Sometime in April

Chapter 10

Letting go

Sakura took out a bottle of milk from the refrigerator and poured it into a tall glass that had colorful fish decorations. She placed it next to a plate of cookies when two tiny hands grabbed the hem of her dress. She looked down at the little boy staring tenderly at her.

He rubbed his tiny eyes and looked tiredly at her "Mommy…" the little boy moaned "I'm hungry."

Sakura crouched to the little boy's level and looked into his tired eyes "Sit down and I'll give you milk and cookies."

The little boy jumped in delight as his mother looked adoringly at him. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek to rub off the tiny speck of dirt on it. He frowned irritated and pulled his face away "Mommy!" he whined.

Sakura stopped and planted a kiss on his forehead. He rushed to the table and pulled out a chair. He sat on it, swiftly pulling up his tiny legs. Sakura brought the four year old the glass of milk and what the little boy called a "grownups plate."

She sat across him and took a cookie from his plate.

The little boy looked up "Are we going to park—remember you promised."

Sakura leered "Of course we are."

The little boy gulped down the milk leaving a milk mustache on the space between his nose and his lips. He swung his tiny feet that dangled from the chair. Suddenly he frowned and gave his mother a quizzical look.

"Hey mom can I ask you something?"

Sakura nodded, she had never seen him look so worried "Sure."

The boy took a deep breath "How come I don't have a Dad?"

Sakura's eyes widened, she never expected the question to come as quick as it did. The boy had long noticed that a father was absent in his life. He simply ignored it and made believe his father was a super hero saving the world and one day he would come for him. One boy at school asked him about his father, he didn't know what to say. He told the boy that his father was a super hero but the other boy kept speculating.

Sakura wanted to break down and cry; she knew she had to tell him the truth someday but how do you tell a four year old that you told his father to stay away from her. That you wanted his father out of their lives because knowing that he would eventually marry another woman was too painful. His father had a new life, a new family…

She shook her fingers through his hair "Remember what I told you honey, we'll visit him someday." She pretended to be joyful.

Her son was still frowning "I want my own daddy, like all my friends."

Sakura sighed and withdrew her hand "Finish your snack and we'll go to the park."

"Mommy, you chased him away didn't you! You made him leave us, he wanted to be there but you made him go away. He's never going to come back mommy never!!!"

Sakura gasped and woke up from the nightmare. She was breathing very fast and her eyes were flooded with tears. She sat up and gently placed a hand over her stomach. She had four separate dreams that included her unborn child. When she woke up, she would forget his face and his voice.

During breakfast she old Tomoyo about it, Tomoyo had moved in with her a few days earlier. She felt like she had to be with Sakura during that time.

"Has he called?" Tomoyo asked.

"No." she said in tone "I don't want to talk to him anyway. It's the baby I'm worried about."

Tomoyo held Sakura's shoulder; she did not know what to tell Sakura to make her feel better.

"It would be strange if we spoke. I tried my best to avoid this but if he does decide to show up, we will be like those parents who are constantly arguing. I don't see myself ever needing him again. I keep thinking that all of this is my fault."

"Sakura, don't be so hard on yourself."

She plastered a smiled "I'll be okay, I know I will."

After a few minutes, Tomoyo caught Sakura in the nursery. She was sitting on an armchair reading a book. Tomoyo leaned her head on the door post and looked at her.

"Sakura…" she started worriedly. "I made out with Eriol on new years day."

Sakura averted her gaze on Tomoyo, she was quiet and Tomoyo could not make out the look on her face.

"I know how much you hate secrets, don't worry, it was a one time thing. We haven't even spoken since then."

Sakura smirked "I'm surprised, but why?"

Tomoyo moved further into the room "I like him…a lot. I liked him even before you two started dated years back. I'm sorry."

"I don't see why you're sorry. Eriol was a great boyfriend and I would have been angry if you told me at the time but right now, I feel nothing for him."

"Apparently he feels nothing for me. He's such a jerk!"

"What exactly happened?"

Tomoyo told Sakura everything, their conversation spiraled to why being single is better than getting hurt. Soon after that, they laughed it off then carried on with the rest of the day.

……………………………….

Tomoyo made her way to her black convertible late afternoon when suddenly a car stopped right in front of hers, she immediately turned to see who it was that was being extremely rude blocking her way.

Eriol came out of the front seat of his white Mercedes. When he saw her, he smiled and sauntered her direction. Tomoyo sighed; she did not want to see him.

"Where are you off to?" he asked.

"That's none of your business."

"I'm sorry I never came, I needed time to myself." He started.

Tomoyo shrugged "What do you want Eriol."

He looked away for a second then back at her "I want to say I'm sorry. I was extremely wasted. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Oh." She played with her fingers.

"But, I remember every word you said."

She looked up and nodded as though unconvinced.

"I never meant to scare you away. I needed time to think about it and…I'd like to take you out."

She looked up coyly "Out?"

"You know, a date. We should probably start over again."

Tomoyo contemplated "Alright."

……………………………………

For four days, Syaoran had been in Hong Kong with his family. It was the most stressful time; he tried to bury his head in workload to take his mind off everything that went wrong but failed. The whole family was startled by his recent behavior; he was not very attentive and refused to participate in any of the family activities. Eventually he lost control of his feeling. It all happened Saturday night during the family dinner.

"You've been working so hard lately. Maybe you should take a vacation." His mother said looking at his tired face.

He shrugged his shoulders and carried on eating.

"Rumiko will be joining us for dinner. The long awaited wedding is finally going to happen." His father contributed.

Syaoran tightened his fist, if he heard the words 'wedding' and 'Rumiko' again he was going to go insane.

"You can't avoid settling down forever. I know you think you are still young but your Father and I married when he was only twenty one. You are lucky that Rumiko is such a fine woman."

Syaoran dropped his fork; tight lines of irritation invaded his forehead "I don't want to marry her." He snapped.

His parents looked at each other then back at him.

"What do you mean?" his father said getting crossed.

"I'm so tired of you always making decisions for me, I don't love her and I can never love her."

His mother stared at him; the hurt in her eyes was easy to trace "You know very well why you have to marry her." She said.

Syaoran abruptly stood up "Why should I throw away my life just for you father when all you've done is brought this family nothing but pain."

"This is what you're problem is, you are selfish. It always has to be about you, I made sacrifices for you, far more than you will ever know. You will never become a man"

"Bullshit." Syaoran erupted "I'm more of a man that you will ever be. I'm not doing it!"

"Sit down!" Yelan ordered.

"Now you listen son; you've been given everything from the day you were born. Is it so damn hard to return the favor?" His father growled.

"It's not a favor; it's a stupid business deal. You sold me out!"

"Syaoran, calm down and listen to your father." Yelan yelled at him.

"I can't believe you are taking his side, he's hurt you the most." His eyebrows were twitching and his jaw tightened. He glared at his father then dashed out of the dining room.

A few minutes later, Yelan came knocking on his bedroom door; she let herself in and caught him staring out the window.

"That was not a way of approaching the situation." She said in a calm gentle tone.

"I had no other way of doing it." He choked on his words.

"What's this really about, you never complained about the wedding arrangements before."

"I didn't want to disappoint you." He said wretchedly.

"You can never disappoint me."

He took a deep breath and softly said to her "Mother, while I was in Japan, I fell in love with someone else, don't be mad at me."

She said nothing.

"All my love has been given to her, I have none left for Rumiko." His voice began to crack "I know I'm doing this for Father but I've lost the love of my life for him…and you Mother and right now I'm not sure if it was worth it."

She moved closer to him "What is this woman's name?"

"Her name is Sakura." He turned around "She hates me now, I've known her for more than two years but we only got together for three months. It was the best three months of my life and I don't think I'll ever feel anything like it.

She looked at him sympathetically "Sometimes in life, you just have to let go. It's not easy. When my mother told me that your father was the man I was going to marry, I ran away from home. I did not love him nonetheless like him. I wanted to marry for love and not for family gain."

"So why did you marry him."

"I had to, that was what my parents thought was best for me. When we got married I didn't even want him to touch me. I locked myself in my room and came out when he was gone. He tried to get me to talk to him but I was stubborn. Eventually I gave in and we spoke. Soon we were a real married couple. I must admit, it took me four years for me to fall in love with him but I did. Despite what you may think, I love your father."

"But why, he is not an honorable man. He cheated on you and committed a crime."

"I know, I forgave him…what else could I do. People tend to hurt the people they love the most, but that doesn't make their love insignificant. I love him unconditionally and if you give Rumiko a chance, you might grow to love her. Maybe even more than you love this…Sakura."

Syaoran was silent; he looked down and refused to absorb the image of himself kissing Rumiko, making love to her…loving her.

"If you don't want to do this for your father, do it for me. Your union to Rumiko might actually mend all the unseen cracks in this family."

She looked him in the eyes and left. He did not realize it at first for he was caught up in his sequence of thoughts but, she had been crying.

Syaoran looked outside and took out a picture of Sakura from his wallet. In it, she was sitting on a swing in a beautiful pink summer dress. She was smiling, she was beautiful. He swallowed hard and thought back to the day he took it. His eyes became teary but he managed to restrain himself from shedding any tears. He told himself that real men don't cry and he took a deep breath, put the picture away then looked outside the window.

"I'm sorry Sakura…" he muttered to himself.

He could feel his youth slipping from him, this was by far the hardest decision he had ever made.

…………………………

A/N: I'm sorry the chapter is so short hopefully not too boring; it's just that I'm saving all the good stuff for the next chapter. I don't want to give away too much but; Sakura will be almost nine months pregnant in chapter 11 o.0. Don't you want to see how that turns out? So pls review this one and thanks for reading.