I have a feeling some people are going to hate me for this.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or Chick Fill A... but both are oh so delicious... Mmmmm...

Enjoy?

Persevere

Chapter Ten

"Dear Stan,

I think you more than anyone in this entire world could understand what I'm going to tell you. But I just want you to know, that no matter what I've said in the past, I would never want you dead. What you did was partly because of me. No… it was because of me. It was all my fault. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what you tried to do, because if I had been just a little stronger… if I was half as strong as you are… none of this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have gone to Camp New Grace. You and I would have never fought. And you wouldn't have jumped and moved to New York.

Speaking of which, I feel obligated to tell you what's going to in South Park, since you're no longer with us. I guess, in some ways, you were lucky to get out of this dead end town. The last time I talked with Kenny was while you were in the hospital. I can't apologize enough for not coming to visit you, but I'll explain that later. Do you remember? The four of us. We were inseparable! All the fun times we had, all the adventures! To think at one point I had blocked all of those memories out of my mind. And Kenny tried to remind me, but I was just… too stubborn. I wouldn't listen.

And then there's Cartman! Dude, did you know he's gay too?! He just came out to me about a day after you left. Said that he had a crush on me ever since the fourth grade. What is this? I was half expecting Kenny to come out of the closet too, but his closet is so full of women… nah, Kenny straight. That's obvious enough. But, I digress. Cartman said that if he couldn't have me, he'd go after someone else he had a crush on. I bet you already know who it is. That's right! Butters!

Imagine all of our surprise when Butters blew up in our faces! He looked us right in the eye and shouted at the top of his lungs 'I'm not gay!' Can you believe it? All of these people coming out, and the one person we were certain was gay… isn't. It actually took Bradley and Vincent to convince us for certain that Butters was telling the truth. Bradley said that they held hands in school because he was too nervous and was using Butters like a shield of sorts. An unfortunate by product for Butters, though, was that everyone thought they were dating.

But after that… I guess we all just went our different ways. Ever since he stopped hanging out with us dorks, Kenny became the heartthrob of the school. I think he's already dated and/or fucked every girl in our grade. Needless to say, he's pretty happy! And Cartman joined a few clubs, including theater. He's now the President, much to 

Vincent's chagrin. But they made a deal with each other; Cartman would be the stage manager and Vincent would be the stage star, haha. So far, it's working out pretty well. Tickets are selling like wildfire. I guess Cartman's natural leadership skills are finally starting to do things that are productive for once.

And I'm glad that everyone is so happy and making something of themselves. But I'm not. I'm just so… lonely. We don't hang out anymore. I'm the only one who goes to the bus stop anymore. I don't sit with anyone at lunch. I don't have anyone to distract me from my homework. I'm graduating top of my class, second only to Butters, I guess. But it doesn't make me feel any better. Only more empty. There's something big missing from my life. And I finally understand what it is.

It's you Stan. You were my reason for living, for moving on. I got good grades so you would notice me. Now I get good grades because I have nothing better to do with my life. I miss you so much. But I have no idea what to do. So I'm writing this letter, hoping you'll be able to help me. You know I can hardly make any decisions by myself. You were always something like… my guiding light. You held my hand and pulled me in the right direction. But somehow, without you here, my path is shrouded in doubt and darkness.

I'm gay, Stan. And I love you, possibly more than you love me. I'm nothing without your ocean blue eyes and your soft raven colored hair. Without you by my side, I wither like a desert flower without water. I can't breathe without you near me. My life is just too pointless, going nowhere.

I came out to my parents. Imagine how horrible I felt when they told me they were okay with it. I nearly shot myself. All of this denial and hate directed toward you was because I was afraid my parents wouldn't accept me. And here they are, perfectly fine! They said that they talked it over with themselves and our rabbi… they even consulted Father Maxi, just to be sure. They said that God would rather them love me than hate me for any reason. Great, so now they don't hate me, but I hate myself even more. It just proves that everything I do is for nothing, and I lose everything because of it. Because you are my everything, Stan. You are my everything.

I'm hoping you'll write back. I'm hoping you'll be understanding, even if I don't deserve your forgiveness. You're so far away. Not just in miles, but in leagues. I don't know why you'd want to come back. Because you've proven that you can move on. That you can look forward and not be chained by the past. You've shown everyone how strong you are. Please, lend me that strength. I'm losing what little I had.

With more love than you could possibly imagine,

Kyle"



XOXOXOXO

He looked down at the letter in his hand. It was growing wet from the sweat coating his fingers. He swallowed dryly and wiped a tear from his eye. He put his finger under the lip of the envelope, tearing it open little less than an inch.

Stan withdrew his hand and stared blankly at the envelope. He knew Kyle was expecting a reply. "You're so stubborn!" The words rang like chimes through his distant memory. Clenching his jaw and closing his eyes, Stan placed the letter back down on his desk… unopened.

The End