I'm back!

Ok first of all I want to apologise for being such a sucky updater :\ I recently moved house and it all got a bit crazy for a while and I just have not had any time to myself whatsoever. But I'm all sorted now so the updating will be getting better :) yayy

Also this chapter is mega short... I'm sorry. It was originally longer but I'm struggling with it a bit so I decided to chop it in half since I've already left you guys hanging long enough.

In the previous chapter I kind of reached the point I've been working towards and everyone has been waiting for since I started this story, and now that I've reached it I'm kind of stuck on where to go next. From the title of this story you guys will already have guessed that what happened in the last chapter will be more than a one time occurrence... but I mean beyond that aspect of the story, my muse is not cooperating. So I would reaaaaally appreciate some feedback and some suggestions! Even just if there's something you'd like to see happen, let me know. I always like to hear what you guys think :)

Hopefully I haven't pissed you guys off too much and I still have some readers out there! Also I changed the rating of this story to T.. while there is some mature content I don't really think its all that explicit!

Ok so sorry about the really long A/N ...On with the story!

xoxo zoellaa

Chapter 10

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck; warm and tantalising, every nerve ending in her body tingled as the feeling sent delicious shivers down her spine. They weren't shivers of fear or nerves but thrills of anticipation; a promise of what she hoped was to come. His strong arms wound tightly around her waist, possessively, not giving her the option of moving away from him. She felt his fingers softly caress the skin between her skirt and her tank top, rubbing gentle circles above each of her hip bones, heat instantly radiating off her skin under his touch and she allowed herself relax back into his solid chest, her body melting against him. She was ridiculously aware of the contact between their bodies, the warmth of him pressed against her back causing her head to swim and her heart to hammer in her chest so hard she was sure he could hear it, feel it. This couldn't be normal, to react this strongly, to feel consumed so fully by someone when they're barely even touching you. Her body should not be betraying her head this way, succumbing to her senses and letting go of all her inhibitions, taking away her power over herself and not allowing her to think properly. She was pretty sure she was losing her mind but her brain, all of her conscious thought was completely drowning in her aching desire for him, robbing her of her ability to care.

Yes, she was definitely losing her mind. And there was no other reason but him.

An involuntary gasp escaped her as he lowered his lips to her bare shoulder and she swore she could feel him smirk against her skin.

He knew.

He was completely aware of the effect he had on her and part of her knew she should put a stop to this, not cater to his ego so willingly. It was embarrassing really, but as his lips moved over her skin pressing gentle seductive kisses to her shoulder and neck, stirring up shivers in their wake, all better judgement went out the window. Her head was telling her to end this, to be sensible, but her body ached for his touch to the point where she was almost certain she would die if he stopped.

"Jesse" she breathed, when his mouth descended down over her collar bone, gently sucking on that spot he knew drove her crazy. He wasn't playing fair, yet she honestly didn't know if murmuring his name had been intended as a warning or as encouragement. He must have taken it as the latter since he immediately moved his hands to rest over the base of her throat, trailing his fingers over her collar bone while his lips shifted to assault a spot behind her ear, nipping and teasing, giving in to her whispered plea. Her heart rate began to speed up more than she knew was possible when she felt his fingers idly trace down over her chest, every nerve in her body alive with a delicious yet torturing tingling sensation, skimming over the skin at the curve of her breast before pausing at the edge of her tank top. She felt herself stop breathing while his fingertips lingered there, her entire body hummed with excitement and anticipation, she felt so completely intoxicated by him, like he was in her blood, pumping through her veins.

"Tell me you want me" he half whispered, half growled in her ear.

Her eyes fluttered closed at his words, she felt them vibrate through every inch of her body, so urgent and hungry yet overwhelmingly desperate. It was like he needed to know that this wasn't one sided. That she needed him, craved him just as much as he did her. That she felt all the same feelings that immersed his entire self now, that at this moment nothing else in the world mattered.

"I want you" she choked out, her voice breathless, thick with lust.

He exhaled loudly against the skin of her shoulder and she shuddered at the feeling. Those words were the only encouragement Jesse needed to let his hands wander down and finally come to rest on her breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra and the only thing separating his hands from her skin was the thin layer of her tank top. She let out a soft moan as his fingers grazed over her hardening nipples at an agonisingly slow pace, half wishing he would stop the torture and give her what she wanted yet also wanting him to carry on this deliciously arousing exploration of her body forever. His lips were still moving against her neck, his teeth grazing her teasingly and his tongue tasting her earning soft little whimpers that were escaping her without her permission. A long low moan left her mouth and she arched into him as he took one of her hardened nipples between his thumb and finger and pinched it. That was all the teasing she could take and her body hummed with unreleased sexual energy, begging for relief as he proceeded to swiftly spin her around to face him before bringing her back into his hold and finally capturing her lips in a bruising kiss.

His lips were insistent, urgent and she responded all too eagerly, parting her lips and inviting his tongue into her mouth. She was suddenly aware she was moving but before her brain had fully registered this she felt the back of her legs hit something; her desk. Before she knew it, she was sprawled out on top of it, her legs wrapped around him while they devoured each other like animals. Books and papers and stationary was being knocked off and hitting the ground in loud clatters while Jesse groped at her legs and she eagerly ground into his hips but neither of them cared or even gave a thought to the mess they were creating. The only thing on either of their minds was each other and how desperately they wanted this, ached for each other. The feeling of him pressed against her centre made her dizzy; the heat pooled in her lower belly, tension building that was begging to be released. She moaned loudly into his mouth as she felt his hands slide up under her tank top, "Rachel" he whispered as his fingers finally grazed just below her naked breasts-

"Rachel! Rachel are you even listening?"

Rachel was abruptly shaken out of her thoughts by the harsh tone of Mercedes who right now wore a terrifying expression.

"What? I… I mean yes. Of course I am. We… we were talking about the choreography" she blabbered, hoping to bluff her way back into everyone's good graces.

"No. Santana, Brittany and Tina are working out the choreography over there while we finish this arrangement. Jeez what is up with you today diva? You been spacing out all day" as much as Mercedes was clearly irritated, Rachel could hear the concern in her voice. It made her feel slightly guilty for causing them to worry about her when really the whole thing was just silly boy drama.

"I'm fine. Really its nothing, I guess I'm just a little tired today" she tried to assure them. Quinn and Mercedes shrugged and went back to writing down the vocal arrangements for their glee assignment but the sceptical looks on their faces told her they didn't quite buy it.

For the rest of the hour Rachel made half hearted suggestions and agreed with all of their decisions but apart from pretending she was interested in what they were working on, she wasn't really paying much attention at all. She hated herself for admitting it but it was strikingly obvious that her mind was occupied by something else.

A sexy, curly haired, incredibly well dressed something.

Whenever Rachel allowed her mind to wander, her thoughts immediately went back to yesterday and what had happened with Jesse.

She hadn't meant for it to happen. She instigated the whole thing during a rage black out and it was all a bit hazy on how had gotten home from school and ended up in bed with Jesse. She couldn't deny that it had been reckless and would undoubtedly change things in a major way but she also couldn't refute that she wanted it to happen, had wanted it to for weeks and that it was her angry rage that had given her the nerve to finally go through with it. Still, she couldn't help the anxiety that plagued her at the thought of this becoming another self destructive relationship that sent her back into a downward spiral of self loathing and depression, along with the loss of yet another valued friendship.

That was exactly what she didn't need.

Thinking about being with Jesse again caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach and tingles to sweep over her body. Thinking about singing amazing duets with him, falling asleep with him while watching old movies; she wanted it, of course she did. Rachel wanted everything with him, exactly how it used to be and more. But the fighting, the deceit and the heartache; that she didn't want. While Jesse could be incredibly sweet and caring and affectionate, everything a boyfriend should be and more, there was a part of her that wouldn't let her forget the past. She'd seen what he was capable of and while the side of himself he chose to show her was amazing, there was also his more mysterious side, the side that lay behind his ever present show face and that's the side that scared her. Jesse was after all, the most talented actor she'd ever met. He had been able to fool her so easily the last time and he did it with such skill that even after it was all over, when she was left with a broken heart and a last place trophy, a part of her still thought there may be hope for them yet.

Rachel refused to let herself be that vulnerable with him again, whether he had really changed like he claimed to or not, to her it wasn't worth the risk. As much as she wished she could just surrender to him and let him bring all her walls down, she couldn't allow herself to be so bare in front of him like that. The irony was not lost on her that just yesterday she bared herself for him in an entirely different way, but that was one way she could handle, she could control. Jesse just had too much power over her, it was overwhelming, completely daunting and it scared her like nothing else could.

The thing that was most annoying was that Rachel was itching to see him again, to be with him like she had been the previous night. As reluctant as she was to trust him again, she couldn't deny the attraction between them and just thinking about him caused her body to ache for his touch and the soft timbre of his voice. That was something she'd come to realise she didn't want to give up, however much she had tried to prevent it from occurring at first, now that it had, she couldn't just ignore the word of her body anymore. Why does it have to mean something? There was no reason to involve all of the feelings and the commitment when it was really just a physical thing. Not to say Rachel was the kind of person to engage in casual sex. Usually she wasn't. She wanted the commitment and the long talks about feelings and the trust and loving support.

She was a relationship girl.

But why couldn't she be? People were always talking about having 'life experiences' so that she could draw upon it for certain roles or for writing songs. Surely a no-strings fling would class as a life experience? It would certainly be helpful were she ever required to portray a 'loose woman'. Rachel had been the relationship girl before and that had ended in nothing but disaster. Frankly she didn't think she had the energy left in her to get over yet another failed relationship, yet another broken heart. She's pretty sure she's had just about all she can handle and if she were ever to invest herself fully in another relationship she's certain it won't be for a very long time. Allowing herself to fall to pieces and give up on life before she's won her first Tony certainly wasn't an option. Jesse seemed to understand when she said she wasn't looking for a relationship despite what had happened (he'd even been eager for round two) so maybe she could convince him to make what happened yesterday a more regular occurrence. This way they both get what they want without the hassle and drama of a relationship (although she wasn't so sure about the latter, the pair of them certainly had a flair for dramatics).

None the less, it was decided. At this point in her life, the best thing Rachel could do to avoid losing control on her life was to completely shut herself down emotionally (unless in the spotlight of course) and become the total anti-girl. Like Santana.