Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or Full House. I'm doing this by memory and summary of episodes to make it a little more original. Never mind on that, I have a horrid memory.

Full House

Season One; Episode Ten:

Iggy's Place

(Iggy's POV)

"Is this normal?" Artiglio asked, messing with the ends of her hair as she looked up at Nudge and gestured at me making a beat with the iron against the clothes I just folded.

Nudge just sighed, amused, "It is for Iggy."

I just sat down the iron, bouncing on the balls of my feet, "Girls, just wait until you hear what happened to me today. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's unbelievable."

"What happened?" Nudge asked, grinning in excitement.

"I can't tell you," I smirked before walking around to the table past the kitchen.

Nudge's face dropped and she rolled her eyes, "I hate it when he does that."

I rubbed my hands together, my grin staying in place, "I'll tell you as soon as everyone gets home."

As I made my way back over to the ironing board, Fang came up the steps from the garage in his exterminator's uniform, "Oh boy, what a day. Come here girls, give Fang a hug, he needs it." They did so and he sat down his equipment, crouching down to their level. "Look, girls, I know how much you look up to me, but no matter how glamorous you may think my life is, don't ever kill bugs for a living."

Lio just sighed with a smirk that matched her brother's, "Aw…"

Fang stood back up, walking past me to head into the living room, but I stopped him. "Hey, buddy, the insect world got you down? Well, close your eyes because I am going to send you to a land of sunshine and flowers." Lifting up one of the stack of folded clothes, I lifted them to his face, "Smell this."

And he just stared at me. "Iggy, you've been riding in the dryer again, haven't you?"

I sat down the clothes, "I'm just in a great mood. I wanna tell you what happened, but I can't yet."

"Fang, he's driving us crazy," Nudge huffed, followed up by Lio with a whine of "Yeah, make him tell us."

"Okay," Fang sighed, setting down his stuff and opening the fridge, "Iggy, what's up?"

I just shook my head, "Can't tell you."

Fang just shrugged to the girls as he passed them on his way to the table, "The man will not crack!"

Dylan walked in from the living room, seeming upbeat as well, "Hi, girls!"

"Hi, Dyl," they called, going to give him a hug in a rush before breaking away from him and coming back to me.

"Bye, girls," he sighed, straightening back up with a raised eyebrow.

Nudge looked up at me, "Okay, we're all here, spill your guts."

I took a deep breath, looking around at everyone, "I have been chosen as one of the top up-and-coming comics to go on a two-week, 16 college tour!"

The girls let out enthusiastic cheers and Fang returned from the table to give me a high-five while Dylan grinned, "All right, I knew you'd get a job."

Nudge reached out to put a finger on my arm before taking it away with a hiss, "Oo! The man is hot!"

I sighed, going back to ironing with a thought, "There's only one problem; I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not."

"Why not?" Fang asked, looking up from his food.

"When I moved in, I made a commitment to help with the girls and cook and clean and do laundry. I can't just take off like that."

Dylan pushed himself up onto the counter, "Iggy, you have worked too long and hard to pass this up."

Fang walked over to get a drink, "This could be your big break. You gotta go for it."

Dylan nodded, "You are going."

I shook my head, "Yeah, but what about the kids? Both of you guys work."

Nudge shrugged, "We could go with you."

With an excited nod, Lio agreed, "It's never too early to look at colleges."

Dylan just leaned over to look at her, "Let's get out of elementary school first."

Fang sat his water bottle down, "It's simple. I'll fill in for Iggy. I'll just take a couple weeks off the bug biz."

"You can do that?" I asked, turning to him.

"Sure, I work for my dad. He can't fire me cause my mom won't let him."

I looked over to Dylan, "You guys sure you can get along without me?"

There was a collection of 'yes's from everyone. I grinned, reaching over to give Dylan a side hug and then hugging the girls. I walked over to Fang, opening my arms wide. He just pointed his finger in my face, "You touch me, the deals off."

"It's too late, I've already started," I wrapped my arms around him while he remained uncooperative.

(Later that day)

I stood in the living room, all of my stuff spread out from the little hovel I was sleeping in, holding a laugh box and a staff as a microphone. "That's no penguin, that's George Bush." I pressed the button on the laugh box, nodding my head. "No, no, thank you. It's wonderful to be here at… uh… fill in the blank college. Home of the fighting…. Some animal." I pressed the button on the laugh box again before noticing Dylan, who had entered the room. I took my finger off the button and gestured to it, "Just a confidence builder."

He nodded, "It's some of your finest work." We both laughed and he pointed to the stack of tapes in his hand, "Why don't I go upstairs and work on this week's basketball blooper reel." And he turned to head up the stairs, he stopped, "Iggy, there seems to have been an explosion in your alcove which has hurled most of your possessions to the four corners of the living room."

I held down the button on the laugh box, not saying anything. "I'm sorry, I love this machine. Look, Dylan, I'll clean it up, okay? You go work on your blooper reel, and I'll get back to writing college material. Now get out of here."

He headed up the steps, leaving the room just as Artiglio decided to enter it in her honeybee costume and carrying her music box. I stopped her and she clicked off the loud music.

"Lio, what are you doing?"

"I'm practicing for my next honeybee meeting."

I sighed, "That's very nice, but I'm trying to rehearse."

She shrugged, "Go ahead, you're not bothering me."

(Later)

I walked down the upstairs hallway, heading into Fang's room. He sat on his bed with his guitar hooked up to his amp. He looked up at me and I lifted my bag, "Hey, I'm looking for a place to rehearse."

He just smirked, "Good luck," before going back to his guitar.

Nudge poked her head out of her room, "Fang, I'm trying to do my homework!"

He stopped and whispered, "Sorry." He watched her close the door before huffing, "I bet you Chuck Berry didn't have to live with three girls who weren't his."

He went back to playing and I looked around before stopping with an idea, "Michelle." Walking into her room and closing the door behind me, I looked at Michelle as she sat in her crib, "Michelle, are you busy?"

She let out some of her baby-gibberish, which her stuffed bird mimicked.

I sighed, "Sorry, I didn't know you had company."

"Sorry, I didn't know you had company."

(Later)

I stood in the garage with my laugh box and a glass of water. After going through with the 'thank you' thing again, I sat down the laugh box and lifted the glass, "And now, a little something I like to call 'Ode to a Fountain'."

I got a mouthful of water just as Nudge came downstairs. She stopped at the foot, watching me mimic a fountain by shooting water out of my mouth at different intervals. I waved her in, moving over to the car and spraying some water on it as if I was trying to wash it. I began to hit the windshield and she ran over to turn the wipers on.

I gave her a thumbs up and let the water drain out before putting my hands up, "Tada!"

"Iggy, that was awesome. Every time I see you do your fountain act, I want to throw pennies at your face and make a wish."

I laughed, "Well, just wish I do that well on the tour."

"You'll be great. I finished my homework so you can rehearse in my room. But please don't spit on my bed."

"No, Nudge, it's okay. The garage really isn't that bad."

"It's freezing."

I walked around to the hood of my car and popped it open, showing all of my jackets and shirts. I pulled out my leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders.

"I didn't know you kept your clothes in your car."

"Well, the alcove is so small, but my trunk makes a good closet. The worst part is not having any privacy."

She nodded, "I know what you mean. I live with an eight year old who thinks that I was born so that she'd have someone to play with. Not that I'm complaining."

I laughed, "Oh, of course not. Nudge, in my pre-alcove days, I lived like a king. I had my own door, four walls, and a light switch. It was Camelot! Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, my pre-Artiglio days, my Bananarama poster didn't have to share a wall with Rainbow Brite."

"Not that I'm complaining," we both said at the same time.

She laughed, "Well, if you need a place to keep your socks, my bike basket is all yours."

"Thanks, Nudge, but I keep my socks in the glove compartment. But, if you really wanna do me a favor, you could get me another glass of water so I can finish washing my car."

"You got it!" She said, both of us laughing.

(Fang's POV)

I leaned against the changing table while Dylan changed Michelle, Nudge talked, and Lio kept watch.

"And it was just so sad," Nudge sighed. "I mean, there was Iggy, alone in the garage, spitting water into the air for nobody."

Dylan looked at her, "That is sad."

I turned to him, "It could have been worse. We could've had to watch it."

Nudge rolled her eyes, "Dylan, Iggy has no place to rehearse. Isn't there something we could all do to help him?"

Dylan nodded, "What Iggy really needs is his own room."

I took a deep breath, "Yes, you're right. Iggy needs a room. Okay, let's think about this… Darn, no room. Oh, well, we tried." No amusement whatsoever from the others. "I'm kidding, I'm joking. See, Michelle knows I'm joking."

Artiglio walked over from the doorway, "Dylan, Iggy's not here yet."

"Time out, Lio," he sighed. "Let's have a talk about this whole 'look out' thing. The key is to let us know when Iggy is coming, not when he isn't."

"Oh."

"So, all you have to do is, when you see Iggy coming, give us the secret code. The duck flies at midnight."

"The duck flies at midnight… I should get paid for this."

As Lio returned to the doorway, I picked up Michelle, and Nudge started to talk again, "Okay, I've got this all figured out. Now, I move into Michelle's room, Iggy moves into my room, Michelle moves into the alcove, and Artiglio gets a tent in the backyard."

She turned around, "I don't think so."

Nudge sighed, "Okay, plan B. If we put bunk beds in Fang's room, that means they could be roommates. Great idea, huh?"

I shook my head, "I don't think so."

After a slight pause, Iggy walked into the room, "Oh, there you guys are."

Lio jumped, eyes going wide, "The duck, the turtle, the chicken drives to seven-eleven!" Everyone turned to look at her, to which she just paused and said, "At midnight."

Iggy looked up at Dylan and I, eyebrows knitting together. Dylan just chuckled nervously, "It's a new catchphrase, all the kids are saying it."

He stepped into the room a little farther, still skeptical, "Well, what's going on in here?"

I glanced at Michelle before walking towards him, "We're doing this new family ritual where we sing Michelle to sleep."

He nodded, "A new family ritual? Why didn't you guys call me?"

"Why didn't we call… well, that's simple, too. What it is, is we're doing this four part harmony thing tonight. And, well, let's sing."

I counted to three and we all started singing… four different nursery rhymes.

Iggy just backed out of the room.

As soon as he was gone, Dylan turned to me, "We've got to get Iggy out of that alcove."

"Yeah, you're right."

Iggy walked in, ready to ask something, but Lio cut him off, "The duck! The duck!"

(Few days later)

Iggy continued to place sticky notes on the board he was making while I made breakfast. He was leaving today, and I was ready to take over.

"Fang," he interrupted, holding up the board, "The girls' after school activities for the next two weeks are in blue, except for Nudge's dental appointment which is in green. And, I put the cleaning schedule in pink."

I looked at the board before taking a professional tone, "Alex, I'll take dental appointments for fifty."

Iggy just let out a dry laugh, turning as Dylan came down the stairs. He acknowledged us both, seeming to rush to the table. "Good morning, my friends.

I grabbed the serving plates and headed that way as the girls came downstairs, "You all are just in time. We've got your eggs, bacon, toast, milk, orange juice, and the morning paper, sports section on top."

I dropped the latter of the list next to Dylan, who blinked and picked it up, "It looks like Fang. It talks like Fang. I think I'll keep him."

Iggy stepped forward, "Hey, all Hazel's done so far is make breakfast."

I just rolled my eyes, "So, what do you all think?"

Nudge grinned through her food, "Great. I'll probably have seconds."

I passed out seconds, to which Iggy didn't seem happy. He placed his hands on the table, "How come nobody ever asks for a second helping of my eggs?"

Everyone stopped, looking at him in an awkward silence until Dylan cleared his throat, "So, uh, Fang, did Michelle eat?"

"Like a horse. She's sleeping it off."

"Way to go, Fang. But, I'm sorry, I'm late for work." Dylan stood up, putting on his jacket. "Iggy, you're on your way. Knock them dead. Blow them away. You're going to kill them… You're in a very violent business." As he walked towards the living room, he waved me over, "Did you think of an alternative to Iggy's alcove problem?"

"Not yet, but I stayed up all night thinking about it."

"I thought you had a date."

I smirked, "Well, I stayed up all night."

"Then, let's just keep thinking."

He said goodbye and left through the door about the time a car horn sounded out front. Lio hopped up from her seat, "It's the bus!"

Iggy stood up quickly as I grabbed the lunch boxes, "Oh, I forgot to make your lunches!"

I just cut in, handing them the boxes, "Feedbags, young ladies." The girls said goodbye and Iggy turned to me, silent. I took a deep breath, "Iggy, you better get going. You're going to be late."

"Now, Fang, remember, I left all the-"

"Iggy, we can take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. We don't need you. Now, go." I started backing him out of the room. "Leave. Right not. Why aren't you gone? Go."

He laughed, walking through the door.

(Iggy's POV)

I walked into the living room, picking up my jacket and smiling at Michelle in her play pin, "Hey, girl. No, I haven't left yet, but I'm going for two weeks. Something's going on here. I mean, they're having family rituals without me. I can be replaced like that by a rock n roll exterminator." I sighed, "Maybe they don't need me. I think you're the only one who cares about me. Tell everyone I'll miss them… If they care."

Scene: Jesse taking over for Joey as 'babysitter'

(Fang's POV)

I was cooking in the kitchen. Again. Nudge and Artiglio sat at the counter, eyeing some of the food.

"Fang?" Lio started, "Maybe we should eat without Dylan. Sometimes he comes home real late."

"Family should always eat together," I stated simply. "We'll give him five more minutes."

Nudge sighed, "Can we start on some vegetables? Did I say vegetables? I must be starving…"

Dylan chose this moment to slide through the door with a grin, "Hi, honey, I'm home." I just glared at him. "I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to rush out at the last minute to cover a story in Oakland. Traffic was miserable-"

"Give me a break," I stopped him.

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me. You waltz in here twenty five minutes late expecting sympathy?"

"Well, I didn't know-"

"I have cleaned the house," I slammed the serving plates down on the table and started serving with a huff, "and washed and ironed your clothes and ran a daycare center for socially deviant munchkins and missed Oprah! Ran this one to a ballet lesson, this one to the dentist. No cavities. Do you realize that I have slaved over a hot stove so you could have a hot meal when you come home, huh?!"

Dylan's eyes were wide, "Fang, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry? Sorry doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! It's all dried out! But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me you're going to be twenty five minutes late? No! Well, I am not an animal!" My voice went up an octave and I went wide-eyed myself, "Oh my god, what's happening to me?"

I sat down slowly in one of the chairs around the table, feeling worn. Dylan put a hand on my shoulder, "The first day is always the toughest. Well, I have something to cheer you up. I found the solution to Iggy's alcove problem. I talked to some contractors and during the next two weeks, we are going to build Iggy his own bedroom."

I sat up straight, "Nice, another room for me to clean."

(Iggy's POV)

I slammed through the front door and into the living room, hollering "I'm back!" I went past my alcove, planning to throw my bags by my other stuff.

But my stuff wasn't there. Annoyance built up in me. Really, this is how they would tell me they didn't want me here?

I huffed, heading into the kitchen where I found them around the table playing Monopoly. They didn't even look up. "Uh, hello?"

A glance with a few 'Hi, Iggy's', that's all I got. Then Dylan looked up, "How'd the tour go?"

"Fine, real good. How about here? How were things?"

"Good," Fang shrugged.

"Just out of curiosity, would anybody happen to know where all my stuff is?"

Dylan nodded, "Yeah, we moved it down to the garage."

"I see. Well, maybe there's something else you'd like to tell me, like goodbye. Adios, am-scray. Hit the road, Iggy."

Fang jerked his thumb to the stairs heading down to the garage, "Iggy, your stuffs just down there. Go check it out."

"Oh, I'll check it out and then I'll pack it up. You just threw all my stuff down in the garage? Why didn't you just fling it out on the front lawn? Am I still getting my mail here or did you forward it to the gutter?"

With a look of anger, I turned and went down the stairs. I could hear them following me. "I didn't demand to move in here. I volunteered to help out. And if you didn't need my help, all you needed to say was- Iggy is an idiot."

It wasn't the garage anymore, it was a spacious bedroom, my posters and props set up for me. They just smiled, not saying a word, as I went around seeing everything. "I got a bathroom, my Jets, Manny, my bed!" I jumped up on it before landing on the floor in front of them, "I love it!"

Dylan jumped, mimicking myself, "You deserve it!"

"How'd you guys get my old furniture?"

"Your mom."

"What happened to all the junk that was down here?"

"Attic," Nudge grinned.

"Where's your motorcycle?" I pointed to Fang.

"Backyard."

"Where are we going to park our cars?"

Lio shrugged, "Street!"

I gestured all around the room, "This was the garage? Dylan, this must've cost a fortune."

He stepped forward, expression unchanging, "Don't ask. Iggy, you're my best friend. And you're doing me the biggest favor of my life by helping me raise these girls. This is just our way of saying thanks."

I grinned, "No one has ever done anything like this for me before. And the best part is, even with how great my room is, you guys really want me here."

"Are you kidding? You're part of this family. Face it pal."

We laughed and Fang stood up from where he was sitting with the girls, "Welcome home, Iggy. Tomorrow, you have the day shift."

Nudge put a hand on Lio's shoulder, "This is great news. This means you can move to the alcove."

She smirked, "You're too good to me. It's all yours."

I took a deep breath, "Thanks for the room, everybody."

Dylan patted the back of his hand against my arm, "Forward your mail to the gutter, huh?"

Fang chuckled, "Fling your stuff on the lawn, huh?"

I backed away, defensive, "I was kidding. I'm a comedian, I'm in the kidding business!"

Artiglio, who had apparently climbed up onto my bed, launched onto my back with a laugh, "Kid this, buddy!"