Hi, I'm back sorry this took so long but real life just kept getting in the way. Thanks as always to all my reviewers, faves and followers. I hope you are all still with me.
On a side note did anyone else get excited about the Nigel Harman casting news. The thought of him and Allen Leech being on the same show. It almost got me excited for Series 4, then I remembered what happened to Sybil. :-( Oh well at least i'll have something pretty to look at. Even if i'm watching with the sound down.
Anyway on with the show.
"SYBIL!"
"What?" Came a voice muffed by the duvet that was covering her face as she lay on the sofa.
"Are you planning on doing anything today? Or are you just going to veg in front of the tv getting lobotomised by daytime television?" Asked Mary.
"I'll have you know" said Sybil folding the duvet back on its self so Mary could see her face and Sybil could you know breathe. "Jeremy Kyle is a very informative program. I now know to recognised the signs when my boyfriend is cheating and when to bring out the lie detector test."
"Tom would never cheat and you know it."
"No he just lies to me about a fake relationships and he's not my boyfriend."
"Well what is he then? Come on Sybil you have been back for two weeks and you have done nothing but mope around this place in your pyjamas. Its not exactly attractive."
"Maybe I don't want to be attractive." Sybil suggested grumpily.
"Sybil, you need to sort yourself out. You can't live on my sofa forever. You need to find a job, a flat and sort out the mess that is your love life. Now I'm not saying you have to start with Tom, but it might make things clearer, if you both knew where you stood."
"LALALALA… I'm not listening" said Sybil sticking her hands over her ears singing to herself.
"Stop being such a child, Sybil. You have to deal with it sometime. You have to decide what it is you want."
"I don't know what I want" she answered petulantly. Off Mary's look she changed tack. "Ok" she huffed. "Maybe I do know what I want, I just don't know if I can have it. Trouble is every time I think about it, I just get really angry. I tried to read the emails Tom send me while I was away."
"And?"
"Didn't get passed the first one, it was explaining about the Ed thing and it kept reminding me.
"Of what?"
"How much I want to kick him in the balls. Thought it might be best to keep my distance while feeling that inclined. I've gone from shock into to anger. I thought I would move to acceptance but no I really don't know how to get past the anger."
"Well if it helps, Matthew said Tom's a mess. They went for a drink last week and Tom was trying so hard not to talk about you, that all he could do was talk about you. I think its killing him to keep away, but he is doing what you asked."
"It doesn't help; I don't want him to be miserable. I just.. It shouldn't be this hard. We keep hurting each other. If we really loved each other we wouldn't do that."
"No the problem isn't whether you love each other its that you keep listening to other people rather than talking to each other. Then out of misguided protection, either of each other's heart or your own you lie to each other, hurting both of you in the process."
"As I remember it, it was you I listened to in the first place. That's what started this mess. Why are you suddenly on team Tom?" said Sybil bitterly
"I'm not darling, I'm team Sybil. Always was, even if at times I was misguided in what I thought was right for you. I'm just saying that for once it's up to you and if you throw this away it will be no one's fault but your own. Take your time by all means decide what you want. But don't waste it lying on my sofa, use it. Read the emails he sent. He sent you one a day for a year that has to mean something. Think about what's best for you and for him. If that's together than great, if its not, then at least put him out of his misery and move on."
"When did you get so smart?" Asked Sybil with a smile leaning over to give her sister a hug
"I think maybe I just grew up a little bit." Answered Mary leaning into the hug.
"Right, I guess I need to do this don't I?" Said Sybil throwing off the duvet. "Where's my laptop?" Hopping up from the sofa and upstairs to the guest room which at least for the moment had become her own.
Many hours later Sybil sat sniffing. A wave of emotions had passed over her in the last few hours. Laugh and tears, joy and fear. Tom's emails had filled her in on all she had missed while she had been away. His strange growing friendship with Mary, she could tell he couldn't quite believe that he was finding himself actually liking her. Edith's love life including her latest scandalous affair with a married man. Ed and Larry, she still had problems understanding that but they seemed happy, so who was she to judge. Even though she had been back for two weeks, she realised she still had almost no idea of what had happened in her absence.
She had been in her own little bubble, the one she had been in since leaving last year. It hadn't popped the moment she stepped off the plane like she had expected, but continued, her own little safety net. Protecting her from the world, but also stopping her from returning home to where she truly belonged. It was time now tho she decided. Time to come back to her world and let the people she loved back in.
She had almost made up her mind about Tom, about what to do about them. In her heart she guessed she had always known, but had been scared to take that leap to risk her heart again. She had lost him too many times to fail, she knew she wouldn't survive this time. So the question was, was it worth the risk. In the end were they better off just being friends. At least she would have him in her life and that was enough wasn't it. She could cope with that, at least until he fell in love with someone else. This played on her mind as she opened the last email.
Dear Syb,
I know you don't seem to like it when I call you that anymore. But the fact is you're my Syb and you always will be. No matter how hard either of us tries to change that. I think this will be my last email to you for a while. I know it seems strange to email everyday for a year and then just give up, but I guess I got the message, I know that if you wanted to get in touch you would and I know I need to give you your space. The email stalking is getting a little creepy.
Not that I'm giving up on us, if there is one thing about me I'm stubborn, you know that. I won't let you go until you tell me you don't love me anymore. That's a conversation that needs to be had face to face, so sorry Syb you are going to have to come home for that one.
It's going to be a busy few days what with the wedding and everything. I look at Ed and she is so happy it reminds me of what we are missing, what we could of had. It makes me think of what our wedding day would be like. Not that I'm asking so no pressure, but I just want you to know I have thought about it. ;-)
I wish you would come home, I miss you everyday. I just wish I could talk to you. I feel your absence in every minute and its harder than before. Before I could hold on to my anger and use it to re-mind myself why we were apart. But this time its my fault and I'm so sorry for that. I never meant it to go that far. I never meant it to hurt you, but it must have or you wouldn't have left without a proper goodbye. As you can see from earlier I don't count goodbyes by the written word, face to face is the only way. :-)
It was always about protecting myself, my heart, never about hurting you. It just got to a point where I couldn't stop lying, I was so scared that I would lose you if you knew the truth, that it was easier to keep the lie.
I guess I will sign off now. I won't say goodbye not because it wouldn't be real, but because I never want to say goodbye to you. I hope you are enjoying your travels and I hope they have given you what you needed but the selfish side of me hopes you come home soon. Back to me.
I love you.
I need you.
I miss you.
Always
Tom
"MARY" Sybil Shouted running down the stairs.
"What is it Sybil?"
"I need to borrow the car?"
"Now Sybil, you know I've never been sure about your driving, why don't I drive you?"
"Mary, stop treating me like a baby, I got myself round the world I'm perfectly capable.."
"It's the car I'm more worried about. I remember what happened before" said Mary arching an eyebrow.
"Come on Mary it was just a little scrape and I was seventeen. Please Mary I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." Sybil implored.
"Shouldn't you be working out what to do about Tom?"
"Why do you think I want the car" said Sybil annoyed.
"You are going to see him? What are you going to say?"
"Sorry Mary but I need to talk to him first, you said it yourself we need to stop letting other people interfere."
"Okay fine, they are hanging on the hook by the front door, but be careful darling, scrapes can be expensive."
Sybil made for the door stopping a moment to rush back to her sister and kiss her on the cheek. "Thank you" she said running towards the door again.
"What was that for?" Asked Mary, her hand reaching up to touch her just kissed cheek.
"For stopping me moping, for letting me finally make up my own mind."
Mary smiled and Sybil turned again to leave. "One last thing Sybil and I'm not saying this to in any way effect your decision. But you asked me when I joined Team Tom." Sybil nodded at this. "It was his reaction to the postcards. He would come everyday to see if there was a new one. Even tho at first I gave him a hard time, he never gave up, never stopped coming. He would light up if one had arrived and for a few brief moments I think he felt like he had you back. Then it would fade and that part of him would close off. That was how I knew."
"Knew what?" Asked Sybil.
"That he loved you. And I'm so sorry I didn't see it before."
Sybil nodded "Me too Mary, me too." She smiled sadly, took a deep breath and walked out the door.
Hope it was worth the wait, as you can probably tell we are nearing the end of this little story, next part is likely to be the last. Hopefully it won't be so long in coming this time.