Ranma 1/2: A Wedding
"All we have to do now is take these lies and make them true somehow.\\
All we have to see is that I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me."
-George Michaels, Freedom(1990)
The early morning peace of the newlywed's wedding bed was broken by a scream from Nabiki's room. "Did she loose a bet?" Ranma asked as he kissed his wife's forehead.
Akane shifted her weight to make herself more comfortable in her husband's arms. "No that sounds more like Tokyo U. to me."
Ranma laughed, "Your father never gives up."
Akane looked up at her husband and smiled, "No, thankfully he doesn't."
Konastu sniffed the morning air and smiled, as the coffee dripped into the pot. "What has you in such a good mood this morning?" Akari asked as she shuffled into the kitchen wearing her pajamas.
"Coffee," the boy said, "the best thing about being a man."
"Whet does coffee have to do win being a man?"
"It's the quintessential man's drink..." Konastu said, "Followed closely by beer."
"Said who?" Akari asked.
"My instructor in all things manly," he said as he watched the dark liquid drip, drop, dribble into the pot below.
Akari razzberried, pushed past the boy, and grabbed a mug. Pulling the pot from the burner she poured herself a cup, letting the coffee hit the hot plate. The liquid cooked-off as she placed the pot back in it's place, filling the kitchen with the bitter smell of burned coffee. "Your instructor never lived on a farm."
Konastu looked at the girl in horror, "You heathen!"
"What?
"That was a Kenyan triple-roast."
Akari shrugged as she walked out of the room, "Tasted like Sanka to me."
Morning was demolished when Shampoo crashed through Akane's old bedroom wall, her breath coming in ragged draws. "Ranma," the Chinese girl said, narrowing her bloodshot eyes at the couple. ''You I kill."
The newlyweds rolled to opposite sides of the bed, splitting the sheet and quilt between. ''Shampoo," Ranma yelled red faced as his hands wavered between defending himself and protecting his modesty. "What in the hell are you doing here!"
"Shampoo loose Airen," the pink haired girl said, her bonbori crashing down into the center of the bed splintering the wooden frame. "Shampoo want backpay. Shampoo take out of Ranma's hide."
''Cologne told us that the adoption ended this," Akane said, wrapping the sheet around her body. "Sister's don't share husbands."
"Stupid kitchen destroyer not understand." Shampoo lifted the mace above his head. "Shampoo not care about stupid Ranma."
"Thank god," Ranma said from where he Icy cowering on the bedroom floor, "Wait, was that an insult?"
"Ranma fill Airen's head with silly thoughts. Airen leave Shampoo. Say he not want to force Shampoo into a no love marriage," the girl said, going limp on Ranma and Akane's wedding bed. "What wrong with Shampoo? Why no love for Shampoo?"
Akane said nothing instead placed her arms around her once rival's shoulders and held her as she sobbed.
Ryoga flinched as Ukyo leaned forward to push his hair back from the wound on his scalp. "Stop being a baby, I only grazed you with the spatula."
"It hurts," Ryoga said, flinching as her fingertips brushed by his wound sending a shiver down his spine.
"Don't be so melodramatic." She was close enough to feel his breath on her lips. The thought of his lips on hers flushed her cheeks, and reminded her why she was so angry with him. "It's not like I was trying to hurt you or anything."
"Then why did you use the sharp end?"
"You kept dodging when I tried to hit you with the flat."
"I was supposed to sit there and let you hit me?" Ryoga asked, as Ukyo dabbed a bit of alcohol onto his cut. The clear antiseptic burned and the chef was applying the clear liquid too liberally for Ryoga's tastes. "That hurts."
"Baby," Ukyo said with a crooked smile. "You break boulders with your bare hands, and you can't take a little alcohol."
Ryoga blushed, "Boulders don't burn. Besides, that hurt almost as much as a bullet."
Bullet... Ukyo paused, "Ryoga, how did you know about the short version?"
"What short version?"
"The short version at the wedding ceremony,"the girl said, sitting up again. "The one that was only used in life or death circumstances."
"How did you?"Ryoga said, smiling just enough to show the tips of his fangs as Ukyo scooted next to him. She frowned, he wasn't cute.
"I didn't," she said, her eyes narrowing. "At least not until you demanded the minister use it."
The boy looked down at the floor. "I travel allot, remember?"
Ukyo rolled her eyes, "Every one knows that."
"Not every place is as nice as this one."
"Ok,"the girl said, nudging the pig-boy with her shoulder. "So what's that supposed to mean?"
"I wandered into Darfur," the lost-boys voice went flat.
"Oh," Ukyo said, catching the dark look in the boy's eyes. "What happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"I came across a village surrounded by gunmen, they all knew what was going to happen but I had no clue." Ryoga hoped that Uc-chan couldn't hear his voice break. "There was a couple there, about our age, they had been childhood sweethearts..."
"The short version?"
Ryoga nodded, "I volunteered to take his place among the rest of the men. Give them a chance to run together."
"What happened?" Ukyo asked, resting her head on her knee.
"The villagers had sticks, the militia had AK-47's and hand grenades. What do you think happened?"
"That bad?"
"I use the memory to fuel the Lion's Roar."
Ukyo sat for a moment, her thumbs suddenly interesting. "What happened to the couple?"
Ryoga stood up and walked away.
Flying by jet was the only way to travel, especially for a duck. It was faster. Your wings didn't hurt. And no-one ever thought that a duck in steerage was a stowaway. Unfortunately there was no flying into Amazon lands, the villages were so remote that there were no roads, much less airports. Further, when you were cursed to transform into a domesticated species of duck, flying was not an option. You were likely to end up on the dinner table. So Mousse found himself walking the final few miles of his trip.
Usually the trip home was a happy time when he could reminisce about his childhood in the places where he had spent his youth. Now everything reminded him of Shampoo. It was more then he could stand.
The hill he was climbing had been his and Shampoo's favorite place to play as children. They had spent long hours climbing in the branches of the old oak fighting off hoards of attacking monsters. Mousse allowed a sad smile to cross his lips. If only real life enemies could be felled as easily as those from a child's imagination. Ranma had been the one to teach him differently.
From it's roots flowed the spring that fed the stream where the two at them would swim on the dog days of the summer. She liked to go skinny dipping, and that's what had gotten them in trouble in the end. When she started ''developing" the elders decided that their relationship was improper for two who were not engaged, and so the boy began his series of ill-fated proposals. After all, how else could they remain best friends?
Shampoo never wanted that though. He knew that before he asked that next day. She wanted the handsome stranger who would lift her out of the cinders and take her to his castle far away. He wasn't a prince. He was the son of a farmer. It was hard to be blind and dashing at the same time. He never really stood a chance. Not after Ranma showed up.
When you love a girl that much eventually you should reach the point where you hate her, and all the pain she caused. It was inevitable. So why couldn't Mousse hate her? He wasn't sure. As he walked among his lucid memories of their childhood together he understood he never would. Which was why he couldn't go back... ever. This was his last trip home. The boy sighed as he reached the crest of the hill, the smell of the brook bellow reminding him of the girl he was running from.
Mousse put his glasses back on, and looked out over the valley. The sight of the village bellow caused his stomach to ripple with nausea as his thoughts were ripped from the pink haired girl. The valley was crisscrossed with trenches. Warriors scurried through the fields like ants, setting fire to the crops that could not be harvested in time. In the village square, boys and girls only a few years younger than himself were being drilled in precise ranks. There was no mistaking it, the village was going to war.
Mousse stood silent for a moment, and let the vision sink in. "So home and see my mother, my ass. The old Ghoul tricked me again."
"Ok, Ranma, what is it this time?" Ukyo asked from behind the counter. Her fingernails tapping against the hard acrylic surface as the newlyweds carried the broken Amazon into the restaurant.
''What, no 'Hey, Ranma! How about a free okonomiyaki?' 'Why yes Ukyo I would love to have one.'" the Pig-tailed boy said as they sat the pink haired girl down at the bar.
"Free meals are for members of the former-fiancee club only." Ukyo said rolling her eyes, "Boy's who are just friends have to buy their own. No freeloading."
"Wait," Ryoga said as he walked in from the kitchen carrying a vat of batter, "you make me free meals all the time."
Ukyo turned around and smiled sweetly at Ryoga, "Konastu?"
"Yes, Ukyo-sama," the boy said without looking up from the half cleaned table he was bussing.
"Remind me to start deducting Ryoga-kun's lunches from his paychecks."
"Yes, Ukyo-sama." Konastu placed the dirty dishes his the cart and pushed them towards the kitchen.
"Ryoga." Ranma said, "trust me, when they smile like that... Run."
Akari, Akane and Ukyo looked up at Ranma and smiled sweetly. "Is that so?" his wife asked.
"Shutting up now."
"Good boy," Akane said.
"So, Akane," Ukyo said with a genuine smile, "what can I make for you?"
"A vegetable special please," the short-haired girl said.
"Wait, why does she get one when I don't?"
Akane, shrugged, "Ex-fiancee club."
"But you're my wife."
"Why Akane ex-fiancee," Shampoo said.
"How many people are in this club anyway?" Ranma asked.
"I don't know, why don't you tell us?" Akane asked.
"I'm not the only one whose father gave him multiple engagements, or should I bring up how I learned anything goes dining?"
Akane just shrugged as Ukyo set her meal in front of her.
"Nice to know marriage hasn't changed your relationship. You want one too sugar?" Ukyo asked the third member of the club. "You look like you need it."
Shampoo nodded. "Thank you."
"So. Ranma," Ryoga asked, as he set a bin of vegetables on the counter, "Who kicked your ass this time?"
"Ryoga," Akari said, lightly popping the pig-boy on the back with a cleaning towel, "that wasn't very nice."
"No it wasn't," Ukyo said, "But he does have a point. Prince... Monster... Oni...Who do you need help with this time?"
Ranma waved his hands in the air in front of him. "Whoa. Not me this time I swear, the Mummy asked us to meet her here."
"Where is Mousse-san?" Konastu asked, noticing his absence for the first time. Shampoo started crying.
"That is what I wanted to talk to you about," Cologne said from behind them.
Nabiki stormed into the living-room carrying two black ledgers as she upturned everything in her path. ''What in the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"Playing Shogi," Soon said not taking his eyes off of the board.
"Don't look at me," Genma wrote on a sign, fearing the middle child's wrath more than he feared his friend's cheating. "I'm just a cute panda."
"That only works when you are a panda." The girl said. Her glare sent chills down Genma's spine forcing him to seek shelter under the table. "You froze my accounts. What gives you the right..."
"I am your father, and you have not reached your majority," Soun said, turning to face his daughter, "And to tell you the truth, I should have done this years ago. All of that money gave you the idea that you could ignore my wishes and fly off to whenever it is that you want to go without my consent."
"Give me my money back," she said, her steel voice slicing through her father's resolve.
"I can't," her father stammered.
"Why not?"
"I spent it?"
"On what?"
"Tuition?"
"You spent 10,000,000¥ on tuition?"
"Well, I did pay for the whole 4 years."
"Why in the hell would you do something like that?"
"Because I told you that you were going to Tokyo U, and you are going whether you like it or not. Like an obedient daughter should."
Nabiki smiled and shoved the ledgers into her father's hands, "I'm not the obedient one, remember?"
"What's this?" Soun asked as his daughter as she stormed away.
"The dojo's finances," the girl said, " I'm not doing them anymore."
The two men cowered at the table until they heard the girl slam the front door closed. "That went well," Genma said as he quickly rearranged the game board.
"Ok, we get that you want our help, but why do you need all of us just to find Mousse?" Akane asked.
''Because child," the elder said from her perch near the counter, "home is not the same as it used to be."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ryoga asked.
"I'm not sure," the elder said, taking a draw from her pipe. "The government thinks the area is in an open state of rebellion. And while it is highly unlikely that the tribe would do something so foolish, Beijing isn't taking any chances."
"Well, if the Amazon's aren't doing anything wrong then there shouldn't be any problems, right?" Akari asked from her perch between Ryoga end Konastu.
Shampoo frowned and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like Tiananmen. Cologne set her pipe on the counter and stared at the floor. "They are going to scatter the tribes."
''Genocide?" Ukyo asked, her eyes not leaving Ryoga's silent form. Cologne nodded.
Shampoo slapped her grandmother knocking her off of her staff. "How could Great-grandmother? Great-grandmother sent Airen to die."
"I am sorry, child," the old woman said, picking herself off of the floor, "but what I do is for the survival of the tribe. Everything else is secondary. Law, marriage, love, family, life... Everything."
"So what do you need?" Ryoga asked.
"I've been given one month to end this rebellion, before the army is sent in," the elder said, ignoring her granddaughter as the girl shook with rage. "As elder, I am marshaling all available warriors of our tribe to come with me."
"I knew there was a catch," Ranma said.
Akane ground Ranma's foot with her heel. "She is not asking for anything you were not going to give any way."
"What if you can't stop the fighting in time?" Akari asked.
Cologne sighed her shoulders sagging from the weight of her age. "Then we try to bring as many here as possible."
Nabiki walked into the cafe, stormed behind the counter and pushed Ukyo out of her way.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" the chef asked.
Nabiki said nothing. Instead she opened the cabinet door Ukyo had been standing in front of, and removed a sealed bottle of saki. The mercenary removed the cork, took a large clean glass from the counter, and poured a third of the liquid into the glass. "Why silly spatula girl no offer Shampoo that?" the Amazon asked as the moneylender set the untouched glass aside and chugged the bottle.
"That was supposed to be my secret stash," Ukyo said.
"Do you really think that any of you have kept any secrets from me?" Nabiki asked between gulps. "Now where are we going and when do we leave?"
"You aren't going anywhere," Cologne said, snatching the bottle away from her adopted daughter. "You are going to stay here and lay the groundwork so that the refugees have a place to go."
"Wait, two questions," Nabiki said with a slight slur. "First, what refugees? Second, how am I supposed to do anything without any money?"
"What about your savings?" Akane asked.
The mercenary picked up a salt shaker and poured a teaspoon into her palm. Taking a deep breath she blew on the pile and scattered the powder into the air.
"It's gone?" Cologne asked. "How could you loose that much money?"
"Daddy." Nabiki said, reaching for the Saki again.
"What did he do?" Akane asked.
"He spent it on a pre-payed tuition program," Nabiki said. "Cologne, you're going to have to rely on mercy and goodwill. That's Kasumi's department not mine. I'm going to."
Cologne lifted the saki to her lips end took a long draw. "Why can't things go my way, just once?" she asked, setting down the bottle. "Fine you can come, but only because we may need a mediator."
"I'm going too," Ryoga said. Ukyo watched as shadows of Darfur darkened his face. She did not want him to face this alone, but she had a restaurant to run.
"Good, we leave in the morning," the elder said.
"How we get there?" Shampoo asked.
"Leave that to me," Nabiki said with a feral smile.
Lotion looked down at the map on the table below and frowned. "War leader, are you sure it is wise to send all of our warriors to the northern pass?"
Comb bit her bottom lip, and pointed at the location of the capital at the Mush kingdom. "Yes, elder. Our scouts reported that after the Magistrate's forces finished routing the Phoenix tribe, they took a strait line rout to the Musk villages."
Perfume rolled her eyes and brushed aside the statement like an annoying fly. "The Phoenix were demolished by the Soatome boy, and the Musk are nothing more than half-animal trash. the Magistrate will not find us so easy to subjugate."
"Really?" Lotion asked her counterpart, "If the Musk are so weak, then why is it that our warriors have never defeated them on the field of battle?"
"An incompetent former war leader, but then your daughter-in-law's failings are no longer a rellevent issue for the council to discuss." Perfume said locking eyes with her rival.
"Ladies, please." Cream stood to his full height, the high priest of Morgan knowing full well the effect the vestments of the battle maiden had on a clan member who was not part of the clergy. "We have a despot Magistrate, hell bent on carving himself a personal kingdom, our two potential allies have been scattered. And while heaven may be far away the emperor is farther still. Must we contend with your petty disputes as well?"
Loufta sighed, "Then I take it that the messengers have yet to return with news from Beijing?"
Comb bowed her head, "No honored elder. They have not."
Lotion let out a sigh, hopefully her granddaughter would be safe."I suggest that this first group of messengers be sent with orders not to return."
Cream nodded his consent, it would be good it at least some survived. "The church concurs with this order."
"Then should we move the children to the caves?" Lotion asked. "The clergy would be better able to protect them there."
Perfume sighed, ''You are all over-reacting there is no reason to believe the situation is that bad."
"If anything we're under-reacting," Lotion muttered under her breath.
"Ladies, that is enough," Loufta said, her hands clenched in white fists under the table. "Comb, what are you're thoughts on this matter?"
"Honored elders, Cream may have a point," Comb began as Pink slipped into the room and lightly crept to Loufta's side. The girl leaned down and whispered something into the elder's ear causing Loufta's lips to upturn into an ever so slight smile. "Therefore, in my opinion, moving the children to the caverns will allow us greater tactical freedom in defending the village and allow us to provide for their maximum safety."
"Good, since we have agreement on the matter," Loufta began.
"I don't agree," Perfume slammed her hands down on the table. "This is ridiculous."
"Since we have a majority in agreement," Loufta corrected, as Pink departed. "Cream will gather the children and take them to the rice caves on the eastern pass. Morgan willing they will find a safe haven there."
Lotion nodded, "Then the meeting is adjourned?"
"No, one last thing has come up that we must deal with before we adjourn," Loufta said, picking up her gavel.
"Without the full council we cannot begin any new business," Cream interrupted.
"Of which I am well aware," Loufta smiled, "But I think the full council will make an exception in this case. Pink, Rink. Send him in."
Rink opened the door, and stepped to the side allowing Mousse to enter the council chambers. Comb let out a gasp as a dark look crossed her face. "What's the mater, War Leader?" Perfume asked, "Are you not happy to see your son?"
Ukyo stood on the roof of her restaurant lost in thought as she watched the city bustle under the night sky. Why did those two always have to be such damned hero's? Why did they always have to charge in blindly when someone needed their help, and why couldn't Ryoga just stay here with her this time... where it was safe? Behind her the rooftop access hatch creaked open, as the farm girl peaked out of the hatch.
"Go away," Ukyo said without looking at the girl. "Whatever it is you want to tell me, I'm not interested."
"I want you to go with him." Akari said.
"Akari, I don't care what you think, I'm not trying to steal... Wait, what was that again?"
"I want you to go with him," the cool air tickled the back of her throat forcing a cough.
"Please, why would I want to go anywhere with that idiot?"
"Don't even bother with the denial," Atari said as she sat down next to Ukyo, as she watched a satellite glide through Orion's belt, "I saw you kiss him at the sink the night I arrived here. Besides, you saw that look on his face too, piglet is going with Ranma, and I would just get in the way. He can't do this by himself."
"I can't, Konastu isn't able to run the restaurant on his own," Ukyo sighed. "The kid is so naive that he was giving away money last time I left him in charge. Uc-chan's will be out of business before I can get back."
"I'll stay until you two get back," Akari said. "I'll do the cooking and run the register. I just get the feeling that if someone doesn't go with piglet, he isn't going to come back. Please?"
"Look, I'll think about it," Ukyo said, "Ok?"
Akari nodded.
Comb rocked her son's broken torc in her hands and carried it to the council table, weeping as she softly hummed a lullaby. Perfume bit her lip and let the mother grieve the loss of the son who by law was dead to the village. Loufta nodded at the War Leader placed a trembling hand on her shoulder and turned to Mousse, the Outsider. "Are you sure of your decision, male?"
"Yes, elder," the boy replied, his eyes never leaving his mother's trembling form. "I just can't\dots"
Loufta held up her hand, quieting the murmuring voices of the council. "Your reasons are your own, child and no longer concern us. However, even as an outsider, we cannot allow one with your skills to leave the village's service just yet."
"I figured as much," Mousse said.
"I take it then that Cologne is not coming with the others?" Lotion asked.
"I am sorry elder, but I just don't know. I think Cologne knew of your plight when she asked me to return, but I cannot say so with any certainty. The old ghoul did not keep me in her council."
"Nor would I with a tone like that," Perfume said.
"War Leader?" Cream asked, placing a hand on Comb's shoulder, "Where would this child's talents be best put to use?"
Comb wiped the tears from her eyes her village needed her again. She would have to grieve later. "A platoon of younglings is leaving for the war camp tonight, with supplies and provisions. They world fair better if my s... the outsider were to accompany them."
"Will you do this for us, stranger?" Loufta asked.
"Do I Really have a choice?" the former Amazon replied.
Nabiki pushed past Satsuki and into the courtyard of the Kuno manor. "Tell Kuno-baby that I want to speak with him in the next thirty seconds, or else\dots"
"Or else what? You'll start charging by the minute?" the eldest of the principal's children asked from behind the mercenary girl where he was trimming a bonsai tree. The Middle Tendou girl jumped at the sound of Kuno's voice, as her heart bounced off of her ribs.
"Don't tempt me," the girl said, praying that she could keep the trembling at bay just a little longer. "Why are you gardening in the middle of the night?"
"Because my sister is not here," Kuno said.
The night echoed with the sound of shrill laughter as Kodachi's voice cried from the house, "That woman may be his bride but I will bear Ranma-sama's first child. Now, where is that essence of poppy seed."
Kuno sighed, "Now she has decided that she was asked to become Saotome's mistress. Give him my congratulations on the foundation of a happy household."
"Kuno-baby that wasn't the plan, remember?" The mercenary growled. "You're sister was supposed to understand that Ranma is off the market and off limits."
"My apologies, but there are some feats that are beyond even my abilities. Be glad I could do as much."
"You mean the great Blue Thunder is naught but a mere mortal?" Nabiki said with a giggle.
"Laugh all you want, nave, but my sister's acquiescence is more than I can give."
"Then kuno-baby, you're going to have to make this up to me some how," the mercenary girl said with a sensual grin.
"I'm sure you have something in mind..." Kuno said, "how much is it going to cost me this time?"
"Nothing spectacular, I just want to borrow your family's Cessna, for a little trip to China."
"Somehow I doubt that this is going to be a solo outing, the usual cast of knaves and scoundrels will be accompanying you I take it?" Kuno asked.
"Ah, you know how this works then." Nabiki smiled, "Yes my sister, her husband, lost boy, spatula girl, the bimbo and the crone will be going as well."
"And the blind one, he won't be coming this time?"
"He's the reason for the trip."
"Well, as much as I would like to help I'm afraid that what you ask is beyond me."
"I don't think you understand the gravity of you situation," Nabiki said, her foot tapping in cut-time. "If you don't I will make sure that a copy of the envelope finds it's way into the hands of the local authorities."
Kuno shrugged, "Of that I have no doubt Miss Tendou, but I am afraid that you are talking to the wrong Kuno. The plain belongs to my sister. She is the only one in the family with a pilot's license."
"Crap," Nabiki said, "Please tell me this is a sick joke."
A shrill laugh filled he air behind Nabiki sending shivers down the ice queen's spine. "I assure you, my brother is telling the truth, but worry sister dear, if my Ranma-sama does will it I would fly you to the moon."