If Only Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before this isnot a pretty feel good story, not really for the weak of heart.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has let me know what they think about the story. All feedback is good as long as it's constructive.

Awareness came back slowly to Sam. He was surprised by the sense of peace and safety that seemed to envelope him as he pulled open his tired eyes. Blinking blearily he noticed that the light in the room had changed. Judging by the shadows on the walls and the more muted light Sam guessed it was probably mid to late afternoon. The pressure in his bladder reminded him that his body had finally reached capacity for all the fluids the hospital had been pumping into him. Not wanting to face the humilation of using a bed pan, Sam decided it was time to see if his legs still worked. As he carefully stretched he was surprised at how little pain he actually felt. 'Must be the drugs' Sam thought to himself.

Sam also noticed that his vision seemed to be improving as well. The earlier problem of everythng going in and out of focus was gone and while things were still not as clear and sharp as they could be Sam was not having any problems seeing his surroundings. Sam looked over to where his brother still sat sleeping in the chair. Dean's head had fallen back to rest against the top of the chair and Sam knew that Dean was going to have one hell of a crick in his neck when he finally woke up. In all actuality Sam was a litle surprised that Dean had not awoken at the first sound of Sam moving around.

Taking a good look at his brother he could see the dark circles under his eyes, the stubble on his chin and howeven in rest Dean's body looked haggard. 'It looks like he hasn't slept in days.' Sam thought. Then it hit him. Dean probably hadn't slept, Sam understood that whether or not Sam had been aware of his presence Dean had stood guard over his brother, keeping him safe.Sam knew instinctivly that the only times Dean had rested since finding Sam were those all toobrief moments of stolen time, like when he had seen Dean asleep on the side of his bed.

The knowledge and understanding of what his brother was saying so clearly without words tugged at Sam's heart. His brother had been constantly on guard protecting Sam while he couldn't protect himself. 'Just like he's always done' Sam thought to himself a soft smile tugging at his lips. A wave of gratitude sweeping over the younger Winchester as he realized that while his brother may rarely utter the words "I love you" his actions spoke of it every day. Sam also realized he should try and show Dean how much it really meant to him and how much Dean really meant to him. 'Maybe it'll keep things like the asylum from happening again' he added to himself guility.

Sam lay still for another moment contemplating how he was going to manage to get out of the bed without disturbing his brother from his much need rest . Sam wasn't truly certain that he could even stand. He remembered all to well the agony he expereinced when his hip had connected with the ground earlier. 'You can't lay here helpless forever Sam... How long do you think Dean will stick around to baby you...before he gets sick of you and leaves your ass where you sit?Suck it up and get up!' he berated himself.

Sam stilled for a moment as he heard the harsh words in his own head. He tried to identify if they were really his thoughts or something more insideous, but when no more jibes were forthcoming he gave up and taking a deep breath started to slowly roll onto his side. Once his legs were hanging off the side of the bed he used the side rail to slowly pull himself up to a sitting position. His body leaning against the rail for support as he tried to get his breathing under control. 'Drugs aren't that good after all.' Sam thought grumpily as the back of his thighs and lower back protested the full weight of his body coming to bear for the first time. Continuing to take slow deep breaths he focused on controling the sensations bombarding his mind. For a full minute Sam considered changing his mind and calling out to Dean, asking for the help that Sam knew he'd so willingly give, then just as quickly a fierce need to prove to himself that he wasn't helpless came over him and before really thinking any further he let his feet slide down to the cold tile floor.

Sam had one hand wrapped tightly around the rolling IV poll next to the bed using it to slowly pull himself on to wobbly, wooden legs. As his full weight settled onto his legs, hip and back he felt the pain flare exquistily stealing Sam's breath away and a small groan escaped his lips. Looking over quickly desperately hoping the noise had not awoken his brother, he claimed a silent victory for himself as he watched Dean shift slightly and then settle back into sleep.

Pushing the IV stand along with him, Sam started slow shuffling steps towards the bathroom at the other side of the room. Each step brought new pain to Sam, as the simple impact of his foot making contact with the floor felt like he was driving nails into his hip and back. He also belatedly realized that while he had the determination to make it across the room he wasn't sure he had the energy. Just remaining up right was quickly becoming a daunting task and before he realized it he could go no further. He was too far to drag himself back to the bed and the door to the bathroom was just out of his reach.

Sweat started to break out in a cold sweat as the pain continued to ratchet up and his wobbly legs threatened to become limp noodles. Gathering the last of his energy he tried to take another step forward only to have his right leg refuse to support his weight, the action causing Sam to instictively use the IV pole to try and slow his fall and minimize his impending impact with the ground. The strain on his arms and upper back caused Sam's eyes to squeeze tightly shut as a sob of pure agony was wrenched from his lips and pain overwhelmed him. The muscles in his arms trembling, he continued to slide towards the ground.

Sam's slow fall was halted as he felt a warm arm wrap gently around his waist and another pull on his arm away from the IV stand to be pulled across a pair of shoulders. Sam opened tear streaked eyes to see his brothers face close to his own, worry clearly evident in Dean's eyes. Quietly Dean encouraged his brother to accept his help. "Lean into me Sam, I've got you."

Because he really had no other choice Sam did as requested, letting Dean take most of his weight allowing Sam to focus on just keeping his feet under him.

"Where were you trying to go to Sam?"

"Bathroom" Sam said quietly.

Dean simply nodded his head and settled Sam's arm a little more firmly over his shoulder and looked at Sam who nodded his head slightly indicating he was ready to move forward and the two completed the journey to the small room. Dean briefly let go of the arm around his shoulders and pulled open the door. It took a little maneuvering but Dean finally got both of them and the IV pole into the room. Sam attempted to pull away from Dean and stand on his own but Dean held firm until he was sure that Sam was close enough to grab the safety bars around the toilet.

Looking at Sam clearly unsure if he should leave his brother alone in the bathroom even if it would be embarassing for them both, Dean decided humor was the best way to handle this one. and asked "You sure you can stand? You know the doc won't forgive me if I let you fall and crack your head open after all the hard work they've done trying to keepyou patchedup and it definetly won't get me a date from the cute nurse down the hall if I have to explain I let it happen just to give my baby brother some privacy."

"I'll be ok. Just give me a minute...please.." Sam asked imploringly.

Nodding his head once again Dean stepped out the door. As he pulled it mostly closed giving Sam the illusion of privacy 'Let me know when you're done."

Sam was relieved that Dean had understood how important this small thing was to him. Finishing up he realized he was more than ready to get back into bed. Sam sincerly hoped this dibilitating lack of energy wouldn't last long. He hated himself for needing to call out to his brother just to make it back to his own bed, but did it anyway. "Dean." he called softly

Pulling the door open Dean looked in at his brother. No recrimination in his eyes, just an unspoken offer of support and help."Ready to head back to bed?"

"Yeah." Sam confirmed as Dean once again wrapped his arms around his brother and the two made their slow jouney back to bed.

Dean helped Sam arrange himself back under the covers tucking them in gently around his brothers frame. "You ok?"

"Yeah...thanks Dean" Sam said quietly, feeling the need to explain his actions to his brother he continued drowsily. "I just didn't want to wake you... thought I could make it on my own... Pretty stupid, right?"

"I wouldn't list it as one of your smartest moves college boy.." Dean started running a hand through his brothers hair affectionately, then continued when he noticed that Sam was taking what Dean said as acutal condemnation he changed tactics to make Sam see that he did understand. "But it's not anything that I wouldn't have done myself. We're stubbon idiots if I say so myself." Dean finished cockily.

Dean watched the small smile cross his brothers face as his eyes slipped closed again. "Hey Sammy?" Dean asked quietly trying to gauge whether Sam was already asleep again.

"Yeah?" eyes still closed.

"The Dr. Erickson wanted me to call when you woke up. Should I call her or do you want to sleep for a while longer?"

"What she want?" Sam asked pulling his eyes open. Looking hopeful he continued. "You think she'll cut me loose?"

"That was the plan, she wanted to make sure you're ok and then she said she'd sign your discharge papers."

"Call her, I want out of here."

Dean was surprised by the look of reliefon his brothers face. He knew how much they both hated being in a hospital especially when they were the patients but after all Sam had been through he wasn't sure Sam would really want to go. Then he reconsidered and realized that for Sam like himself they felt more in control when they only had themselves to worry about and look after. Thinking about Sam being cut loose reminded him of the conversation he had with Tom and the offer he had promised to discuss with Sam. Dean decided now was as good a time as any. 'Hey Sam, before we call the doc we need to talk about something.." Dean said pulling the chair closer to Sam's bed.

Looking worried Sam focused his attention on his brother. "What's going on? Was there something with the test results, because I can see alot better already..." Sam rushed to say. He could hear his breath weeze a little as terror gripped him as his mind raced over the scenario's Dean might be getting ready to say.

Dean heard the change in his brothers breathing and immediately gripped his brothers hand squeezing it. Realizing he had inadvertantly frightened Sam he mentally throttled himself for his choice of words. Rushing to comfort the words fell out of his mouth almost too fast to understand. "No, your test went fine. Deputy Roberts, Tom, wants us to consider protective custody."

Sam's eyes widened dramtically. "No. No way, I won't go from being a captive here to being a captive some place else with some yahoo with a gun. Dean tell me you didn't agree to this." he asked urgently

Dean smiled at Sam's description, "I already told him..." drawing it out for a moment enjoying teasing Sammy just a little trying to get things back to normal between them. "No, I told him we'd head back to the motel I've got and then go from there."

The look of relief was clear and Sam smiled as he understood Dean was trying to make things easier. "Thank gods for small favors."

"But.."

"But what Dean?" He said looking worried again.

"He did offer another option."

"What."

"A house to stay at while we plan our next move. No guards, and not around nosy neighbors but still close enough he could check and make sure we don't need any help."

"What does he get out of this?" Sam asked suspicously.

'That's my boy' Dean thought, proud that his brother was wondering the same thing he had asked hours earlier. "He says he wants to help. He told me that he wants to stop this before it happens again. He told me..." Dean dropped off as he realized what he told his brother what he had learned when Sam was snatched. "you'd need the rest." he finished lamely.

Sam wasn't willing to let it go,"Bullshit Dean, what did he actually say. Tell me or so help me god I'm going to get out of this bed and kick your ass."

"Like you can even stand..." Seeing the fire in Sam's eye he sighed loudly for dramatic effect. "Alright,you're the only survivor they've ever had. he thinks we're the key to stopping this."

"In other words he wants to put us up in a house and use us as bait." Sam sighed. Looking back at Dean he finally asked. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to put this place behind us and never look back Sam. But I don't think this thing is will just let us up and leave so we're bait either way. At least this will give us a home base where we don't have to worry if housekeeping is going to be posseessed and kill us."

"Do you trust him?"

"As much as I can. He took the rap for the guy I killed. So I think we can trust him on this." he said quietly.

"Alright, let's do it then. " Sam said finally

"Got it." Dean said walking towards the door of the room, opening it he spoke briefly to the man at the door and came back inside. Settling himself back in the chair he nodded at his brother. "Why don't you hit that call button Sam and let the nice nurse up front know you're awake so we can get the hell out of dodge."

Fifteen minutes later Sam had been poked and prodded as much as he could handle. He still fliched everytime a hand reached out to touch him, and nearly struck out at the nurse who while removing the IV from Sam's arm made the mistake of trying to hold Sam's arm down when he flinched the first time. Luckily everyone wassympathetic to Sam's plight and when Sam apologized for his actions the nurse, graciously accepted them and offered her own in return for scaring them. Dean had been provided a ream of paper for him to go over about Sam and what kind of care he would need while he healed. Dean figured most of it was going to be useless but kept it all so he could read through it later just to be sure. What Dean did notice was the phone number that Dr. Erickson had written on the top of the discharge sheet with quick note indicating they should call her if Sam had any problems.

"Hey Dean? What am I going to wear out of here?" Sam finally asked as he signed the last of his paperwork and handed it back to the nurse.

"Ahh hell," Dean muttered. "I knew I forgot something."

"I don't have any clothes do I"

"No, I didn't grab anything from the room when I came here. Didn't seem important at the time." Dean said looking guilty about his lack of preparedness. "Sorry."

Sam really wanted to be angry with Dean, but knew Dean was beating himself up for wanting to get to Sam and make sure he was alivemore than thinking if he brought clothes with him. Sam couldn't be angry with him for that. If they traded places Sam thought he would've been lucky to figure out if he was wearing clothes if someone called and told him Dean was in the hospital. "Well this is going to suck."

The nurse who had been going over Sam's paperwork saved the day. "We have surgical scrubs here. They aren't stylish but they'll get you out of here until and keep you warm until you can get your own. I'll be right back."

True to her word a few minutes later found Dean helping Sam get dressed in a set of scrubs. The nurse had brought a set with her she knew would be a little large on the man's thin frame. "I figured with the all the injuries you won't want anything pressing to hard on your skin right yet."

Sam was gratefull at the woman's forethought as he realized she was right, the thought of anything laying against his skin was just another layer of pain. Once he was dressed the nurse returned with a wheel chair with a walker hanging off the back,bag of perscriptions, and another sheaf of paper on what Sam should take when. With Dean's help Sam made it from the bed to the wheel chair without falling on his face. The nurse insisted that she accompany them downstairs and waited out front while Dean ran for the car, which thanks to fate was parked just outside the main entrance where Dean had left it on his race into the hospital. Dean loaded Sam into the front seat first making sure his belt was fastened and he was as comfortable as he could be. Then he took a few minutes to get everything else stowed away. Dean looked surprised when the nurse handed him the walker on the back of the wheelchair to put into the Impala. "What's this for?"

"At some point sweetie you're going to need sleep. This'll help Sam get around without having to bother you everytime. Take it.. Trust me it's for his good more than yours, it'll help him trust himself again."

Dean accepted the words and quickly stowed the item on the back seat. "Thank you, tell Dr. Erickson thanks again as well."

"Will do sweetie, now take good care of that brother of yours, I heard the guys in the ER really don't want to see you again." she said smiling knowingly.

"Yeah well, you either love me or hate me." Dean said honestly as he moved around the car and slipped into the drivers seat. Once the belt was buckled he pulled out the set of directions the guard on Sam's door had given him and put the hospital in the rear view mirror. Feverently hoping he would never have to see it again. His gut told him it wasn't likely but for now he ignored it.

The rumble of engines could be heard blocks away.Sounding like a pack of angry beasts stalking ever closer..The heavy thrum of motorbikes moving quickly across the darkened landscape. Had there been anyone around to witness the group riding up the deserted highway they would've checked their doors and windows and offered a silent prayer that the noise and the accompaning feeling of menace moved on. But as it was, on this moonless night, there was no one to witness the return of the howling machines and their terrible riders to the farm house they'd abandoned only days ago. Nor did anyone hear the chants offered up in horrid supplication, causing all the creatures in the area to still and quiet instinct telling them to hide and when the lone scream of terror ripped through the night, no one heard.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, Chapter 11 on the way soon. Thanks again for letting me know what you like.