Never Let Me Go
If our hearts are never broken
Well there's no joy in the mending
There's so much this hurt can teach us both
Though there's distance and there's silence
Your words have never left me
They're the prayer that I say every day.
New York – Snow Patrol
When I was growing up, I didn't think it was weird that my parents were always gone. Even when kids would make fun of me, regardless if it were my looks or my family situation; I wouldn't think about it. For so many years I refused to realize that I was all alone, because once you figure out that it's not normal and you weren't okay…you just lose yourself and you never feel quite the same again. But, after realization comes denial. You begin telling yourself 'It's okay, everything is going to be fine' until you finally convince yourself and accept it. I've done that for so long, sitting idly alone in an empty home not complaining but not happy whatsoever. I can't stay quiet anymore, I can't take it. After so many years wasted you finally feel rage and all you ever crave is acceptance and happiness. Sometimes late within the night, I wonder if I had asked my parents to come home so many years ago, would it be different. Maybe if I spoke up and told them my feelings a long time ago, maybe things would be different. Wondering the what ifs and I could of done this or done that can drive you to utter madness. In reality, the past is done and I can't turn time around.
I pulled my blanket closer as I silently watched the sun slowly rise from the far away peaks. I always hated the morning sun. It seemed to always remind me that I wasted another day regretting and restricting myself from happiness. I want change. I want to feel okay and not despair every time I eat alone, all I want now is…is happiness.
I smiled, today was the day of change, no regrets, no restrictions; I'm free. In that moment, I would live for myself and do what I desired. The weight that was pulling me down for years felt lighter and I felt like I can finally breathe.
I made my decision.
I lightly knocked on the door, Kako and Jun wanted to speak with me about my current situation…I couldn't lie I dreaded speaking about it. I knew this needed to be done; I can't keep avoiding this. I've already been hiding here for the past couple of days because I can't face my problems. I breathed in a deep breath and opened the door. I peeked inside; Kako smiled and motioned me to come in. I silently walked in and sat down beside Kako.
There was a brief silence. I stared at my fingers and I couldn't seem to stop fiddling with my thumbs. Jun sighed, "Have you spoke to your parents yet?" I nodded.
"I talked to my father briefly…" Kako soothingly rubbed my back, "I am so sorry…for all of this. I should not have dragged my situation here." Jun laughed.
"You are a very special girl Luka; you're already apart of this family!" My heart felt so warm hearing those words. I have to tell them now or I feel like I won't be able to leave.
"I've thought about everything and I decided I really can't return home. I just need some space from my parents; especially from my mother." They both nodded in understanding, "I am forever grateful to you and your children. I thought I would never be able to experience having a family." I smiled.
"I will find an apartment right away and—
"You can't do that!" I was startled by Jun's stern voice; I glance at Kako who had a frown on her face.
"Luka, we've already thought about this. You're so important to this family, Len and Rin love you! We've never seen them open up to someone so much. They need you."
"An apartment alone is dangerous, we know you've been living alone till this point, but trust me when I say you are like a daughter to us. It was because of you that we realized we have equally been absent in our children's lives."
"We could never blame your parent's because sadly we've been on the same boat before." Kako smiled, "Jun and I decided to cut our hours at work and we also no longer take business trips anymore."
Was this real? They wanted me to stay? I felt like such a burden to them, like I poured all my problems onto their shoulders…Is this okay? Can I just say yes and finally be happy? I don't know, ugh I don't know.
But I do know.
I already made my decision this morning. I'd be happy and live the way I want to, but now that I'm getting my wish it just seems too good to be true. I feel like I'm about to cry.
I was so lucky; I never felt so loved before.
"You've reminded us of the most important thing in our lives; family." Jun ruffled my hair and smiled.
"Thank you." I whispered. That really hit me in the heart.
I stood up and hugged Jun, "Thank you!" I repeated. He seemed embarrassed and Kako laughed, I let go and laughed as well.
I silently waited on the swing and gazed at the sky. My heart thumped loudly in my chest; I blushed and glanced at my dark outfit. I wore the same black dress as that dream, it was not intentional but…why isn't he here yet? I'm getting more nervous as the time passes. I glanced at the light pole from a distance.
I dug my feet into the dirt; out of habit I pushed my hair back behind my ear. I couldn't stop fidgeting! I heard a twig break and I looked up, but I didn't see anything…?
"Hey." I jumped up from my seat surprised; he grabbed my shoulders to steady me. "Whoa, you okay?" I blushed; thank goodness it was too dark to see my flushed cheeks.
"Y-Yeah…" He smiled and let go of my shoulders. I didn't want him to let go of me so without thinking I hugged him. I was well aware he could hear my thumping heart clearly but I couldn't stop myself. At first he was tense, but he wrapped his arms around me holding me in place. It felt so warm, he was literally radiating heat. Kaito…you have always been my sun, always so bright and blinding. He was my summer and I was his winter.
"They're letting me stay." I whispered,
"I know you'll be happy." He ran his fingers through my hair and I felt something, it felt so powerful, something I've never felt before. It was like this urge to forget everything around me and just kiss him. "I'm going to miss you Luka."
I lightly pulled away, I glanced at his face and at that moment I hated myself. He looked pained, like I rejected him. I slipped my hand into his and pulled him away from where we were standing, we walked further into the darkness deeper within the park; I leaned my head against his shoulder.
"For once in my life I feel like things are going to be okay."
"You've become so beautiful Luka."
"What? Don't say something like that so suddenly!" I nearly had a heart attack just from hearing those words. He laughed, "It's true; you're beautiful!"
I lightly nudged him, "What got into you? Stop flattering me Kaito." I laughed. Through the moonlight he smiled and took a deep breath.
"LUKA MEGURINE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL!" He shouted.
I blushed madly, I wasn't able to say a word I was too shocked. Kaito always amazed me; why was he so bold? I envied that side of him. I swallowed my embarrassment and stood in front of Kaito with my hands on my hips.
"What makes you think I'm beautiful?" I raised an eyebrow questioning him.
"Well that's simple," He moved a piece of my hair from my forehead and leaned forward, "your smile."
My heart instantly began racing even faster—if that is even possible. I looked down, "I-Is that so…" Kaito what are you doing to me! At this rate I'm not going to want to leave your side!
He pulled my cheek grabbing my attention; he smirked and walked forward grinning from ear to ear. "What would you do without me?" I rolled my eyes and laughed. Feeling a bit bold myself I push Kaito down the hill. My eye's widened when I realized he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his chest as we both fell forward down the hill.
We both rolled down the steep hill laughing till we couldn't breathe. I landed on my back laughing until my sides hurt.
It wasn't until it was finally silent did I realize our awkward position. Kaito's hair fell forward and his deep sapphire eyes kept me from looking away. It was like I was unable to break our eye contact. I felt a sudden longing...
He stood up quickly and offered a hand—which I took of course—he smiled gently.
"Let's take you home."
I wanted to write more but I think this chapter is long overdue. I know I know you guys…Why doesn't Luka just kiss Kaito! Well, it was headed that way until Kaito got all nervous and stuff…Damn him!
I'll be continuing writing this story until it is officially finished! While I'm at it, I'm also in the process of writing a few rough drafts for future KaitoxLuka fics!
Thanks to those that have left a review during my hiatus (:
Xoxo
Ghostly