2 things!
One: omfg you guys. How does this have 80 reviews in less then ten chapters?
HOW DO I HOLD ALL THESE FEELS?
and two; El Siboney is like… my favorite place to eat ever in any city I've ever gone to or lived in. Writing this made me so hungry and so home sick.
+1 the time this takes place is no way mirrors the reality since this is during the fall and by then the Avengers would have left the Key West Regal (ノ=ω=)ノ*:・ﾟ✧ but fuck it I don' tcare. Jokes about Jeremy Renner's ass demands it.
3 hours
El Siboney was always busy, always. It was one of the more popular restaurants on the island, hell, one of the more popular ones in the entire Lower Keys. The deco inside was yellow with Indian chiefs and generic Cuban paraphernalia and plastic red lands and knick knack. Today was no different, especially on a weekend, and especially at noon, but the fact that it was packed was sort of a good thing.
Desmond got there before Clay, parking down the block, as the tiny lot (lot, ha! it was barely street space) was full, though there wasn't a line out the door. He could smell the roasted, pulled pork from down the street as he walked towards the squat building that was bigger on the inside, like the T.A.R.D.I.S. There was a bit group in front of him, waiting just inside the door but he wriggled through, the sound of people talking and the scrape of cutlery on plates masking most other noises. The place wasn't cool, but it wasn't hot like outside either and was very much still below body temperature, making it comfortable enough.
He got the attention of the girl behind the girl the low slung counter as he was making up a tray of imported Mexican beers by rapping on the plastic covering. She gave him a slight questioning look, "Two," he said to be heard over the din. She nodded and then was gone from behind the counter. She returned a moment later though and showed Desmond to one of the small tables to the left of the door by the small low set bar where a few haggard Mexicans were devouring their food with silent prejudice.
The waiter showed up before Clay, he was big, Cuban, and had slicked back black hair, his red shirt a bit tight across his chest. "What can I get you?" he asked and set down two waters in thick plastic, red, cups, his English good, so he was Conch, not a migrant or a refugee.
"I'll have a Coke, I dunno what he wants," he nodded at the empty seat. His waiter nodded and was gone. Desmond didn't even pick up the menu, he knew the entire thing front and back by now, as it was a favorite for their group of friends as it was fast, cheap and amazing. The waiter came with his Coke and a small basket of buttered, pressed, Cuban bread, and asked if he wanted to order. As he did a flicker of yellow caught the edge of Desmond's eye and Clay was sliding into the seat opposite him.
"Can I get a Sprite," Clay piped up and when the waiter left he chugged his water. He looked haggard, but not hung over. That had been earlier.
"Hello to you too," Desmond said as Clay grabbed some of the bread and crammed it into his mouth. Like Desmond he didn't bother with the menu, he knew it front to back as well and between the four of them they'd tried just about everything in the last four years.
"Sorry I just… I just got fucking chewed out by my dad, and that was after getting off the phone with Lucy. Did you know she's pissed at me?" he looked confused, maybe a bit hurt, and a lot scared.
"Why'd your dad chew you out?"
"Cause I didn't get home till like three this morning," he laughed hollowly. "He was pissed, though I wasn't too drunk. Apparently a bit after you left to piss and never come back I passed out in Lucy's lap," well that explained why she was probably angry. "Next I woke up Shaun was manhandling me into the back of his car. I think, and I'm not sure mind you, but I think I got a face full of boob from that."
"Lucy's boobs?" Desmond asked as the waiter brought Clay's Sprite and filled both their waters.
Clay didn't answer cause he was ordering. "I'll have the number two," the waiter nodded.
Desmond gave his friend a leery look then gave the waiter his order, "And I'll have the number three, and the fried yucca." Their waiter nodded and left. "Did you face plant into Lucy's tits Clay?"
"I… think so? Becca was in the front. Fuck I do not remember, I was just fucking gone at that point."
"So what was she pissed about? You all up in her cleavage?" he would not put it past her honestly.
Clay disassembled some of the bread as he said, "You know, I'm not entirely sure. She just called me, pissed, and said I was a terrible person and I needed to get my priorities strait and blah blah blah, you know how she can get."
Desmond nodded, he did indeed know how Lucy could get. He loved her to death, she was his friend after all, but she could be like Shaun: scary, intense, and slightly over the top. Lucy could go into melt down mode when she acted like the world was going to end at all times. But he supposed with a stepdad like the one she had he couldn't really be surprised.
"You got any idea?" Clay asked, finishing off his second cup of water.
"Yeah, several," he said, giving his friend a look.
"Welp, I'm all ears," he said and propped his chin on his fists looking at Desmond with all the attention of a five year old to super hero cartoons.
"Well, you have been giving her weird mixed messages lately," he said.
"I what?" he sat up strait, clearly confused. "You're ganna have to run that by me again."
"Well, you hang out with her nearly as much as me, you're always flirting with her-
"Hey!" Clay looked indignant, "I flirt with everyone," he said matter-of-factly and Desmond chuckled.
"Then at the party you were all into hanging out with her, you danced with her even. You don't fucking dance with anyone-
"That's cause I'm the DJ," he pointed out.
"Would you let me talk for like… five fucking seconds? Stop butting in," Desmond snapped, Clay pouted but nodded. "Then you kissed me, cause of that dumb dare, which by the way, she thought was hot."
"She did?" he asked as if it had never occurred to him, playing with the bread.
Desmond blinked at him, "Are you actually aware of the things that go on with your own friends or are you just totally into everyone else?"
"Well you guys are kinda predictable," Clay said slowly. "Except this morning when I got a call that my best buddy had just rolled out of bed with-
Desmond clapped his hand over his mouth, "You are not to utter that name in my presence, got it?" he growled. Clay looked delighted but nodded regardless. Desmond took his hand away and wiped it on his pants. "So, that happened, and yes, she liked it, god you need to be more observant— and I never thought I'd have to tell you that since you see the weirdest shit. Like… Yusuf and Rauf, really?"
"It'll happen!" Clay proclaimed.
Just then their food appeared, big plates piled high with Cuban cooked pork, yellow rice, plantains and sweet sautéed onions and Clay had a tamale. Little white bowls filled with black beans to the point of nearly over flowing. A smaller plate with Desmond's fried yucca and a vinegary and onion dipping sauce was placed next to his huge plate. They dropped the current thread of conversation, instead turning towards their lunch.
They both put their plantains in the basket where the bread had been, to eat later. Clay poured the black beans all over his food and cracked open his tamale. Desmond just smushed everything up together in a giant orgy of pulled pork, rice, beans and onions before started to eat. They ate in silence, only bickering a bit over the yucca which Clay tried to steal and Desmond stabbed him with his fork. Clay just looked offended when he did that.
Finally, when they were about half way through their plates, having satisfied their hung over stomachs Desmond started up the conversation again. "Also you fell asleep in her lap-
"Are you still on about this man?" Clay drawled.
"Yes. Yes I am, cause you're an idiot," and then he continued, "and then in the car Shaun basically shoves you into her chest. And you go home alone. You were complaining about not getting laid last night, well guess what, I bet Lucy would have taken care of that for you," and he dipped a stick of yucca into translucent dipping sauce.
Clay played with his mess of a plate, which honestly looked like Desmond's, even though it had started out a lot more organized but by now had just turned a mess of pork and additions. Then he looked up at Desmond from under his brows, "You really think she's into me?"
"Are you blind?" Desmond asked.
"Uh-
"Don't answer that," because Clay would have just gotten lippy with him. "Yes. Yes she's into you."
"Yeah but she was into you too," he pointed out.
"And she knows I am not on the market."
"So, you're saying I'm second best?"
"Compared to a gay man, yes. Which means you're first in line for the actual straight men," Desmond huffed and shoveled a few more bites of pork and rice into his mouth. "Don't think of it as 'second place'. I mean, you'll never compare to an actual gay guy, girls love us," and Clay kicked him under the table. He winced, that had hurt. "You're just at the top of the list for actual, available guys, who wouldn't be wigged out by lady bits," he wrinkled his nose a little. It wasn't like he was squeamish or anything, he just didn't find them attractive at all. He'd still stare at a girl's ass, but he was an ass guy, so sue him, and with the trend of boys in baggy pants or awful sports shorts with the boxers hanging out girls were some of the only good looking asses in the entire school really that didn't horribly offend him as part of the male gender. He immediately thought that Altair always wore fitted pants and he probably-
WOAH! Back up. No. No. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. You are NOT thinking about Altair's ass. Never. Ever. That ship had sailed and he wasn't swimming after it.
"You okay?" Clay asked, yanking him back to reality.
"Yes."
Clay was silent for a second, squinted at him, and then looked waaaaay too fucking smug. "You were justing thinking about him weren't you?"
"No."
"Yes you were."
"No I wasn't."
"So was," he jeered in a little sing song voice.
"We're here about your love life, not mine," Desmond growled and moodily scarfed down more Cuban food, starting to feel really full. El Siboney did that though as their portions could be shared by one and a half normal people, or a single bottomless hole that was a teenager's stomach.
"Riiiight," Clay said, clipping the T extra hard at the end.
Desmond scowled at him. "So what're you ganna do about Lucy?"
"Nothing- OW!" Desmond kicked him, hard, under the table. "What the shit was that for?" he demanded.
"You fucking idiot. Ask her out," Clay just looked uncomfortable. "My god, are you really that spineless? Cause I've seen your porn collection, you like girls."
Clay didn't say anything for several moments, instead just eating quietly, as if he could shove enough food in his maw to make Desmond forget the conversation. "What if she says no?" he asked weakly.
Desmond slapped his hand to his forehead. "If you haven't asked her out by Monday I am disowning you," he informed his friend.
"Should I ask her dad first?"
There was a long pregnant silence.
"No," he said eventually.
"But what if she's that kinda girl who'll only say yes if daddy says it's okay?"
"Trust me, the way she was last night, she won't be."
"I dunno," Clay said.
"Just do it you giant pussy," Desmond huffed.
Clay ate a bit more, "I will, but-
"But? But what? There are no buts here," Desmond said sternly.
"I will okay, fuck. Buuut you think… maybe I could hear about your night?"
"You are such a weird dude, man," Desmond told him.
"Oh c'mon I don't mean like that. I don't need graphic details, but you got to hear about my drunken debauchery. It's only fair I get to hear about yours. I mean, we both royally screwed up in the relationship department and-
"No. No we did not," Desmond put in. "Cause unlike you, nothing's coming out of my fuck up," Clay eyed him. "Noth. Ing," he said pointedly. "You get three questions," he added.
Clay looked absolutely thrilled. "He top or bottom?"
"No idea."
"What do you mean you have no idea?"
"We were kinda back and forth. At one point we were both ganna do both," he shrugged. Desmond had no problem doing either.
"How big is he?"
"No idea."
"What? How the fuck do you not know? You had his dick in your mouth!" he whisper yelled.
"That's four questions," Desmond said smugly and turned into the remains of his plate.
Clay stared at him, scowling. "That's a dick thing to do, man," he said looking put off.
Desmond sighed, "He's not the biggest guy I've ever seen up close, we'll put it that way. And no he doesn't have a chode or a little dick. God why do you want to know this shit?"
"Because I like knowing shit," Clay said proudly.
"That's it. That was four questions, one more then I promised.
"Oh fuck you."
"No actually, I'd prefer if you didn't," and Clay kicked him lightly. Desmond kicked him back and it quickly turned into a very childish game of almost footsies where they tried to stomp on each other's feet. It almost came to flinging rice and beans at each other before they stopped and Desmond told the waiter they wanted their check, and that Clay was paying for his own food. Clay just stuck his tongue out at him.
When they left the restaurant Desmond put on his glasses. He'd bought a new pair before coming here because riding around on a motorcycle without some sort of eye protection was just asking for trouble, and eye strain. "So, I held up my end of the bargain," he said as they walked down the street towards their cars. "You have to ask Lucy out."
"Yeah, I will," though he had the tone of someone who would drag his feet about it. Desmond fished his phone out of his pocket and pressed 3-7, which was Lucy's speed-dial. "What are you doing?"
"Shoosh," Desmond said, still walking, phone to his ear as it rang. She picked up after a few rings. "Hey," he said cheerfully.
"Did Clay tell you to call me?" she asked him, not bothering with pleasantries.
"No."
"Oh, well, what do you want?" wow, she was pissed. He glanced at Clay. "Desmond?"
"I just wanted to know how you were doing," he shrugged, Clay was looking at him, horrified, because he knew who was on the other end. "I missed you last night at the party."
"Yeah well, I've had worse," she sighed.
"Get lucky?" and Clay sent him a murderous look.
"Ha! I wish," she said scornfully.
"You don't saaay," and he rose his brows at Clay a few times. His friend just smacked his hand over his face.
"Yeah. But, it didn't happen, so what's the point getting hung up on it… How about you?" well that was a subtle way of asking if he'd gone home with Clay.
"No. I passed out in the upstairs bathroom," he said.
"Oh, well, sorry about that," she sounded more cheerful now, easier to talk to. They were standing at Clay's car now, his black bike across the street from it.
"Eh, better then waking up in the woods," she laughed, cause he had done that. Shaun knew the parties that went on in the Middle Keys as he was from there and the Middle Keys had woods, Most of the Lower Keys didn't, as they were either too populated, or not populated enough to warrant a party. He'd fallen asleep in some woods on Little Torch after cops had shown up, they'd run and he'd gotten lost. He'd been late to school the next day. His parents had been pissed. They didn't mind if he went to parties and got drunk so long as his grades didn't slip, he didn't miss school and he didn't drive drunk, especially on his bike. He'd been grounded from everything for three weeks for that fuck up.
She laughed, "Yeah, I suppose it would be," she said. "What're you doing?"
"I just got done having lunch with Clay and… oh, he wants to talk to you."
"Does he now?" her mood became hard instantly.
"Yeah, be nice," and he handed Clay the phone who was trying to deny it. Desmond just sent him a firm look and shoved the phone at him. Clay made a face and took it, giving Desmond a look of despair.
"Hey Lucy," Clay said, trying to sound as chipper as he usually was. "Yeah I- No. No. Uh… I guess. I'm sorry okay? It was Shaun's— Oh. No I didn-" he glared at Desmond like he wished his friend would just burst into flames. Desmond made a sort of shooing motion as if to say, 'get on with it', and then tapped his wrist like he wore a watch, 'I'm waiting'. "Hey, Lucy. Lucy. Desmond's ditching out on me, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? It's Saturday how are you busy? Can't you do it tomorrow? … Oh c'mon you're killing me here. I just wanna hang out with—" he scuffed his foot on the road. Desmond gave him a hard look, he better not screw this up. Clay had a fucking silver tongue, how was he fumbling this‽ "Okay, I understand. No, really it's okay. What about tomorrow?" he asked like a kicked dog. "But you just said- hey! Desmond what are you-
"Lucy, Clay's trying to ask you out. Stop being your own cock block," Desmond said, smashing his face up against Clay's to talk into the mic.
"Desmond!" he yelled and lurched away. Then he was suddenly very interested in the phone call. "What? Yeah, he wasn't lying. Willyougooutwithme?" he asked suddenly and looked very bashful, which was never a word he ever thought he'd use to describe Clay ever. "A- well I thought maybe we could go see the Avengers. Yes again, I know you like looking at Hawkeye's butt," and then he laughed, he'd probably just made Lucy flustered. But then Desmond didn't blame her, Jeremy Renner had an amazing ass. "I thought you had a project? Why would you lie to- Oh. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll see you there then," and then he hung up. "You asshole," and he punched Desmond in the shoulder.
"You love me," Desmond said cheerfully, taking his phone back from his blonde friend. "So you got a date," he grinned broadly.
Clay tried to look annoyed, he really did, but it didn't really work out. "Yeah… I do," he said sort of like it was some sort of magical event that he'd only ever read about. Desmond laughed at him.
"Go get ready for your movie Casanova," and he shoved Clay towards his car. Clay made a face at him and Desmond just kept grinning.
"And what about you? Ganna go find yourself a smoking hot cut of Arab ass?"
"Gooooo fuck yourself Clay," and Desmond flipped him the bird. "Actually I'm going to go home and play Infamous in my underwear, so there," and stuck his tongue out at him. Clay chuckled. "Have fun and I hope you get laid."
"Please do not think of me and Lucy having sex. One, it's creepy, and two, you'll jinx me." Desmond laughed loudly and pulled on his leather jacket, but didn't zip it up. "Then stop thinking about me and Altair."
"I would think you'd want me to jinx you," Clay said, from his car, through the window.
"Coming from you it'd stop me from getting laid till I left this fucking rock," he said sitting astride his baby comfortably.
"I bet Lucy wouldn't mind a threesome-
"You're fucking weird man. And I thought we agreed I didn't want to see you naked," and he put on his helmet, buckling it under his chin.
"Juuuust putting it out there. You said she didn't mind that dumb dare we did."
"Not happening. Tell her she can fantasize though. I don't mind being fetishized one bit."
"Good cause I-
"If you finish that sentence I am going to kill you!" he yelled. Clay laughed. "Go to your fucking movie," and he leaned down to turn his bike on. She rumbled to life with a sexy growl.
"Have fun with your video games," Clay called and Desmond sent him a salute as Clay rolled his windows up. Desmond flipped up the kickstand and made his baby roar. Clay shoved his face up against the window making a disgusting face at him. Desmond pretended to not see and gunned the engine. The Kawasaki bellowed and he shot off down the street, bringing his feet up onto the pegs as he barreled down Catherine Street.
So there are some reviews I wanna respond to cause of reasons. Honestly if you're not, you should read the reviews for this story (and probably the other ones too) cause they are/can be hilarious.
omg Future Dictator inc your reviews are the best cause your iPhone always autocorrects 'who' into 'whore' and it is the fucking funniest thing EVER.
Leap of Fail: "Hey kids, the word of the day iiiiis: Bromance! Brought to you by the letter B!" I have no laughed so hard at a review in a long, long time. /shoves kudos at
And it's a bit of a coincidence since today's chapter is also brought to you by the letter B!