Author's Note: Didn't expect to reach this part of the story so quickly but I said I'd update twice this week so I'm keeping my promise. I'm hoping you'd read this chapter carefully. Read carefully and take note. Thanks and enjoy.
Disclaimer: The characters, settings, and back story are copyrighted by Square-Enix and Disney. The storyline is mine, as well as some original characters. As for the title of the chapter…you can look it up yourself.
A Walk In Andante
10 - 懐かしく
Morning. Several days had gone since Olette declared she was going to teach everyone, with the help of Hayner of course, how to tango. It was very embarrassing, since tango wasn't just any kind of dance. To make things worse, they couldn't figure out where to practice. So sometimes they'd go to Olette's place. Sometimes it would be at Hayner's house. Pence barred them from his home. Sometimes it would be at Roxas's apartment. And sometimes it would be at the top room of the clock tower.
Hayner was frighteningly graceful. Pence was an absolute dud. Olette, naturally, did everything with enthusiasm, which drove Hayner up the wall. Kairi was just so painfully shy Roxas didn't know why Olette was putting her through so much embarrassment and pain to learn something that was only useful at a dance club here in Twilight Town. And Roxas, well, he felt like a fool. A big, cumbersome fool.
Olette, I wish I knew your motive for this. Are you trying to make life misery or is this something between you and Pence? I know Pence. I sure don't know about you. What are you up to?
Well actually, Roxas had an idea. More like a feeling, actually. But if it really did have something to do with how he and Kairi were always together going to places in Twilight Town, then Roxas really did feel like a fool.
Because ever since that conversation he had with Axel – was that even an actual conversation because it sure didn't seem like it – he had been watching himself. Had been watching his interactions with other people. Wanted to see how he was acting around them and how they responded to him. But really, he found himself studying Kairi. He scolded himself off, telling him that there were more people in the world than just her but he couldn't help it; whenever he started getting self-conscious about himself and his actions, he found himself watching Kairi. Watching and wondering.
Like yesterday. He watched her practice some solo moves on the arena, studied the fluidity in her limbs as she apparently grew more and more comfortable with wielding a blue bat like an assault weapon…and found his mind drifting far away from the reason for why they were here.
She was beautiful when in the midst of some battle move.
Beautiful. That was the idea. Beautiful was a word, a pitiful collection of vocals to summarize in short something far greater than can be comprehended by the pathetic human mind, its limited capacity for complete comprehension, and its even more limited language.
Beautiful…where had that come from?
And yesterday, afterwards, when they all convened at Olette's place, and the brunette forced Hayner to show Kairi how to react to her partner in dance, he felt something hot and explosive in the pit of his stomach. Something spitfire and spiteful crept through him as he watched the two teenagers unwillingly dance under the glare of Olette's green eyes. Who told Hayner he could dance with Kairi?
What am I'm feeling? Why, at that moment in time, did I want to physically hurt Hayner? Hurtle him out of Olette's house for dancing with Kairi that way? I mean, it's just practice, right? It's only some torturous dance routine Olette's putting all of us through. Who cares about who dances with who? Who cares about anything at all? It…it makes no sense.
He still remembered what Axel told him, about whatever he's feeling being echoes of what Sora's feeling. It was something that he couldn't forget. Could never forget.
"What am I feeling? When I think about her, I feel so weird…all warm and melting…is that a feeling? An emotion? Is that Sora's feelings about Kairi?"
"You're a shadow of Sora and all you can ever feel for her is what Sora feels for her, so don't even think you can love her because not only are you incapable of love, somebody else loves her. Somebody she loves back."
An echo of Sora's love. Whatever he was feeling was what Sora was feeling. A consequence of the connection between the two teenagers. Everything Roxas was doing was based on Sora, right? So his feelings for Kairi was Sora's love for her…except…except Roxas found himself resenting it. This wasn't something he expected to occur after merging with Sora all those months ago. He didn't expect to suddenly reappear in Twilight Town…and meet her.
She…she's never said anything yet. She's never questioned me…my actions, my motives, my thoughts…why? It's like…it's like she already knows everything. Is this what it's like to be Sora? Is it that…that they understand each other? Is that it?
What am I to do with her? Even though whatever I feel may be…lies…her feelings aren't. What does she feel? How does she see me? What am I to her? No objections, nothing…it's like she thinks I don't know Sora. But I do…I know him too well. And it's killing me.
Herein was the great problem. Roxas hadn't told her anything about his past. She hadn't approached him about what he did a year ago, two years ago, in childhood, who his parents were, nothing. She had asked him nothing but Roxas had a feeling it wasn't that she 'understood' he didn't want to talk about it. Perhaps she just…didn't have the chance to think about it.
In a way, I'm glad she didn't ask. What would she do, what would she say, if she found out who I really was? That would be…awkward.
His behavior around her ever since they first met here in Twilight Town had been mostly everything beyond friendly. Until a few days ago, he had been making a lot of moves. He realized now that he had no idea what he was doing…but back then it all seemed right…wait, this made no sense.
Is this because of Sora? Is he the one driving me? Is he the one driving my thoughts, my emotions, my body, my…everything?
He didn't want to let Sora control him. No, he had enough of it.
"I won't let Sora control me!" he hissed abruptly and loudly to himself as he turned the last corner towards Olette's house.
"I'm sure you won't," came the familiar voice. Sarcasm. "Knowing that you're Sora's Nobody, of course you won't let him dictate your every move, your every thought, your every goddamn emotion!"
"Shut up, I didn't ask you!" Roxas snapped as Axel appeared before him. The teenager scanned the empty street then eyed the Organization member suspiciously. "What the hell do you want?"
Axel shrugged, then leaned against one of the tall apartment complexes in the area. His green eyes were unreadable and Roxas growled at the discomfort.
"It's quite interesting, your anger," Axel said slowly. "This isn't…you, if you know what I mean. Where'd it come from, I wonder?"
"Don't know what you mean but maybe it's from Sora, just like the rest of me!" the blond teenager retorted sharply. "Here to shove that in my face?"
Now Axel's eyes were narrowed. He stepped forward but was stopped almost immediately by the Oathkeeper shoved in his face. Again.
"Put your weapon down, you asshole!" the older man snapped angrily. "If someone sees us-"
"So what?" Roxas hissed. "So what?"
Axel's eyebrows shot up in shock. Roxas felt a drop of satisfaction satiate a bit of the fury welling within him.
Fury.
My god, what is this I'm feeling?
"Roxas? Roxas! Snap out of it, Roxas!"
It was a terrible storm in his chest, a continuous tightening of muscles, restraining his breathing until he was gasping. His arm shook and Roxas lowered the Oathkeeper several inches. He swallowed. His throat was dry.
"What is wrong with you, Roxas?" Axel said angrily. "Where's the anger coming from?"
Anger? The fury. Roxas stepped back, felt his grip on the white weapon loosen. He felt his hand relax, heard the Keyblade as its metal head crashed to the ground. He took another step back, felt his lungs working faster and faster. He didn't know what it was like to hyperventilate. Was that what was happening to him?
Axel was watching him, his gaze unrelenting in tearing him open, layer by layer. But when Axel spoke, time seemed to freeze.
"Nobodies…we…never feel…this anger."
Roxas suddenly realized what Axel was trying to say, because the Nobody couldn't say it himself, couldn't word it out in the open. Until now.
"Something's happening to you, Roxas. You're changing. You're not who you are. You're not supposed to be changing."
And all the fury came back into him.
"I'm not supposed to? Well fuck you and your rules," Roxas said softly, coldly. He stepped forward, bent down and picked the Oathkeeper up off the ground. He then looked at his former friend eye to eye.
"Bring that 'supposed to' bullshit to me again…and you'll regret it."
He willed the Oathkeeper away, then walked by Axel, shouldering him forcibly in the process. He kept walking, never looked back, and crossed another street. Closer…
The anger was ebbing. His reason was coming back to him.
What have I done?
Roxas shook his head. What had just happened back there? Axel was after him again, forcing him into realizing that he was merely a ghost of Sora, a part of Sora, never the real person, the true Keyblade Master. Why was Axel pushing such an agenda? He had no reason to. Axel didn't have any reason to push Roxas to go return to Sora but that's what he was doing right now. Did he know something Roxas wasn't aware of? Was that why he's been after Roxas for being around Kairi all the time?
What did Axel know that he didn't?
Roxas stopped just outside of Olette's house. He went over that again, then realized something.
What is Axel doing here? Why didn't I ask that before? I know the Organization doesn't let Axel wander about freely…unless this is about me again. But it doesn't even seem like the Organization knows I came back. Then…then maybe…they'll leave me alone.
He sighed, then walked to the steps leading up to the door and sat down at the bottom. He stared at the ground, thinking. He had never done so much thinking before.
Is everything I'm feeling, everything I'm going through, everything just a part of Sora? Is everything really about Sora? What about me? What about my thoughts, my words, my experiences, my…emotions? Do I even have emotions?
And everything I've done with Kairi…Sora's never gone through that. Never did. So in a sense…I'm not part of Sora. But of course Sora would have never gone through this. He doesn't live here. He doesn't have friends named Hayner, Olette, and Pence. He's never had to contend with the likes of Seifer and his gang, and Setzer, wherever the hell he is. He's never…lived with the aching, the emptiness, the utter chill that no amount of friendship and laughter will warm.
He rubbed against his chest, where a heart's supposed to be beating. Of course, there was no beating. There was no heart. But then he stopped his hand. Something was not right.
I'm not…feeling anything. Nothing at all. Not even that chill…
Behind him the door opened and someone gave a small cry of "Oh!"
Roxas looked behind him and saw Olette looking down at him from the door of her home in surprise.
"Roxas, what are you doing here? I thought you were at the arena with Kairi-"
"Where is she?" Roxas demanded, rising to his feet. "She's not here."
Olette shook her head. "She went to the arena to wait for you. You should go see if she's there. If Hayner's lost his way before looking for the arena, who knows if Kairi can find her way or-oh damn…"
Roxas ran.
''
Where is he? It's been an hour now. He's late. What's holding him up? He said he'd pick me up from Olette's but he didn't even show up! And he wasn't here when I got here. Damn it, where is he? Where the hell are you?
She growled out in frustration and swung viciously with her bat, slicing through the midmorning air and nothing of particular interest. She then whirled around and assumed a battle stance, the body crouched towards the ground, with the bat held in front of her, its head poised and pointed at an invisible rival. She had seen Roxas's battle stance, marveled at its similarity to Sora's, but said nothing about it. She just couldn't understand why they'd both hold their weapons back. She thought it was easier having the weapon out in front already to strike when the time came.
Of course they were far more experienced than she was. Roxas might not have said anything at all to let her find out on her own what she was doing wrong.
All this while she executed a swift series of steps and swings, just like Roxas showed her. She was getting good at this. The only problem was, she might get locked into this simple system and there would be no way to get her to learn how to improvise-
She spun around at the smallest sound and stumbled backwards as her bat crashed painfully against another one, held up by no other than Seifer himself.
"Hello again," he smirked while she backed away even further, bringing the bat out in front of her defensively. She swallowed, tried to slow her breathing but she couldn't; how the hell did he get there? Her arms shook with the shock of the impact but she held the bat out in front of her, watching him warily. Who knows what he might do? After all, she was the one who 'assaulted' him the only other time they met.
"What do you want?" she demanded coldly, then yelped and threw herself to the side as he bolted right at her, the bat swinging. She rolled on her shoulder, then was up on her feet. She quickly brought the bat up horizontally and felt her feet slide across the arena as he swung violently and clashed with her bat. He practically threw his weight at her; she thought her arms snapped.
They were face to face. She was scared.
"You scared?"
No, she can't get scared now. She can't freeze up now, not when someone's challenging her. There's a reason why she's learning to fight.
"No, and I'll never be!" she hissed and pushed him away. She didn't quite succeed in sending him stumbling backwards but he was surprised just the same by her actions. Kairi took a deep breath, remembered what Roxas once told her.
"Block out everything. When you have too much going for you all at once, you won't focus. And if you don't focus, you'll die. So when you fight, block out everything. Put yourself in a void. Focus on your movements, on your opponent's movements, nothing more. Action, reaction. You're alone. You're one with yourself. Don't forget that. When you can become one with yourself, you can do anything."
A void. Nothingness. Kairi held her breath and focused. She focused on the bat before her, watched Seifer carefully, watched and waited. She felt the slick in her hands, the aching in her joints, the sweat sliding down the side of her face. She shook her head to get the damp red bangs out of face, then studied Seifer. He didn't seem tired at all. He was poised, ready to fire at the trigger, ready to beat her and…and then what? What was he going to do to her?
"Why are you here?" she demanded warily as she slowly took a step to the side and eased some of the pain in her limbs.
"Do I need to answer?" he said coolly, taking a step to the side.
"You attacked me first. I demand an explanation as to why."
"Men don't enjoy sitting on bruised egos. I didn't appreciate the shit you did to me."
"You're pretty pathetic if you think attacking a girl is going to save your face-"
She threw herself to the side again when he rocketed across the arena at her, but when she whirled around to face him, he was gone.
"What-oh no-"
An arm warped around her neck and pulled her against him. She felt his hot breath on her neck and blanched.
"Girls who think stomping on men's balls are at the top of the world are just plain bitches," he hissed into her ear. She shivered, tried to pull away, but she didn't want her larynx crushed, thanks. "But the real pretty ones, well…"
She froze when she felt something hot and sticky press against the side of her neck. No, he did not…
And her brain, honed by days and days of combat, kicked into gear.
"Shit! Fuck! Damn you, you bitch!" Seifer swore as he pulled away from her and clutched at his stomach. Kairi whirled around, bat in front. She took only a second to wipe at her neck, then rubbed her hand on her shorts before grabbing the bat with the other hand again.
"You-you-you-you-"
When Sora finds out, he's going to kick your ass to Hollow Bastion! When Roxas finds out, you're not going to live to see another day! Who'd you have me tell on, huh? HUH! You bastard! I hate you!
Without knowing it, she ran at him and swung. She kept moving past him, even though her arms shook with the impact of her bat against his side. Seifer yelled, then jumped to his feet. But he was too slow; she whirled around and ran at him again. He barely brought up his bat in time and stumbled backwards, swearing as she jabbed him on the other side and tread his toes. She whirled around again but now Seifer was in full defense mode. She could read it in his stance, and the fearful worry in his eyes.
"Who taught you to fight like that?" he demanded in a raspy voice. "Who!"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she hissed, then ran at him again. He bolted at her as well and they crashed in the middle, bouncing away and each nursing his or her aching arms.
Kairi knew the impact hurt her more; she couldn't get her arms to stop shaking. She didn't think she could hold the bat and survive another attack, but she didn't know what to do. She didn't like this feeling of hopelessness, knowing full well Seifer's intent.
This guy's pissed at me for kicking him in the nuts and he wants to retaliate by-by messing with me! I hate him!
That was enough to get her running at him again. She realized what she was doing almost too late but threw herself to the side when Seifer came at her again. She then bolted when he turned on his heels and streaked at her again, then swung at him with the bat and watched both the teenager and the bat fly off. She watched the bat skid across the arena with dismay, and took a step backwards, as far away from Seifer as possible.
The poor teenager was now suffering a bloody nose as well as scrapes and cuts on his arms. Kairi considered running in and disabling him further with a kick in the balls, but decided against it. He's suffering enough as is.
"…damn bitch…can't believe this…" she heard him say as he slowly got to his feet. She took another step back, then rested her weight on one leg, crossed her arms across her chest, and attempted to appear cocky while the bruised and beaten teenager turned to face her. There was malice in his eyes…and respect. She was sure that was what it was.
"You know…" he said slowly, looking at her and wiping the blood from his face. She watched him warily, inching back towards another blue bat, "not a lot of people can dodge and counter that move. Including that twerp you and your friends run around with."
Kairi bristled at the rude choice of words.
"For your information," she snapped, bending over and picking up a bat, "that 'twerp' taught me."
"Hmmph!" Seifer snorted. He obviously didn't believe it. But he did seem to believe that Kairi was willing to run him through with the bat or something similar. He started backing away when she took a step forward. Kairi found herself grinning.
"Am I really that intimidating?"
She thought it was so amusing how much power she had over him.
That was until the next thing he said. And that totally blew her away.
"…you know," he said slowly, warily, "you aren't supposed to be with him."
Kairi stopped moving. She froze, then straightened her back to work the kinks out of her shoulders. She watched the scarred teenager in surprise.
"What are you talking about?"
She looked at him and felt confused. What the hell was he trying to do? He attacks her, assaults her, then starts talking about…Roxas.
"Him, that twerp, Roxas. You're not supposed to be with him."
He spoke so clearly, plainly, and coldly. But that's not what sent sudden cold shivers up her arms and her spine. No, it was what he said. What was he talking about? Who told him Kairi couldn't hang around Roxas? She had a feeling there was a deeper implication to this, some secret agenda, or something that Seifer knew and she didn't. What could that be?
Or did he know about Sora?
That was enough for the protest to form on her lips. "I'm not-"
Seifer charged forward with his intent, interrupting her.
"You like him, don't you?"
Kairi gasped, dropped the bat. She stared at Seifer in astonishment.
"What! No, I-"
"But of course," he said smoothly, "you're not supposed to. After all…someone made a promise to you, one that links you to him. But then again…who's to tell you what to do and what not to do? Hmm?"
Seifer had only met her once before. How could he know everything about her? Everything about her and Sora? That was impossible! Unless he met someone who did know. But who could that be? Who would tell him this, just so that he could go and accuse her of liking Roxas when there was Sora out there, Sora who promised to come back to her once he found Riku?
"How do you know this?" she demanded furiously.
Seifer smirked, took a step forward, but she didn't really pay attention to it. She didn't care. She wanted to know how he knew this and how he came to assume that she liked Roxas.
"Oh, I have my sources. After all, not a lot of women try and stomp on my foot. An intriguing person…has an intriguing past."
Kairi took a step back but didn't move even as he came closer.
"What do you…what do you want with me?" she asked, her anger slipping away in the face of shock and fear.
Seifer wasn't looking so respectful now. The look on his face disgusted her. She knew what was going through his mind. All the signs were there. He liked being in power, and he was in power now, because he was the one driving the confrontation.
That bastard.
"Think about it, Kairi," he said with a smile. "It's not about me. It's about you."
He's stalking her?
"Who told you what to do?" Seifer began in that slow, ominous voice. "Who told you what to say, what not to do, what to choose? Who made you, you? You, of course."
"…you have no choice. You know what should be, what must be. If you know the truth, you will understand the knife's edge you stand balanced on."
It was as though Seifer knew her story, her past. Where was he getting this? This was ridiculous!
"You're locked in a promise, a connection you didn't choose to make." What! "It was made FOR you. After all, you were the one sent to that world to find him. You didn't have a choice, did you? But of course, you were young. When we're so young, the older people make the decisions for us, regardless of what we want. They think they know what's best for us, what should happen to us. You know what that means, Kairi? You've been played with."
He did not say that. He did not just say that! Kairi nearly fell down; she couldn't believe she heard that. Her limbs shook and she closed her eyes tightly, took a deep breath, tried to control the rage rising in her. He was mocking her. He was prodding her in a way she had never known existed, was forcing her to think about something she had never thought of before.
Something new about her past.
Kairi grew angry, very angry. She did not want to deal with this. What was Seifer trying to do to her?
"Get to the point," she forced out through clenched teeth. "I'm getting sick of listening to your trash."
Seifer grinned widely, then stepped towards her again. Kairi inched back but this time the teenager seemed intent on keeping her in one place. He flashed forward and grabbed her wrist. Kairi yelped and yanked at her wrist but he held tight. She glared at him but deep inside she grew worried when his facial expression didn't change.
"I'm just saying…shouldn't you choose what to do? Who to be? Who to…like, perhaps? After all, you chose to learn how to fight. That's something big. People think you're so weak-willed but if you're so determined to learn how to swing a stick, that definitely says something about you. You don't want to be pushed around. You don't want things dictated for you. And yet, you're letting yourself be led along. And I bet you're wondering what that is."
She drew a shaky breath, still didn't understand what he was getting at.
"What's your point, Seifer?" she demanded. His touch disgusted her. Now her wrists were going to feel crusted over with dirt and a hundred other stuff that the human body shouldn't be touching. "What are you getting at here?"
He smiled again. She wanted to punch him in the face and knock his teeth out. The temptation became overwhelming when he pulled her close, until he was practically breathing in her face. His eyes flashed darkly, with hatred, and she had a feeling everything he was doing was out of contempt. Hopefully.
But the information…who told him?
"Let's put it this way: All the decisions made in the years past create you. But what if all those decisions were made outside of your control? And you had a chance, one chance, to make a decision for yourself? What would you do, Kairi? What would you do?"
"Why are you telling me this? You get nothing out of telling me this bullshit. What are you getting at? What are you trying to do?"
Seifer backed off for a minute and she took in a big lungful of uncontaminated air.
"I'd kiss you right now but that won't push my agenda forward, would it? No, I'm just telling you this because I want you to watch out for yourself. You don't know this Roxas. Nobody does. Let's call him a wild card, per say, and he's offering you the chance to step out of the box you're in, the walls all around you. But-"
"I'm fine with Sora, thank you very much," she snapped, not even knowing if Seifer knew who Sora was or not. "There's been nothing wrong between us, if you've been wondering. So stop wasting your time-"
"Listen to me!" Seifer snarled, forcing her into silence. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You think you know but you don't. If you knew the truth, you wouldn't be like this. You'll be questioning yourself about everything, I think. There's a lot going on that you're oblivious to. But if you tried, you can find out the truth. And once you find out the truth, the choice is yours. Don't lose that chance, Kairi. Ask him."
He backed off abruptly, letting her wrists go. She rubbed at them, glared at him as he took another step back.
"You hate Roxas."
"I did say I'd kiss you," Seifer said. "Think about it."
He turned and walked out of the arena. She stared at him as he turned to one of the walkways to the clearing amongst the buildings, and disappear.
"Wierdo," she muttered as she rubbed at her wrists. She could feel his hands on her wrists.
"But if you tried, you can find out the truth. And once you find out the truth, the choice is yours. Don't lose that chance, Kairi. Ask him."
"What would he get out of this?" she asked herself. "Why is Seifer telling me this? He has nothing to gain, especially since I hate him. But…why does he want me to ask Roxas? What does he want me to ask him?"
"You don't know this Roxas. Nobody does."
If Seifer was telling the truth, then if she asked Hayner, Olette, or Pence, would they be able to tell her anything at all? What did he mean? Ask Roxas about what?
What do I ask him? Do I just go up to him and say, "So, Roxas, Seifer tried to assault me and all but he also said I should ask you about yourself. So tell me, Roxas, where you from?" He'll never buy that. Nobody will. I doubt I'll buy it myself. But damn it, what does he mean, what does he mean? Why is this even bothering me?
And she remembered what he said about her past, about how everything was set up for her. How everything was set up…so she'll be together with Sora. So what? But love is love, isn't it? These feelings of affection, they can't be dictated by outside forces, right?
Then what the hell was Seifer talking about!
"Damn it!" she screamed. "What the hell was he talking about?"
It was all meaningless. Everything he said had no meaning whatsoever. And yet…and yet there was so much he said that bothered her. No, angered her. He accused her of being too soft and unwilling to take control of her life – hey, she's learning how to fight so she could go after Sora – and said she liked Roxas. Bluntly said it in her face.
It's Sora. It's always been Sora. Only him. But…I don't know. Maybe I'm letting Roxas on too much. Oh my god, what if I am? Oh no…
"Oh damn it…" she swore loudly again. "What…what am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong?"
There was a painful clenching in her chest, a tightening that forced her heart to beat harder and louder. She could hear it in her ear. Kairi closed her eyes, felt herself drop down on her knees.
"What am I doing wrong? Oh my god…" she cried out, covering her face with her hands. No tears fell but she felt herself tear into two. Sora was going to come back to her with Riku in tow, and there was Roxas, who had been there with her every day, who was helping her learn how to fight if Sora didn't come back. If Sora came back with Riku…and found her with Roxas, what was going to happen then?
Do I…do I really like him?
For the first time, the full force of the situation she had put herself into hit her. Her hands slid down her face as she bowed her head and sighed. A heaviness weighed inside her and for once, just once, she thought life would be better if she died.
But the moment passed and she looked up at the sky.
"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, GODDAMNIT! TELL ME!" she screamed. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-"
"Kairi!"
Was someone calling her?
"KAIRI!"
Her shouting cut off as something-no, someone tackled her. She rocked back on her knees, her voice caught in her throat at the impact. She leaned forward against the person, wanted to cry, but couldn't. She couldn't cry. And she wanted to cry.
"Kairi…Kairi, what happened?" Roxas's voice whispered into her ear. "What happened?"
What happened?
Roxas. It's Roxas. It's you. You're here, you're finally here…but…I'm sorry, Roxas. I can't. I can't! Seifer, he's right. I don't know you. I trust you so much but…I can't. Not until I know more. Not until I know who you are. Not until I…until I find out why you look like…Sora.
"Kairi? Kairi, answer me!"
She wanted to. The words were on the tip of her tongue, ready to fly. Her heart pounded furiously as the battle raged inside her. She closed her eyes tightly, wished she could just disappear.
Please…let me just disappear…I don't want to deal with this anymore…
"Kairi…" She felt his hand brushing aside her bangs. She shivered at the touch but forced herself to stay still. She had to-she had to step back-she had to step back and look at what she had done, what she had created. The catastrophe that was sure to happen if she didn't do something now.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly, didn't want to let him go. She wanted him with her, wanted him, and felt frustration bubble up angrily within her. This was what she felt; what the hell could she do? Her heart was pounding furiously against her rib cage as she pulled him even closer to her. She could feel his breath on her neck, his arms around her, encompassing her, surrounding her. She shivered again, then forcibly swallowed, tried to get a hold of herself.
"Roxas…" she murmured. "I'm alright…"
"You sure?"
She nodded, buried her face in his shoulder. She could smell him through his shirt, an identifying scent, and remembered that night, the night she first met him. He smelled exactly like the bed, exactly like the whole room.
"Kairi, c'mon. Let's go."
Go where? She didn't move and he didn't force her. He remained where he was, while she tried to figure out what to do.
Seifer said I should question him. Why? What does Seifer know about him? He said nobody knew who Roxas really was. Did this person who told him to talk trash to me tell him who Roxas was, too? Then was Seifer just playing with me?
"Kairi…"
She could feel the movement of his lips against her ear. Kairi closed her eyes even tighter. He was close, too close. There were so many times when he hugged her but…this was different. Against her better judgment, she had responded. A price was to be paid but she didn't know what and when.
"Kairi…please…tell me what's wrong…"
She shook her head, wanted to pull away from him but wanted to stay in his arms and never let go. She didn't want to let go.
"…I made a mistake…" she whispered into his shoulder. "I made a mistake…Roxas, I made a mistake…I made a mistake, oh my god…I never should have…"
"Kairi," he said. She felt his hand slide through the hair at the back of her head. "Kairi, what happened? What are you talking about?"
"I…I don't know…"
I love Sora. I should have let you know from the very beginning, when you first saved me and took me to your apartment. I should have told you that I was committed to someone, and we were tied together by a promise we made, a promise that we one day would finalize for eternity with a paopu fruit. But I didn't. Why? In the back of my mind, something told me what I was doing was wrong but I…I loved being with you. From the moment you gave me that glass of water, I felt…connected to you. Like we've known each other for a very long time. And I still don't really know you. Where are you from, Roxas? Who are you? You're so kind, so helpful, so…understanding…but there is nobody I know of who can be just…that. Who are you, Roxas? Please…I don't even need Seifer to ask you this. Who are you?
"You wanna go back?"
"Where?"
"Olette's?"
Kairi sighed. The mood had passed. She was becoming even more aware of his arms around her. She shivered again, then nodded. "I don't want to dance today, Roxas."
"Neither do I."
She smiled. Then the smile froze when she felt something warm and soft and silky press against the side of her face. She pulled away, turned her head to look at Roxas, who was watching her with a sheepish smile. She smiled back at him, then slid out of his arms and got to her feet. She held out her hand and he took it.
"Let's go back," she said as she pulled him to her feet and let go. Roxas nodded, then they walked to the train station. They were rather quiet and for once Kairi didn't seek out his hand. She was too busy…thinking.
Thinking about Sora.
About Riku.
About Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka.
About Destiny Islands.
About the Secret Place.
About Donald and Goofy.
About Hollow Bastion.
About all their friends. Hers, Sora's, and Riku's.
About Twilight Town.
About Hayner, Olette, and Pence.
About Seifer and his gang.
About the people moving in and out of her life here in Twilight Town.
About-
"C'mon, if we don't hurry up, the train'll leave without us!" Roxas suddenly said, his voice interrupting her reverie.
Before she could even begin to comprehend what the jumble of words uttered out of his mouth meant, Roxas took her hand and pulled her towards the train station. She stumbled at first, but picked up her stride as they ran down the sidewalk, dodged the random people on the streets, and bolted across the Tram Plaza towards the train station, which was now not so far away. Then they were climbing up the stairs and pulling open the doors and running into the train station, only to find that lo and behold, a train was still loading. Relieved, Roxas and Kairi entered the train and began searching for some seats. There were many people, many in pairs and trios, and families, too.
"You hungry?" Roxas suddenly asked as Kairi spotted some empty seats near the end of the train. She pointed and he nodded. They moved quickly but they were almost too late. The train was filling up faster than they thought possible.
"Kind of," she said as they sat down between an older couple and a family of four. The older couple was quietly talking and the parents of the family were trying to calm down their two young children between them, who were randomly pointing out people and yelling stuff about them.
"Why is that man so big?"
"How come I don't have pink hair? She does!"
"He looks like he's in a gang!"
"Is she gonna die, Mommy?"
"Ew, they're kissing!"
"Daddy, is it okay for two men to hold hands like that?"
"How come she has a stick through her nose?"
"Mommy, they have ice cream! Can we have some ice cream?"
Kairi covered her mouth with her hand to hide her giggles. The thing she liked about children was that they were so blatantly blunt about the facts. They see the truth like nobody else does. Nobody older, anyways.
"What's so funny?" Roxas asked while the children went off on a rant about some bald man.
"Them," she said, gesturing her head in the direction of the voices.
"Oh…"
"Mommy, he looks like a cop!"
"Mommy-"
"Oh fine. You two can go around. Just remember, don't bother people when they don't want to be bothered and when you're tired, come back here, okay?"
"Yes Mommy!"
"Sure Mommy!"
Kairi saw the two young children – an older sister and a younger brother – slide out of their seats and head towards the head of the train, asking about things loudly and honestly about certain people and certain things, like how ugly the floor was and how fat the man really is.
"That's like the only thing I like about kids," she heard Roxas say. "They're so frank about anything, even if it's downright rude. I remember this one kid asking me why I allow Seifer to beat the crap out of me every time we meet."
"I bet you really felt like crap then."
"Of course I did."
Kairi smiled while she started scanning the crowd. Still, the mere mention of Seifer did make her feel somewhat like crap. She wasn't sure who won that mini-battle at the arena but in terms of the mental warfare between them, Seifer had the upper hand.
Something was starting to bother her. Kairi looked up and straight ahead, then felt her throat go dry. She realized she had seen the person staring right back at her before.
I know you!
He was with two older people. She decided they must be his parents; they looked old enough. She looked back at the teenager and felt relieved his eyes were looking elsewhere.
His hair was jet black but was styled very similarly like Cloud. Well, Cloud may have changed since it had been a year since she last saw him but he did look very similar to the Cloud she remembered. Strange; she doubt they were related anyways. And he had purple eyes. That was even weirder. And he wore dark clothes, dark blue and black. What a moody kid.
"Who are you looking at?" Roxas asked curiously while she bit her lip and tried to recall what those two other teenagers had called him.
"Someone we've met before," she murmured. "This really is a small world after all…"
Roxas looked at the person in front of them. "I've seen him before…"
"He ran into us…or rather, shouldered past us."
"I've seen him before…at tournaments. And sometimes on the streets. Either he's a stalker or Twilight Town is smaller than I thought."
"I think his name was Sakusen-"
"Hello!"
Roxas jumped and she placed a hand on his forearm to keep him from reacting further as the two young children from next to them materialized in their faces, literally. Kairi smiled at the eager, curious glimmer in their eyes and said kindly, "Hello there."
"I thought only older people could do that," the younger boy sang in a whiny voice.
"Do what?" Kairi asked curiously. Roxas wasn't talking.
"How come he doesn't say 'Hi'?" the older girl demanded.
"Because…he doesn't want to?"
"But that's not nice."
"Yes," Kairi agreed gravely, empathizing with the girl completely. "Yes, it's not nice."
Something jabbed her on the side and she gave Roxas a sidelong glance. He had his eyes fixed straight ahead but the corner of his mouth was twitching. Kairi scowled.
"Can you tell to say 'Hi' to us, please?" the younger boy blurted. "We want to say 'Hi' to as many people as possible because Sis said we could get a lot of ice cream if we say 'Hi' to every person in Twilight Town."
Kairi raised a curious eyebrow. "So…Roxas…care to contribute to their collection of 'Hellos'?"
"…hi…" he said quietly.
"So…how come you aren't kissing like all the older people are?" the older girl demanded.
"What?" Roxas was now focused entirely on the youngsters. "We-we're not together."
"But she's holding your arm," the girl said, pointing. Kairi immediately withdrew her hand.
"Do you like each other?" the younger boy asked, dragging out each word and making one long agonizing question.
Kairi looked at Roxas, who returned the same 'What the hell do we tell these imaginative kids?' look, then said, "As friends. We're friends. Just like you and your sister."
"Yeah but Sis eats all the ice cream and you didn't look like friends when I first saw you."
"And when was that?" Kairi questioned, a smile tugging at her lips. Childhood rivalry for the ice cream, she thought. Typical and hilarious.
"I dunno," the little boy said. "You were hugging and then holding hands real tight and then disappeared, like poof! And then a man asked if you liked each other and I said I didn't know, so he gave me grape gum. It tastes like money."
"How do you know what money tastes like?" the older girl demanded. "You didn't eat money, did you?"
The little boy grinned. Then he looked at Kairi and Roxas again. "It was nasty. But I didn't tell him that, cuz he was so tall and so scary."
"Who?" Roxas asked calmly. She heard the trembling in his voice.
"I dunno. Someone with really red hair and glasses. He let me try the glasses, cuz I said I wouldn't tell him anything."
He grinned.
This kid is evil. He knows how to manipulate. I'd better stay away from him.
"…I see…" Roxas said thoughtfully. Kairi looked at him curiously.
"So…you don't like each other?" the siblings asked. They were rather persistent. Kairi wished she knew why…maybe not.
"Depends on what you mean by 'like'," she replied. "And aren't you…weirded out by this?"
"What, cooties?" the little boy said, puffing out his chest. "Cooties don't scare me!"
"…that's because there's no such thing…" Roxas muttered under his breath. He apparently didn't really like these kids at all. Kairi giggled.
"What's so funny?" the siblings and Roxas asked at the same time.
"Nothing…"
"Okay, well, we got to go. More 'hi's' to collect," the older sister said cheerfully. "Bye, bye!"
The little boy waved and yelled out, "BYE!"
And then they were off, disappearing into the crowd. Kairi sighed and leaned back in her seat, then looked at Roxas. He seemed…rather disconnected, staring up at the train's ceiling and maintaining that perfect position while the train rolled and bumped over its tracks.
"Hey," she said quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He looked at her and said, "Interrogation by little kids is not my idea of fun in the evening."
"Who said it was?" Kairi replied.
He shrugged. "I don't know…just that, the man they described, the one who asked the little boy about us, that bothers me. Who was he?"
"We'll never know," she said, yawning. She was tired.
"Sleepyhead," she thought she heard Roxas say.
"Very funny, Roxas." She blinked, suddenly found it hard to keep blinking.
"What did I say?"
"Nothing…" She yawned again. "I hope you don't mind."
"Mind what?"
She didn't give him any alternative. Kairi simply leaned over against his shoulder and closed her eyes. Within moments, everything went black.
Author's Endnote: Another Paradise is up on temporary hiatus while I attempt to master HTML and finish this fanart I'm stuck on. Please review and enjoy your questions.