Disclaimer: JK Rowling is cool enough to own the Harry Potter series! 'Nuff said. :)
Chapter 10
"Our First Kiss"
They said that memories were often recalled to feel blissful moments in a person's life.
Draco Malfoy, however, would never understand it.
He only had a few good memories anyway. He didn't even want to remember those for the reason that they triggered the wider dreadful parts.
This was the reason why he hated looking back.
It made him feel smaller than what he already was.
It made him hate the things that he had done, the words he never got to say and the words he wished he never said.
He wasn't perfect.
He knew that.
He didn't expect to be one, it was just people assumed it. From the moment he was born, he was expected to be the best. He could never even remember a moment that he was treated like a child. He was expected to be like the adults around him. He was expected to be as exceptional as his father.
He tried so hard to be one. He really did.
There was even a time that he was prepared to give up everything just for one approval from his father.
It was just too bad that no one had actually warned him that he would never get it even if he would give up his own life.
He was a ruined boy.
But he took pride of the fact that no one else could ever question him for that because no one had even really experienced the things that was thrown at him.
Frankly, he didn't really care.
It was easier that way.
He refused to care.
Until now…
He stepped back a little, trying to calm the pounding of his heart while listening to the girl that he had hurt just because he decided not to care.
"Changing but forgetting and not truly realizing your mistake don't make you any better than what you were before. It makes you look more like a coward than a changed man. I once knew a girl who always forgave everyone. She was taught that way, you know. Later on she realized that not everything was easily forgotten. She wasn't proud of it, but at least she learned. Being in love and terrified at the same time is difficult, but the worst part is knowing that you were right for being terrified at the first place. She learned it the hard way," she said.
He didn't know, really.
He knew that it was his entire fault and that he'd hurt her but he honestly didn't realize the extent of it.
He wasn't entirely perfect now, of course; but God knew that he had tried so hard to change.
He didn't know she'd take it in a different way.
He didn't really mean the things that he had said and done.
He was just scared which was why he did the only thing that he was good at: being a heartless git…
The vista was beautiful.
No one seemed to know, but yes, Draco Malfoy noticed it.
As a young boy who grew up in such a huge but quiet space, Draco had learned how to appreciate the beauty of nature.
It calmed him in a way that he could never explain.
It reminded him that behind all the unfairness in this world, there was something that was right.
He was about to go sit and relax on his favourite spot under an oak tree near the Hogwarts lake when he suddenly noticed that someone else was already there.
He frowned when he recognized her remarkable brown mess of hair.
Great.
Leave it to Granger to ruin his day.
In fact, for the last six years, she had always managed to ruin his day.
He was about to confront her and tell her to scurry away from his spot until he realized that she was actually asleep.
He stopped himself from coming nearer because he knew this would never do well with his weird and insane fascination to this unworthy girl.
Yes.
Draco Malfoy never knew when and how exactly it happened; but this plain, almost non-existent girl actually intrigued him too much.
He hated Granger.
He knew he really did.
But in a very twisted and irrational way, he just always wanted to see her and make sure that she was okay.
Whenever there was trouble happening inside the palace, his eyes would always search for her bushy curls, making sure that she wasn't snooping around and brewing trouble again. It was a good thing that she had that mess she called hair, really. It simplified his little seek for her.
The girl just loved to be in trouble that it was driving him insane.
She was such a pain.
She was the reason why he'd been so loud about the Chamber of Secrets when they were on their second year. He kept on hurting her by telling her that she was a mudblood for her own bloody safety. He wanted to scare her so she'd stop being too nosy about it, but she just wouldn't quit it! She was just too stubborn for her own good which was why she ended up being petrified.
If he hadn't given her that mirror, she could have even died.
He'd learned that if the victim would look indirectly at the Basilisk's eyes such as through reflection or through an object, then the person could survive and would only be petrified.
He saw her sauntering along the corridor again and going to the library. He knew that he couldn't do anything to stop her due to her stubborn behavior so then he decided to steal the mirror inside Pansy's bag, mentally noting that he had to remember buying the bint a new one so she wouldn't know.
He then confronted Granger and hastily shoved the mirror inside her bag while hatefully telling her that she needed it to fix her ugly hair.
He knew she'd be able to make use of it, knowing that she might have already known some facts about the Basilisk. She was a smart girl, after all.
It was a good thing that she was, or else she could have died due to the impossible amount of stubbornness and heroism inside her system.
Frankly, he really couldn't understand that girl's sanity.
What the fuck was she trying to prove, anyway?
She was just a mudblood. She should have known better than to be involved on the things that she was clearly out of league with.
He even needed to waste his time to warn Potter about the Death Eaters' riot on the Quidditch World Cup just to make sure she'd be okay.
For a girl so smart, she could be a little bit stupid when it came to her welfare.
Just like now, for example.
She appeared to have fallen asleep while reading since a book was laid opened on her stomach. She was peacefully lying on a blanket and her bag was carelessly opened just beside her.
He shook his head in irritation.
She was just too trusting sometimes.
Anyone could have found her here and take advantage of her situation.
She was just too annoying.
Why couldn't she be bloody safe even for a little while?
He was frowning while closing her bag angrily and muttering how stupid and careless she was and that she'd been wasting his time again when his eyes had suddenly lingered on her sleeping form.
Her messy hair was splayed all over the blanket and away from her face leaving him the liberty to properly look at her.
The first time he saw her on their first year was nothing special, really. Her face was always hidden by her bushy hair, she always looked smug and her robes were always too big for her own good. But the more he stared at her, the more he realized that she had this look in her that she alone owned.
She didn't have this common "pretty girl" look, but she had a rare classic beauty. One look could miss it, but certainly not when you had this strange compulsion of always looking at her.
Draco's eyes were full of curiosity and intense concentration while he leaned nearer and stared at her. She looked calm and peaceful. He also couldn't help but noticed her slow and rhythmic breathing, making her chest rise and fall. Even with her robes, he could still note that she had a beautiful body inside. Her robes could no longer hide the curves that she had grown through the years anymore.
She just looked so soft and so warm.
He couldn't help but to have a little feel and felt his hand slowly landing on her cheek. A rare smile had unconsciously plastered his face while his thumb started to caress the softness of her face.
He really couldn't help it.
He suddenly found himself touching the light little freckles on her nose and tracing the lovely shape of her eyebrows.
It was a great mystery to him on how this girl could be so plain but very attractive to him at the same time.
There was nothing special about her but he just couldn't help but be magnetized. She seemed like a puzzle that he couldn't solve. He wanted to stop but couldn't do it or else it would frustrate him more.
His face was full of fascination and curiosity that he looked as if he was in a trance while his fingers slowly traced her lips slowly.
They were just so red and so soft but also so natural that they were almost made to tempt him…
He didn't know how it happened but he suddenly found himself bending nearer until his lips had descended into hers.
She had very soft lips and his eyes had fluttered for a while before he realized what he was doing.
He suddenly stood up too hastily that he had almost toppled into the ground due to his desperation to get away from her. His eyes were bulging in shock when he realized what he had done.
He just kissed a mudblood!
He felt disgusted of himself that he almost felt sick.
She was very dirty.
It was all very wrong.
But damn, it just felt too good.
The mudblood had messed him up again, as she had always done for the past years.
He ran away as fast as he could from the awful abomination; trying to spare the sanity that was left of him. He had almost stumbled down and hurt himself while knocking on some people before finally reaching his room.
He lied on his bed for hours while thinking hard. He stared at the ceiling and mentally replayed the reasons why he detested the mudblood.
Yet, the more he thought about her imperfections, the more he found himself turned on until he suddenly felt aroused again.
He shut his eyes painfully and shook his head while hastily standing up.
He couldn't possibly fantasize about her again!
He had already considered those disgusting fantasies as mortal sins.
What he needed was a distraction, so he went down into the common room to find Pansy.
He knew that she was the easy answer to his crazy desperation now.
It happened too fast and too simple actually.
They didn't even need to be fully naked to finish it.
She was that easy.
She was too easy, actually, that she left him thinking about what he really wanted.
He wanted the difficult, stubborn and dirty bloodied girl.
He felt sick to the core.
Everything in his life was wrong, but this irrational lust and obsession was just too much.
It was too disgusting.
The worst part was that he had to find her outside the common room waiting for him.
He was taken aback but had to rely on his mask to hide everything.
Lusting for the mudblood was one thing, but letting her know about it was just too degrading.
Just when he thought that nothing could ever get worse, the mudblood had to suddenly make things even more complicated by shouting at him that she loved him.
He was beyond shock.
He freaked out and he didn't know what to do, so he shouted at how ugly she was and kissed Pansy to taper the shock and unexplainable feelings he had.
He didn't find her ugly at all but it was the only thing that was on his mind.
It was nerve wracking.
He kissed Pansy so fiercely that he could even felt blood on his mouth; yet, he just couldn't stop.
He needed to let everything out.
He needed to get all the frustrations and demented feelings out of his system.
Pansy had to even push him away to make him stop.
"What is seriously wrong with you? Letting the mudblood see your point was one thing, but you didn't need to do this!" Pansy shouted at him while covering her sore lips with her hands. She suddenly screamed when she saw the blood in them. Daphne and Tracey were trying to calm her while Draco looked around and saw that Granger and the Weasley girl were already gone. They appeared to have walked out while he was kissing Pansy.
Draco felt himself convulse involuntarily as he remembered why he had done it at the first place.
It wasn't just because he learned that the mudblood had feelings for him.
It was also because that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same…
The next morning, he found his fists bleeding without remembering how it happened as he had the worst hangover of his life…
"What happened to her?" Theo had asked Hermione.
"She broke her heart…"
Draco painfully closed his eyes before he quietly went to get some firewhiskies to bring inside his room.
After eleven long years, tomorrow might be the worst hangover of his life.
A/N: I'm sorry for updating a little late! I had some things to take care of in my muggle world and my computer crashed! Urgh. But anyway, I've been writing on my little draft notebook about my ideas on the story and I really like the flow of it so far. I should have had uploaded this one earlier if not for my crappy computer, but anyway, it's better late than never right? Hehe.
What do you think of this chapter? I thought that it was just fair to hear Draco's side of the story this time. :) Please tell me what you think! Review please! Thanks :)
God bless!
Love lots, Sue.
waterflower20- The song I was going to use was supposed to be James Blunt's "You're Beautiful", but then I found this little video a fan guy made for Emma Watson. He compiled all her stunning pictures and placed "For the girl of my dreams." He used Chester See's "God Damn You're Beautiful" and the lyrics of the song fitted ALMOST EVERYTHING that my Draco in the story felt, and plus the fact that Hermione's pictures were placed, it was almost like destiny that I found that song. I sound a little bit exaggerating about the destiny part, but I really felt like it was! Haha! Dramione can mess with my sanity A LOT. Haha! Thanks for always reviewing anyway. :)
Amourcheri- Aw, thank you! And I'd like to apologize about the little late update this time. The muggle world could be such a killjoy sometimes! Thank you so much for reviewing! :)
iemazzir- Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it. I love that chapter too! I love Draco when he's on his vulnerable state. :)
rec2527- Thank you dear! :D
october m.- Thank you! It's really funny, because I'd often purposefully write or thought about the sentence that ends my chapter before even completing it. I'm so happy you appreciate them! :D
CheshireCat23- Haha! Yes, I thought so too, but something came inside Ginny why she asked Hermione for a dare to kiss Draco. Ginny had always known that after everything, Hermione still cared for Draco, especially on the part on how Hermione appeared as if she didn't care about Draco's phobia but Ginny knew that she was itching to know. In Ginny's defense, she did what she thought was right for the moment, but yes, she wasn't really thinking too hard. I agree that she should have known better than that, but like Hermione or the others, she wasn't perfect. So I guess that part fitted quite perfectly on her. And I LOVE the song too! Thank you for reviewing! :D
Pau-0803- Haha! Yes! I agree! And a lot will unfold as the story comes along so *cough, you might predicted something right in that one. Thank you for your review! :D
X Slytherin's Ice Queen X- Well, you should know that your comments don't piss me off, they make my day! Thank you so much for appreciating! It means a lot! :D
Andrea B- Aw yes! Poor Draco! Don't worry, he'll get his little price soon. I won't let his sacrifice go to waste. Hehe. Thank you!
HarryPGinnyW4eva- Thank you! And I hope this chapter helped a lot. Hermione might have conveyed her feelings to another person, but the right person overheard it, so it's pretty much the same thing, only much dramatic in a way, yeah? Hehe. Thanks again! :)
Hachiko06- Thank you so much for checking this story! And it's funny because I really intended Blaise to be Draco's best friend in here, but then I realized that it's the same thing in my other story so I decided to go for Theo. *Sigh. Slytherin guys are pretty scarce. Haha. Thanks again! :)
dreadfuldelights- Haha! YES! Now we have the New York premiere to look forward to about the Feltson pics. Tom should have the courage to at least talk to her or something so the paparazzis could take a shot and make us Dramione lovers happy! HAHA! Anyway, back to the story; don't worry about the dared kiss. It's not forgotten. I have plans for it already. *wink Thank you! Love you! :D
iamahippie- Thank you! I'll try to update as soon as I can! I'm sorry for this late update. I HATE my computer! Urgh! Haha. But thanks anyway ;D
fnrizka- Haha! THANK YOU FOR THAT! I feel my Dramione ego being fed! Yay! Haha! And about the phobia, you'll learn about it pretty soon. I already have plans to when it would be revealed. Thanks! ;D
amsftwilight- Thank you! I suddenly feel so guilty for updating a little late. Haha! I hope you didn't get depress? I'll try to update as soon as I can so I can have that cookie you promised! Yay! Haha! Thank you! :D
Magnus Bane Is My Hero- Thank you! I'll try to update really soon! :)
Bella Swan 138- Thank you so much for reviewing! :D
Loufoca-Granger- Don't worry. I have that planned already. Draco's kiss is not forgotten! You'll have it pretty soon. Thank you! :D
Sin-and-Smokin- Aw, it's okay, dear. I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. My stupid computer broke too and I felt like dying! Honestly! I was writing on my drafts but it didn't feel right because I needed to open and update! It was maddening! So I can totally relate to that. Haha. I hope this muggle device won't fail me again. Thanks for the reviews! :D
Aletto- Haha! Nothing beats good old Draco Malfoy. He was born to be original! Haha! You'll learn about the singing phobia later. Thanks anyway. :D
xoxBiteSizexox- Aw, me too! But every person has their own story to tell. At least in this chapter, we knew that Hermione wasn't really alone. And I like your HP tradition with your family! It makes me remember that next year would be the last HP. I don't think my life would be the same without it. *Sniff. Thank you! :D
J- Thank you! And oh, it's good that you asked. Hermione was sixteen when she first told Draco that she loved him. The war ended when they were around seventeen. After that, I mentioned that Hermione and Ginny went into a tour for two years. Then, they had their university life for four years. About a year after, Hermione met Oliver. She was about twenty four years old that time. They then became a couple for almost three years. But in short, it was all after eleven years since Hermione was sixteen, so Hermione would be twenty seven now. :) I hope I didn't get you confuse. Hehe. Thanks you for the review! :)