Title: Our Last Days
Category: TV Shows » Rizzoli & Isles
Author: Alwaysbringback-up
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T (for language)
Genre: Suspense/Friendship

I Wanna Give You All of the Stars

Pairing: Jane/Maura

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the R&I universe. All characters belong to Janet Tamaro. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.

A/N: Here's the next update!

I'm not going to talk it up any, but rather, I'm just going to let you get to it!

"How is she?" Frost asked with a definite strain to his voice.

"She's…strong," Maura replied. "She's got a lot of fight left in her, Barry. That I can assure you."

"Yeah," he replied. "Look, doc. I know that you're trying to avoid the question so that you don't have to lie to me, but…could you just be straight with me?"

Maura sighed, closing her eyes. She pressed her back to the wall of the hallway, and prayed her legs would hold her up. Though they felt unbelievably unsteady. She heard voices draw near and then further away. She waited until she was particularly sure she was alone before answering. "She's okay. They managed to get her bleeding under control for now, though her platelet levels are still extremely low. She also has some pulmonary edema."

"In English, doc?" he teased.

"She has fluid in her lungs, inhibiting her breathing," Maura said. "They have her on supplemental oxygen to keep her oxygen levels up. But at some point, that may not be enough."

"Okay…okay," he cleared his throat. "I did not need you to add that last bit. I forget that you can be overly blunt sometimes."

"I'm sorry," Maura apologized, feeling guilty for upsetting him.

"No…no," he replied. "It's my fault," he said a moment later. "I'm the one that asked you to be straight with me," he said with softness to his voice. "Sometimes you gotta be careful what you ask for."

"Barry," Maura said gently. "There's actually another reason that I called. And I'd like to make it quick, so that I can get back to Jane."

"Oh!" Frost sounded surprised by his own oversight, "Of course you did. I…I'm sorry. What is it you need?"

"I performed an autopsy on three unidentified young women with Dr. Parker, the CDC's forensic pathologist," Maura said slowly, giving him ample time to absorb the information. "We have every reason to believe that these women were all infected with this particular engineered virus." She paused to take a deep breath. "Jane seems to think that they may have been local college students paid to partake in a medical experiment."

"That makes sense," Frost said a moment later. "Korsak and I will check for college students that have gone missing recently. Can you send pictures?"

"I already did! They should be in your inbox," Maura said proudly. She just hoped that they turned out to be helpful.

"Great," he said. She heard him typing loudly on a keyboard, and he knew he was accessing his email. She heard a couple clicks of his mouse. "Got em'," he said a moment later. "Thanks, Maura."

"It's no problem," she replied in return.

"I'll cross reference the pictures with missing person's cases right away, and get back to you," he said.

"Hey," Maura said before he had the chance to hang up. "One quick question before you go."

"Sure. Shoot."

"Uh… Well, I was just wondering if you had gotten anything else out of Mancuso. I was sort of hoping that he'd agreed to cooperate, and gave up the name of his partner."

"Not yet," Frost said with a grumble. "Korsak is working on him now. I think we're all sort of hopeful. He…Joey appears to be genuinely remorseful."

"He should be," Maura bit out, feeling another surge of anger.

"Whoa!" Frost chuckled. "I still haven't gotten used to the idea you are capable of such anger. I…I seriously thought you were going to rip him limb from limb back in the interrogation room."

"I honestly don't know what has come over me," Maura admitted. "I just…"

"Really care about Jane," Frost finished for her. "Me too, Doc." Then. "I'll call you as soon as I know something."

"And I'll call you if I should find out anything else," Maura replied. "Thanks, Barry."

Maura hung up the phone and headed for Jane's room.

(Dream sequence)... Jane's POV.

"Jane?!" the familiar cry of her name had Jane whipping around just in time to feel a wooden oar slam into the side of her head with sickening force. The force was enough to splinter the wood at the contact point, and stars exploded behind Jane's eyes as she was sent reeling backwards. She threw out her arms in a vain effort to stop the fall, but was ultimately unsuccessful. Jane's movements were erratic and uncoordinated, due to the fact that her arms and legs weren't listening to her mind's commands. In what seemed like slow motion, the dock came up meet her, or at least, it did in Jane's mind. In reality, Jane's body came down to meet it, her body curling up as gravity pulled her down and her body collided with the dock in a loud thud. Jane let out a groan as she finally hit the hard surface. Out of the corner of her eye, the indistinct blackened silhouette of the perpetrator moved swiftly into her vision before moving out of it once more. In a few strides it was gone, sprinting along the adjacent dock and out of sight. Jane blinked, and this time the darkness encroached, it swallowed her vision whole, and stayed for a while before the color came back. When it did, they were all in complete disarray. Jane could not tell one thing from another due to the fact that the colors had no clear border. Jane struggled to make sense of it. She needed to know what was going on. Finally, she reacted. Jane tried to roll over onto her back, but realized too late that she had rolled the wrong way. She was off of the dock and rolled straight into the frigid waters of the bay. Jane plummeted into the water below with a splash.

When Jane hit the ice-cold water, she received one hell of a wake-up call. Her eyes shot open, only to find that her vision was severely distorted by the murky water and the new swirls of color swirling before her eyes. Pupils were dilated, and Jane saw the shimmer of the sun on the surface, before it disappeared with a single blink of her eyes. She tried to swim, to push her way back to the surface, but her efforts were weak and feeble. She sank deeper and deeper into the water, watching as a whole spectrum of color passed before her eyes, from the light almost sky blue of the water at the surface to the darkest navy deep beneath the surface. She fought her way up, thrashing her way back to the surface. She raked in a breath, trying to scream for help. It didn't last long before she was sinking down, her legs and arms breaking down in the cold water. In fact, Jane continued to sink down into the darkness until she couldn't see anything. Her lungs burned like hell, and her mind started to scream and cry out for oxygen, as it received none. Jane fought her body's protests and its urge to breathe. She fought for as longs as she could, but ultimately the need for oxygen won out. Her body reacted as carbon dioxide reached dangerous levels in her lungs and the rest of her body. Coughs wracked through her body and she unwillingly sucked in water through her nose and mouth. She swallowed, and her body's protests became even more violent. Her whole body shook from the cold of the water entering her respiratory passageways.

As Jane's sleeping form came into sight, she found Jane restlessly thrashing on the bed. There was a certain panic that seized Maura's chest as she saw Jane's labored breaths. She hurried into the decontamination chamber, willing the venting system to move faster. Before long, the light flickered from red to green and she pushed open the door, rushing towards the bed.

"Jane?" Maura called loudly. Jane was coughing violently; her face was contorted in undeniable pain. Maura rushed forwards, pushing the button to incline Jane's head, so that the woman could breathe a little easier. "Jane? Honey, you have to breathe!" Jane's whole body shook, wracked with cough after cough. Before long, Jane's eyes shot open in panic, her mouth opening. Blood trickled past her lips, and Maura grabbed a towel. She hastily lifted the towel to wipe away the blood. Without thinking, Maura grabbed Jane's hand to comfort the frightened brunette, and winced. The tissue was ice cold, under-oxygenated.

Slowly, Jane's coughs subsided, and Jane moaned as she closed her eyes.

"They should have you on something stronger. The antivirals clearly aren't working," Maura said with annoyance and slight anger. Jane opened her eyes and watched as Maura pulled off the gloves and chucked them into the trash with a little too much vigor.

"From what Dr. Berman told me, they have me on the strongest stuff possible," Jane said softly, almost sheepishly. Maura shot her a glare.

"Yeah?" Maura said. "Well, it's not helping, is it? Or was I just imagining the fact that you were struggling to breathe a minute ago?"

"It was the dream," Jane stated. "I just got really worked up over it, and when I opened my eyes I couldn't catch my breath."

"And just what were you dreaming about?" Maura asked. "Drowning?"

Jane rolled her eyes. She didn't have the heart to tell Maura that she was closer than the honey brunette ever realized. She never remembered seeing Maura act this melodramatic before. Jane was about to offer some sort of sarcastic reply, but started coughing again. Maura's forehead creased with worry as she watched Jane shiver.

"Are you cold?" Maura asked.

"A little," Jane swallowed, wincing at the pain in her throat.

"Jane, you're convulsing and your teeth are chattering," Maura stated, her frown deepening as she saw Jane's flushed skin.

"Have I mentioned that I'm too tired to argue with you right now?" Jane groaned and closed her eyes, not able to keep her eyes open to look at her friend.

"You're never too tired to argue about anything," Maura meant in jest. Jane however, couldn't see the humor in Maura's expression.

"What do you want me to say?" Jane inquired. "Not this time. I… I feel like shit." Maura frowned sadly.

Jane immediately regretted her reply when Maura's hand darted to her forehead. The blonde retracted it immediately.

"Jane," she spoke quietly, "Why the hell didn't you say anything? You're burning up!"

"Maur," Jane grumbled, "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Maura hissed, not bothering to hide any of her feelings. "I'm going to get the nurse," Maura announced with a glare at Jane. Jane's eyes wearily blinked open just in time to see the Doctor stalk out of the room.

Jane groaned and closed her eyes again, bring up her forearm to block out the light permeating her eyelids. Her head was pounding.

A few minutes passed before Maura came waltzing in with a nurse on her heels. The nurse took Jane's vitals, but Jane was already delirious by that point. Maura cringed as the thermometer beeped, and the nurse relayed to her that Jane's fever was 103.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

It was a good two hours before Jane was lucid again.

"Maur," Jane said as she took in Maura's anxious demeanor. She'd never seen Maura's knees bounce up and down like so before. "You should really relax a bit and take a break. I'm just going to wind up sleeping some more anyways."

"Jane," Maura sighed.

"I'm serious, Maur," Jane said softly. "You're worrying over me too much. And there's nothing to worry about." Maura's response to this was a raised brow. "Dr. Berman said that the number of virions in my blood has leveled off. I should start getting better any time now." Then. "It's all going to be fine."

"Jane, I don't…I don't want to leave you," Maura admitted.

"I know," Jane said with a sympathetic smile. "But you need to take care of yourself, too." Jane took a wheezing breath. "Besides, Frankie is waiting to come in here to see me. And I'm sure he'll watch over me, and take care of me, while you go get something to eat."

"Okay," Maura conceded. "But I won't be gone long."

"Take your time, Maur," Jane said sternly. "I'm not going anywhere." Maura kissed the top of Jane's head, and departed a minute later.

She couldn't stop back at Jane, while she went through decontamination. She paused in front of Frankie and allowed him to envelope her in a fierce hug, before she continued towards the cafeteria.

When she arrived at Jane's room a half an hour later, she realized that she was catching the tail end of a conversation between Frankie and his sister. Part of her didn't want to eavesdrop, as she considered it to be extremely rude. But as the first words reached her ears, she realized that she didn't have a chance in hell of turning around and walking back down the hallway.

"You love her," She heard Frankie state gently. It was no surprise to Maura when this particular statement was only met by silence. "It's okay, Janie. You… You can tell me," he said with utmost sincerity. Maura could feel the love and sympathy in his voice, without needing to see his face.

"It doesn't matter," Jane mumbled, in a barely audible whisper.

"What?" Maura heard Frankie ask.

And she's silently grateful, because she'd missed what Jane had said, too. Maura stopped breathing, as there was suddenly a long pause in the conversation. And Maura was sure that Jane must have shot Frankie a glare in an attempt to forestall the rest of the conversation. But she discovered a moment later that it didn't work, when Jane repeated herself.

"I said that it doesn't matter," Jane spoke again in a scratchy voice. "The way I feel about her doesn't matter."

Maura feels like a knife has been plunged into her chest, and then has been twisted around to incur maximum damage. Then, just as suddenly, she feels anger boil up inside of her.

How can you say that? Maura wants to scream. How can you possibly say that? God, Jane.

Thankfully, Frankie must be feeling the same way as Maura is feeling, because he says, "How can you possibly say that?" in an aggravated voice. "It…It matters, Jane. The way you feel matters."

"I…I wish I could believe that, Frankie," Jane breathes in an almost defeated tone. "But it doesn't." Maura felt pain and guilt swell inside of her. She couldn't help but feel like some of this was her fault. "She doesn't feel the same way," Jane says softly.

"And how would you know that?" he challenged. "Does she even know how you feel about her?"

"I'd rather not answer that question," Jane admits, "But yes… Maura knows."

Maura's heart breaks as she hears Jane struggling to breathe. "Look," Jane says a moment later, sounding out of breath. "The Doctors have been fairly straight with me," Jane clears her throat. Maura wishes that she could see Jane's face. "The antivirals aren't working." Maura swallows, the pain threatening to swallow her whole. "There isn't a whole lot more they can do."

That's not what she told me, Maura thinks. But she also feels like a part of her always knew Jane was lying…and that the brunette was trying to spare her feelings.

"I might be around for another few days," Jane reveals, "but let's be honest. Things are going downhill fast, and I don't know how much I'm going to be around for… or how much I'll be aware of."

Maura hears a faint rustling. She thinks it is the sound of paper being unfolded, then smoothed over, but she can't be sure.

"What's this?" Frankie asks, as Jane hands something to him.

"Instructions," Jane says in explanation. The tone falls flat.

"For…Christ, Jane," Frankie's voice squeaks. "Instructions for your funeral? Are…are you serious?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" Jane replies. "I don't have an advanced directive, so this will have to do. Please just take it."

"Why?" Frankie suddenly sounds as if he's having a hard time holding it together. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"Well, I couldn't very well give it to Ma, or Tommy could I?" Jane asks. "Cause let's be honest. Ma would never forgive me for making her think about my funeral…for even a moment. And if I left all of this shit up to Tommy, I'd never be buried."

"Jane," he sniffles a minute later. "I don't…I can't…"

"Shh," Jane soothes, "It's gonna be okay, baby brother. I'm not saying that you're ever gonna have to use it… Just think of it as a precaution." There's a long moment where all Maura hears is sniffling and labored breathing. Then she hears Jane's broken voice say. "Okay?"

"Okay," Frankie whispers a minute later. His voice finally sounds a little more sure of himself.

"I just had to make sure," Jane explains a moment later, "Because…I don't want to be buried at sea, for chrissakes. So please don't let Maura or ma do that to me, okay?" Then. "I don't want to be buried in the city, either. I...I want to be buried in the country, where I can see all of the stars."

"Of course, Janie," Frankie says. "Whatever you want."

"Remember that place we used to go to as kids?" Janie asks him.

"Yeah," Frankie nods. "Of course I do. I promise I'll see what I can do. I want you to be able to see them, too."

"If you don't mind my asking," Frankie speaks calmly, "Why the fixation on stars?"

"Well, it's supposedly where all life came from, isn't it?" Jane says this as if she's pondering the idea. "Or god made them for us. So we could see light from darkness." Maura lifts a hand to her face and sobs silently, her body trembling.

"I need you to promise me that you won't let Maura do the autopsy," Jane says a heartbeat later. "I don't…" Jane has a hard time getting the words out. "I don't want her to have to see me like that, Frankie. I don't want any of you to see me like that…to remember me like that."

"Okay," Frankie says after a long moment's silence. "I get it…I do. I promise that I'll make sure that someone else does the autopsy."

Maura moves so that she can just make out Jane and Frankie around the corner. Tears continue to flow down her cheeks in a steady torrent.

Damn Jane for making me cry, she says as she reaches up to brush away some of her tears.

She watches as Frankie gives Jane's hand a comforting squeeze. She sees Frankie glance down to the paper and look it over for a long minute. Jane just watches with an expression of uncertainty on her face.

Then, as Frankie's eyes reach something on the paper he suddenly starts laughing. Maura feels appalled at his behavior.

"What?!" Jane challenges, shooting him a glare.

"You CANNOT have a string quartet play Bittersweet Symphony at your funeral," he chokes out between laughs.

"It's my funeral!" Jane hisses. "You don't get to tell me what can or cannot be played at my funeral!" And suddenly Jane and Frankie are laughing so hard, that they start to cry.

"Maura should be glad she doesn't have to deal with these outrageous requests," Frankie teases. Jane's laughter suddenly subsides, and she looks extremely sad.

"I… I love her, Frankie," Jane declares as she meets his eyes. "She's my soul mate. She's the love of my life. But… but I'm not hers. I can't possibly be." Jane closes her eyes for a long moment.

"Jane," she hears Frankie say softly, but Jane cuts back in.

"And that's okay," Jane says quickly. "Really. It is." Maura couldn't move as she watched an emotion she couldn't identify flicker across Jane's features. "In fact, the truth is…I'm sorta glad. Because the last thing I want for her is to be sad. I don't want her to mourn me. I just…I just want her to be happy, Frankie. Because she deserves it more than anyone I know… Well, except for maybe Ma…and you."

Maura can't help but think of Jane and her fiery personality, with her relentless, dauntless courage, her unwavering loyalty and her compassion. She thinks of how lucky she is to have gotten the chance to bear witness to Jane's vivacious vibrant life, and how she can't bear the thought that Jane might be gone from this world in the matter of a few days.

Oh god, Maura thinks as she realizes she can't think of her life without Jane in it.

"Frankie," Jane says after a long moment, with all sorts of feelings evident in her voice. "I need to know that Maura will be taken care of." Then. "I know her greatest fear is of being alone. I…I need to know. Do you… Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," Frankie nodded. "Of course." Maura watches him lean towards Jane, holding her gaze. "I know how much Maura means to you, and I think you know that she means a lot to me too," Frankie says sincerely. "She won't ever be alone, Janie," Frankie says. "I swear it on my life."

"Th-Thank you." Maura dies a little inside at the way that Jane's voice breaks on those two words. Maura closes her eyes and just listens.

"I…I know that Maura can be a little much at times," Jane says quietly, and Maura can practically see the way Jane's lips quirk up in a smile. "The fact is, she's bloody brilliant. And well…she umm…she talks a lot… " She hears Frankie and Jane both chuckle, and it warms her heart a little. "A lot of it has gone over my head, so I have no doubt that maybe you'll feel like a lot of it is over yours. But…even if you only take in about a tenth of what she's saying, I promise you that you'll be a better person for it…and a better human being," Jane breathes. "Just be patient with her," Jane advises him, "Love her the best that you can, and…. everything will be okay."

And Maura can't hold it together anymore. She pushes herself backwards, reeling. Jane's words continue to echo around her head, ripping her apart. She's never felt agony quite like this before.

God, she loves Jane. So much. It feels like it's killing her. Please don't take her from me. She begs.

(The next day…)

"Checkmate," Jane offered Maura a proud and cheeky smile as she toppled Maura's king piece to the board.

"Again?" Maura grumbled. "You know? I actually like playing with Tommy better. At least with him, I win from time to time." Then, "How did you learn to play chess, Jane?"

"I had a lot of free time in elementary school," Jane replied. "I didn't have a whole lot of friends, as I didn't really fit in. I couldn't bring myself to play with dolls, and the guys were too closed minded to let me play football with them during recess, so I stayed inside and played chess with the librarian."

"You never told me you were bullied in elementary school," Maura frowned.

"To be honest," Jane swallowed, "I'm not sure bullied is the right word. I just felt like I… didn't belong. I grew up with two brothers. I just wanted to stick to what I knew. I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

"There's not," Maura agreed. "Speaking of your brothers. They seemed really upset when I ran into them in the lobby."

"Yeah," Jane replied rather distantly, lost in the memory of seeing him. "Well, I think Frankie is taking it the hardest. I… umm… I still don't really understand why he looks up to me so much, you know? But he always has. I think he just hates being so powerless. At least when I've been in danger before, there has usually been a course of action that could alleviate that somehow. This… This is different." Maura nodded.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Tommy?" Maura asked, knowing that Jane and Tommy didn't get along as well as she did with Frankie, but that they were mending their relationship. They'd gotten much closer over the span of the last year. T.J. had been good at bringing them a lot closer.

"Yeah," Jane nodded. "He stopped by this morning while you were washing up. "He's doing fine. He's been great about keeping ma calm through this whole situation, and I'm really grateful." Jane cleared her throat.

"You should know," Jane said finally, sheepishly meeting Maura's eyes. "I gave Frankie permission to…you know… umm," Jane's voice trailed off as she looked away.

"What, Jane?" Maura's brow furrowed. "What did you tell him?"

"That I wanted him to take care of you if I… I don't make it out of this alive," Jane swallowed. She choked on the saliva in her throat and hunched over, her shoulders wracking with violent coughs. Jane's arm curled over her chest as it physically hurt. She tried to take another breath, only to get pulled into another coughing fit.

"Jane?" Maura jumped up out of her chair, nearly toppling the chessboard. Jane straightened up, and pushed her chair backwards. Jane swallowed, and held up her hands, indicating that she didn't want Maura to come any closer.

Jane said slowly. "I told Frankie that you like him a lot, and that I want him to take good care of you for me. I know how worried you are about not having someone. I have faith that he'll take good care of you."

"Is that what you think?" Maura felt anger swell inside of her, knowing that she was taking it the wrong way. "That I need someone to take care of me? That I can't take care of myself?"

"Maur," Jane groaned, "You know that's not what I…"

"You don't just get to pass me off to someone else!" Maura snapped. "I'm not yours!"

"Wow!…okay," Jane said feeling completely surprised by Maura's hostility. "Forget I said anything about it." Then. "Of course you can take care of yourself. I just…" Jane forced herself to stop talking.

Maura looked as if she were in shock. She didn't expect Jane to appear to sheepish about the whole thing. "Maur," Jane sighed, hoping that she hadn't been out of line, "Look, I…I just want you to be happy. Okay? That's…That's all I've ever wanted. And I just wanted you to know that if being with Frankie is what makes you happy, then I want you to know I'm fine with it. Really."

"Jane," Maura shook her head, "I don't understand."

"You like him," Jane said simply. "And he likes you." Then. "I mean…you guys have been dating for a while. Haven't you?"

"I…I," Maura's face turned red as she forgot to breathe.

"Easy, Maur," Jane cajoled, "You look like you're about to have a apoplexy or something." Jane's eyes twinkled. "I mean, it's not really a big secret is it?" Jane asked softly.

"No," Maura sputtered, taking a deep breath, "Of course not." Maura sighed. "It's just… My relationship with Frankie, isn't really…" Maura let out another sigh of exasperation. "I realized that it isn't really what I want."

"It's not?" Jane's brow furrowed in confusion.

"No," Maura replied.

"Oh," Jane replied softly. "Okay, then. You don't have to." Then. "Of course you don't have to be with him, if you don't want to. I'm sure you'll find someone else…"

"Jane," Maura said sadly. "Would you please just stop talking for a second? I'm trying to tell you something, but you won't let me get in a word edgewise."

"Okay," Jane shut her mouth, and looked away. "Sorry."

Silence built between them for what seemed like an eternity.

"Did you know that it was Plato who gave birth to the notion of soul mates?" Maura blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Jane questioned, feeling completely confused by the sudden outburst. Is this what was so important? She really didn't get Maura, sometimes.

"He believed that people used to have four arms, four legs, two faces," Maura rambled. "And that Zeus, in order to keep them from becoming too prideful, cut them in half, hereby condemning us to search for our other half during our lifetime. And it didn't really distinguish between sexes, either. A man could be another man's soulmate, or a woman could be another woman's, or a man could be a woman's." Jane just listened. Where was this coming from?

"Maur," Jane chuckled, "Where…Where is this coming from?"

"I heard you talking to Frankie," Maura revealed. "Yesterday."

"Oh." Jane choked out. She had no idea of what to say.

"And, Jane? You were wrong," Maura said after it became clear that Jane wasn't going to speak.

"What?" Jane asked.

"You were wrong about me… about us," Maura said intensely.

"Us?" Jane repeated numbly. She'd really hoped Maura wouldn't bring it up. She wasn't sure if she had the energy to have the conversation Maura wanted. "Maur," Jane grated out. "What about us? I don't… I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

Maura looked hurt. "Don't play dumb, Jane," Maura hissed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." Jane suddenly groaned, pinching her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

Maura watched, her anxiety swelling, as the fear of rejection nearly swallowed her whole.

"Maur," Jane said calmly as she reached out in order to rub a line up and down Maura's forearm, only to retract it as she realized she wasn't supposed to touch her friend directly.

"What do you want me to say? Because I really don't think there's a whole lot we can do about this situation." Jane swallowed over the irritation in her throat.

Maura looked as if she might break into tears at any given moment.

"I heard you," Maura said with tears in her eyes. Her voice broke as she said. "I heard you tell Frankie that I was the love of your life."

Jane reached up to rub the back of her neck, avoiding Maura's eyes.

"About that…" Jane cleared her throat. "I…"

"Don't you dare try to deny it," Maura threatened, and Jane opened her mouth in order to voice some sort of retort, but Maura didn't let her get that far. "And don't you dare try to take it back, either." This earned a laugh from Jane.

"I…I wasn't going to, Maur," Jane said with a teasing smile. "I was just going to say that you don't have to say anything else. I know that you don't feel the same way. I know that Ian is yours…" Oh, god, Ian! How had Maura forgotten about what she'd told Jane? It seemed like such an eternity ago.

"Jane," Maura looked sad. "That's just it… I was so naïve, then. I didn't know what love was supposed to be." Maura cleared her throat. "I told you that my parents were distant, and that I was always independent growing up. I didn't realize was love was supposed to be." Until you. "Ian couldn't possibly be the love of my life. People who love each other don't use each other like that."

"Oh." Jane gasped. Her heart was pounding now. She hoped against hope that meant it was possible for Maura to love her. But again, Jane had no idea how to respond.

"I've had a lot of time to think lately, and I realized that maybe… maybe the love of my life has been under my nose this whole time," Maura said in a thick voice.

"Please," Jane breathed. She didn't know if she was begging for Maura to stop, or if she was begging for Maura to continue.

"I…I know that I hurt you," Maura said a moment later. "I know it hurt to find out that Frankie and I were involved."

"Maur," Jane just shook her head. "It's okay. You don't have t-"

"Yes! I do!" Maura said a little more harshly and emphatically than she intended.

"I was lonely, Jane," Maura said much more softly. "Watching you with Casey, hearing you talk about him for all of those months, just reminded me that I didn't have anyone… For a long time, I watched you drift away, and…even though things didn't work out between the two of you, I still felt that loneliness." Maura looked at Jane when she said. "Frankie is a good man, Jane."

"I know," Jane smiled. "He's a very good man. He's a great brother, and he's a very generous, caring, human being."

"He's always been like a brother to me, but I thought that maybe it was one of those things where you would never know for sure, unless you tried," Maura said. "So when he kissed me, I was surprised that it felt comfortable. Easy." Jane made a face and Maura laughed. "But then…then," Maura stuttered. "You kissed me, and I…" Maura struggled to find the words. "Jane, it…It changed everything." Jane noticed how much light was suddenly in Maura's eyes. "You gave me butterflies, Jane. Hell, you made me feel like I'd never been kissed before." Maura smiled. "Jane," she whispered. "You're the love of…"

"Don't, okay? Just don't." Jane pleaded in a broken voice. Before slamming her hands over her ears. Maura kept trying to say the words, but Jane kept repeating the gesture until Maura gave up.

"Why are you doing this?" Maura asked finally. "Why is it okay for you to tell me how you feel, but it's not okay for me to do the same?" Maura challenged. "Jane, being friends with you these last few years has changed my life. I know it's always been a friendship, but I also know that it was always about so much more than that. The fact is, I've never felt so complete. I've never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you. I love you and how you can make me feel like the most treasured person in the world. I can't even begin to imagine myself with anyone else. And I can't imagine my life without you."

"Maur," Maura expected the brunette to look ecstatic at Maura's confession, but instead Jane just looked sad.

"Did you hear what I just said?" Maura asked. "Jane, I lo…"

"Stop!" Jane shouted harshly. "Stop saying it. You don't know what you're saying! So just…. forget about it, okay? You can't love me…"

"You make it sound like I can help it, Jane," Maura said angrily. "I can't help how I feel, just as surely as you can't help how you feel about me." Then. "It's your fault!" Maura shouted. "So if you want to be angry, then be angry at yourself! I was fine! I was perfectly fine before you kissed me! And now I can't stop feeling this way!"

"You have to!" Jane shot back, as she stood up and whirled around, leaving Maura to stare at her back. "Okay? Because the fact is, that I'm going to die, Maur. You do get that, right? Don't you!?"

"You don't know that!" Maura retorted.

"Yes. I do!" Jane hissed. "I'm not stupid. There's a 85% mortality rate, Maura. It doesn't get much worse than that!"

"Sure, the odds aren't great," Maura admitted, "But you're strong, Jane. What happened to fighting? What happened to your promises?"

"I just…" Jane slowly turned as she heard Maura's voice break. "I just don't want to make this even harder on you. I don't want to give you false hope and then… and then…" Jane quickly strode over to the quavering honey blonde, gathering her in her arms, deciding to forsake the rules. Maura held onto Jane with a vice grip. "Damn. Why am I such an ass?" Jane whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jane squeezed her eyes shut.

"Tell me what to do," Jane pleaded a moment later, as Maura's shoulders quacked relentlessly. "I love you, Maura. You know that. But I don't want you to mourn me. I don't want you to be sad. I was never good enough for you, anyways."

"Jane," Maura sounded sad. "That's just it… I've had a lot of time to think, and I realized that maybe… there was never going to be a good time for us to figure this out. There's always something in the way of us being together. Jane, I want you. I want to be w-" Jane flinched away from her and Maura's heart broke all over again.

"I just don't understand why we can't try," Maura choked out between hiccoughs. "Why we can't be together…even if it's just for a day…for an hour. Don't you think we deserve to be together?"

Jane opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a rap on the glass. Both pairs of eyes swiveled over towards where Dr. Parker was anxiously looking on. Both women noted, that he had company.

"Isn't that…?"

"Agent Rodgers," Jane finished for her. "Yeah," Jane nodded. "They must have something pertaining to our case." Jane took a deep breath. "I hate to do this to you, but… can we… can we finish this conversation later?"

"Sure," Maura replied. "Just as long as you realize that you can hide from this forever, Jane."

A/N: Okay, so I know that the ending probably made you want to tear your hair out, but this chapter got to be over 6,000 words, and I had to end it somewhere!

Please review and let me know what you think? Is this story progressing in the way you'd like it to?

Also, I sorta have some bad news for you guys. I'm uh... I'm going hiking over the next three days and will be away from civilization, so I won't be able to update. It also means that if I get eaten by a bear or a coyote or something, you might have to wait awhile (until this story is found on my computer) to get your ending. But that won't happen, right?! RIGHT?!

*Squeals and runs away*