A/N: Here's the next chapter! Thanks to all my readers and reviews and subscribers! You all rock! =)

Chapter Nine: The Explanation

"His name was Emmett," Edward began slowly. "And it's my fault that he's dead."

At the confession, I pulled away from him slightly, shocked. What? When I faced him, I saw that he had his eyes closed and jaw clenched tightly. His words should have instilled a sense of fear in me, if I had any sense of self-preservation. But I couldn't. Even besides the fact that I would be a hypocrite by doing so, he just didn't emit a frightening aura. He wouldn't hurt me.

Instead, my heart pulled for him and his pain. Acting out of impulse, I gently reached out to trace the outline of his sharp cheekbones. He instantly leaned his cheek into the palm of my hand, and I was stricken by how vulnerable he looked. He was exposing his inner self to me. Me.

And then his eyes opened and my heart broke even more for him. They were so saddened and guilt-filled, all intensity lost within them. They were glassed over slightly due to his unshed tears of mourning for his brother. He had the image of a lost little boy, with his wide, puppy-dog eyes and the slight pout of his lips. I wanted to erase all of his pain. I briefly contemplated how it was like I was looking into a strange mirror. Was this really what I looked like when I was reliving the memories?

But I pushed aside my own problems. Right now, this was Edward's time. And he needed me.

His eyes darted over my face, searching, searching. He seemed to find the answer to his unspoken question in my features because he lifted his arms slowly towards me in a non-threatening manner, waiting for me to approach him, like a man coaxing a frightened kitten out of the shadows. His action was not as a command, but as a request. A request that I fulfilled immediately. If he thought he was scaring me away from what he just said, he was sorely mistaken.

I crawled towards him, allowing him to pull me towards him. I would be his teddy bear if it would take away his pain. He always seemed like he was so perfect with the perfect life before. But no. There was always a chink in everyone's armor. There was more depth to this boy than I originally thought. He had weaknesses. It made him more human, in my eyes. And that made him more attractive.

I was in that familiar position once more, though this time I was comforting him. With one arm wrapped around his waist and the other clasped with one of his hands, I murmured, "Go on."

Edward hugged me to his chest tightly, his free hand stroking my back as if our roles were switched, as if he was the one comforting me. It was like he was bracing himself for the onslaught of memories.

I knew the feeling.

"Emmett was younger than me by a year. He definitely acted younger though he certainly didn't look it. He was always so full of energy, so rambunctious. He was built like a football player, you know? Big and buff. He liked to wrestle with me when we were younger." A sad-happy glaze came over his eyes as he spoke, reliving his happy memories of his brother yet saddened by the fact of his death. I kept quiet, letting him just talk.

"He was like the Golden Child. I always thought that our parents favored him over me because he was just so damn perfect." I snorted when he said this. Emmett was perfect? Edward was perfect. He seemed to understand my silent train of thought. "I wasn't always like this, Bella," he said softly. "I was the troublemaker."

I frowned at the thought of a bad-boy type Edward, imagining him with slicked-back Greaser hair and a black leather jacket. Somehow, it didn't fit the image.

"But," Edward continued, "then he started to make some bad choices.

"I was only a grade above him. And by the time I was a junior, I had gone through my share of parties where booze and drugs were present.

"I never drank, Bella," he quickly added, seeing my shocked expression. "I never did drugs either. I was just there for the dancing and partying and... girls," he admitted reluctantly, eying me carefully. I kept any emotions off my face, not wanting the thought of Edward with a blonde bimbo to show on my face. He sighed, pressing his cheek into my hair.

"My excuse was that I was there to keep my other friends out of trouble. I certainly don't claim to be some sort of a saint. Far from it. But I had this superiority complex that I was better than them, that I would be stronger than them and control myself and resist, that I would be able to drive them home when they were drunk or high and keep things from going out of hand. Not to say that I didn't have my share of fun, of course. After all, girls were quite susceptible to my charms once they were high." I muffled a snort. Girls were susceptible to his charms even when they weren't high. Edward raised his brows at me but just continued. "I don't know. I was a messed up kid.

"Now Emmett had started to make some... new friends in high school. He was on the football team, and I knew a lot of his teammates from the parties I went to. During his freshman year, he didn't really care for trying to fit in. He was like a free spirit. But what teenager can resist the charms of peer pressure for very long?

"I had sort of stopped my appearances at parties by the time I was a junior. I guess I thought they were below me and could find my own things to do. But then I heard rumors of Emmett, my innocent, naive younger brother, and his wild antics while he was high. That just about broke me. After all, how could I not have noticed that my little bro was making these choices? I was his older brother. I should have been there to stop him.

"Anyways, there was the usual party coming up, and I knew that Emmett would be there this time. So I went.

"And, just as the rumors had said, I saw him there. I almost didn't even recognize him. That wasn't my brother. That couldn't be my brother. But it was. And that just hurt all the more to see him acting like such an idiot, the butt of everyone's jokes yet so unaware of it in his high.

"I overreacted. I had hoped that the rumors were false since there were so many things people liked to say that weren't true, just because it was something fun to spread. And seeing the rumors confirmed made me lose my mind a little bit.

"I grabbed him and dragged him over to a secluded corner. He must have been really out of it because he just let me take him when he was twice as big and twice as strong as me. He could have easily pulled away, but he didn't. And that worried me more because he never did anything I told him to do.

"I... said some things. Things I would take back in an instant. Things that I am ashamed of. Things that —" Edward's voice cracked, each word softer and more pain-filled than the last. "I —" he tried to start again, but again he broke off, his jaw clenching tightly. I could see his Adam's apple bobbing as he dry-swallowed, the muscles in his jaw working itself. His hand pulled away from mine to rub his face furiously yet tiredly. He pinched the bridge of his nose, tipping his face away from mine. But I still caught the hint of wetness in his eyes, of tears that refused to fall.

I couldn't bare to see his pain. I shuffled off of his lap, a little struck that he barely reacted to my pulling away. He just leaned forward slightly to bury his face in his hands. But I was just repositioning myself behind him to tentatively feather my hands over his tense shoulders.

At my touch, he seemed to stop breathing for a moment. I grew bolder, applying more pressure with my hands, the pads of my fingers, and my knuckles. I kneaded his tense muscles, willing them to loosen and relax. This was just something my dad used to do for my mom whenever she was stressed out about something.

He remained in the same position, but I noticed the more relaxed position his body was in now. I still couldn't see his face to gage his reaction, but I did feel a little smug. Oh yeah, I have magic fingers. Still running my fingers over his shoulders and upper back — and desperately resisting the urge to trail my hands downwards —, I leaned towards him so that my body barely brushed over his back. Edward tensed up again when he felt my breath against his ear, my lips tickling the edges of his lobe.

"Talk to me," I breathed, such a simple command. My heart beat erratically as I lingered there for a moment, savoring the sweet scent of his shampoo in his hair that complemented his masculine cologne so perfectly.

A shudder trembled through his body at my words, his breathing growing shallower. Now leaning completely into him, my chin rested on his frozen shoulder, my hands massaging his arms up and down.

"Jesus," he exhaled, letting himself give in to my masseuse skills. I had my head turned slightly towards him so that I could trace the outline of his defined chin and shark cheekbones. So it surprised me when, instead of admiring his profile, I was suddenly staring into a pair of smoldering, emerald eyes. I sucked in a breath, too aware of how close our faces and bodies were. I had to cross my eyes slightly to even see him clearly.

His eyes darted down to my parted lips, his tongue peeking out nervously between his lips. Damn. I took that as my cue to lift my head back up, smiling apologetically at him. But I had to chuckle softly at the slight playful pout of his lips at the rejection. He was so good-humored about it.

"I want to hear the whole story first," I explained not wanting him to take offense at my action. "Plus, I have a feeling that we would never get back to it if we, you know." I blushed, faltering at my attempt to joke. "Not that you're obligated to tell me or anything," I added hastily. "After all, it's none of my business." I clamped my mouth shut, cursing me and my need for word-vomit. Shut up.

Fortunately, he was just grinning at me, mirth in his eyes. "You're silly," he breathed huskily, and my breath caught just at the sound of his voice. A thick silence returned as we just regarded each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Boldly, I crawled back to his side, just leaning against him. I revelled in the feeling of his arms snaking around me to hold me tight. I loved that feeling that he would never let me go.

Was I coming to accept that I was attracted to him? Maybe. But I already knew that, in a way. I just didn't think he felt the same way and wanted to save myself from the rejection. Which came back to the whole reason for this thing.

"We fought," Edward said simply, starting off again as if he never stopped. "Th... things were said. Tempers flared. And I stormed away and out of the house. I think I lost all rational thought then. At that moment, I didn't care what shit my brother got into. It was his mess now, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I had my own life to live, I thought. If he wanted to keep fucking himself like that, I didn't care at that time. I could blame it on my anger that smothered my rationality. But that doesn't make what I did any better."

I could feel the tension return to his body. He was internally beating himself up, like I did so many times a day. Frowning slightly with the need to comfort him, I subconsciously reached for one of his hands, holding it between mine to support him as he retold his story to me. His fingers curled around mine in gratefulness before he continued.

"I should have stayed and calmed down, maybe waited for his high and anger to dissipate before approaching him again. I should have taken him home, drove him home, and took care of him. I didn't think about how he would get home though. I just busted out of there." He exhaled, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall. His voice came softer now. "As it turned out, Emmett tried to drive himself home. I don't know how many different kinds of drugs he injected into his body. I don't know how many cans of beer he had. A lot more than the normal man can handle, I know. He was a big guy, so it took a lot to affect him.

"Considering how high and drunk he was, I'm surprised that he even made it into his car without falling unconscious. As it turns out, he was nearly home when he swerved into the opposite lane and hit another car head on."

I sucked in a shaky breath at his words. His body shook with unshed tears, teeth gritted to restrain himself. I lifted up the hand clasped in mine to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to the palm. His thumb stroked my cheek like an impulse, seeming to get some strength by the contact.

"It didn't kill him. He was injured, of course, but nothing too major. He survived the accident," Edward said. I pursed my lips in confusion. Didn't he say he died? But from the lack of the note of finality in his voice, I realized there was more to this story than Emmett getting into a drunk driving accident.

"Emmett drove a huge green Hummer. The other girl's Honda Civic was no match for the big green monster. She was killed almost on impact." He paused, gauging my reaction. I didn't realize I was holding my breath, and let it out in a big whoosh. Grimacing slightly, Edward spoke even softer as if to lessen the impact.

"It was a horrible night. We got a phone call in the early morning, telling us that Emmett was in the hospital and would soon be arrested for DUI and manslaughter. But the police couldn't book him yet because of the extent of his injuries. A police officer had already visited him once he woke up and told him his rights and all. When we got there, he was in shock of what he had done. I don't think he really knew what he was doing or considered what could be the consequences of his actions. He was still a little naive like that. He looked like such a lost puppy, so consumed with guilt and horror, that I felt even guiltier than before."

Seeing my confused expression, he quickly explained. "It was my fault, you see. I should have stayed at the party and taken care of him like I have done for my friends so many times before. What kind of a big brother was I, to let him just roam free because of a spat we had?" He sounded choked up again. He tugged at his hand to release it from my grasp so that he could pinch the bridge of his nose once more, trying to ward off the tears.

"Oh," I breathed, understanding his train of thought but not believing him. "Come here." I pulled him to me, and he immediately wrapped his arms around my waist. I cradled his head against my bosom, shushing him softly. "It's not your fault that he killed that girl. That was his decision, not yours."

He pulled away from me, eyes lost and hollow. "There's more. I told you that it was my fault that he died. Well, the very next day, we came to visit him in the hospital to see him being rushed to the E.R. with blood gushing from his wrists." I gasped, my hands flying to my mouth. His jaw was hard now, eyes clenched tight to avoid my horrified gaze. "I don't know where he got the knife. I don't know how he knew to cut vertically along his wrists to follow the veins instead of horizontally to cause more harm. I don't know why they hell he thought it would make things better by killing himself. It wouldn't bring the girl back.

"I tried blaming the hospital administration for not watching him closer. I tried blaming my parents for not noticing that their Golden Child was not so golden after all. But I knew the blame rested with me. It was my job to look out for my little brother, as naive as he may be. I couldn't help but think every night that I should have stopped him, maybe been a better role model for him. I should have made sure that he knew that it wasn't his fault, that things would get better, that he still had our love and support, so that he wouldn't have... killed himself. And most of all, I shouldn't have left him alone at that party that night."

He finally opened his eyes to take in the sight of me frozen in my spot. He pulled a forced smile on his face so that it came out more like a grimace. "I guess that was the deeper motivation for me in helping you. That's what first caused me to try and befriend you. I guess I didn't want another Emmett situation on my hands. I didn't want you to lose hope and..." he trailed off, the implication clear. "I know it's not the same situation, but... I guess I felt like if I helped you, Emmett would quit haunting me in my dreams."

I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. It was hard to comprehend all of this. "Edward... first of all, thank you for confiding in me." He smiled softly at me, even through his inner torment. How strong was he to be able to hold up this mask all the time I was hurting when he was hurting just as much inside? I was so selfish not to notice and only care about my stupid problems. "And second... quit blaming yourself, you dumbfuck." That statement drew his grin wider at my choice of words. "If you really expect me to stop blaming myself for her death, you need to stop blaming yourself for his. At least you weren't in the same damn car as him when it happened."

He smirked at me though his eyes still held the sadness. "Are we really going to go through the whole 'my horse is bigger than your horse' deal? Though I suppose it's more of 'my guilt is bigger than yours'..."

I laughed, flushing a little. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. But as I opened my mouth to apologize, he just pulled me in for a hug. "You know," he murmured into my hair, "I never told anyone that before." I felt a little smug at those words. Me, not Lauren or any of those other girls. I was the one trusted with this knowledge. "I think that was why my parents moved us here. They wanted a change from everything that reminded them of him. So hello, desert. Goodbye, snow. I think it was also for my sake. I wasn't coping very well with everything, even a year afterwards. I think they thought that moving would let me get a new start on things, let me be whoever I wanted instead of a grieving brother. Nobody here knows my background, and I'm glad for that."

"Because you don't have to deal with all the pity stares," I added softly, and he flinched.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly. But I cut across him.

"No, I understand. I would feel the same way." How many times have I wished that nobody knew about the accident so that I could just escape from it all?

"You know," I said lightly and nonchalantly, "as much as I hate the situation that did it, I'm glad you moved here."

Edward held me tighter and whispered into my hair, "Me, too."

I paused for a moment, a thought coming to me. I tried not to sound too accusatory when I asked him, "So... the reason you're hanging out with me is because you feel guilty about not being there for your brother?"

"Bella," he exhaled exasperatedly. "That may have been how it started, but that's not true anymore. Sure, I want to help you still. But now it's because of a different reason. You've sort of cast a spell on me. I want to be around you now."

I felt myself give in to his words. I couldn't detect a lie tangled within his voice, and he just sounded so broken anyways. He wasn't that good of an actor.

Oh wait.

I was supposed to be mad at him.

Pursing my lips, I built up my protective wall around my heart again. I didn't doubt his story's validity. But there were a couple things that still didn't make sense. After all, disregarding the fact that I had pushed him away, he had basically left me yesterday. If he was so persistent in helping me, he wouldn't have done that. I felt my wariness return.

My skepticism must have shown on my scarred face or in my posture because he quirked up an eyebrow, watching me carefully. "What? Don't you believe that I would want to help you?"

I scoffed. "You seemed to give up pretty easily yesterday."

Edward chuckled. "You thought I was giving up?" He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers lightly over the curve of my cheek. "I thought that maybe if I gave you some time, you would forgive me enough to talk to me again." He lifted his shoulders in a lost shrug. "I don't know."

I teased my bottom lip nervously, still struggling to maintain my cool and anger at him. But I couldn't. Why was I mad again? I suddenly felt so foolish for listening to Lauren in the first place.

With a defeated sigh, I finally let my wall come crashing down. What an idiot I was. I snuggled closer in his embrace, pressing my cheek against his hard chest. "I thought you were leaving me for good," I admitted. "I didn't like it. It does help when you're nearby."

"Good. Because I'm going to be around for a while," he said firmly before placing a small kiss on my head to send shivers down my back. "Come on. Let's get to class."

I gave him a pleading look, not wanting to go back into the world, but he just chuckled at my expression. "What kind of a tutor would I be if I let my tutee skip class? I think we missed most of this hour anyways, and one class is bad enough."

Grumbling, I allowed him to pull me to my feet, shooting him a glare when he chuckled again. On our way back to the classroom, we walked side by side, a comfortablt silence between us. Before we faced the wrath of the teacher for missing so much of the hour, Edward pulled me into a hug.

"I lo —," he stopped himself, shaking his head like a dog ridding his ears of water. I pulled away from him, giving him a quizzical look. He smiled apologetically at me. "I, um, lost my pencil. Do you have one I could borrow?"

Raising an eyebrow at him, I handed him one.

"Thanks," he muttered, brushing a kiss to the top of my head. "Come on."

Things were basically back to normal for the rest of the day — if there was a normal — except for the fact that Lauren and the other girls avoided us as much as possible. But, hey, I wasn't complaining. Edward managed to pull a story out of his butt about where we were for the past hour, a story that the teacher accepted whole-heartedly. That boy had some serious charms.

When Edward brought up the topic of the trumpet challenge while we were walking to band, I gave him a sheepish laugh.

"Um, yeah. I'm going to lose," I stated. Before he could argue, I continued. "I haven't practiced since Sunday," I confessed.

He eyed me carefully then nodded, seeming to accept my response. "Oh, well. We can try again later after we practice some more," he just replied. I liked the sound of that — both the 'we' part and the 'later' part; it meant that he would be around for a while.

After school, Edward followed me in his sleek ride to my house for a tutoring session; our English teacher informed the class that we will be having a test the following Monday. Afterwards, Edward forced me to practice my trumpet with him, bribing me with a kiss. I gave in, of course.

I had to admit that things were a lot better since Edward returned into my life. I was actually smiling and laughing for the first time in two days. He was like my source of happiness; without him, my life would be bleak and painful. Renee actually noticed my improved mood when I greeted her as she walked through the door after work. Though that may have been the result of Edward's whispered promise that he would be back later tonight. When I told Renee this, she merely gave me a quick look before nodding. I had a feeling she wouldn't say anything against me having a 'friend' over, even if he was a male.

"I have to go back to the office in a little bit and won't be back until late tonight," she informed me over dinner. I didn't react, as this was usual. However, my heart did skip a beat at the knowledge that I would have Edward to myself alone in my house. Renee eyed me, and I tried to give my mom an innocent look. "Just be safe," she sighed before she cleared the table to get ready to go back to work.

I blushed, escaping to my room while her back was turned. I came back downstairs when I heard the front door close behind her.

Plopping myself on the couch, I turned on the television, not really watching it but listening. I must have dozed off because a loud rap to the door jerked me from my light slumber. Cursing under my breath, I checked the time. Ah hour had lapsed since I sat myself down on the couch. I sat up, trying to blink away the sleep from my eyes. And then jumped to my feet when the knocking started up again.

Edward.

Smiling, I made my way to the front door, shouting, "Hold your horses, I'm coming." The pounding on the door was relentless now. Was Edward really that anxious to see me again?

Reaching the front door, I wrenched it open, smiling, words of teasing already half formed in my mouth.

Then I felt myself flying backwards, stumbling over my feet from being shoved. My back rammed into the opposite wall, my head smashing into it. Stars burst in my vision as I slid to the ground, groaning. I vaguely noticed a form stepping up to me, tall and towering.

"You bitch," a familiar voice snarled, a drunken tinge noticeable in the tone. Then I blinked and saw something come flying towards my head once more. I groggily closed my eyes, bewildered and bracing for the impact.

A/N: So? What are your thoughts about Edward's story about Emmett?

And what about her visitor late at night? Any guesses at who it is?

Please leave a review, loves! Thanks!