Teehee. Well I thought it would take a lot longer to write this next chapter, but I pumped out nine or so pages (mostly dialogue; so sorry if it seems shorter), and liked the way it ended around the central idea in the other before this. Also; pleeeeaaaaseee try not to hate me too much :) things always get a little worse before they get better; but I promise that it wont be slipping into any ungodly sadness the rest of the story lol. Just the inevitability of working through the kinks.
BUT ANYWAYS.
Review Timeee:
Blazelight790: lol, I am so sorry to torture you, and apologize in advance that I will proooobablly continue to do so, seeing as cliffhangers are my favorite way to conclude…well…just about everything—cause you just never really know how something is going to turn out. And sometimes kissing someone, is just as confusing as trying to justify it….hmm *evilly leaves a cliffhanger to end the comment
Chibiterasu: lol, teehee, it's okay—it's probably immature of me to even write this at twenty-years old—but what can I say? Haha I don't even care, because I'm too in love to stop! And I know, haha I was so excited, I was surprised I let myself write it like that—usually I don't dive right into the intimate stuff, but it just seemed so fitting after hypothetically torturing Jack and Hiccup for YEARS and eight chapters. Bahah, but I'm glad you found their interaction to be so appealing, and that I can write the intimacy out to be so sexy—because I do, guiltily, love all the strain and tension of crossing boundaries and confusing intentions and how it tends to drive the mind and body to the brink of insanity—THUS! Exploding in all the best ways. And yes, sorry again for the cliffhangers, and even sorrier still that they're probably here to stay lol
Rahar Moonfire: Comment #1: aw I'm glad that you liked the writing in the chapter, even if its content left you feeling mildly depressed lol—as it always seems to leave my brain in that fashion; but there's just something so addictive about all the hurt/comfort stuff that keeps me coming back to write more! Also; I replied about the review4review thing in a message the other day! Just so you know : )
Comment #2: lol see! I'm not COMPLETELY heartless; I tried to balance out the extreme sad feels with some oh so happy—jack—feels…hiccup scenes! Baha. But again, glad you enjoyed!
Comment #3: lol wellll….there's that thing about chapter/scene balance again…I hope it doesn't make you think of the chapter as any less awesome though!
Animefangirl55: hahah YES I have hijacked the HiJack train, and it is a runaway train in deed! And shall keep running along its two way track of tensely tasteful amazingness! So don't let the back and forth confuse you! I promise the moments and the good feels will still keep coming; despite the rest, and the conflict (lol because without one I really wouldn't have a plot or anywhere to go with the story o_o so…heartbreaking….that…I must….draw this out! Lol) But yeah, I thought so too—in terms of his loss for words—I mean after three years, that's a hell of a long time to go without being seen or heard or seemingly mattering. And awe, don't cry! Because I'm sure you'd make Jack and Hiccup cry too—they're a pair of emotional saps lol; but sexy emotional saps who I enjoy allowing to go a little too far from time to time. Teehee and I thought jack asking for the kiss was too adorable to leave out a full blown escalation. (and, as always, I have written you back a novel long review, and should probably stop so you can get onto the part you CARE about reading! Lol)
Animefreakg: lol yes the parody was quite lovely! Although I'm glad you clarified, because at first I was like—wait—wahh? Lol and then after reading the 'blvd of broken dreams bit' proceeded to read it over and continue singing it to myself in my head. Lol anyways; I'm glad you liked it slash the twist and the end; and also for being the only one to point out the issue of Jack's emerging 'restraint' as it becomes very key in the plot later.
SPskater411: oh yesss, I tend to have this effect on people! Jk jk but ohmygawsh, lol very flattering that I've rendered you speechless—tbh I wrote this chapter after having a night with MY best-friend who rendered ME speechless, b/c he's effing adorable (in short, we have/had one of these jack/hiccup complicated friendship bits) ANYWAYS, that's not important, but what is that I say thank you for this review, and welcome to the WORST titled fanfiction in the HISTORY of fanfiction! I hope it continues to capture your interest…ALSO, loving the fact that you ended with a "teehee"…because it is literally my favorite random phrase to insert after/before/in the middle of everything…teehee….lol there I go again.
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HOKAY; HERE-WEHH-GOOHHH
Read. Take A second to probably hate me. Take a breath. Realize I love my readers too much to let them suffer. Review. And await the unraveling of HiJack!
*Mwahaha.*
also: I'll explain a tad at the end about where this is going, sort of, or what not. Because I went from no plan, to writing out the ENTIRE plot last night.
Convenient, right?
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Chapter Ten.
This next part was the hardest—the part Jack already knew Hiccup couldn't reciprocate. The part where they'd have to drown just in order to breathe—to realize they'd already been pulled under—to understand they were never getting out unless they learned how to swim—to navigate through the currents that fought restlessly to tear them apart. And Jack stayed afloat just long enough to watch them sink.
"In love?" Hiccup asked, as if for some reason that one, little word had morphed Jack's confession into a completely foreign concept.
In the simplest summery—needless to say—this was not the reaction Jack had been hoping for; and the unreceptive question he'd received in place of a definite response caused his face to drain, and then simultaneously flood with color over the words he'd just let carelessly escape.
The combination had been hard enough to condense into a single sentence of actual words—let alone something he could elaborate and expand upon—and Jack felt as if he'd just handed a sappy, misconstrued love letter to the hottest girl in school; only to watch her eyes bulge judgmentally, while shuffling it insincerely out of sight, where she never intended to open it.
"Don't make me say it again." He spoke in such a hushed, yet dominate voice—implying Hiccup's desire for repetition wouldn't translate into anything substantial anyways.
Hiccup exhaled gradually, reverting back to sarcasm when everything else failed to translate, "Way to take things slow."
"Well you wanted an answer." Jack's whole face burned. "I never said you were going to like it."
Hiccup shifted, turning over until they were facing each other, "I never said I didn't like it either," he reasoned, "I just—"
"I know," Jack cut him off—knowing was easier than hearing him say it.
The redhead curled into the nape of his neck. "She's going to kill me."
Even with his arms wrapped around him, suddenly Jack felt misplaced—never realizing how differently the things he already knew came back to kick his ass as soon as he merged into Hiccup's world—and they all translated into reality.
"Oh…"
"…yeah."
"Are you two…?"
"Yes..."
"Why didn't you say something earlier," Jack blushed furiously, pulling back, suddenly so ungodly embarrassed for thinking he could just walk back into their old life, undisrupted. "You know," he continued, a little hostile, "before I poured my heart out for you to step all over? Or better yet," Jack pressed onward, now spitefully sarcastic. "How about before you decide to go and kiss me back for once? How about before the part where you took my shirt off and grabbed me like sex was going out of fucking style?" he demanded, getting up suddenly, and leaving the other on the ground to absorb everything he'd just as carelessly dropped.
A guilty expression crept up in his features, and Hiccup sat up, looking on an angle to face where Jack had risen a few feet away. "Because I completely forgot she existed as soon as I saw you," he admitted embarrassedly, and oh-so out of character; it was certainly not very like Hiccup to misplace such obvious details, not so insensitively, and especially not for his own gain.
"But now that that's—that you can see her loud and fucking clear, huh?"
Hiccup blushed, "We had plans…"
Jack looked away, disinterested, "So?"
"For tonight," the other emphasized, and Jack caught the drift.
It was the most dreadful, depleting sound. "And let me guess—you're still going?"
"She's my girlfriend, Jack," he tried to rationalize, getting to his feet.
"So?" He refused the other any advantage, "I thought I was supposed to be your best-friend?"
"You'll always be my best-friend," Hiccup corrected him, trying to step into him, but Jack only stepped away again.
"She's taking you away from me," the blue-eyed boy yelled back, feeling the tears freeze into place as they so often did when the rest was restricting.
"God," Hiccup breathed out, stopping to stare at him so disappointedly that it hurt, "Are you really that selfish?"
"Me?" Jack's neck snapped in his direction. "Really, Hiccup? Really?" he stepped forward this time, forcefully establishing the height advantage that made him feel more in control. "You really want to talk to me about being selfish, right now?"
"Jack…"
"No," he continued to shake his head unreceptively, "You can't just do all this and then run back to her. Not again."
"Jack it's not—."
"Fucking quit it, okay?" his head snapped back into focus, "Don't even start with all your fucking everything will be okay speeches, I don't want to hear it. Because they're not," he exhaled with great difficulty, unable to catch his breath, "it's not okay. I'm not okay."
Hiccup's eyes squinted even more heartbrokenly, "You know, I kind of wish I never came looking for you now."
And that time, the words hurt too much for Jack to ignore, "Hiccup," he released softly, trying so hard to be sensible, but the other could play dominant just as effortlessly as he could.
"Save it, Jack. I didn't spend all this time wanting to see you, just so you could scream in my fucking face, and make me feel like an asshole."
"Hiccup," he extended one last gesture, but the emerald-eyed boy slapped it straight to hell.
"How can you honestly stand here and act like you're the only one who had to lose something?" he asked, the sensation of tears swelling in his voice.
"Hiccup—please just—"
"Just what? Listen?" he stared disbelievingly.
The other boy frowned, "I jus…"
"It's been three years, Jack. A lot has changed, I've changed," Hiccup screamed back, encircling the other in a mixture of sadness and confusion. "Things are different. I watched you DIE for chris'sake, what did you expect?"
"It's not what I expected," Jack said softly, "it's what I didn't."
Hiccup's eyes refocused, quelling the anger, "Didn't expect what?"
"You to move on so easily." The words weren't meant to be hurtful, not to the extent they drew the redhead down at least; but Jack had to admit, some part of him had hoped…had wanted to believe that coming back would be enough for him to forget her.
Emerald eyes fell to the floor, watching his feet curling into the snow, "Is that what you think I did?" he asked softly, not spitefully or angrily anymore, but attempting to hold himself together. "You think I just moved on?" Then a laugh, a thick, pained, self-reflective expression of such evident falsity, "I wishit were that easy, Jack. I really do."
But Jack turned away from the noise, from the words, and from Hiccup. "She replaced me," his breath broke the air, so cold and clouded as it froze his face.
"No one could ever replace you," Hiccup stepped towards him, trying to convey this simply, but the complications had long since run their course. "And no one ever has."
"No one except for her—right?" Jack tacked on, stomaching his pride to sacrifice the pain of publicly humiliating himself—it was almost enough to make him withdraw almost completely back into isolation. After all, what was the point? Jack summarized, that's what he meant, even if he didn't say it, and I'm still in second place. Within the first few hours of becoming visible, I've already managed to fuck up everything…He released a deep, burdened sigh, just like old times—right?
And suddenly this seemed more and more familiar— like a scene they'd both seen before. After the initial shock had worn away—and the magic had died—they were forced to confront the reality that things were no longer as they once were—a reality that they'd relived a hundred times, even before Jack's fall from grace.
Hiccup was out with Astrid again, and Jack was thoroughly unimpressed. What's so great about her anyways that yesterday wasn't enough? Jack thought irritated. What's so important that it's taking all fucking day? It seemed to the brunette that ever since she'd begun to share the secret that Hiccup was keeping a dragon instead of killing one, that the two of them had grown closer in such a short span of time—and Jack was feeling less and less special by the second.
But it was weird—for both of them—because until then, they'd both been invisible. Well, Hiccup was invisible, and Jack just loved to spend time in his shadow, ignoring his own symmetry in favor of getting lost in the one he'd always liked better. It wasn't like that anymore though…because Astrid was slipping between the spaces and forcing Jack back into himself while she tried Hiccup on for size.
Way to conveniently start caring,Jack thought mentally towards her, both irritated and unreceptive towards the fact that she'd never given Hiccup the time of day before, but now she suddenly wanted to spend all of hers, alone, with him. And on one hand, he was annoyed because he knew Hiccup was enthralled with what he conveyed to Jack as 'progress', and what Jack thought was a sad excuse not to see through the dishonesty of what she was doing—which was, on the other, what made him so angry and so impervious to the idea that Astrid's interest could be genuine when Hiccup had loved her for forever, but it had taken a dragon for her to notice him.
And even though everything had been too recent to really bridge anything between her and Hiccup, Jack wondered how it could be so obvious to him, the one who never saw the parallels, and yet escape Hiccup so instantaneously—you're supposed to be the smart one, he sighed, why can't you see what she's doing, Hiccup? And in his mind, it was that simple—and Astrid was simply using him—twisting him—instilling the belief that he'd only now become interesting. And it didn't just bother him either, it made him angry too, so god damn angry, because nothing pissed him off more then when people tried to make Hiccup feel like he didn't belong, just because he was a little different—and when they disregarded every little detail of his personality and potential that Jack had always seen so clearly—had always loved the most.
However, Hiccup seemed to forget all of that—forget that Jack had been his only friend till now—forget that she had only ever made his life an unbearable hell—forget that he stood out the most by just being himself; instead, he was too wrapped up in the idea that someone had put their faith in him. And even though Jack knew that it went without saying that he, of all people, would honor Hiccup's secret without question—he also knew that for Astrid, the decision was different, because it went against her entire way of life, and so there was something special about it, but that had just continuously made everything about it even worse.
She had always been an 'outsider', but now she had broken through the surface—she had entered their world—uninvited—and suddenly it was as if Hiccup had someone else to share his secrets with—someone else who he wanted to spend constant time with—someone else who mattered on more than just any level—but most importantly, someone else who wasn't Jack.
For real, he shook his head, glancing out his window at the sky that was shifting through shades of indigo and violet as the sun sank out of sight, that bitch better watch her back.
"Why do you insist on making it into a competition?" Hiccup's head shook, so frustrated he almost forgot to breathe—turning red from both the shortage and the context. "I swear to god—sometimes you're worse than she is," he added incredulously, falling back into this routine of theirs as if it were unbroken.
"Because," Jack argued stubbornly, too scorned and too cynical to ignore the awkward string of words he'd left hanging in the air earlier—unanswered, "You clearly made your choice."
And this time Hiccup was too infuriated to play the sensitivity card, and he shot back with a blow bellow the belt. "Well maybe if you didn't have to go and play hero then I never would of had to make it in the first place," he shouted. "Maybe if you would have talked to me instead of going all Jack—then we might've stood a chance."
Jack's face burned, "How dare you even use that against me right now," he said accusingly, "I'm sorry dying wasn't good enough for you, Hiccup. I'm sorry I didn't have enough time to think it through."
"Well maybe you shouldn't be thinking about it at all," Hiccup said, clearly agitated as he fell back into the root of conversation, "It's not a competition. You're just different. The end."
"Yeah?" Jack challenged, "Well excuse me, but you can't act like what just happened didn't—just happen, okay? So don't try and tell me you're not busy weighing us against each other in that overactive brain of yours. Or did you just forget that I'm the one who knows you so well?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" he glared suddenly, narrowing his eyes at the wording.
"That she never even noticed you until you did something, but I saw you before anyone else could," Jack's lower lip trembled, too overturned by the tumult of feelings they'd been forced to swallow in a single sitting.
Then Hiccup paused, mouth in mid motion, as if suddenly the same realization had smacked him in the face, losing all conviction in the chaos, and sinking back into himself at the sight of Jack in such emotional turmoil. "Hey," he reached forward softly, completing the gesture despite noticing how the other had flinched at its possibility, but not withdrawn when Hiccup's hand held onto his arm. "I…I didn't mean it Jack…for this…or for her…or….or any of it," he sighed, glancing down sadly. "It's just…too much…too soon…and until now…I thought you were dead."
Despite the immature inkling to rip away from Hiccup and scream at him rather than actually trying to rationalize this out, Jack forced himself to meet those expansive, green eyes he knew would melt everything back into focus. "I know," he reached out too this time, and pulled the other in close, even though a piece of him still feared rejection. "And I didn't mean…to…I don't know," his face flushed and furrowed at how he must interpret his feelings as if they were so hard to believe, "freak you out or anything."
"I know," Hiccup replied, hushing the embarrassment towards such blatant insensitivity, not fully understanding why he'd shone it to the person he was so ridiculously happy to have re-found. "And you didn't…freak me out, I mean," he added after a pause. "I should never have reacted like that."
"Maybe you were right to," Jack sighed, tucking Hiccup's head under his chin as he felt the other reposition, "we just….before all this….we just left things so—"
"—Unfinished?" Hiccup cut him off.
Jack's arms squeezed tighter, "Exactly."
"So you understand" he tilted his head to the side, his eardrum pressed to Jack's chest, so closely he could hear his heartbeat as it quickened and protracted, "that this is still all new for me."
"No, that's what I don't get though," Jack posed sadly. "You seemed so into the idea earlier, and a thousand times before this, but then as soon as I say something about it, you act like I'm talking in another language," he pulled their bodies away, but only enough to establish eye contact, "How is it new, if its been going on since before I went away?" he finished, as if substituting death with a euphemism could make it any less permanent.
"Because I never fully understood the way I felt, or what was going on between us—with you all that time," Hiccup stared up simply, but then sensitively at the words, "and because you never told me you were in love with me before."
"Please, don't remind me that I did at all," Jack turned away, trying to dissuade the color on his face that was beyond his control, but felt a small, steady hand bringing it back into place.
"It's not that I don't love you," his hands tightened at the other's sides, "because I do. More than anything," he clarified, "And I should have said so—but…."
"But it's not the same for you," Jack finished. "It can't be. You're in love with her." And as hard as he tried not to, it always sounded like an accusation.
Hiccup's eyes widened and pooled innocently, unaware of how to differentiate between the two things that meant so much to him, "I have been for half my life, you already knew that," and it was true, Jack knew, everybody knew. "And the way I love you is just…so different…" he concluded for a lack of better ways to define what had always been indefinable.
"I feel like such an idiot," Jack breathed out, closing his eyes.
"I'm the idiot," Hiccup insisted, "I'm the one who knew and didn't care. I'm the one who let you kiss me, because I'm the one who wanted you to," he stood on his tip-toes, " and because I'm the one who never wanted it to stop," he confessed, brushing his lips against Jack's. "And I still don't want it to."
That had, however, taken Jack by surprise—the honesty—the action—the willingness to go backwards after they'd shot forward inconceivably into disarray and hostility—by the fact that Hiccup hadn't tried to take any of it back—or pretend he wanted it to go away at all. "Then what do you want," Jack dipped down, returning the exchange with his lips lingering just a little longer.
"To figure this out," the other wrapped his arms around his friend's neck, because close was never close enough, "to figure us out…"
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okay, okay, so…a few things
don't worry, the YAY moments will CTN in spite of the tension
also don't worry, because no I will not let Astrid completely dominate the story, she's simply a tool in the writing :)
a lot of the rest of this story is going to start coming in weird past/present parallels [even though I've already been doing this] but they're all gonna focus more in on how all this came to be in the first place. So DUH, good stuff. Not so much all the dying and the WTF moments
now that I've written all this…I'm starting to realize there was no point…and that I didn't really accomplish anything hah. Oopsy-daisy
Did I mention I'd love reviews? : )
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