Christmas Break
A/N ; A special word of thanks for all those who are still reading my updates and leaving such wonderful and heartwarming reviews. I am extremely grateful to you all.
A special note for EKWTSM9: Don't worry. Steve will get his Christmas but you just have to be patient with my muse ... ;-)
Here is the next installment chapter 10:
Chapter 10
For the next few seconds there was silence as Nuala studied Steve's back and decided what she must do next. Steve sensed the dreadful silence meant that something was terribly wrong and from where he lay on his side he could see Mike's worried face watching Nuala closely. Becoming agitated again he broke the eerie silence.
"What's going on?... What is it? ... Is it that bad?"
Steve's shaky voice drew everyone's attention back to the man on the gurney and out of their despairing thoughts. Mike looked at Nuala for guidance as to what to answer Steve, hating to see the worry and upset in his partner's eyes.
Nuala knew that what she must do next would cause Steve further pain and anxiety so taking a deep steadying breath she tried to keep her voice as steady and reassuring as possible.
"Steve. Your back is very swollen and bruised. I'm going to have to get Dr. Sanchez back in here to take a look at this but for now we'll put the sling back on. Ok?"
She had some other bad news to break to him but decided to wait until the sling was back on first so that Mike would have his hands free to help calm Steve if it proved necessary, when she did. She could feel Mike's clear blue eyes staring at her full of concern and wanted to reassure him too but that would have to wait for a few minutes while Steve was attended to. She reached over Steve and as gently as she could she took Steve's arm from Mike and reattached the sling. She heard Mike sigh with relief at not having that responsibility anymore and noted that the first thing he did was grab Steve's right hand and squeeze it supportively. Steve was nervously watching both of them more afraid of what wasn't being said, than what had been.
With the sling back on and supporting Steve's shoulder once more and knowing that Mike was already in a supportive position, Nuala came around behind Mike so that she was facing Steve and the young man started to visibly shake when he saw her serious expression. He swallowed hard and Mike felt him squeeze his hand back as he waited for what Nuala was going to say next. Nuala saw his reaction and knew that this would be tough.
"Steve. With your back the way it is, I'm going to have to put an ice pack on it to reduce the swelling ..."
True to her instincts as soon as the words left her lips Steve started protesting wildly.
"NO! No please! ... That's gonna hurt. No ice please. It doesn't help. It just hurts and ... makes me cold."
Nuala placed a gentle hand on his cheek.
"Steve. Calm down. I know it hurts but it's only for a few minutes and then it will help. I promise ok? It will reduce the swelling and numb the pain. I need you to stay strong for me. Now I'm going to go get the Doctor and see about the icepack and I'm going to leave you with Mike for a few minutes. Ok? Please try to stay calm Steve and try to rest until I get back. Everything is going to be ok. You'll see."
With that she stroked his cheek soothingly and turned and hurried out of the cubicle, avoiding eye contact with both Jeannie and Mike on her way, knowing that they both wanted answers from her but not wanting to voice her concerns without validation from a trained Doctor. Mike's first instinct was to hurry after her and find out what was happening but Steve had a very firm but shaky grip of his hand and Jeannie was still a quivering mess on the seat behind Steve, so Mike knew his first priority was to look after the two young people in the cubicle first before he would have the chance to question Nuala more fully.
Deciding what he needed to do, he started with Steve. Pulling the chair back over beside the young man's gurney with his free hand, he sat down and noted that Steve's eyes hadn't left his face and that there were distinct tears visible in them. He felt his resolve slip again and had to physically pull himself back together before he spoke. Clearing his throat he squeezed Steve's hand and spoke.
"Steve. Come on now. Don't get upset. You've been through a lot worse already today and come through ok haven't you? Well, this is going to be ok too. I know you're worried and I know you're in pain but in another couple of hours ... well ... hopefully this will all be just a bad dream and you'll be back in De Haro Street with me and Jeannie eating turkey sandwiches and decorating your side of the tree. Ok?"
Mike finished his speech with a beaming smile and a reassuring squeeze of Steve's hand but his partner's expression didn't change. Instead he felt Steve start to tremble and a tear escaped from his right eye and soaked into his pillow. With an equally shaky voice Steve answered.
"Mike ... you're just saying that ... You think something's really wrong don't you?"
Mike's smile faded slightly and he decided the young man needed honesty right now instead of empty promises. From the corner of his eye he saw that Jeannie had recovered somewhat and was waiting on his every word too almost with bated breath and knowing whatever he said next was for both their benefits he started off again more confidently than he felt inside.
"Steve. Truthfully, I don't know what's causing all the pain you're in. I wish I did. But I know this. Whatever it is or whatever you have to face you won't be facing it alone. Ok? Steve, I know you feel you always have to be strong and deal with everything by yourself but I'm telling you, you need help on this one buddy boy. You can't deal with this one on your own. It's about time you let someone help and me and Jeannie are right here for you. It takes a stronger man to accept help when he needs it but you know that don't you? What do you say Steve? Are you going to let us help you?"
As Mike spoke to Steve almost in a whisper, more tears fell from Steve's eyes and Mike could feel his own voice starting to falter as he watched the struggle in Steve's eyes. A struggle to accept help that was so alien to the young man or perhaps there had never been anyone to help him before. Mike wasn't sure, but he hoped that his words had hit home and that finally Steve would start letting them in past the walled fortress he had built around himself and that in the last half hour Mike had watched crumble, brick by brick.
He waited for what felt like ages for Steve to answer and was more worried than disappointed when all he received in reply was a solemn nod of the young man's head and the trail of a new tear down his face.
"That a boy. Now, I need to go and talk to Nuala and see what's going on, so would it be ok if I get Jeannie in to sit with you while I'm gone?"
At these last words, Jeannie knew her father was calling on her and she sat up straighter and used her cardigan sleeves to wipe the tears from her eyes.. Mike's touching speech to Steve and the young man's reaction had left a lump in her throat but she swallowed it down and was determined to be there for them both, but to both their dismay Steve shook his head this time and became more upset.
"No Mike! Please ..." Steve practically sobbed but before Mike had a chance to ask him why not, Steve continued and what he said surprised them both.
"... it will just upset her."
They had both assumed that Steve hadn't wanted Jeannie there due to some male pride at not wanting to be seen to be weak in front of a woman but actually Steve had acted out of concern for her instead. This revelation shook them both deeply and as Jeannie dropped her head and struggled with her emotions again, Mike's admiration and pride for the young man in front of him swelled to bursting point and with moisture building in his own eyes, he reached out and ruffled Steve's hair affectionately and spoke emotionally.
"What am I going to do with you buddy boy? Huh? Here you are in the middle of hell on earth and you're still more concerned about everyone else other than yourself."
Steve's tear filled eyes looked down at the floor, but to Mike's disappointment his normal playful teasing didn't provoke the normal reaction of causing a smile to break out on Steve's face. Instead the intense sadness and distress stayed etched on his partner's face. Looking over at Jeannie and seeing her struggling to compose herself too, Mike took another deep breath and changed his tactics. Reaching his hand over and turning Steve's face back to look at him he continued more softly.
"You're right you know that? She probably will be upset and let me tell you ... I don't like seeing her upset anymore than I like seeing you upset." Mike said as he brushed a tear away that was still on Steve's cheek with his finger. Steve flinched and closed his eyes briefly, annoyed with himself for this blatant show of weakness in front of the one man he admired and respected over all others but when Mike started speaking again he opened his eyes and looked at him again.
"But you know what? Life is what it is and sometimes it's upsetting. And sometimes we can't protect the people we care about from those upsets no matter how much we want to. All we can do is be there for each other and make sure that they're not alone and they don't feel alone. Don't you think she'd be more upset outside that curtain, wondering what was going on and knowing that she can't be in here to support you? Jeannie just wants to be here for you like I do buddy boy. You know her as well as I do Steve. She would never judge you. Don't shut her out Steve. Please."
By the time he had finished talking, Jeannie was staring at Mike with tears in her eyes and Steve was breathing heavily.
"Well? What's it going to be Steve? Can I let her in ? Now if you really would prefer I didn't then that's ok too but I don't want you shutting her out for the wrong reasons. That's all."
Steve eyes met Mike's and he cleared his throat. He didn't quite trust his voice to speak just yet but he felt Mike deserved a spoken answer after all he had just said so he replied shakily.
"Ok Mike. ... But ... I must look a state."
And with that he let go of Mike's hand and rubbed at his face and hair awkwardly.
His statement lightened the tension in the cubicle somewhat and so ruffling the young man's hair again he spoke playfully.
"Steve. You're on a gurney in an Emergency room. I don't think Jeannie's going to expect to see you at your best buddy boy."
Finally Mike managed to raise a half-hearted smile from Steve but he also knew how fussy Steve was about his appearance at the best of times so he decided to help him clean up first if it made him feel better.
"Ok. Come on. Let's clean you up a little. Ok? Do you have a comb with you?"
"Yes .. in my jacket pocket." Steve said glancing around the cubicle and then getting very agitated. "Mike. I don't know where my jacket is? It has my wallet, my house keys and my badge in it, Mike."
Mike placed a calming hand on Steve's chest and spoke calmly and firmly.
"Ok, ok don't panic. It was with you when you came in here at first. It was around your shoulders remember? It has to be in here somewhere. I'll find it."
Mike looked around and saw Jeannie pointing under the gurney and bending down he saw Steve's jacket folded up and stashed underneath. He reached in and grabbed it and standing up he glanced at Jeannie and smiled his thanks at her, while he spoke to Steve.
"Aah! Here it is. It was underneath you all the time. See no reason to panic. "
And reaching into the inside pocket he felt Steve's badge, keys and wallet.
"Don't worry. Everything's there too. Which pocket is your comb in?"
"Outside left." Steve said with relief in his voice.
Mike found it and turned to Steve.
"Can you manage yourself or do you need me to help you?"
Steve took the comb from Mike but his hand was shaking so badly that he didn't think he could manage it. Before he even tried, Mike covered Steve's shaking hand with his own and removed the comb.
"That's some case of the shakes buddy boy. Are you alright?"
"Yeah ... I just feel a little shaky ... that's all." Steve said and once more looked away embarrassed that he couldn't even comb his own hair.
"Ok, let's see here. I'm probably not going to do this right Steve. I never could figure out how you manage to tame those flowing locks of yours. But I'll do my best. Ok?" and with that he combed Steve's hair into some semblance of normality.
Then Mike stood up and wetted a paper towel and wiped Steve's face to freshen him up a little. As he finished he saw Jeannie move out of the corner of his eye and looking up casually without giving away to Steve that she was there, he saw her silently pointing to outside, indicating that she would wait out there until he came to get her. Mike nodded and watched as she slipped out of the cubicle quietly. Then looking at Steve he smiled warmly.
"There. You look fine again now. Do you feel better?"
Steve nodded.
"Yeah. ... thanks ... Are my eyes red Mike?"
"Well you've got that one covered buddy boy. You just got off the red eye shift. Remember?"
Again Steve half-heartedly smiled.
"Yeah, I guess."
Then growing very serious again he uttered miserably and unexpectedly.
"Mike ... I'm so tired."
Mike could see how exhausted his partner was and his heart broke for him again.
"I know buddy boy. Do you want me to ask Nuala to get you something to help you sleep?"
Steve nodded and Mike knew the fact that he agreed was a firm indication of how badly in need of sleep he was.
"I'm going to send Jeannie in now ok? I won't be long. Will you be alright until I get back? "
Steve nodded somewhat unconvincingly and Mike felt torn about leaving him in the condition he was in, but knew he needed to find out from Nuala what exactly they were dealing with, so he patted Steve's good arm supportively and then left the cubicle pulling the curtain across behind him as he exited.
He found Jeannie pacing outside and hurrying over to her, he clasped her into a hug which she gratefully reciprocated. Then after several seconds he pulled away enough to look down at her face.
"Are you ok sweetheart? You had me worried for a while in there. But ... I couldn't just leave him ... "
Before he could finish apologizing Jeannie stopped him.
"I know that Mike. And I'm glad you didn't. Mike, I've never heard him yelling like that before. He was in a lot of pain wasn't he? Oh Mike! His back ..." Jeannie began, feeling the tears return as she recalled the terrible condition his back had been in and she once more laid her head against her father's chest for comfort.
Mike hugged her tight, feeling her anguish and spoke soothingly as he suddenly recalled doing so many times before when her Mother was in the Hospital hurting the same terrible way that Steve was now.
"There, there now. I know that was rough. I found it tough too. For a while back there I was torn between the pair of you."
Jeannie realized that Mike had needed and wanted to comfort them both while in the cubicle and felt bad for her part in that, especially considering that Steve was the injured party and that she should have remained strong for them both but the uncharacteristic actions of Steve had knocked her for six and she had been so shocked by the bruising on the back of Steve's shoulder that she had let the situation get the better of her. Hearing how torn Mike had been, and feeling her father tremble slightly at the recollection of it, only filled her with renewed courage and determination to remain strong for them both from now on. Pulling away and wiping her eyes she smiled at Mike and Mike was pleased to see his daughter's courageous spirit return to her eyes. As she reached up and kissed him on the cheek, she spoke with renewed strength.
"You go see Nuala Mike. I'll look after Steve until you get back."
Mike beamed proudly at his daughter and returning the kiss he added proudly.
"I know you will Jeannie. Try not to let him see you upset. Well ... you heard him. He's really worrying about upsetting you. And he's very tired and low at the minute so the least little thing is going to upset him."
"Mike. Don't worry. I've got it."
"You have huh?"
"Yeah" Jeannie answered smiling and turning to head back to Steve she waved at her father and watched him shake his head with pride and head off in his search for Nuala.
Jeannie stayed at the curtain and took a deep steadying breath. She fixed her hair and cardigan and smoothed down her skirt and then pulling the curtain aside she slowly and quietly stepped inside. Steve never moved and Jeannie wondered if maybe he had fallen asleep. Mike had said he was truly exhausted and maybe the few minutes he had to himself had given him the quiet respite he had needed to doze off. But as she rounded the end of the gurney she saw his eyes open and felt her breathing get slightly faster. He turned his eyes to see her and smiled his best smile in her direction but Jeannie could almost feel his nervousness and his uneasiness and it seemed to be contagious.
"Hey ..." was all he managed to say as she walked forward and sat down in the chair beside him.
"Well, hey yourself. " Jeannie answered smiling, taking his hand in hers and holding it gently.
"Are you alright?" Steve asked and the question alone nearly floored her where she sat.
"Am I alright? Oh Steve! That's what I should be asking you."
Steve was just about to tell her that he was fine when Jeannie placed one slender finger against his lips gently and stopped him unexpectedly.
Despite the fact that Steve's green eyes were staring almost into her soul she spoke with silent determination and yet managed to keep her voice gentle and controlled.
"Steve Keller! Don't you dare tell me you're ok. I want the truth. You hear me? My mother always told me she was ok when she was sick and I knew she wasn't. But I didn't want to make her feel worse so I went along with her pretence even though it killed me to see her that way and I desperately just wanted to tell her that I knew the truth and that I was there for her. Don't do the same thing to me Steve ... Please."
Jeannie felt Steve's hand tremble and yet he stayed looking at her, processing what she had just told him. Suddenly, he didn't have the stomach to lie to her after that and so he swallowed hard and spoke as honestly as his quavering voice would allow.
"Ok Jeannie. You want the truth? I ... feel lousy. I'm sore and I'm so tired and ... I've been poked ... and prodded and stuck with needles and ... I've been twisted and turned and I've thrown up outside the x-ray department in front of a nurse and a porter and ... God Jeannie! That was so embarrassing ... "
Then feeling the tears returning, as he remembered the incident vividly in his mind, he stopped speaking briefly while he closed his eyes and swallowed back the upset. When Steve opened his eyes again he saw the sympathy in Jeannie's eyes and hoped he hadn't caused her the same misery he was feeling by telling her the whole truth that she had requested from him. Jeannie waited patiently for him to say something else and seemed to be holding up despite Steve's revelations, so seeing her so strong he finally managed to add as casually as he could.
"That about sums it up really."
Jeannie had remained silent and steady on the outside but inside her heart was breaking for him as she heard his voice waver and felt his hand shake. But she admired the way he had told her the truth despite it being so hard and difficult for him to do so. Wanting to ease his pain and assure him that she was strong enough for them both even if inside she felt anything but, she added playfully.
"Is that all?" and she finished it with a cheeky grin.
She was rewarded for her efforts when Steve started to chuckle nervously at her comment.
"Yeah ... that's pretty much it."
Jeannie squeezed his hand and saw the deep tiredness in Steve's eyes.
"Thanks for being honest with me Steve. Everything is going to be ok. You'll see."
Steve forced a smile for Jeannie's benefit and answered.
"I hope so ... "
"You look exhausted. Why don't you close your eyes and try to rest until the Doctor gets here. Ok?"
"I can't sleep ... I've tried ..."
"Well, you haven't tried for me now have you? Come on now. Close your eyes."
"Jeannie ... I can't ..." Steve began nervously but again she shushed him with a finger on his lips.
"Come on Steve. Please just close your eyes. Don't you trust me?"
The last thing Steve wanted was for Jeannie to think he didn't trust her so he closed his tired eyes albeit reluctantly. Jeannie smiled at his reluctance and she let go of his hand and reached over with her two hands to touch Steve's face. Steve felt her hand brush past his cheek and startled, his eyes flying open and his breathing quickening.
"Jeannie! ... What are you doing?"
But this time, Jeannie didn't answer but instead she reached forward again, this time as he watched her curiously and touched his temples and made very gentle circles with her fingers on them. Steve found Jeannie's gentle and tender touch almost hypnotic and smiled drowsily at her.
"Where did ... you learn to do that?"
Jeannie smiled back.
"When I was little and I couldn't sleep my Mom used to do this for me and it always made me sleepy."
Steve found the movement very relaxing and so he closed his eyes and Jeannie smiled as she continued to massage his temples and she whispered softly.
"Is that helping Steve? Are you feeling sleepy?"
"Uh huh ..." Steve murmured sleepily, feeling the tiredness wash over him and Jeannie heard his breathing slow and felt the tension leave his body as he finally drifted into the sleep he so desperately needed. Jeannie took her hands away slowly and watched as Steve never moved. She smiled, glad that at least she could help him in some small way and as she watched him sleep she sank back in her chair and waited eagerly for her father's return.