Chapter 10
"Look who is back!" Ruzek shouted through the bullpen when Voight came up the stairs. "Yo Antonio! Looks like your days in the office are over already!" Ruzek said all cheerful, happy to see Voight again.
"How you're doing sarge?" Atwater asked while the whole team gathered around Voight.
"Doing OK. This thing can come of in a couple of days and then I will retrieve my office. But I'm sure you all are in capable hands with Dawson till then."
"You only stopped by to tell us that?" Ruzek asked, suprised.
"Well, I talked to dr. Miller this morning. I asked him when Erin will be able to receive some visitors. And he thought it would be a good idea if she would see her team ASAP. So I came here to take Dawson and Halstead for a ride to the hospital."
"You mean we take you for a ride to the hospital." Halstead said with a smirk, pointing at the sling.
"Fair point." Voight said, rolling with his eyes. "I'm afraid I can only bring two of you now. Dr. Miller told me she shouldn't receive to many visitors at once. We'll see how this goes, and then the rest of you can visit her."
Everybody nodded. "Can't wait to see her again." Burgess said. "I'm a little tired being the only girl around here." She smirked and laughed.
"Yeah and I'm a little tired of you telling that. AUW." Roman told her and rolled his eyes. Burgess elbowed him and walked towards the stairs. "Please keep us posted?" Burgess asked.
"Of course." Voight told her.
Halstead geabbed his keys and walked to Dawsons office, who went back to pick up his jacket, wallet and phone. "Ready to go, boss?" Halstead asked Dawson with a smirk.
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They approached Erins room.
"Wait. I've got an idea. You guys go ahead, I will join you in a few minutes." Halstead said.
"What are you up to Halstead?" Dawson asked.
"Dont worry! I've got this." And he ran off.
Dawson knocked on Erins door.
"Come in!" Erin said energetic, which suprised Voight.
When they walked in they saw a huge smile on Erins face. Voight noticed she looked a lot better then yesterday. She didnt look as tired anymore (which wasnt a suprise since she slept a lot because of all the sedatives) and sat at the edge of her bed, waiting for them to stop by.
"There's my girl!" Dawson said entering the room with a wide smile, happy to see her again. "How are you doing Erin?"
"Hey Antonio!" She stepped towards him to give him a hug. "Well, I'm getting better. Slept a lot and the nurses told me the dehydration is over now. I missed you so much, I'm so happy you are here now! Never would have thought a person could get tired of watching tv." She noticed Voight and Dawson were the only two in the room. "You didnt take anybody with you?"
"We missed you too Erin." Dawson said. "We took Halstead with us but left a few seconds ago. Think he forgot his coffee this morning or something. He will be here in a few minutes." He smiled at her.
"Doc told me you shouldnt receive to many visitors at once. The rest will drop by anytime today, allright?" Voight told her.
"I guess so. So how is everybody doing?"
Before they could answer her question there was another knock on the door.
When she saw him, she suddenly lost it. She was also really happy to see Antonio, but seeing Jay was different. Seeing him again made her heart rage and her palms sweaty. To her own suprises she almost jumped off the bed and ran towards him. Almost. She regained control of herself just in time. After what happened with the suspension and all, the last thing Jay needed was Erin running into his arms when Voight was standing next to them.
"Jay!" She said a little too happy.
"Hey Erin. Good seeing you again! How are you feeling?" He smiled at her. "So, you must really be afraid of Dawson being in charge to hide here, right?" He laughed.
"Wait, you are in charge now?" Erin asked stunned, wondering what other major things happened since she was, well you know.
"Just until Voight gets back. And that probably wont take long. You know how much he values his precious office." Dawson joked.
"And what about you? When will we see you back at the station?" Halstead asked.
"I dont know yet. I told the doctors I'm feeling fine but they told me I should stay a little longer, just to be sure." Erin said.
There was a short silence.
"So, why did you run off earlier Halstead?" Dawson asked.
"Well... I kinda got you a suprise Erin." Halstead said smirking.
"Seriously? You got me a present?" She asked all excited, looking at Dawson and Voight.
"What? Dont look at us, his idea!" Dawson said.
Halstead walked towards the door, opened it and said: "You can come in now."
A few seconds later, a little girl came running in the room. Her mother following her to keep her calm, not really working.
"ERIIIIIIIIN" The little girl screamed running towards Erin.
Erin looked at her, recognising her instantly. "Lilly?" She picked the girl up and hugged her. "Omg Lilly, what are you doing here?" She asked suprised and confused, but clearly happy.
"Hi Erin." Gillian said. "Detective Halstead told us you were in the hospital. When we heard the news we wanted to come pay you a visit. You were there for us when we really needed some support and we wanted to be here for you as well."
"Are you really sick? Do you need to be here long Erin?" Lilly asked. Erin shook her head. "I drew this for you." She handed Erin a drawing. "Look, this is me and this is you." Lilly pointed to two people in the drawing. "I also drew the doctor, see? He will make you all better soon!" Lilly looked at Erin to scan for a response because she didnt get any. Erin had tears in her eyes and struggled to find words to say, so she just hugged Lilly some more and then set her back down to the floor to wipe the tears away.
Voight stepped in. He kneeled down towards Lilly and thanked her. "That is a really nice drawing Lilly. I like it! And I think it is really sweet of you to draw this for Erin." He gave her a smile.
Lilly looked up at Erin again. She looked a little confused.
"You know.." Gillian continued, kneeling next to Voight and Lilly "Sometimes when people are crying, it doesnt mean they are sad."
"You mean, just like when I woke up and you cried?" Lilly asked her mother.
"Exactly. I wasnt sad, I was really happy. And I think Erin is really happy you came to visit her and drew her a picture." Gillian smiled at Lilly and then looked at Erin, who was nodding to confirm what Gillian just told her daughter.
"Thank you so much Lilly. I needed this a lot more then I thought I did." Erin said, and gave her another hug.
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Later that day
It was an hour after the last visitors left the room. Erin was resting after this busy day. Although it cost her a lot of energy it was definitely worth it. She saw her friends again and that gave her a lot of motivation to keep on going and fight the demons in her head. Although she hadn't told Voight about it, he probably knew she still wasnt back to her old self yet. She could sleep, but she kept on having weird nightmares.
Voight was sitting next to her, reading some old detective he probably read a couple of hundred times already, looking at the worn out cover. She was finally dozing of a little.
There was a knock on the door. Dr. Miller noticed Erin and Voight were finally alone and took his chance.
"Goodevening Sergeant, Erin. How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Doing better every minute. Headache is gone and finally some other people then Hank came to visit me." After she said that, she figured it came out wrong. She turned to Voight and said "Sorry Hank, no offence."
"Not taken kiddo."
"Great to hear you are doing better and better." He smiled at Erin. He turned around and introduced someone. "This is nurse Patterson. We still have to finish up some procedures and she will talk you through all the steps we still haven't done." Nurse Patterson stepped forward and shook Erins hand, then Voights. "It will only take 15 minutes." She told them.
Erin didnt look excited about this, but she knew this needed to be done. She looked at Voights concerned eyes. "It's okay Hank. Just some standard procedures. I got this, really." She gave him a fake smile.
"Erin. I'm not leaving you if you're not comfortable with all this."
"Hank I'm fine. Believe me. Just go and grab some dinner. Bring me some to?"
Voight sighed. "If you insist. I will be downstairs if you need me. And DONT hesitate to call me if necassary."
"Got it."
Dr. Miller and Voight left Nurse Patterson and Erin alone.
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Voight ran into an old collegue from when he was still on patrol with Olinsky. The old collegue asked him if he would grab dinner with him. He texted Erin to check on her, and when she replied with
I'm fine Voight, dont worry. Wanted to watch some reruns without you criticizing every scene anyway, so just take your time ;)
he knew he should stay at the restaurant and getting this of his mind.
When Voight returned 2,5 hours later Erin was asleep again. He looked at her, sleeping peacefully.
Dr. Miller walked by and saw Voight standing in the room. He didnt waste any time and walked towards him without knocking.
"Great, I thought you left for tonight. We really need to talk in private. Do you have a minute?" Dr. Miller asked him.
"Sure." Voight said. He turned off the TV and the lights, closed the door and followed the doctor to the nearby empty room.
"When can we take her home, doctor? Seems like you dont really have a reason to keep her here." Voight asked him.
"Well, that is what I wanted to talk to you about. We still need to perform a very sensitive procedure on her, but she wouldn't give us the permission to perform it."
"The rape kit?" Voight asked.
"Correct."
"So, you want me to change her mind about this?" Voight asked.
"Well, since you are a Sergeant, you probably asked it a lot of girls already so.."
"Huh." He looked at him, a little angry. "You forgot this girl is like a daughter to me, doctor?"
"No of course not Sergeant. But this procedure is really important. If she got raped back there, she could have gotten an STD. Or she could have gotten pregnant. And I'm sure you want to know who raped her, if thats the case right? Every minute we wait, the more evidence will dissappear."
Voight knew the doctor had a good point. Although Andrew and Huge both got killed, they didnt know what happened to Erin. Maybe even more men took advantage of her situation, their is simply no way of telling without the kit.
"I will see what I can do."
The doctor shook his hand. "Thank you Sergeant." And he left the room.
Voight had no clue what to do. Did he just have to ask her? No, that would be no good. Erin was stubborn as hell and just to prove him a point that it was her choice, she would decline. Some kind of ambush, with everything set up already and telling her the last second before the procedure would take place would be a bad idea either. She would be so mad, she probably was gonna run off and never talk to him again.
But what if he wasnt the one who asked her. What if someone else asked her, someone they both trust with such a delicate subject. Someone who would understand her, or just a little?
He grabbed his phone and scrolled through the contacts. He dialed the number he looked for.
"Hello?"
"Gillian? Gillian Peterson?"
"Yes? Who is this?"
"This is Hank Voight, from earlier today?"
"Ow yes! Is Erin allright?" She asked worried.
"Sorry to call you this late. Yeah, Erin is doing okay. Listen, I kind of need a favor..."
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The following morning, Erins woke up in an empty room. A nurse walking by noticed she was finally up.
"Good, you are awake! Your Sergeant left about an hour ago. He got called in by someone named Crowy?" The nurse said.
"Crowley I think." Erin said.
"Yes, that was the name!"
"Did he tell you when he should be back?" Erin asked.
"No I'm afraid not. But someone else is here to see you. She is in the waiting room. Shall I get her?"
"Sure, why not. Sitting here just by myself is no fun either, right? But I will get there myself. I really need to get out of this room."
When she arrived at the waiting room, she saw Gillian Peterson waving at her. Lilly was not with her. Why did she feel like this wasnt a social call?
Gillian walked to Erin and gave her a hug. "Hey Erin. I think we should talk." She said, looking worried.
Talk? About what? No way...
"Is Lilly ok? What happened to her? Did she got hurt?" Erin asked with panic in her voice.
"Lilly?" Gillian asked confused. Then she realised Voight probably didnt tell Erin about her visit.
"Erin, dont worry. Nothing is wrong with Lilly. Come, we can talk in your room ok?"
Erin nodded, alhough she was still slightly panicking what it was Gillian wanted to talk about.
When they both sat down in her room, Gillian cleared her troat and started right away.
"So I will cut to the chase immediately. Voight told me about the panic attack, about the nightmares you are having. Are you really doing ok Erin? Because it sure as hell doesnt sound that way."
Erin was a little stunned. It was the first time she got confronted with what she really felt but what she hadnt told anybody. But ofcourse Voight knew her better then anybody else, so he would have figure it out sooner or later.
"Well.. Uhm.. Yeah." Erin started sobbing. "I... I really dont know to be honest." The crying got out of control. Gillian tried comforting her.
After several minutes the crying weakened. Gillian continued.
"They told me you declined the rape kit? Is that true?"
Erin nodded.
"Why would you do that?" Gillian asked. Erin ignored the question.
"Erin, why did you decline the most important procedure for your health at this moment?" Gillian asked her again.
"Because I just want this to be over!" Erin yelled. "Everybody is treating me like a porselain doll, like I could break any minute. I just want things to get back to normal, like they were before all this happened."
"And you think this is the best way to achieve that? Listen, I really haven't got the faintest idea about how you feel right now. I know you're strong, and you just want to move on. But from what I've seen this is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Erin, this isnt the way to cope with what you've been through. If you just try to deny the things that happened, the feelings, the visions, it will just get worse and worse. And deep down you know that to. We both know girls who went through the same horrofying experience."
There was a silence. Gillian grabbed Erins hand.
"Okay, let's look at it from a different perspective. Those men who did this to you, they wanted to break you. Do you really want to satisfy that need of them by just giving up? Come on Erin, that isnt you!"
"The men who did this are dead anyway." Erin snapped back.
"How can you be sure? Voight told me you were really confused. God Erin, you even shot him! How can you be sure what they did to you, or who did it to you? Who knows what they did. Do you want to take a leap of faith on this? You could be pregnant, gotten a STD. Do you really grant those men all that suffering you are taking right now? Worrying every single day what happened to you?"
Erin squeezed her hand.
"No of course I dont want that." She said calmly.
"Choice easily made then right?" Gillian said.
Erin started crying again. "I just want this to be over."
"I know Erin, of course you want that. So let's take the first step together, shall we?"
Erin nodded. "Okay."
Gillian smiled at Erin. Then walked towards the door. "I will get a nurse, okay?"
Gillian returned with a nurse. "This will only take a few minutes." The nurse told Gillian and Erin.
"Please stay?" Erin asked Gillian.
"Of course, no problem."
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