As usual, sorry for the wait. The good news is, I have the next chapter mapped out – a rare occurrence. I know this might be moving painstakingly slow for some, but I really am trying to capture their emotions. I find that the best stories and the really detailed, long ones. I do hope you are enjoying this.
Kirsten shivered as she felt Sandy's hand on her back. She was in a trance. She didn't know what was going to happen next. She just let him take the lead, afraid to make any movements. She just wanted him to tell what to do, how to make it better.
He had no clue.
The world as he knew it was completely rocked. He truly believed Kirsten was the reason he got up every morning. Now that very person ripped his insides out. What was his life's purpose now?
He had his boys of course, but they weren't his without Kirsten. Nothing was worth anything without Kirsten.
Except maybe his pride.
Pride was such an odd emotion. It could make or break a person. He thought about the pride he felt that Kirsten was his wife. The pride he felt that Kirsten chose him over all those other men who vied for her attention. He could remember it vividly.
He asked her to grab a cup of coffee with him, thinking she would say no. She always said no to everyone. It must have been his lucky day because miraculously she said yes. When they arrived at the coffeehouse, heads turned. Sandy noticed, but Kirsten was oblivious. It was the first time he felt like he was somebody, because of her.
He doesn't open the passenger door for her. She doesn't deserve it. She takes notice right away, hurt by his nonverbal behavior. What did she really expect, though? He opens the driver's side door, takes in the last bit of fresh air and climbs into the stuffy car.
He reaches for his keys. Jimmy kisses her.
He puts them in the ignition. Jimmy undresses her.
He turns the key. Jimmy fucks her.
He places both hands on the steering wheel, not daring to look to his right. He doesn't want to see her face. He doesn't want his anger to dispense. The more he thinks about it, his anger builds.
The silence is killing her. "Sandy?" She calls his name, just to make sure he remembers to breathe.
He looks at her. The woman he always loved. The woman the he figured could never do wrong. The woman he knew he never really deserved. As he searches her eyes, all he sees is fear. That is not what makes him turn away. It's the moisture he feels coming on.
He turns his head, not wanting her to see what she has done to him. He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He puts his head down and cries. His whole body shakes, thinking of how she truly ripped his life apart.
Pride.
He is too proud to show her his weakness.
She places her hands on his shoulder. "Sandy, please don't do this to yourself." She doesn't know what else to say.
He takes another deep breathe, puts the car in drive and heads to the house he built his life in.
The rest of the ride was in completely silence. She was afraid to say anything, not wanting to upset him further. He was afraid to say anything, not wanting to use words he couldn't take back.
Intelligence.
That was the only thing he kept thinking. How stupid could he have been not to see this happening in front of him? How could he not see her sneakiness? She blinded him and he hated her for it.
Hate.
There was a word he never thought he would associate with Kirsten. He didn't hate her. He hated what she did. He could never actually hate her. He brought her Seth and even Ryan. He hates that she pulled one over on him.
But it all went back to Pride.
Would he one day be able to swallow his pride and forgive her? Today was not that day and tomorrow didn't look good either.
As they pulled up to the house Kirsten looked at him, wondering what his next move would be. Sandy was the first one to speak. "We are going to walk in the house like nothing is wrong. We are going to discuss what we are going to do from here and what we are going to tell the boys. We will do this tonight and tell the boys tomorrow."
He didn't wait for a response. She didn't deserve him to wait on her any more. She got out of the car, unloaded the trunk and headed for the front door. Kirsten sat there, frozen. He never spoke so coldly to her. His words spun around in her head. What they were going to do from here! What did that mean? She knew she didn't have the right to ask. She lost all her rights the minute she kissed Jimmy Cooper all those years before.
She made her way into the house and stood still in the foyer. She listened for any sounds of life. She heard voices and laughter coming from the kitchen. As she headed for the kitchen, she heard Seth berating his father. "Dad, come on. We don't need to hear the details of your weekend. You have no idea how much this is going to cost you in therapy."
Kirsten smiled, relishing in these precious moments that would be no more. Seth continued when he saw his mother. "Mom, tell him to stop. You think this kind of talk would embarrass you."
Ryan stood back watching the whole exchange, trying to figure out exactly what went on this weekend.
Kirsten wanted to continue the light banter. "Seth, I will always be proud to be married to your father. Embarrassment is just part of the deal." She smiled, but quickly tensed up as she saw Sandy making his way over to her.
He lightly kissed her lips, catching her off guard. It was something he did often, but this kiss was not filled with warmth and love. It was filled with resentment. He stared right at her as she spoke to Seth. "Embarrassment and humiliation. Apparently the two ingredients for a marriage in Newport."
He looked deep into Kirsten's eyes, letting her know how much she hurt him. As his anger built, he wanted her to understand the depth that his feelings ran. He held her stare a little longer, then just walked away. Kirsten felt the symbolism as if he just walked out of her life.
Her eyes locked with Ryan's and she knew he knew all the information was disclosed. Ryan felt his heart sink into his chest, knowing all this was the calm before the storm. Seth was clueless. He had no idea how his world was about to be turned upside down as well. He felt terrible for the boy he never knew what it was like to live in a broken home. He was about to find out.
Kirsten made her way to their bedroom. It was like their sanctuary. They had their deepest feelings, their worst fights and sexual trysts contained in those four walls. She was surprised to see him, standing in their walk-in closest, gathering some of his belongings and folding them into a suitcase.
She didn't know she even had the courage to speak, but the words just came out. "Sandy, can you just slow down a second?" Her tone was demanding, fueled by fear.
"If you said that to Jimmy, we wouldn't be in this situation." He snapped. Patience was thrown out the window. He was angry. There was no room for any other emotion.
She was shocked. He never spoke to her that way, but she knew she deserved it. Her voice softened, exposing her fear. "I thought we were going to figure out things and how to tell the boys." She questioned.
"I feel as if I can't even be in the same room as you. If I stay here now, I am going to say horrible things. I am not in the frame of mind to even be civil to you." He never thought this day would come. These four walls seen it all, but even their worst fight didn't come close to this. He thought back to where she was the one who wanted to pack her bags.
"Why can't you see that he is trying to help us?" She was talking about her father.
"He doesn't want to help us, he wants to rub my face in it." He knew Caleb Nichol.
"Since when did you become too proud to accept help when we need it?"
"We don't need help Kirsten. We lived off of what we had in Berkeley and you were actually happy. You just don't seem like you can be happy with me in Newport."
"This has nothing to do with me. This has to do with your stubbornness and your pride."
There it was again. Pride.
"Where are you going to go? I really don't want you to go anywhere. This is your home Sandy." She was rambling, anything to keep him here for a few seconds longer.
He needed her to understand where he was mentally. "All I keep thinking about is why." He looked into her eyes and saw the tears forming. "I keep thinking about how I busted my ass for over twenty years to fit into your puzzle and I still wasn't enough for you."
"That's not true." She whispered.
"Stop saying that!" He yelled at her. He didn't want to hear it. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "It is true because you still needed more. I wasn't enough."
She was sobbing, as he zipped up his suitcase. "I need some time Kirsten. I need a few hours to regain my composure. I will be back in the morning to see the boys off to school. Take the day off tomorrow so we can really map out what is going to happen." He started to walk out the glass doors of his bedroom that were adjacent to the path that led to the driveway.
"I love you Sandy. Please come back tomorrow." She was afraid that was the last time she was ever going to see him, although she knew that wasn't true.
"I said I will be back to see the boys tomorrow." He wanted to make it clear he was annoyed that she was still using the 'I Love Yous'.
She watched him physically turn his back on her and walk away. Sandy felt better leaving. She turned her back on him emotionally a long time before.
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Please review! I just hope you all will enjoy the pace. Please let me know if there is anything you would like to see happen. I am open to any suggestions.