A whole moon had passed since I first arrived to ThunderClan. It was now the night of the full-moon. I had learned the warrior-code, practiced my hunting, explored the territory, and learned new battle skills. Stormpaw and Willowpaw were my best friends now, and as much as I tried to hide it I couldn't help but stare longingly at Emberstrike. I felt my heart tug towards her; a flash of love slicing through me each time I saw her beautiful ginger pelt.
Clan life was all well, but my memories still hadn't returned. My dream haunted me to this day; Ivypool sometimes visited, talked to me, warned me to control my anger. My longing, my thirst for my memories had grown stronger with each passing day, so much that I had started having nervous breakdowns in the middle of training sessions and being sent to Dawnriver in a panic. I had glimpses and flashes of visions, bits and pieces, they were all gory and terrifying.
I wasn't sure what to do. I had thought about leaving. I had spent hours considering the idea, planning it out, how I could go to find my memories. Nothing made sense however, because how could I find my memories without anything? They would be lost to me forever. I needed to visit the Moonpool. I had planned on going tonight, but Emberstrike had explained to me about a gathering. As I heard Whitestar call my name, I realized that I was obliged to go.
Remember to control your anger. Ivypool whispered, wreathing around me. I nodded, accepting the fact that she seemed to be around me most of the time now. I looked around the forest, my vision flitting from one tree to the other. I stopped for a moment, just hearing the soft chirping of the crickets and rustling of the leaves. It soothed me.
Emberstrike waved her tail at me, and heart fluttering I ran towards her. "Hi." I purred. It was harder and harder to hide my feelings for her. She was the most wonderful cat I had ever met. My affections for her were unexpected, they rushed into me, crashed into me- no, they slammed into me. Like one would slam head-first into a tree trunk.
"Hey." Emberstrike greeted me. "Alright, stick with me when we walk towards the island. Be careful when you climb the tree bridge, I don't want you to fall down." I nodded quickly. I stared in awe at the lake. It was beautiful at night, Silverpelt's reflection sparkled down on it, the stars shimmering in the smooth lake. As the waves lapped, the stars dispersed but quickly recreated themselves again, with the same shape.
As I climbed onto the tree-bridge, I felt my heart jump into my throat. I had found out that my fear of heights was completely frustrating, and not to mention cruel due to the fact that I had been training for hours on that awful, tall, tree. Already dizzy, I pushed the thoughts out of my head and swallowed my nausea. Emberstrike brushed her tail tip against my muzzle, a silent gesture of comfort and reassurance.
I clung onto the tree bridge, unsheathing my claws and digging them into the bark. One step at a time, I slowly moved forward. I didn't let my attention slip, not even for half a heartbeat. I was deadly focused, moving my paws forward with perfect precision, making sure nothing would go wrong. I stared at my silver and black paws as they padded forward on the crackly bark, getting more confident with each step.
"You made it." Emberstrike breathed, obviously relieved. My heart stopped pounding, and relaxed as I leapt gracefully off of the end of the tree-bridge. "Well, I'm going to go say hi to my sister. You should follow Willowpaw and Stormpaw, see if they could introduce you to any new cats!" Meekly, I nodded before slinking away to find the pale gray and white tabby she-cat.
"Hey, Fallenpaw." She greeted me. I flicked my ears in a hello. She lead me towards a group of apprentices, I flinched as the smell of rabbits, mud, and the salty tang of fish all swirled around, mixing with each other and shot up my nose. "Hey guys, this is Fallenpaw!" She introduced.
A ginger tom-cat and his brown furred brother greeted me. Immediately, I recognized them. They were Pricklepaw's littermates; Amberpaw and Owlpaw. "Hey, Fallenpaw." They meowed. There was a thin white she-cat, her body slender but muscular. She stood next to an awkward looking white and golden tom with broad shoulders.
"I'm Snowpaw." She introduced herself. "This blundering old badger here is Flashpaw." The two cats dipped their heads in greeting. The RiverClan tom sat there, while one of the she-cats from RiverClan shifted shyly, and the other immediately raced towards me, her eyes bright.
"I'm Otterpaw!" She introduced herself, grinning happily. "That's my sister Swanpaw, and my brother Reedpaw." She gestured toward a snow white she-cat and silver-black tom. They did not look alike at all. Otterpaw was a light and dark brown mix, while her siblings were white and black. I shrugged; I knew it was actually rather common for cats to give birth to a unique pelt that didn't really match their own.
"Oh, has Grasspaw become a warrior?" Willowpaw meowed in surprise. Snowpaw gave her a lop-sided grin, nodding.
"Yeah! His ceremony was a few sunrises ago. I can't believe he did so well on his assessment. He's called Grasstail now." She purred, smiling. "I'm so proud of him…" Her eyes took on a moony-looking daze, and she just stared into nothingness. Willowpaw and the other cats purred with amusement. I frowned, hoping that wasn't what I looked like around Emberstrike.
"So, Fallenpaw, who's your mentor?" Amberpaw meowed politely.
"Emberstrike." I responded, expecting them to know that. I thought that their mother would have told them that her sister got an apprentice. "She's a great mentor."
"She must be." Owlpaw meowed excitedly. "She's so fun to be around, and so nice. She's also a real good fighter, Amberpaw was named after her you know." I frowned, did these cats forget that I was the one that had… I winced.
"Let the gathering begin!" A loud yowl broke through my thoughts. Willowpaw beckoned me over, and I ran towards my friend. We headed towards the group of ThunderClan cats, I immediately nodded a goodbye to her and ran towards Emberstrike. She purred a greeting.
"That's Ripplestar." She muttered. "He's the clan leader of RiverClan. He's the second oldest, only a bit younger than Whitestar." I nodded. The black-silver tom looked at the other leaders, and they all nodded with support.
"We have two new apprentices, Minnowpaw and Splashpaw! Mossfur has also given birth to a healthy litter of four kits; Currentkit, Pebblekit, Sandkit and Foamkit. I'm sure their father Lakeheart is very proud of them." Yowls and cheers of approval and joy rippled throughout the clans; I joined in, cheering on all of the new cats in RiverClan.
A light brown tabby she-cat stepped forward, her eyes glittering. Her fur was short and neat, making her look very lean. Although she was rather dainty, she looked lithe and her narrowed eyes looked as deadly as deathberries.
"Leafstar." Emberstrike muttered to me. "She was originally Heatherwing, but had her name changed as she didn't want to repeat Heatherstar." I frowned. Was that even allowed?
"WindClan is well." She meowed, her voice smooth as honey. "We have a new warrior, Grasstail. We would also like to report that Springcloud is moving into the nursery with Hareleap's kits." Purrs of happiness rippled through the clans, new kits were always a joy. I caught a glimpse of the white tom-cat, his green eyes shining with pride, and chest puffed out. I knew it was Grasstail. I chanted his name along with the rest of the clans.
"Marshstar, you may go next." Whitestar meowed courteously, dipping his head in respect. The black and brown mottled tom-cat nodded coolly.
"We are sad to report that we have lost an apprentice, Pricklepaw. We named her on her deathbed, she is now Prickleflower, named after her mother. Other than that, we would like to report that we have five new kits. Appleflight has given birth to Toadpelt's kits. We welcome Stripekit, Mudkit, Oakkit, Trunkkit, and Ferretkit." He yowled. My pelt seared with shame as I heard him mention the apprentice's death, and I ducked downwards. I was relieved he hadn't mentioned my name.
"ThunderClan is thriving! We are pleased to report four new apprentices, Cherrypaw, Poppypaw and Lynxpaw." He meowed. Uneasy murmurs passed through the clans; he had said four, but only named three. I knew the fourth one was me, I was the odd one, the unexpected cat. "Last moon, we came upon an injured loner. He was around eight moons old, with a clan name. He was an exceptional fighter and hunter, and we are proud to welcome him to ThunderClan. Our last apprentice is Fallenpaw!"
Cheers for Cherrypaw, Poppypaw and Lynxpaw were heard, but when it came to my name, the voices of the cats died down. It was like my apprentice ceremony all over again. The embarrassment, the awkwardness, the loneliness and despair. "Lastly, we have one new warrior; Flameowl!" The clans started cheering again, but their voices were half-hearted, clearly still bothered by my appearance.
I turned towards Swanpaw, her littermates, Amberpaw and Owlpaw, and the WindClan apprentices. They all dodged my glance evasively and headed back towards their clans. I sighed sadly. "It's okay…" Emberstrike reassured me, pressing against me. "I think you're a great cat!"
Normally I would have felt pleased, but an overwhelming sense of outrage washed over me, and I struggled to keep it in control. I had practiced with Ivypool, but this one was difficult. Control. Calm. Don't feel. I swallowed gasps, trying to even out my breathing. My vision swirled with black spots.
I pushed past Emberstrike and dashed over the tree-bridge, my fear of heights gone. I ran into the forest, ignoring Whitestar and Emberstrike's cry to stop. I raced further into the forest, hoping to find somewhere I could release my wild fury without hurting anybody.
As I passed by some Twoleg nests, something familiar struck me. It looked so eerily familiar; as if I had seen something quite like it before. It triggered my anger. Ivypool's voice was drowned out by my rage, and I yowled furiously to the moon. "Where are my memories?" I hissed furiously, spinning around and raking my claws down a tree. Deja vu struck me; this was just like last full-moon.
I stared angrily at the moon, rage darkening my vision. The beautiful full moon looked as if it was speckled with black dust, something even as pure as that could change into darkness. The stars blurred into the evening sky, making the sky just an empty black-blue. Meaningless. Empty. Fury raced through me again, and I charged against a tree.
"I want my memories! Give me back my memories!" I screeched uncontrollably, bloodlust consuming me. I dashed forward, sinking my claws into a mouse's neck. I ripped at it's flesh, tearing it apart angrily. I was so angry. No. I was infuriated. "Give me back my memories!"
I was so angry I couldn't think. I couldn't control myself. Again, it felt like I was just a watcher. I was just watching from somebody else's body. I watched in horror as I slammed myself over and over again into a tree. My face was twisted into a cruel snarl, a bitter look in my eyes. I felt like I had slipped out of my body, and then everything had just turned black.
Short chapter, sorry. Was kind of in a rush :-)
R&R if you've got the time ^_^