Quick refresher for those of you who haven't read the book in a while: Bella's pretending to break up with Edward because she supposedly wants to go back to Phoenix desperately. Then she's going to go to the airport straight away, thus leading James away from her house and from Charlie.

19. GOODBYES

(Bella and Edward are outside her house.)

"Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry." His voice was urgent.

"One more thing," I whispered passionately. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!" Then I turned and kicked the door open.

"Go away, Edward!" I yelled at him, running inside and slamming the door shut in his still-shocked face.

"Bella?" Charlie had been hovering in the living room, and he was already on his feet.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed at him through my tears, which were flowing relentlessly now. I ran up the stairs to my room, throwing the door shut and locking it. I ran to my bed, flinging myself on the floor to retrieve my duffel bag. I reached swiftly between the mattress and box spring to grab the knotted old sock that contained my secret cash hoard.

But steel fingers clasped around my wrist, and dragged it back.

I looked up in confusion. "Edward, what are you doing?"

"I thought you loved me," he said sorrowfully. His face was as mournful as those little puppy pictures you saw on emails parents always think are funny and like to forward to you, whereupon you promptly trash them.

"I do!" I said, doing my best to convince him. "I do love you!"

Edward shook his head slowly. "I don't think you do. Or you wouldn't have said those things to me."

His grip had grown limp in his sorrow, and I quickly pulled my hand away from his to begin packing again.

"Edward, I don't really have time for this, I'm sorry. I told you not to listen to me when I said those things. I said, 'Don't listen to another word I say tonight.' Is that clear enough for you? I do still love you!"

"But not enough. Not enough to stay here with me."

"Why would you even think that, Edward?"

"Because you said so!"

I made a noise that was halfway between a growl and a 'humph'.

"See, you're annoyed with me now," he said dolefully. "I should just go. You obviously don't want me to stay."

"No, don't do that!"

"I don't think I can stand that vampire much longer, Zaphod," I muttered under my breath as I rummaged through my sock draw.

"What? Who's Zaphod? Your—your boyfriend? Have you been cheating on me?"

"No! He's a fictional character!"

"I don't believe you, Bella. I'm sorry."

I wasn't going to win this one, no way. But I had to try anyway; I was rapidly running out of any other options.

"Bella!"

"Charlie's going to break the door down or something!" I hissed. "Hide!"

"Not until you tell me you love me," said Edward in a small voice.

"Did you really have to pick now to get so insecure?" I asked irritably. Stuck in a small room with my father on the other side of the door and an inconsolably sad vampire who'd never heard of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on the other wasn't really high up on my list of Fun Situations To Be In.

Then I heard a key in the lock. Damn. This was definitely the seal of doom unless I could snap Edward out of it.

"Edward, move now!"

"No!"

And then the door clicked and Charlie opened it up to see the boy he thought I'd broken up with two minutes ago, now somehow in my room. "Bella, what... Do you want to explain what's going on here?"

"Um. Don't panic?"

Considering James was closing in on both Charlie and me as the seconds passed, I felt this was pretty good advice.

.-.-.-.
(So, Bella's made it into her room and is packing, whilst trying to convince Charlie to let her go.)

Charlie was pounding on my door.

"Bella, are you okay? What's going on?" His voice was frightened.

"I'm going home," I shouted, my voice breaking in the perfect spot.

"Did he hurt you?" His tone edged toward anger.

"No!" I shrieked a few octaves higher. I turned to my dresser, and Edward was already there, silently yanking out armfuls of random clothes, which he proceeded to throw to me.

I was stuffing them in as fast as I could.

"Bella, what's this?" Edward quizzically held up a large, thick, leather-bound book that had been in the drawer second from the bottom.

"A manual to reverse aging and the vampiric condition."

"Really?" Edward turned it over and examined it curiously.

"No," I said, trying to get all my clothes to fit in one single suitcase without wasting the time I'd need to fold them properly. "Please don't open it." Unfortunately, he already had.

I cringed, waiting for the jokes. But instead:

"Oh, you were so cute back then!" he cooed, thumbing through the pages. I'd never in my life heard Edward coo. It freaked me out a bit.

"Um, Edward, please put that away."

"But you were gorgeous."

"Oh. Were. Thanks."

He looked up, a sappy smile on his face. "Aww, you know I didn't mean that."

"I, uh—yeah. Whatever. Can you put it away anyway? Please?" I was hoping he wouldn't get to the naked baby photos in time. If there is one thing your boyfriend doesn't need to see, it's you as a child sitting in the bath without a stitch on.

"Soon," he said.

It was especially annoying since there was no way of getting hold of any baby pictures of him. I sighed, and kept packing as Edward looked over each and every single page of that hideous book. The only reason I'd taken it with me was so that my mother couldn't whip it out while I wasn't there and show it to visitors.

My plan had backfired after all. You kinda had to admire my brand of luck. Rain or shine, it was pretty consistent.

At least this way I could empty my underwear drawer without him noticing—although, really, I wasn't sure by this stage which situation would be less embarrassing.

20. IMPATIENCE

(Bella is, understandably, worrying over Laurent, James and Victoria possibly tracking her down and killing some Cullens.)

Listen to me!" Jasper ordered. "Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."

"But why should you —"

"Because, Bella, you are the key," Alice said without letting me finish.

"The what?" Was I always going to be behind on important things when it came to the world of the undead?

"The key," said Jasper, simply. "Long ago, Bella, there was a prophecy. It said when the mind reader found the one whose mind he could not read, she would become the greatest of them all, and her mere touch could open ways not known to mortal man." He sounded a little stilted, as though he was quoting something.

"What is this? Am I some sort of Lord of the rings or something?"

"No, of course not, Bella!"
"So what—"

"That was about a ring," said Alice slowly. "This was about a person. I know you're only a human, but try to keep up."

I breathed in and out, slowly. I'd almost had as much as I could take in the past 24 hours. Perhaps I'd been burdened with more than I could handle, and this was just me in the first stages of insanity. "If what you're saying is true..."

"Which it is."

"Then... well, what kind of ways unknown to mortal man are we talking about?"

"Well, for example..." Jasper glanced uncertainly at Alice, who nodded. He continued more confidently. "For example, you know the pots of gold at the ends of rainbows?"

I didn't like where this was heading. "Look, I've put up with a lot lately. I'm not sure I can stand you telling me that vampire-hating leprechauns are gatekeepers to some sort of rainbow doorway that ends up in fairyland, and that I'll be the one to convince them to let you through."

There was complete and utter silence. Everyone stared at me.

"How did you guess?" said Jasper, aghast.

.-.-.-.
(Bella and Alice are having a conversation.)

"Would you tell me the truth?"I said.

"Yes. I will always tell you the truth." Alice's voice was earnest.

"Tell me... how do you become a vampire?"

"Ooh, that's a doozy, Bella," said Alice. "But fair enough; you want to know."

"Yes?" I said eagerly.

"Well," said Alice. "First of all, you have to grab a pint of holy water and at least seven large cloves of garlic..."

"Aren't those things meant to be dangerous to vampires?"

"Oh, no!" Alice waved her hand and laughed. "That's something we made up. In reality, it's dangerous to humans. If you use them in the right way, of course. And then—"

"So it's got nothing to do with fangs and venom and blood-drinking?" I interrupted.

"Fangs? Ha! No, nothing at all. Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, for a start," I said, "Every single piece of vampire lore in the world."

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Alice put her hand on my shoulder. "They're all wrong."

"Really?" It was almost impossible to believe that every single story had been wrong about vampires. But Alice had promised me to tell the truth... I guessed I had to believe her.

"Really, really. Anyway, you grate the garlic into the water, and you leave it in the sun on a very hot day, all day. Add a hint of lemon, if you like. Then you stir it with a silver rod, and drink it up. And that's all there is to it."

"Wow," I said. "So if it's so easy, why doesn't Edward want me to become one?"

Alice sighed and said, "Because it's painful."

"Painful? How?" If all you had to do was drink a glass of water, surely it wasn't that terrible.

Alice sighed again. "Bella, you've obviously never tried to drink hot garlic juice before. It's the worst experience in the world. For no vampire, no memory is as sharp as the one of the transformation. I suggest you don't try it."

"Oh."

"And besides, where are you going to find a silver rod, anyway?"

"That's true," I said, dejected. I didn't know if I could stand the pain the way Alice described it. I sat, silently contemplating whether or not I could give up this way of life, after all, as I'd been so determined to do.

Then Alice said: "You know I'm just kidding you, right, Bella?"

*Adapted and unchanged Hitchhiker's Guide quotes courtesy of Douglas Adams, Trillian, and the Guide itself. If you haven't read/heard/seen it, I apologise if you didn't find the first outtake in chapter 19 very funny.