EPOV

I remember the first and only time I gave up on my friendship with Bella and though I'll never totally admit it , I realized that I could not cut her out of my life because somewhere along the line she became a part of me and there was no going back.

I walked around like a zombie feeling numb inside, not really caring about what was going on in my world it just didn't matter much to me anymore. I choose Tanya because I thought I was in love and after awhile she'd get over her jealous feelings for Bella and I could have the best of both worlds the woman of my dreams and my best friend. Losing Bella was the hardest thing because you never know what you've got until it's gone and by the time I' realized I'd made this huge mistake and I'd pick the wrong girl she wasn't taking my calls and she was leaving for New York.

I couldn't fix it, My best friend my living breathing conscious was moving away and I remember the last words I said to her "I love you but I need some time apart to figure this out." Ha I've had nightmares featuring those words I broke apart a friendship of five year for some ass had I really been that dumb but to be fair I always thought that there was more to Tanya and I than sex . I still think there is more to Tanya and I than sex but am I foolish enough to give up a third of my heart to figure out what the "more that sex " is NO never again.

I know the reason Tanya cheated on me was because I couldn't get over Bella . I may not understand a lot of things about that female but I'd know revenge anywhere after all it's one of my favorite pass times. So Boys and Girls the moral of this story is DON'T BANG SLUTS they rip out your heart and eat it for breakfast but not really the moral is don't leave what you have to go searching for what you may never find and the cost of this lesson was a hole in a friendship and I still did not get the girl it figures .

All in All I can safely say in the future I'll be banking on friendship but obviously I haven't made those thoughts clear enough because Bella is upstairs crying because she thinks she'll lose me again and I'm downstairs like a dope wondering why the fuck can't I keep it in my pants.

Thanks Caesar you always get us in trouble if you didn't make me feel so good I'd ship you off somewhere and invest in a vagina.

I was awaken from my mini dialog by a sharp slap at the back of my head and turned to see an Angry Alice . "You had to go fuck it up again didn't you ' She screeched. I had nothing to say I rest my head against the cold kitchen counter and decides to zone out of Alice's much and I do mean much to loud rant (Edward is a dick Vol 1 Episode 20) Get your popcorn people it's going to be a good one not that I was paying much attention. I get it ok I suck, I get it really I do.

And if that isn't enough in walks Ken and Barbie Hale aka Jasper and Rose. Yeah for me ! So not my morning .

" Hey what's with the yelling " Jasper asked " are you guy ready yet " and just like that the bride of chucky goes from mad as hell to flirty in less that a min and I'm thankful trust me I'm thankful but I've still keeping my eyes on Jasper. " So what's up ?" drawled Jasper

" Nothing much Edward slept with Tanya, Bella won't come out of his room and Emmett is getting dressed as we speak" She prattled off .

The room is silent as they digest this new titbit of information but mercifully they say nothing. Bella walks down the stairs and I'm so happy just to see her just to know that I'll get a chance to talk it out with her and hopefully work it out. " Can I talk to you alone for a min " She inquires and I'm like the village idiot because I can't even open my mouth to say yes and I'm left to shake my head as I get up and go outside with her.

As I follow her to the back yard I can't help but be a little nervous I just hope this works it's self out.

" I think you should give it a chance I know right I can't believe I'm saying this but I think you should give Tanya another chance "

she babbled on as she paced the back lawn and it's one of those moments when you wonder if this is all real or not .

"Who are you and what the fuck have you done with Bella" I gasp to which she suddenly stops her pacing and looks at me.

" Are you fucking crazy why would I go back there,so I fucked her yes I admit it I fucked her but it's what I do it doesn't mean shit are you fucking kidding me " I yelled because I'm suddenly extremely annoyed. I could handle her anger fuck I could handle her scorn at my stupidity, I could even maybe handle her silence but I can't handle whatever the fuck she was trying to do here this unselfish if you love someone let them go crap this is so not us we're revengeful ,loving slightly hateful, spiteful ,very manipulative we don't do selfless well not publicly what the fuck.

Now I feel like the biggest fucking loser ever because she's crying and my heart is in my throat because I'm hurting her and that's never ok .

" I just want you to be happy, I want you to find that person that makes you happy that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with , I want that for you and I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Tanya, I've never seen you like that and I think you should think about it ' she mumbled and I can't help it I have to touch her. I enveloped her in a hug,I can't be mad anymore she's always got my best interest at heart . Trust that yeah there maybe more to Tanya and I than sex but I'd rather cut of my right ball aka Brutus than get involved with Tanya again.

" Hey I've always got you and when Jacob gets his head out of his ass long enough to realize that you the best thing that's ever happened to him and makes an honest woman out of you ,I'll be the fucker giving that asshole hell every min of his sorry ass life. I'll be that player uncle next door it'll be great" I say and I'm rewarded with a laugh and a hug "asshole huh? " she asked .

"Yup he's an asshole but that's for another time we've got a funeral to get to let's go" I kiss her forehead and lead her inside crisis averted for now.

( Flashback)

"Hey fucker where have you been I've been looking all over for you " I asked Alex who turns to me and gives me a once over with that look on his face that says should I really tell you your a bit of an asshole sometimes . I get those looks alot , hey I'm being honest I can just pretend I don't know that look but fuck it I am an asshole sometimes. "So are you going to answer or keep eye fucking me " I asked as I look for some juice in the refrigerator .

"I spent the day with Bella and before you asked NO it's not like that we're friends , she's cool" He said as he made himself a sandwich. "So let me get this straight your cheating on me with Bella as in that chick from summer camp " I say as I pour myself some orange juice to which he answered "yes basically but she's so much more than that chick from summer camp she's funny and she's cool and she gives great advice" Please I'm gagging so well date her and get it over with " I said stealing his sandwich. "Dude she's like my sister you don't date a sister " He yelled back. " Well do you mind if I do she's kind of hot " I smiled "Fuck no you are not dating her ever she's better than that " he yelled obviously losing his temper at me much to my amusement. I sat there wondering so what's the deal with this chick how'd she get my best friend wrapped around her finger so quickly . "Hey would you stop yelling at me already you've know this girl one month and you've known me since sperm, I have to be honest with you I think your getting into this to quickly you don't even really know her yet " I said trying to reason with him. "Ha I told you it's not like that she's like my sister and I'd like you to meet her but you can't date her Edward promise me that, it'll be like me dating Alice How fucked up would that be? He ranted " I'm serious though Edward you can't like her she's off limits do you get me" he inquired. "Yeah I got you, sooooooooo when do I meet her?"

(End of Flashback )

Little did I know she'd become like a sister to me too. It's funny how life works out isn't it . Adam was the one who brought us together and now Adam's gone.

I was tired of the crying, I couldn't bear to comfort anyone at the moment ,I needed time alone so I could absorb all that had happened .

I had no words for the funeral I could pretend all I wanted but the funeral was the reality that I didn't want to see and it happened anyway. Adam is gone and no funny limerick or happy song is going to bring him back and we all know it , I stand here among the people I love best in the world and their presence can not save me from the despair from within , I just need some time to myself , I just need space.

I give Bella a kiss on her forehead and tell her I'm going, she knows me well enough not to question it , I hug everyone else Somehow the funeral made me feel closer to them that I had before it's funny that death does that to you makes you want to hold on to the people you've got around you and still I wish all this never happened. I wish I could talk to Adam one more time.

I just buried one of my best friends and I don't know where I go from here. I feel lost and confused ,I don't know how people move on with there lives after death has paid a visit it seems like such a challenge right now. I jump in the car and drive without direction without thought without even realizing where I'm going and I find myself outside a basket ball court Adam and I played on when we were younger and it brings up so many memories that hurt so much. I let the tears come,the tears I've been holding in all day and time passes without me being aware of it until my phone rings. I say hello and it's Bella wanting to know where I am and if I'm ok and I reassure her that I am I just needed time alone with my thoughts. "I love you you know" I say because I'm apparently going soft a side effect of losing Adam it seems, "I love you too even when your being an ass and all I can't help it " she says and I laugh. "Please come home I need you I can't sleep" she pleads and I tell her I'll be there in a few minutes. I guess this is how you move on from death because the other people you love need you to. Bye Adam I love you always you were my best friend , my brother , the bearer of the best advice ever and I never really appreciated you and now it's to late. I took all that we were for granted and now it's all gone . I hope your happy where ever you are. I stand up and made my way back to the car.

( Adam's POV)

We stand in the shadows watching Edward break apart piece by piece knowing I can do nothing, it was the promise I made before I was turned.

I had to give up on my human family and it's eating me up inside but at least I'm getting to see them all one last time before we leave for Rome. I'm so sorry it had to be this way but my time had come it was time for me to join the Volturi .

I know this was equally hard for my companion that he was as hurt as I am to be leaving the family behind and go to Rome but it must be done,we have no choice it is our duty.

I'm choosing duty over family and I know that in my long life ahead I'll look back and regret my decisions but it's the only way.

BPOV

I can't sleep I feel like part of me is missing,I can't seem to turn my brain off to the what if's and maybe's and it's slowly driving me bonkers.

I lay in bed thinking about the past and what I could have done better wondering if it would have made a differences knowing that I'm just hurting myself. I find myself staring at the moon it's oddly calming because the moon doesn't really change does it my life is in limbo and the sky is still the sky the moon is still the moon, it's a reminder that it'll all be ok .

I hear the door open and Edward undresses and gets in bed next to me silently there are no words that can make this alright

for either of us but his presence soothes me and I'm not plague with guilt and questions anymore I hold on to him and breathe him in

and fall asleep in my best friend's arms knowing the morning will be better.