (and yes, I am kind of obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, that's where the WW2 & surgery stuff came from).
Hailey: *clutches coin (which she made into a necklace)* B-but… it's so pretty…. *strokes Joker coin lovingly*
Crane: *snatches coin and tries to yank it off Hailey's neck, instead strangling her*
Hailey: *makes strangled noise* I'm gonna—KILL YOU—Jonathan Crane!!!
Crane: *finally yanks off coin and shoves it into metal melting machine*
Hailey: What the hell was that for? D:
Crane: …I don't know. But if it wasn't me Harvey would have done it a second later! And you know you won't stay mad at me…. *sly smile*
Hailey: *covers eyes* Don't you try to work your gorgeous looks on me! You're right though… I probably would have beaten the crap out of Dent.
Harvey: I KNEW you hated me. *throws newly-made metal acorn at Hailey* Take your stupid acorn!
Hailey: *sighs and poofs squirrel into room* Good luck. *hands acorn to squirrel who takes it greedily and shoves it down throat… then chokes and dies*
Joker: *giggles and shoots Bruce with WW2 machine gun*
Bruce: AGH! D: *throws on army helmet and hides behind random couch that happens to be there*
Hailey: *grabs large gun* WHOOO!! Let the war BEGIN! *shoots erratically in Harvey's direction*
Rachel: *throws bombs joyously at Joker* LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT GETTING YOUR HAIR BLOWN OFF YOUR HEAD!
Alfred: *runs around frantically, dodging bullets and serving refreshments*
Harvey: *hands Bruce bazooka* Have fuuuun! *cackle*
Bruce: …I hate you Two Face. *shoots Harvey first and then himself*
Crane: STOP THE VIOLENCE! D: *hides behind Hailey like frightened child*
Hailey: *pats Crane's head awkwardly* It's okay, it's okay… would dissecting people make you feel any better?
Crane: *nods head timidly*
Hailey: Okay then! :D *poofs everyone in to middle of brain surgery*
Rachel: *takes one look at open brain and barfs all over the patient*
Fox: Are we certified for this?!
Joker: Nope! :D *takes dented spoon and starts to dig out brains gleefully*
Harvey: *smacks Joker's hand* Don't do that! Who is the patient anyway?
Hailey: Oh my god… it's BATSY! *falls over laughing*
Alfred: *gasp* MASTER WAYNE! *sob*
Joker: Aw, don't worry Pops, he'll be better than ever after this! *cackles and begins to mash brains with bare hands*
Bruce: *heart-rate monitor stops* beeeeeeeeeeeeep…
Alfred: NO! *collapses next to Bruce* STAY WITH ME MASTER WAYNE!
Gordon: …This is almost sad.
Hailey: You're right. *poofs Bruce's brains back into place and saves his life*
Bruce: I'm aliiiiive!!! :D
Hailey: Yea, you are, now I did that for ALFRED, not for you. 'Cause he's awesome.
Alfred: *eyes shining* Thank you Miss Hailey!
Hailey: You OWE me. Next dare!
Fox: I'll read! These are from rockangel160…
I love these dare fics! I know this is for the movies, but I hope you don't mind if I bring in the comic books and the show. Ok, here are mine:
1) I dare you to bring in Commissioner Gordon's little girl, Barbara (the future Batgirl), and then I dare Joker to tell her about how one day she'll grow up to fight with Batman *pause to let her squeal with excitement* and then tell her that Joker will SHOOT her in the spine and leave her paralyzed! That's not all! He will take off all her clothes and take pictures and show them to the Commissioner! (Source material: The Killing Joke, one of the best Batman comic books ever made.)
2) I dare Hailey to sing while emerging from a giant pie HarleyQuinn-style like in "Beware the Creeper." (Watch the bit on Youtube if you never saw that episode. (.)com/watch?v=ODUuwiBH9Cg 1:04-2:04)
3) I dare Harley Quinn to barge in on all the madness and smash you with her giant hammer for making out with her Puddin' and copying her pie move.
4)I dare Poison Ivy to come too and have an awkward moment with Harvey/Two-Face. (They used to date)
5) I dare Rachel to bring in her brother (Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie's brother) and for HIM to have an awkward with the Joker. (Check Brokeback Mountain.)
6) I dare the Batman characters (including Harley and Ivy) to call each other Death Note names. I can tell you are familiar with that manga because you favorited the "Ask L" story. I'm pretty sure you can assign the Batman characters to their Death Note counterparts no problem. It's not very hard.
Hailey: I don't mind at all if they're dares from comic/TV show! It adds more of a twist! And The Killing Joke is THE BEST FRICKING COMIC EVER.
Gordon: What IS it with these people and wanting to cause my children harm?!
*Barbara poofs into room*
Barbara: ...Where am I?
Joker: *skips over* Why hello there! Allow me to introduce myself…. I'm the Joker! 8D
Barbara: *eye twitches*
Joker: But almost MORE importantly: You're going to grow up to fight crime with the Big Bat himself one day!
Barbara: OMIGAWD ARE YOU SERIOUS?! 8D
Joker: …Now, there are several ways I could answer that question, but this time I actually AM serious!
Barbara: *runs around room flailing arms hysterically* I'M GOING TO BE BATGIRL!!!
Joker: *trips Barbara* And that's not all!
Barbara: *waits excitedly*
Joker: I'm going to shoot you in the spine, paralyze you, take off your clothes, and take naked pictures of you to show to your father! *claps hands happily*
Barbara: B-b-but—you… but Batman wouldn't—I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! *launches at Joker in rage*
Joker: *prances around laughing* Oooo Gordy, you really should be a better parent! Such violent children!
*random pie suddenly appears in front of Joker*
(( .com/watch?v=DGfY7XfzgGI&NR=1 Go to 1:06!))
Hailey: *emerges seductively from pie* Happy anniversary Mistah J…
Joker: *stares with mouth open*
Bruce: PIIIEEEE!!!! 8D *jumps into giant pie*
Hailey: Agh! *falls ungracefully out of pie* Damn you, Bruce!
Harley Quinn: *bursts in wielding giant hammer* TAKE THIS YOU CLOWN-STEALING MEANIE! *smashes Hailey on the head with hammer* Don't mess around with MY PUDDIN'!
Joker: Harley, how many times do I have to throw you off a building for you to GET that it's over?!
Harley Quinn: Aw Puddin', you don't fool ME for a second! *hugs Joker tightly around waist* I know you love me!
-----Meanwhile, as the Joker tries helplessly to pry Harley off him, Poison Ivy struts through door*-----
Harvey: Oh lord, hide me! *ducks behind Rachel*
Poison Ivy: Harvey Two-Face Dent! You get your A** OVER HERE!
Harvey: *peeks out from behind Rachel* O-oh! Wh-what brings you to… here?
Poison Ivy: *struts over and glares at Rachel* So is this the [explicit] that you chose over ME?
Harvey: Um… yea. You see, she doesn't tie me up in poisonous plants when we have an argument—
Ivy: OH, is THAT it? You want to see some poisonous plants?! I'LL GIVE YOU POISONOUS PLANTS! *shoves poison oak leaves down Harvey's throat*
Rachel: You're on your own, honey. *pats Harvey's head, glancing nervously at Ivy* Good luck!
Joker: *finally manages to get Harley off him with a crowbar, then shoves her out a window* HA!
*Jack Twist (the character played by Jake Gyllenhaal) enters room, looking slightly confused*
Jack Twist: *sees Joker* …E-Ennis? Ennis Del Mar?
Joker: *blushes and tries to laugh* I go by an, uh, different name now….
Jack Twist: It IS you! *runs over and hugs Joker tightly, who glances at Hailey awkwardly* I missed you….
Hailey: *looks back and forth between Joker and Twist, looking confused* Wha—? …OH.
Bruce: *snickers at Hailey* Looks like you chose the WRONG man to marry….
Jack Twist: Wait, you're getting MARRIED?
Joker: N-no! It's not what it looks—No, it is what it looks like. What I mean is—
Hailey: THAT IS SO ADORABLE! 8D
Joker: I can expl—*pauses* …What?
Hailey: You could have TOLD me! I mean, who WOULDN'T fall for that guy?! *points at Twist* So you had a fling. Who cares?!
Twist: *puts hands on hips* ExCUSE me? Are you calling me a FLING?
Hailey: Um… maaaybe? But we can share, right?
Twist: NO WE CANNOT! *turns angrily on Joker* WE'RE OVER! *storms out*
Joker: Well that's a chance for a threesome we'll never get back….
Hailey: *claps hands over ears* I did NOT need to hear that!
Joker: *shrugs* You KNOW you were thinking it….
Hailey: *shoves Joker out of way* ANYWAY! Yes rockangel160, it's true I am VERY familiar with Death Note. I was sort of an L fangirl back in the day, and a HUGE Kira hater. So it's horribly ironic that I'm casting every this way, but here we go! :D
Joker = Light/Kira
Bruce = L (ROFL. XD)
Harley Quinn = Misa Amane
Alfred = Watari
Harvey = Mello
Rachel = Probably Naomi….
Gordon = Soichiro Yagami (Does that make Gordon the Joker's DAD?)
Poison Ivy = Most likely Takada.
Fox = Roger! (From Wammy's House)
Crane = Nothing really fits Crane, but I'll go with Mikami!
Bruce: *looks at self in mirror* Omigawd, my eyes are HUGE.
Joker: *psycho hysterical Kira cackle* I'm an Abercrombie Pretty Boy!
Harley Quinn: MISA MISA LOVES HER LIGHT! *tackles Joker (again)*
Harvey: *sigh* Of course, why would I be anything other than the blonde with half his face burned off?
Crane: *writes furiously in Notebook* DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.
Hailey: *stabs Crane/Mikami with pencil* I HATE MIKAMI!
Crane: *whimpers* Can we just continue…?
Hailey: Oh, right. Okay, Joker read!
Joker: *giggles and snatches next dare* Okie dokey! This is from Witchy Rain Girl.
Here's a message for Hailey: This is awesome! Keep it up!
Here's a message for all the people who have been involved in this insanity so far: Congrats on surviving for so long. Best of luck to you all in future dares...except for you, Bruce, you can rot in a sack for all I care...
I've got one more dare.
I dare everyone to call Bruce "Batsy" for a whole episode.
Hailey: Thanks Witchy, I appreciate it! :D
Bruce: *sob* All your crazy friends hate me….
Harvey: Aw, it's okay Batsy! *snicker*
Bruce: *flinch* N-no…
Joker: BATSYYYY!!! *randomly tackle/hugs Bruce* Now I can call you that all the time!
Hailey: Now read the next dare, Batsy!
Bruce: *sigh* Fine…. These dares are all thanks to The King of Soda.
More dares from me! And I was really looking forward to that pyramid too...
1. I dare Crane to go into a room filled with BUTTERFLIES!
2. I dare the Joker to be only able to say, "Dja balls drop off?" "All you care about is money," and "Well hello, beautiful" for a long time!
3. I dare Bruce to stay silent for the rest of the episode! Everytime he talks someone has to kick him in the groin.
4. I dare everyone except Hailey and the Joker to spray themselves with Crane's Fear Gas, then they can go around scaring the others!
5. I dare Bruce to publicly announce that he is the Batman! (You are, after all, wanted for murder, Bats...)
6. I dare Rachel to give Delilah (her spider) a proper funeral. Oh, and everyone has to say a few words.
7. And lastly, I dare HAILEY to break up with the Joker and get together with, er... ALFRED! Forever!
Crane: *rocks quietly back and forth, eyes wide with horror* First the butterflies… then the pencil… NOW MORE BUTTERFLIES…!
Rachel: Have fun, Crane! *shoves Crane into room of exotic mornster butterflies*
Crane: NOOOOO!! *throws self helplessly against walls as butterflies close in*
Joker: Oh come on, d'ja balls drop off? Be a man!
Crane: *wail* I DO'WANNA BE A MAN!! D:
Bruce: Aw, be nice to the poor guy—
Harvey: *kicks Bruce in groin* Shut up, Batsy!
Hailey: *lets Crane out of room, who looks terrified beyond belief* Fear Toxin time! *douses everyone but Joker in toxin* Oh, and thank you for being nice to Joker and I, Soda King. ;D
Crane: *flails arms* THE BUTTERFLIES ARE BACK!!! THEY'RE HUUUUGE!!! *runs in circles*
Harvey: *screams at own reflection in mirror* MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
Rachel: *covers eyes* OH MY GOD! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!! NO! I knew it! GROSS!
Alfred: NOT THE GOOD CHINA! SPARE THE CHINA CUPS! *scrambles all over floor*
Fox: W-where are my socks?! I CAN'T FIND MY SOCKS!!!
Gordon: Not my children, Joker. Get AWAY from my children! *launches at Joker*
Joker: *cackles* Well hello beautiful! *skips away to poke at Rachel* What do you see, darlin'?
Rachel: *flails and smacks hands over eyes again* HARVEY, BRUCE, CRANE, AND YOU ARE ALL GAY!!!
Hailey: *stare* o_0 *laughs hysterically* Oh, PRICELESS!
Bruce: *shouting at imaginary person* You're not Batman, I AM BATMAN!
Hailey: *grabs Bruce and drags him to TV station* Would you like to repeat that, Batsy?
Bruce: *waves arms over head* I AM THE BATMAN!!! *Fear Toxin wears off* …Oh crap. *attacked by angry camera crew* Save me! D:
Hailey: …Okay, but only this time. *poofs everyone to random graveyard* We are here today to recognize the passing of a friend, pet, and ally, Delilah the Spider. *bows head mournfully*
Rachel: *steps forward to tiny grave, holding lilacs* Delilah, *sniffle* you were my best, most trustworthy friend. I'll… m-miss you!
Crane: Honestly, I thought you were the creepiest, ugliest thing I'd ever seen. And come on think of it, I still think that. Except maybe for the Joker…. *whacked on head by Rachel with bouquet of flowers*
Bruce: *steps forward* I'm not sure if any of you know this, but I always wanted to name my first daughter Delilah. …After this, I think I'll name her Allison or something….
Joker: *hops on to Delilah's grave* You were a pretty spider. In fact, every time I saw you I wanted to squash you into slimy bits!
Alfred: She was always crawling into my desert tray when I wasn't looking… once Gordon almost ate her.
Gordon: *shudder* I knew there was something wrong when that cookie felt fuzzy….
Fox: *shrug* I sort of liked her company. She was a very thoughtful, quite personality.
Harvey: o_0 It's a tarantula, Fox.
Fox: So just because she has eight legs she doesn't have a SOUL?! What kind of a prejudiced person ARE YOU?
Hailey: I'm going to be mean and selfish for a moment and deny that last dare. Because it took me long enough to get this goddamn rock on my finger, and I sure ain't taking it off now just because someone says I should hook up with an old man!
Alfred: *insulted*
Hailey: *pats Alfred on back* No offense, Alfie, if I had to hook up with an old man you'd be at the top of my list! ;) Now, read a dare Harvey!
Harvey: *groan* Alright, alright. This is from takara410.
love it Rachel and joker and bruce have to pose for playboy magazine
Joker: *rolling on floor laughing* ME?! Who are these people and what drugs are they ON? *cackles hysterically*
Rachel: *eye twitch* No… no, and NO.
Bruce: YESSS!!! *pumps fist*
Hailey: *grabs camera* Well THIS outta be interesting… the first two to pose together will be Rachel and Bruce, I suppose.
Bruce: *hugs Hailey in bear hug* THANK YOU, KIND PERSON! :D
Hailey: *giggles quietly* You won't be saying that in a few minutes…. Now pose!!
*Rachel and Bruce do a naughty pose with beach scene background*
Hailey: *snaps a few lazy pictures* Okay, the next two will be Joker and Rachel! *amused grin*
Rachel: *glare* I hate you, Hailey. I really do.
Hailey: One day we'll all look back on this and laugh…. Or maybe that'll just be the Joker. But you get the point right?
Rachel: No. I just get that I hate you.
Joker: *sticks tongue out* Stick in the mud! Just pose!
*Joker and Rachel pose with Arkham Asylum cell background*
Hailey: *snaps a dozen or so pictures, laughing mischievously the whole time* Okay, I think that's enough to use as blackmail for now….
Bruce: So does that mean we're done?
Hailey: HA! Not even close! Our next pairing will be BRUCE AND THE JOKER! *evil cackle as thunder booms and lightning cracks in distance*
Bruce: NO! D:
Hailey: YES, I totally just went there. Now POSE, so I can humiliate you for the rest of your life!
Bruce: *whimpers as he's shoved into very awkward position with Joker, with pink fluffy bunny background*
Hailey: Hold it RIGHT there! *snaps bazillion pictures from dozens of different angles and lightings* Oooh, I am so selling these on the internet….
Bruce: *grinds teeth* I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.
Hailey: Oh come on, it would be selfish to deny Batman/Joker fans this stuff! And besides, wouldn't that break your "one rule"?
Bruce: You have brought me closer to breaking that rule than the Joker EVER did.
Joker: Which is why I'm marrying her. *winks at Hailey*
Hailey: *blush* Why don't I read the next set of dares? This is from LittleMissForestCommaElle!
Love this so much!! Please continue! :-)
1) Harvey and Bruce must go into an epic lightsaber fight, while pretending to be Star Wars Character (fighting over Rachel)
2) Everyone has to switch places!! (For as long as they can, the longest being the rest of the chapter) :-)
P. Harvey that if he ever needs a "Friend" I'm here ;-) Sorry Rach but he is H. O. T. Hot!
((A/N: …I-I've never watched Star Wars before. *shot by Star Wars fans* It's something on my list though! I know Darth Vader of course, and Luke… Skywalker? Isn't he actually Darth Vader? No, wait, he's Darth Vader's son. Hence the "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" Epic Quote. But as you can see, I know nothing. So I won't cast Harvey and Bruce as characters, sorry!))
Harvey: *activates green lightsaber* YOU SHALL DIE AT LAST, BATSY!
Bruce: *activates blue lightsaber* PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, FIEND!
*Epic Lightsaber Battle ensues*
Bruce: I have you NOW, Two-Face! *slashes out with saber and chops of Harvey's hand*
Harvey: *slow motion* NNNNOOOOOOO!!! *clutches maimed arm dramatically* CUUUUUUURSSSSE YYYYOOOOOOUUUU BAAAAATTSSSSSYYYYY!!!!!
Hailey: *randomly bursts into Epic Battle* TIME TO SWITCH PLACES! :D
Gordon: Wait! Whoa—!!! *everyone sucked into Soul Swapping Machine of Doom*
Bruce is now Alfred
Alfred is now Rachel
Rachel is now Gordon
Crane is now Joker
Gordon is now Fox
Fox is now Harvey
Harvey is now Hailey
Hailey is now Bruce
Joker is now Crane
(…Did I forget anyone? XD)
Bruce: I'm so old and WRINKLY! *sob*
Alfred: *glances down at chest before averting eyes shamefully* I… feel extremely awkward….
Rachel: *takes off glasses* OmiGAWD I'm BLIND! *waves arms in front of face before tripping and falling over* Gordon, I didn't know you were THIS old!
Gordon: Hey! I am not old! And just when I get the chance to finally switch souls, I'm put in an even OLDER body! LOOK AT ME! D:
Crane: *looks down at self* I-I'm the Joker…? *begins stabbing body angrily with needles*
Joker: *looks down at self* And heeey! I'm the Carecrow! *looks at Crane (who is in Joker's body)* Y'know… I can't feel that.
Crane: I know, I just wanted to see if it made a difference being in the body of a masochist. *grimaces* …It doesn't.
Fox: I feel so youthful! :D
Harvey: *horrified* I-I-I'm… H-Hailey? *evil grin spreads over face* Hehehe….
Hailey: *squeaks in horror* You're ME? GET OUTTA MY BODY, DENT! *begins to viciously beat Harvey with a club*
Harvey: Ack! Hey! You're beating your own body you know! And look at YOURSELF!
Hailey: *drops club and sighs* You're right… *glances down at body* I'M BATSY? D: *throws self helplessly to the ground* WHY, CRUEL WORLD? *pauses and looks up for a moment* Oh yea, and Harvey? LittleMissForest thinks you're hot.
Harvey: *disgusted/terrified expression* IN THIS BODY?!
Hailey: Gee, thanks Harvey, I feel so loved. And no, she means your real body. Which though I'm sorry to admit, is actually kind of hot… but I hate you still.
Harvey: *scowl* Can we just go back to our normal bodies? It's so… *glances briefly at chest* …uncomfortable.
Hailey: *snaps fingers, and everyone goes (thankfully) back to normal* Now read the next group of dares, Crane!
Crane: *rubs temples* Fine, fine. This dare is by I-Am-The-Stig!
interesting!
how about everyone does...
THE TIMEWARP!
mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he he he he *snort*
( (DOT) com/watch?v=epbezV0g1Hk The Timewarp!)
Everyone: *sings loudly* LEEEETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAIN!!!! 8D Take a step to the left! Put your hands on your hips! LEEETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAIN!!! *everyone falls over dramatically at end*
Hailey: Well that was fun. And random! Next group of dares, Alfred?
Alfred: Of course. These dares are by EchoPandora.
I've decided to add to the craziness. But only if I can take Crane home with me... with the Scarecrow mask, which I do like that personality better.
Anyways I dare:
1. Rachel to dress in a Batgirl Costume, the slutty version, and kick the crap out of Bruce as batman.
2. Harvey to deal with either Tommy Lee Jones Harvey or Harvey from the animated series, to see who is worse.
3. As much as I adore Scarecrow I have an ungodly desire to see him get the "special treatment" from a dominatrix, in the style that Lady Heather did from CSI. With the whip. I am dying to see how he gets out of this one. Since... she's violent when she's scared or upset.
I'm sure he gets off on pain anyways. Right?
4. And though I know she's not here, can Poison Ivy stop bye just for "chat" to the men, you know man-hating poison-kissed stuff, particularly Crane.
Hailey: I understand, I have a bit of a crush on Jonathan myself. ^^;
Joker: I thought you loved me?! D:
Hailey: No no no! I do! I'm completely OBSESSED with you actually. Which is why I agreed to MARRY YOU. Would any sane person agree to marry a sociopath masochist? I just like Crane because he's another twisted villain that uses Gotham's deepest fears against it. And his sarcasm is amusing. But by no means think I'm trying to keep him for MYSELF. EchoPandora can do whatever she wants with him. *hands Jonathan Crane with big red bow on his head to EchoPandora* ;D
Rachel: *dresses in slutty cat woman outfit* Oh Bruuuuuuce…
Bruce: *eyes nearly pop out of head*
Rachel: You've been a NAUGHTY BOY, Batsy…. Now let me punish you…
Bruce: *whispers to self* It's FINALLY HAPPENING! PUNISH ME RACHEL! :D
Rachel: *kicks Bruce in crotch* YOU SICK PERVERT! YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD DO ANYTHING THAT STUPID?!
((A/N: Warning: I haven't seen much of Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey, so I'm just guessing and using what info I have from small clips. And I have NEVER seen CSI ever in my life, I don't even know what it's about. Yes, that's how little I watch TV.))
Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: Ooh-hoo! Helloooo! Where's that pointy-eared bat?
Harvey: o_0 You're…me? But you're so UGLY. And… is your face purple?!
Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: You ain't much of a looker yourself, now are ya?! Hey I got an idea! Let's flip a coin to see who's uglier!
Gordon: …You're annoying. More annoying than DENT, even.
Joker: Ha! So even the sane ones think you're annoying, Two-Face!
Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: Heeeey! I'm the real Two Face here! This guy's just some jealous imposter! And who are you? Noooo, lemme guess. Your some nobody trying to make it big off of the Joker's name, am I right? Pathetic, that's what I say! HA! *flicks coin*
Hailey: *rage* PATHETIC? YOU are the pathetic one! *shoves Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey out door angrily*
Poison Ivy: *randomly struts into room* Why, hello again boys. *naughty wink* Scarecrow, darling, it's been forever! Let me give you a kiss….
Crane: *scrambles back, trying to avoid kiss* Uh, yea-- *nervous laugh* Long time no see…?
Poison Ivy: Oh please Scarecrow, don't be so shy! *puts hands on hips* Does this face look like it would hurt you?
Crane: Y-yes, actually.
Bruce: Hey Ivy, leave the poor guy alon—
Ivy: *whirls angrily on Bruce* Did anyone ASK you, you stupid bat?!
Bruce: *squeak* No! I-It's jut that he's never had a girlfriend before, obviously, so it's kind of hard for—
Crane: Hey! How would you know if I've ever had a girlfriend?!
Harvey: No offense Crane, but you love Christina Aguilera, you enjoy walking in high heels, your worst fear is butterflies, and you're the most emotional man I've ever met. To most girls, that sort of… oh I don't know… screams GAY.
Crane: *covers eyes and wails* BUT I'M NOT GAY!
Hailey: Thank god, that would be quite a disappointment for EchoPandora. Who wants to read now?
Rachel: I guess I will! These dares are from Carmen Aurelia!
:D
I love this story,
especially the part where the Joker drew all the "creative" drawings on everyone's faces. (Extra quotes on the 'creative' part)
Well,
your undying love for The Joker makes you both pretty good targets for humiliation -evil laugh of my own while hunching over drinking a cup of coffee-
Okay, carrying on,
I have a couple dares on mind :]
Number One: The Joker has to wear a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow poka dot bikini and sing the theme song to it "She wore a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini...(..)"
WITH Ballet dance moves!
And no chickening out of this or any loopholes.. -glare- i'm on to you.
:]
Oh and he has to stay in that bikini for uhm,
THE REST OF THE STORY.
AND,
Hailey and the Joker have to hold each others waists, WHILE HE'S IN THE BIKINI.
:]
Oh and I dare Bruce to give me a long kiss,
I'd so do him.
Hailey: *twitch*
Bruce: *throws hands in air* FINALLY SOMEONE LOVES ME! :D *grabs Carman Aurelia and kisses her passionately*
Hailey: *shrug* I guess I deserve it; I knew I was painting a target on my forehead when I admitted my undying love for the Joker…. But now I'm marrying him! SO BE JEALOUS! 8D
Joker: *strips down to "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini" and ballet tutu* Sheeeee wooooooore aaaaan… ITSY BITS TEENY WEENIE YELLOW POLKA-DOT BIKINI!! *does can-can while singing* Al la la lalalala lalalala Idon'tknowthewords lalalala LALALALAAAA!!! *grabs on to Hailey's waist and continues to do can-can with her*
Hailey: *stumbles awkwardly, holding on to Joker's waist for dear life* Calm down, Joker!
Joker: LalLalLalalALlalalALLLALAllalalaLALALA!!!! *gets kicked in shin by Hailey* Wha—Oh, FINE. I'll read the next dare then!
Hailey: *chuckle* Go ahead.
Joker: *AHEM!* This is fromalex's wonderland!
This Story is amazing. Very Very Very FUNNY!
Ok, I dare all of the characters to partner up, and have a piggie-back race from one end of the room to the other, and back!!
Optional: the winning pair get a free pass: they get to be exempt from the next terrible dare that involves them?
Gordon: Oh, it is SO ON! :D
Partners: (first = top, second = bottom)
Alfred and Fox
Rachel and Crane
Bruce and Harvey
Gordon, Hailey, and Joker
Gordon: Why do I have to carry TWO people?!
Fox: Because we have an uneven number.
Rachel: On your mark… get set… GO! *charges forward with Crane clinging to her back*
Harvey: GO BATSY GO! *Bruce scrambles forward with Harvey shouting orders on his back*
Gordon: CHAAAAAARGE!!!! *gallops forward with Hailey shrieking to slow down and the Joker laughing to go faster*
Crane: *pants for breath* They're gaining! D:
Rachel: Then move FASTER ya slow poke! *smacks Crane on head*
Joker: *throws various pointy objects at fellow racers* HAhaHAhAhaHAHAhaHAHahAhAHAhoo!!!!
Alfred: *dodges objects with surprising speed and agility, all the while holding a tray full of refreshments*
Fox: Can't you put that down just for the race?!
Alfred: NO! The Joker glued my hands to the tray! *uses tray to block flying pencils*
Gordon: I SEE THE FINISH LINE!
Rachel: Oh NO you don't!! GO SCARECROW GO! *whips Crane like a racing horse*
Crane: Aaaagh!! *flails arms and crashes into Gordon, Hailey, and Joker*
Gordon: *slow motion* Noooooo!!!! *Joker gets thrown off Hailey's back and flies into Alfred and Fox*
Fox: *gets knocked off Alfred's back and goes flying over the finish line* I WIIIIIN!!! :D
Rachel: YOU FOOL CRANE!! *kicks fallen Crane*
Alfred: *groans on ground, still clinging to glued-on tray* Are we DONE yet?
Hailey: Almost! To finish up this episode, we're going to have the wedding!!
**Wedding bells chime in the distance as people gather in large outdoor courtyard decorated with traditional classy black wedding theme**
Alfred: *carefully carries enormous, intricately decorated white wedding cake, and places it on large dessert table in the courtyard* It's perfect! This cake will be my crowning glory! :D
Harvey: (sitting in one of the many chairs facing the small alter, looking grumpy) *folds arms stubbornly* This is so STUPID.
Rachel: (sitting next to him) Aaaaw, I think it's kind of cute. :3 This is how I would want MY wedding to look! *nudge nudge*
Gordon: (hiding behind corner with police force near back of courtyard) Okay men, I don't know what's going to happen next, but it won't be good. This is the JOKER we're talking about. So be on you're guard!
Crane: (with Hailey waiting outside dressing room) Come on Hailey, you look great, come out!
Hailey: *has eyes covered, refusing to look at self in mirror* NO! I can't do this! I look like an idiot!
Crane: You look amazing! Just come out! Please?!
Hailey: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!
Joker: (at the alter) *pacing back and forth* Where is she? All she has to do is walk down the stupid isle, say two words, kiss me and walk back down the isle. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?! D:
Bruce: (standing next to Joker) Look, I'm sure any sane girl would be half way to Mexico by now, but Hailey obviously isn't sane. She'll be here!
Joker: *stops and gives Bruce blank stare* Gee, thanks Best Man.
Bruce: That's another thing I don't get: WHY ME? Aren't we enemies?
Joker: *sigh* Do you EVER listen to ANYTHING I say? We're two sides of the same coin! You complete me, you're not like them, yadda yadda yadda….
Bruce: Yea, yea, whatever. You're still nuts.
Fox: (talking to waitress near eating tables off to the left of the courtyard) Now this is the seating order…. Yes, I know half of the guests are on Gotham's Most Wanted list…. Look, here's a hundred dollars, now get a move on!
Crane: (back in dressing room) *uses big eyes and puppy dog lip* PLEASE, Hailey?
Hailey: Ugh, FINE. But I'm doing this for you, Jonathan! SO YOU OWE ME. *slowly uncovers eyes* ……OH MA' GAWD. O_O
http://bridedresses./images/Bridal_
((Only it's dark purple in the torso, a little lighter purple in the skirt, and the fancy patterns at the top and bottom of the torso is emerald green.))
Crane: You SEE? You look great! NOW GET OUT THERE AND MARRY THAT SOCIOPATHIC CLOWN! :D *shoves Hailey out of dressing room and on to the isle*
Bruce: (still standing next to Joker) There she is, now at least TRY not to kill anyone—
Joker: *stabs Bruce with switchblade* You talk to much.
Bruce: *flails and falls over pew*
Hailey: *tries to walk in the traditional "bride walk", and trips over own feet* Ugh, screw this! *lifts gown and marches unceremoniously up isle to Joker* Let's get on with it, shall we?
Gordon: (still hiding behind courtyard wall with MCU force) Okay, you all stay here and I'll try to sneak in the back….
Alfred: (who is being the priet) Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to celebrate.... *blah blah blah blah*
Harvey: *groans loudly* This is SOOO boring!
Rachel: *whacks Harvey on the head* Shut up! You're ruining it!
Crane: *slips quietly into seat next to Rachel, tears of joy in his eyes* She's she look beautiful? She's all grown up! *sobs into hands*
Joker: *looks extremely bored, yawning obviously* Look Pops, I love your little speech an' all… but try this. *hands Alfred crinkled, blood splattered paper*
Alfred: I—Uh… okay…? *clears throat and reads off of paper* Hailey, do you take Jack Napier to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage. Do you promise to laugh, murder, vandalize and cause terror with him for laughs or for screams, for sanity or madness, in sickness and in health? And forsaking all others, to laugh with and love him so long as you both shall live?"
Hailey: *laughs* Would I be here if I didn't?
Alfred: *stern glare*
Hailey: Oh, right— I mean… *ahem* I do.
Alfred: *repeats speech to Joker*
Joker: Yea, yea. I do. *flicks knife open and closed behind back in boredom*
Gordon: *speaks into radio* HE HAS A KNIFE! GO GO GO!
*Gotham Police Force bursts into courtyard in riot gear*
GPA\F Officer: PUT YOUR HANDS UP JOKER!
Hailey: *handcuffed* What the F***?! GORDON! *RAGE*
Joker: Hey, I'm kinda busy, can you wait a moment? *dragged away*
Rachel: YOU ARE RUINING MY DREAM WEDDING!!! *charges with war cry at GPF, waving a purse like a weapon* DIE, YOU WEDDING MURDERERS!!
Crane: *bursts into hysterical sobs* DON'T TAKE ME BACK TO ARKHAM!! *runs blindly at hits table with giant cake*
Alfred: *horrified* NOT THE WEDDING CAKE! D: *dives to save cake, catching it just on time* Phew! :D
Bruce: *heroic voice* I will save you, Rachel! *dives into battle, gets beaten with a club by GPF, and falls into cake, completely destroying it*
Alfred: Noooooo! *cries*
Harvey: *smug grin* NOW things are interesting…. *GPF officer handcuffs him* HEY! Wait a minute!! *dragged off*
Bruce: *spluttering in cake* Quick, you idiot! Kiss the bride!
Joker: *struggles against handcuffs, laughing hysterically* C'mere, doll! *leans over and passionately kisses Hailey*
Hailey: *dragged away from Joker* You guys all SUCK, you know that? Looks like the honeymoon might be a little different from what I expected…. *giggles* Hey, maybe we can share a cell, Jack. ;)
Crane: *flailing in straight jacket* NOOO!!! *crashes into table again, and random fire ignites*
Wedding Guests: *burst into chaos, running for lives and screaming*
Joker, Hailey, Crane, Bruce, Rachel, and Harvey: *all shoved into big truck and sent to Arkham Asylum*
Gordon: O_O …Oops?
Fox: *blank glare at Gordon* …This is all your fault.
A/N: And that concludes Episode Seven! :D I hope you're all satisfied with this episode; I did it in sort of a rush. :/ I just want to make a few things VERY CLEAR. SO READ THIS PLEASE!
I'm going to be lame and add a rule. You can now only request three dares per chapter. I know I said this last episode, but since I'm still not even CLOSE to catching up there are some dares that were entered before I made this rule. For those dares, that's fine, but I get to choose which three will be done. Sorry! D:
I was not insulting or inferring I don't like gays in this chapter. I have nothing against homosexual people; I'm actually friends with a few. So I hope nobody was insulted!
I bet you're all wondering, "Where the hell did the Little Girl go?!" Well, since I'm still not caught up with all these dares, none of the dares have anything to do with her so I found it kind of pointless to have her. I'll bring her back when I finally catch up, but for now… she's on vacation! :D
Oh, and one last thing. HOLD OFF ON THE DARES FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER. And please don't hate me for it! D: I'm doing what I can, but it's a LOT OF DARES to catch up on.