Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!
Chapter 11: Conversation with new friends and old friends.
Step one – you say, "We need to talk."
He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.
-How to save a life by the Fray
I tossed and I turned the night away, with memories of Edward and I trying to force their way into the front of my mind. Each memory made me angrier. It was well past midnight when I finally turned my thoughts to Jacob and my feelings for him. Should I tell him? What if I never got completely over Edward? What if we got together and he left me? What if I wasn't stable enough? What if I hurt him? What if it ruined our friendship? What if?
I fought the frustrated scream that build up in my throat. I hated night time. It always brought back bad memories, bad dreams, and gave me way too much time to think. I tried writing in my journal but my hand was shaking too much. I got up and started to pace back and forth. I stumbled over something and tripped, catching myself on the dresser. The picture of Jacob and me at his birthday party reminded me of the night before.
It was taken by Jacob's sister while we danced just moments before the kiss. I frowned when I saw the look of happiness in my eyes and the complete devotion in Jacob's. How could I have been so oblivious to my own feeling? I thought about how quickly I had realized I was in love with Edward and growled. "How could I be so stupid?" I mumbled. Maybe I wasn't oblivious, maybe I just don't know what it means to be in love anymore. I frowned as the memories trying to come back again.
Eventually it all became too much to bare. I had to get out of this room. I had to get out of this house! I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel me leaving this late at night, but I ignored it. I just couldn't stay in the house all alone with my thoughts. A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in particular. It was dark, but the full moon provided just enough light to see the road.
I didn't really have a place in mind, I was just driving. It wasn't until I was parked outside a familiar house that I realized that I had no idea why I was here. I had to be out of my mind. That is the only thing that could explain why I was outside the Cullen's abandoned house at 1:00 in the morning. Especially after what happened the last time I came here. I left my truck running and grabbed the safety kit Charlie put in my glove compartment before hopping out. I sent a quick text to Jacob, barely glancing down as I hit send.
I looked at the house waiting for answers. What was I looking for? What answers could I possibly hope to find in an abandoned house? I didn't even have a key! I turned the knob and the door opened. I guess they didn't need to bother with locks. Or they were in such a hurry to leave me that they forgot.
I paused as I went inside. I should go back home. But then what? There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight, and I was tired of spending my nights alone in my room, tortured by feelings, or memories. I went inside and turned the light on. The room was the same, nothing was missing. The flat screen, the furniture, the picture; not a single detail out of place. I ran my hand across the back of the couch feeling a sense of nostalgia.
For a while I had thought I would live here as a part of the Cullen family, surrounded by all there beauty and perfection. I turned my back on the living room and headed for the stairs, stumbling in my haste. Edward's bedroom was exactly the same too. I ran my hand over the piano hearing song he wrote for me in my head. For a moment I sat very still, not fighting it. Instead, I allowed each note to rush through me, each cutting sharply making me bitter and angry on the inside. What did I come here for?
I looked at the dresser and saw a copy of Edward and me at his house for my birthday party. Why was this here? I picked it up looking at the happy family. The Cullen's in all their perfection and glory and me, so plain, and ordinary. "So human," I whispered out loud. I didn't belong there. I never belonged at that party.
I didn't belong in that photo. I looked around the room angrily. Why didn't they tell me? Why didn't anyone? A sob escaped me. I grabbed my chest instinctively, with the hand that wasn't gripping the frame, hunching forward against the pain. He did tell me.
I realized bitterly. He told me the day he left me all alone, cold on the forest floor after chasing a man, no chasing a monster, who had basically said he never loved me and he was tired of pretending. My hands clenched into fists. I through the picture across the room. It hit the radio blasting music throughout the room.
I saw the cold look in his eyes as he left me. "I didn't deserve that!" I brought my fist down on the piano angrily. "You lied to me," I was overcome with a wave of unstable fury and suddenly I was burning with rage. I grabbed Edward's bat from the corner.
I raised it over my head and brought it down hard. "You said you loved me! Well I don't feel loved!" I kept hitting the piano. "I wish you had never said that because you didn't mean it. You didn't mean any of it and I didn't mean anything to you!" the piano fell to the floor in pieces.
Then I turned my attention elsewhere. "You left me in the damned woods!" I was so angry at him, at myself. 'I can't believe I was stupid enough to chase you. God, what is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?" I cried. "The lion fell in love with the lamb, please!" I left the room in shambles.
I needed to forget about him and move on. It's not like he was ever coming back and even if he did I didn't want him back. I didn't know what to do with the pain. I went into the other rooms destroying everything. "All of it was a lie!" I shouted. "This house, this family, this life, a lie!" I began ripping all the clothes out of Alice's closet, throwing them to the floor.
"This was just an illusion!" I shouted knocking over her make up box. "You were beautiful. You didn't even need this stuff!" I yelled. I went to the kitchen. "This is an illusion!" I shouted knocking over pots and pans. "You didn't even eat!" I yelled. I ran around the house destroying anything and everything that I saw. "This is for abandoning me!" BOOM! BOOM! POW!
"This is for making me go to prom with a broken leg!" THRUM! CRASH! RIP! "This is for putting my life in danger!" CRACK! CLUNK! My throat was raw from all my yelling, and my body was trembling with fatigue. But that didn't stop me. The pictures, the table, everything, gone.
"This is for-" I didn't even have a reason anymore. I smiled in crazed delight preparing to break the flat screen. "This is just because!" I shouted.
"What the hell?" someone yelled behind me, and then I was grabbed. I kicked, scratched, clawed at the person.
"Let me go!" I screamed. The person started dragging me to the door.
I continued to struggle and the person cursed and once we were outside they threw me on the ground next to my truck. I lay there for a minute in shock then I lifted my head up and stared up at her. She was glaring at me angrily. "Leah?" I gasped, anger fading in surprise. I was breathing hard, from exertion. "What are you doing here?" I asked once I caught my breath. Leah looked at my truck that was still running.
"You texted me and said you were at Edward's house about to do something stupid. Well this is beyond stupid!" she growled.
I blushed, that text had been meant for Jacob. She stood there with her arms crossed waiting. "Are you going to say anything?!" she asked.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
Leah's eyes darkened and she looked ready to slap me. "You're sorry?" she said in disbelief. I nodded.
"Sorry, doesn't change the fact that you called me out here, at 2:00am in the freaking morning, to stop you from vandalizing your Ex's house! What were you thinking?! Your dad's the chief of police! You could go to jail. Are you really that stupid?" She yelled slapping me across the face.
"Ouch," I said holding my red, stinging, cheek. "I said I was sorry" I said angrily, getting to my feet. She glared at me and I glared back. "Why did you show up then?" I asked.
Leah grabbed me up by my collar. "Oh, don't put this on me you unfixable little smartass!" she yelled angrily.
I flinched. "I'm not un-fixable" I said quietly, but she continued on as though I hadn't said anything.
"I thought you were healing and that gave me hope that I could heal too but what do you call this? Destroying his stuff and acting like a lunatic. That doesn't fix anything!" she said. My eyes filled up with tears.
"I'm sorry I just…I thought…I-" I started crying and Leah's eyes widened.
"Now, wait a damned second. You can't just burst into tears and think that it will make up for the shit you just pulled. Because I'm not" I cut her off by wrapping my arms around her and crying into her shoulder. Leah sighed and patted my back. "You are unbelievable, you now that?" she muttered.
After my embarrassing emotional outburst, Leah drove me back to her house. I didn't want to leave my truck but she promised she would take care of it. The ride was made in silence. I glanced over ready to say something but Leah glared at me and clicked on the radio. I looked out the window trying to decide if I had chance of surviving if I jumped out.
"I know what you're planning," Leah said loudly over the music and hit the lock button on the door. I sighed, watching the trees and houses blur as we speeded past.
At least when we got to the house I wouldn't be alone with her. Harry, Sue, and Seth were probably sleeping but if Leah decided to kill me my screams would probably wake them up. When we pulled up to the house I noticed there were no other cars in the driveway. Maybe Sue had an emergency at the hospital or something. Leah pulled me inside and slammed the door behind her. I flinched at the loud noise.
"Shouldn't you try to be a little quieter? You don't want to wake everyone up." I said.
Leah scoffed. "There's nobody else here. Mom's at the hospital, dads at Billy's, and Seth is at a sleepover with some kid from school." She said as she hung up her hoodie and took off her shoes. She glanced at my muddy shoes and at the freshly cleaned white carpet. I took the hint and removed my shoes too. Leah sat on the couch and motioned for me to sit on the love seat across from her. I walked slowly over to the chair not wanting to make her angry. I glanced around noticing many pictures of Leah at many points in her life.
There was one thing that was constant in each of the pictures. The happy, sweet, smiles she was giving to the camera. I compared the Leah in the pictures to the Leah sitting across from me and the images didn't match up. "For the love of god," Leah snapped. "Will you quit staring at me!" she growled. I looked down at my hands. I glance up when she wasn't looking.
She looked so different from the girl in the photos. She was wearing an orange sweatshirt and some faded blue jean shorts, with her hair pulled back into a high ponytail. The girl in the photo was wearing skirts and dresses. The only times I saw Leah in a dress was at the mall and last night. Did Sam do this to her? Take away her happy, warm smiles. Leah noticed my staring at her again but didn't comment this time.
Instead she leaned back and raised an eyebrow. I blushed and ducked my head. "So are you going to explain why you were out committing vandalism tonight?" she asked. I shook my head. Leah crossed her arms and glared.
"I don't know why I was there. I didn't plan on it but when I got there I was just so angry and things got out of hand." I confessed. Leah didn't say anything; she just walked out of the room.
I felt so ashamed of myself. How could I do that? What was I thinking? "Here," Leah said. I looked up and found a bowl of ice-cream covered with sprinkles, chocolate chips, nuts, and hot fudge. I took the bowl hesitantly. Leah sat back down with her own bowl and tossed me a spoon, which I failed to catch.
Leah laughed at my failure before taking a huge bite of her ice-cream. "Mm, nothing beats cake batter ice cream after a night of insanity," she said. I ate some too.
"This is really good," I said before eating more. "So you aren't mad at me anymore?" I asked. Leah smirked.
"Relax; I'm not going to jail at you anymore. I'm sorry about all the stuff I said at the house and for…you know…slapping you and stuff. Sometimes I have trouble controlling my anger." She said sheepishly.
"It's okay," I said eating more ice-cream.
"Anyway Jacob's going to have a fit when I tell him about tonight." She commented. I choked.
"You're going to tell Jacob! W-w-why would you do that?" I stammered. Leah shrugged.
"He's your best friend right? He's going to find out eventually." She stated. I whimpered, picturing Jacob's face when he heard what I did.
"There's n-n-no need to tell him," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Leah gave me a gentle look. Her eyes were sad but there was a hidden emotion that I hadn't noticed before, loneliness.
"You have no idea what you have Bella," she said. I stared at her confused. "You have someone who cares about you so much. Someone who would do anything to make you happy: A friend who loves you. I'd give anything to have that." She said wistfully. I thought about all the times Jacob had been there for me.
"He is great but there are some things that I can't share with him." I said quietly. Like the fact that I might be in love with him. Leah sighed.
"Look Bella, breaking Edward's stuff won't make you feel better, not for long anyway. Trust me." She admitted. I wondered if she had broken some of Sam's stuff too.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. She shook her head, her eyes hardening.
"We have to stop this." She said. I frowned.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. She sighed.
"He told me about what happened between you two last night," she said. I blushed. I didn't even have to ask who she was talking about.
How could he tell her? I felt a little betrayed. "Don't make that face. He was trying to make sure he wasn't pressuring you. That brat really cares about you, you know?" she said, her voice soft. I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself.
"Yes, I know." I said quietly. That was the only thing I was really sure of lately.
"I know what you're going through-it feels like there is a hole in you and you're so angry at him, and at yourself." She looked over at the framed photo of her on the fireplace. I looked at it and noticed it was a photo of Leah with her arms wrapped around some guy. I stood up to get a closer look. It was a recent photo, probably taken a year ago. She looked mostly the same except for the pure love in her eyes. "That's Sam," she said answering my unspoken question. I gasped; the guy in the photo couldn't be Sam.
The guy in the photo was tall, yes, but he was skinny not scrawny but definitely not body builder material like now. He was wearing glasses and blushing. He didn't look much like the Sam I knew. He looked more like the smart, sensitive type. Leah frowned in thought. "That was before he went missing in the woods. He wasn't so muscular; he wasn't so obsessed with protecting La Push. He was just Sam, this great guy who I loved more than anything. The guy who I thought one day I would marry." She got quiet for a moment lost in the past.
"I look at this picture all the time. I just couldn't get rid of it. I still can't. No matter how hard I try he will always be a part of my life. Whether it's a memory of the past or cousin's f-fiancé in the future, Sam will always be a part of me." She turned the picture face down.
"Why do you keep it out in the open like that?" I asked. I kept the box of things Edward left behind hidden in the back of my closet. Leah smiled sadly.
"I used to hide it in my room and stare at it when I was feeling lonely or depressed but then I stopped. I moved it down here so if I want to see it then I have to come out in the open where everyone can see me. That way I can't pretend that I just happened to stumble upon it anymore. I did it for me." She explained. I thought about the picture of Edward that I still had saved in my room. "You can't be too afraid to live Bella," she said sternly.
"I may be angry and bitchy most of the time but I still go out every once in a while by myself. When is the last time you went somewhere by yourself without Jacob or without finding yourself doing something stupid because of Edward?" she asked.
I tried to think. Other than school, home or to see Ann, I haven't done something like that in a long time. "Take it from me. Time alone to think is good." She said. I shook my head.
"I don't like being alone," I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes.
"You need to learn to be comfortable by yourself before you can truly be comfortable with anyone else." She said.
I closed my eyes and thought about what she said. "I'm still healing myself too. You are not alone in this." Leah said placing her hand on my shoulder.
"It hurts so much," I cried. Leah nodded.
"I know: yesterday I saw Sam and Emily together at the restaurant. They were sitting in the back away from all the other couples. They looked so in love holding hands at the table." Her voice broke. I looked up from the floor. I noticed the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes.
"Are you alright?" I asked. She shook her head.
"It's never alright when dreams die. It hurts." She said sadly. I had never hated Sam and Emily more than I did at that moment. I pulled her into a tight hug. She stood frozen for a minute not responding.
"It will be okay." I said. Then she hugged me back and we cried together over our losses. "This sucks," I sobbed. Leah nodded in agreement. "I never want to feel this way again." I confessed.
Leah pulled away from the hug. "Love doesn't always hurt like this when it's right," she said. I thought about all the people I knew who had been in love. I thought about the feelings I had stirring for Jacob. Was that the right kind of love? What about the love I felt for Edward? Had that been the right kind of love?
"All love hurts," I said, stating my opinion. I've watched my dad still hurt silently over my mom. I've spent the last months hurting over Edward. Leah was hurting over Sam. "It seems to me that no matter what you do love always hurts. If you let someone close to you they can hurt you, or leave you, or die. It's not worth it." I said quietly.
Leah shook her head. "It's not supposed to be like this." She said.
I chose not to respond. I stepped away from her, say down on the couch and grabbed my purse. "I'm tired," I said closing myself off from the conversation. Leah said nothing as she went back into the kitchen. I watched her, envious of her faith in love. People thought that Leah was so hard and angry but inside she was pure, innocent, and hopeful. I wished I could say the same about me. I reached in my purse looking for my phone and I couldn't find it.
I panicked. I thought I had accidently left it at the Cullen's, and dumped my purse on the table. It was at the bottom. I picked it up and noticed a business card next to it.
"Healing hearts group therapy." I read aloud. I vaguely remembered Ann giving me this a while back.
"What's that?" Leah said coming back into the room with two cans of orange soda.
"Ann gave me this a while ago but I forgot about it." I explained. Leah held out her hand and I gave it to her.
"You should go." She suggested giving the card back and sitting back down. I scoffed, grabbing one of the cans from the table.
"No way," I said, popping it open. "There is nothing there for me." I said.
Leah smirked. "What are you? Chicken," she said with a laugh.
I glared at her. "No, I just don't see the point in having all my problems aired out to a group of strangers." I said standing up.
"Where are you going?" Leah asked, getting up too. I didn't glance back or slow down. I calmly put on my shoes and grabbed my jacket.
"I'm going home," I said, walking out the door before she could say anything. I had left my truck at the Cullen's so I guess I would have to walk. I was halfway down the street when she came outside.
"Wait!" she called from the porch. I paused. "If you change your mind about going let me know. I'll go with you." She said.
I shrugged. "It's not going to change anything; it's not going to fix me." I stated. Leah sighed.
"Whatever, Bella, but do you want a ride?" she asked. I waved her off.
"I'm fine. It's not that far any way." I lied. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how far my house was from La Push. Leah shook her head.
"Okay, bye," she said before closing the door. At first I walked slowly trying to pace myself. But soon I got nervous walking alone late at night and started running full speed in the middle of the road. Cars passed me by, people yelled, cars honked their horns, but I was too scared to care. It's funny. You think after dealing with vampires, walking alone in the dark would be a piece of cake. Guess old habits die hard.
I tried to focus on anything other than the burn in my legs and the feeling of someone watching me. I tripped a couple of times and fell but I kept getting back up. Eventually, I forgot about everything. I forgot about Edward and Leah's words. Instead I thought about the wind in my face and the pride in how far I got. Then I thought about Jacob. How it would feel to have him running beside me.
I pictured him smiling at me, and encouraging me. "You can do it honey. You almost there!" I heard. I stopped and looked around, panting. No one was there. I was tired and sweaty but I wasn't ready to give up. I rested for a few minutes but then a howl in the distance had me running again. I gasped for breath, wishing I had a camera to record thins because I knew no one would believe me.
Well, one person would believe me. I smiled happily. The second I got home I would call him and tell him all about this…I realized what I was thing and I stopped running. What was wrong with me? I shook my head and looked around. Running in the middle of the night…ALONE…and the only thing I could think about was Jacob?
I realized I had no idea where I was or how much longer I had to get home. "Crap!" I yelled kicking a rock hard. "Ouch," I yelped and grabbed my foot. "Stupid, stupid!" I cursed myself.
"Bella?" I heard someone call from behind me. I turned to stare at him—my wide eyes felt frozen, like I couldn't even blink them. Who was this large 6'0 ft. tall man and how did he know my name?
"I'm sorry but I don't know you." I said backing away trying not to panic.
"Bella it's me!" he said. I paused staring hard. His black hair was chin-length and parted down the middle, one tucked behind his left ear while the right side swung free. His face was vaguely familiar—he was bigger than I remember but I knew, when I saw the slightly dimpled chin, who he was… Embry Call.
"Embry?" I asked just to make sure. He nodded, the solemn expression on his face darkening. I gasped. "Oh my god! What happened to you?" I asked. He shrugged.
"Life happened to me, Bella," he said darkly. I flinched away from him and he sighed before straightening his shoulders.
"What are you doing out here late at night Bella?" he asked. I opened my mouth to answer when he suddenly tensed and sniffed the air.
"Later," he said grabbing my arm and dragging me in the opposite direction of the way I had been walking.
"Wait!" I said struggling to no avail. I looked at him seeing his tense shoulders and the focused look in his eyes. He reminded me of this song Charlie was listening to last week. What was the name of it again? Like a man possessed by the get up kid. "Where are we going?" I asked.
He didn't answer. I had never been afraid of Embry before. He was always so quiet and peaceful but now I wasn't so sure. Jacob had said that he'd changed. I swung my purse hard at Embry's head. He stopped and I kicked his leg, hard. He let go of my arm in surprise and I made a run for it.
"Come back!" he yelled. "It's dangerous out here!"
I barely made it a few feet away before he was in front of me. I tried to go around him but he kept blocking me.
'Leave me alone!" I yelled as I pushed at him. He wasn't acting like before. I didn't know what Sam did to him but I didn't like it.
"Wait Bella please." He said. I paused. He looked at me through sad eyes. "I'm sorry just please, don't go anywhere." He said.
I looked at him seeing traces of my friend instead of the stranger. Should I trust him? What if this was a trap? I thought about what Jacob said. Jacob had been trying to talk to him but couldn't get through. This was my chance to get our friend back.
"Okay," I said and let him lead me back in the direction from before.
He walked silently beside me and I couldn't help but wonder…Was I making a mistake? I glance over at him seeing through the tough exterior. Inside the Embry I knew had to be there. At least I hoped so for Jacob's sake and Embry's too. we had been walking at least 15minutes before i gained the courage to bring it up.
Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God, he hears you
And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Hey Embry?" I said quietly.
He turned to face me. "What Bella?" he asked coldly.
The words caught in my throat. "What's been going on with you lately?" I blurted out.
He glared at me before turning away. "That's really none of your business." He said.
I nodded looking away. "I heard about you joining Sam's gang. Jacob's been worried about you and I'm worried too." I said. Embry sneered.
"Just leave it alone Bella." He said. I felt my chance to reach him slipping away.
"Please Embry just talk to me." I begged grabbing his arm to stop him.
"Don't touch me!" he shouted snatching his arm back. He stopped walking glaring at me.
"You really think a little heart to heart, some sharing and caring is going to change anything?" he asked angrily.
I trembled. "It might," I whispered.
He laughed bitterly. "I don't need this crap." He said walking ahead of me. I ran to catch up to him.
"What is your problem?" I asked unable to keep my cool. "You won't talk to me or your friends. Is Sam really that important?" I asked in disbelief.
"What's my problem? My problem's inside me, beside me, all around! And in 5 minutes, if I'm not back, they're going to eat me alive or assume that something else did! My problem is that I have to go home after this and have my mother question where I was and who I've been with. But I can tolerate the screaming and the accusations but then she starts crying and I can't handle it." He said tears pooling in his eyes.
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
I stood speechless watching him break down before my eyes.
"Do you know how it feels to wake up to your mother shouting at you, having words and accusations hurled at you as she tried to figure out just where she had gone wrong. She's blaming herself for something that isn't her fault. I wonder what she must be thinking every time she walks into room at night and found me missing because I'm out protecting La Push. That's my problem!" he yelled.
I tried to understand what he was talking about but I couldn't. "I don't understand." I said.
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I'm done with this conversation anyway. I'll see you around Bella" He said, before disappearing into the woods.
It was only then that I realized I was in front of my house. I had been going the wrong way the whole time. I walked to my door dejected. I had a chance to talk to Embry, to convince him to leave Sam's gang and I failed. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 5:00AM and that meant that Charlie was still sleeping. I was too tired and depressed to make it upstairs so I took off my jacket and my shoes then I flopped down on the couch. I tried to stay up and make sense of what Embry but I fell asleep instantly.
That night I dreamed of Embry crying and begging me or help while Edward burned him at the stake and I could only watch in horror unable to speak. No matter how hard I tried my voice wouldn't come out. "Poor Bella, it's not your fault" Edward said afterwards. "After all you are only human" he said sweetly throwing Embry's charred remains at my feet. I finally found my voice and let out a blood curdling scream just as a pack of wolves howled with sorrow in the distance.
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
Authors note: Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I had a lot of stuff going on but I'm back. Thank you for your comments. Please review or Pm your thoughts or ideas. Constructive criticism welcome. Flames are not.