TL;DR

A FF4 Novle

By SpacemanSpiff

Disclaimer: I do not approve this message.

Chp 10 – Hot Stuff! Wait, didn't I already us that one?

So Rosa finally stirs after about an hour, which was about how long it took me to get my hands out of the Eblani finger trap that the old man gave me to play with. Those things are a bitch, man! I remember this one time that Kain thought it would be funny to stick his finger in one end and the bottom of the chandelier in the main hall on the other. He dangled there for about a week before anyone ever bothered to get him down. They thought he was a prisoner of war being tortured before the court or something. I probably should have told someone but I totally forgot about him. Gals n' Glitter was having a marathon show that week.

Anyso, Rosa just looks at me with these sad puppy dog eyes, the kind that makes your heart melt, until the little bastard bites your pinky toe off! Sorry, scarring childhood experience coming up to the surface there. I lift my hand to put it on her forehead, but she looks at it like it's some grotesque, disfigured limb.

"Where's your shiny new ring?!"

"It exploded in my face."

"How did that happen?"

"Da King set me up. I already swore my vengeance against him, though. It's cool."

"So no shiny new crystal and no shiny new ring?"

"I know, what is this world coming to?"

"I don't know if life is worth living anymore."

"Don't say that, hot buns. I found a little girl in Mist who has shiny eyes. And she found a shiny chocobo, too!"

"Oh, Cecil, life is beautiful and so worth living again!"

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. Are you crying right now, too?

"So the old man here tells me you have Desert Fever."

"Is it contagious?"

"He said no."

"Is it an STD?"

"I asked. After explaining to the guy what an STD was, all I got was an earful of sodomites this and sodomites that. So I'm gonna say no."

"Is there a cure?"

"I have to go to Damcyan and get a Sand Pearl. They're supposed to be really shiny!"

"You would do that for me, Cecil?"

"Of course I will, sweet lips."

Truth is, I just want one of those shiny pearls. The old man wouldn't shut up about how it rivaled the shiniest of diamonds in all the land, mostly because I wouldn't let him shut up about it. No seriously, he tried multiple times to end the conversation, until finally he handed me that damn Eblani finger trap, and I went into warrior focus mode trying to get out of it.

"Well then get your sweet little ass outta here and get me that shiny Sand Pearl!"

"You got it, babe!"

I love this girl. Almost as much as I love shiny things. I turn to leave, but she calls out to me once more.

"Hey, Cecil, where did that handprint on your back come from?"

"Oh, that was from Cid when I was at Gals n' Glitter the other night."

"WHAT?!"

Damn, I walked right into that one.