A/N: Hey guys!!! This chapter is what you have all been waiting for…even if you don't know that you are waiting for it; you were… trust me!

Thanks to my super beta siDEADde, and my mom tnuccio! They were great!! There wasn't much to fix this time around but I'm still glad they helped =] and they made me make this two chapters =]!!! Thanks to all my super readers out there!!

Oh, and by the way the dedication to this chapter is to many people most of which I don't know their names. Dedications: Stephenie Meyer for making the books, Summit for making the movies, Catherine Hardwick for producing it, and everyone else involved who made the movie!! I'm seeing it tomorrow so that's why the dedication is to all them!!!

And finally, my mega dedication this week: ROBERT PATTINSON!!! For continuing to mention me in interviews and blogs as the young fan who asked him to bite her!!!! (Yes that was totally me!!!)

Haha, sorry to all you fans out there who were hoping for a dedication I just couldn't resist that ^.^.

Oh, nothing belongs to me… Steph owns all of the characters, yeah, we all know that I'm jealous but I can't take them… If I could, I would totally run away with them all… Any of them would be great ;)!

But yeah, on with the story!!

Chapter 10 – Acceptance, Moving On, Jade

BPOV

"Edward, umm… can we go upstairs. Please." I spoke softly, not wanting to be rejected.

"Of course, Bella." Edward got off the couch first. We walked hand in hand up the grand staircase and to Edwards's room.

I sat down on Edward's black couch and gazed out the window, afraid to meet his gaze. More so, afraid to see what was in those eyes, I didn't want to see the pain that I had installed there.

"Bella, did you need something?" I could hear the worry in his words. I could tell he was expecting me to attack him, and knowing this… knowing that it was all understandable made me feel even worse about myself. I knew that I had to apologize, but I also knew that no matter what I did it wouldn't be enough to make up for how I had treated them earlier.

I tore my eyes from the solemn looking woods and looked at Edwards eyes. "Yes, Edward, I wanted to apologize for how I acted. It was terrible and I am appalled for making you feel that way." I quickly threw my gaze back down to my hands, once again loosing the courage to hold his gaze for any length of time, lest I get sucked into the dark amber that was Edward's eyes.

Keep going Bella. You can't stop there.

"It's just that… I didn't know about any of this. I had just moved back in with my father and not even two weeks later I get killed." I kept talking, knowing that I was going to lose my nerve if I didn't get it all out now.

"Bella, I…"

He was going to apologize. I could tell...the tone of his voice screamed 'I'M SORRY!' and I couldn't deal with another apology from him. I could tell he was trying to make me feel better but I didn't want pity. I wanted to get this all off my chest, out in the open.

"No, Edward. Let me explain please." I moved my eyes to his, trying to convey my plea. I wanted to explain and I wanted him to understand that I meant every word I was about to say.

Edward nodded his head in acknowledgement.

Thanks.

"I don't remember anything. I don't remember getting hit by a van, or being rushed to a hospital, or even being bitten by a…." I trailed off. I couldn't say the word, I just couldn't. I wasn't comfortable enough knowing about them; none the less knowing and admitting that I was one. I knew I was but I just didn't want to admit out loud just yet.

"I just remember waking from a dark disparaging heat equivalent to that which you would find in Hell. Then I remember waking up to you." I smiled, remembering waking up to Edward Cullen. I knew he wouldn't understand the reason for smiling, because I didn't even understand what was happening to myself right now. I couldn't help but smile at the thought. "And after that you told me that I was a… a vampire and… I didn't know how to react."

I turned my line of sight back to focusing on the woods, hoping something out there would give me the courage to keep going. "I thought that it was a dream. I had you, I had your family, I had the siblings I used to want, I even had immortality but then I realized that it wasn't a dream. I had really lost everything. And then seeing Charlie and Renee come to terms with themselves and with my death; seeing them moving on just sparked something inside of me, something so strong and powerful that I didn't know what to do with myself."

I flinched internally, knowing how completely okay I was with being that mad; how I was happy being black. I looked back towards Edward, a fierce determination clouded my vision. I knew I wanted to tell him this all and I knew that part of my brain was screaming shut up, but I wasn't going to listen to it. I was going to tell Edward.

"I sat up here, trying to calm down, trying to think of something happier, of a positive side of this equation. And every time I would see you, or a family member of yours, or even hear a voice I would get more aggravated and… and mad."

It wasn't that long ago that I felt a kinship with the color black, but it seemed like ages. That small flicker of red, that small flicker of hate, had grown so much and so fast that I hadn't known what had hit me. It was so powerful, and painful that everything happened so fast! It seemed like it had been days when it had only been hours… Was this what having all the time in the world felt like?

Edward flinched, noticeably; I squeezed his hand tighter; attempting to reassure him. I knew this was hard for him to hear, but there was a good part...maybe not the happy ending I wanted but something brighter than black...dark jade…a color with depth and sorrow intertwined in its deeper recesses but a color that symbolized hope, life, love, the beginning of a new.

"And then Carlisle told us we were moving, and that just infuriated me. Leaving Forks was like admitting that I had lost everything. To me it was admitting that this was real and that I was leaving everything I had ever known behind. And I wasn't lying when I said I wanted brown back. It wasn't a metaphor. I hate the green here, I always have, everything is covered in it. I want the warm brown color I grew up with, not the plush green I had just stepped into or the frozen white to which I would be forced to adapt."

Brown: dirt, sand, the beach…

"I didn't want any of this, Edward. Everything that happened just confused, and hurt me. And then Rosalie did what no one else would. She told me what was happening and she told me straight up to get over it. 'What's done is done Bella, you can't change it.' I know that now. I have to either be condemned to a life of solitary or adapt to what all of you are offering me and move on." I wanted to cry. This was all just too much.

I looked Edward directly in the eyes now; this was the part he needed to understand above all else. I squeezed his hands, both to assure him and to give myself the confidence boost to continue.

"I've made my choice, Edward. I'm still upset at Carlisle for his part in what's happened to me. I still don't fully understand the circumstances around why I was changed but I've decided that I don't have to understand them right now. Rosalie is right, I have to accept what has happened and come to terms with it in order to move on. And I have… I am what I am now and I've decided that I want to move forward. I'll come to understand everything with time…"

I couldn't help but chuckle at what I had just said, time what a 'mortal' thing to say… "it's not like I don't have enough of that now. I've decided I want to move on…and I want to do it with you."

I was watching his face, wondering what he was thinking about… His face went from sad, determined, happy, miserable, crushed, hopeful, and lastly thrilled. His face told me so much, his expressions left out so little, yet I still felt like I knew nothing of him…

What was he keeping from me…? Did I even want to know?

He smiled at me, and it was the most genuine, happy smile I had ever seen from him.

"Thank you, Bella. I know this is all new to you and in time you will understand everything, and I'm happy you're willing to give this a shot… I'm happy that you're willing to give me a shot after how I acted towards you that first week."

Ever so slowly, he raised his hand to my cheek, cupping it.

I leaned into him, laying my head on his chest and hugging him like it was life itself I was holding on to.

This felt right, perfect, whole, and happy. I didn't know what was going to happen in the future… I didn't know if I was ever going to understand what I had with Edward…or even if I had anything for that matter. But…

I was done wondering. I was done worrying about the future.

I was content with what I had now.

The past is the past, the future the future, and the present a gift.

I wasn't going to fret about tomorrow until it came. I'm going to take things step by step, day by day, and I was going to live the rest of forever to the fullest.

I couldn't change the past, but I could alter my future, I was going out on a limb. Leaving behind the old and grasping onto the new.

I was grasping onto the Cullen's. I was grasping onto what they had given me. I was grasping this new family. And most importantly I was grasping Edward.

Now and forever.

"Bella, I…"

"EDWARD!!!!! EDWARD!!!" I heard Alice's tiny voice as she ran up the stairs. "EDWARD, EDWARD, EDWARD!!!!!"

Edward turned towards Alice. I was still in his arms. "What Alice?" His voice was annoyed and clearly displeased.

"I… need… help with something!"

Edward looked at me, asking for permission to go with his eyes. I nodded and he moved out of my grasp.

No… A part of my mind was screaming that it was too soon and for him to come back.

A piece of hair from the low ponytail at the base of my neck had fallen into my face. I was about to wind it back into the twist but Edwards's slim, delicate fingers beat me to it.

He wound it back into my hair and slowly trailed his fingers across my cheek before he left the room.

Little did he know that that simple touch, that little show of affection would have caused my heart to skip a beat; had it still been beating…

I heard Edward and Alice leave the house and run to the woods…

What was I going to do?

I didn't need any more time to think…

"Bella, why don't you come down here for a bit? Don't stay up there all alone!" Rosalie's smooth voice drifted up the stairs.

I walked down the stairs at a familiar pace...I guess you could call it a human speed.

"Hey Bella! How's it going?" Emmett's loud voice was coming from the same love seat he and Rosalie had been on since Rosalie and I got back from the forest.

"It's good. I'm alright…Rosalie really got to me. I guess that's what I needed… A reality check…" I smiled at Rosalie. I wondered if she really understood the depth of my gratitude towards her… Without her telling me what I needed to hear I may have stayed in my black frame of mind…or even worse, the red.

I shuddered internally just thinking about it.

"Bella, it was nothing really. I just knew how you were feeling because I had been there… and sometimes I still am there. It's hard. You just want your old life back. You want to be able to walk around as Bella Swan the mortal instead of Bella Swan the immortal… But you need to understand that you can't always get what you want; no matter how bad you want it." Rosalie smiled at me and gestured to the couch.

I sat before she continued. "I have adapted and I hope that, over time, you will to. I know it means the world to Edward, just knowing that you want to talk to him. Honestly Bella, I don't know what you did to that boy because ever since you changed he has been a completely different person."

She chuckled and looked to Emmett as if asking him to approve what she had just said.

He nodded.

"Yeah… I'd like to say that is an understatement!" He chuckled and then his face turned into a scowl. "He used to sit at his little piano all 'I hate the world' 'I'm a monster' 'I shouldn't be alive'."

Emmett shook his head as if trying to clear the thought from his brain. "Of course he didn't tell any one this but his face was like a billboard shouting out his emotions… That and his music… It was always dark. And now when he sees you there is a new light in his eyes. It's almost as if he has something to live for now." Emmett's voice wasn't the loud boisterous laughter I had heard from him earlier, nor was it the scary seriousness I had also heard from him, it was something entirely different. Serious, yet happy…

"Yes! Bella, see I'm not the only one who has noticed the changes. Ask Jasper! He'll tell you! Oh and Bella. Please call me Rose." I smiled at her.

There was something forming between Rose and me. She used to scare me and intimidate me but now… I felt a kinship towards her.

There was something Rose had that no one else did, she had the desire to be mortal and she had the pent up anger and determination to want to be normal that I so well connected with.

"Thank you both. Thank you Rose for talking to me when I needed a friend the most, and thank you Emmett for forgiving the awful stuff I said earlier. I truly am sorry about that." I looked down at my hands, and when I looked up both Rose and Emmett were on the couch next to me.

Rose wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me, Emmett just looked on and smiled.

That's when the door opened and Alice and Edward fell into the room, both looking slightly wind-burned and thrilled.

"Hi guys!" Alice's excited voice beamed at us from the doorway.

"Hey!" Emmett responded.

He couldn't not be happy if he tried…

"Hi." Rose's voice was a little less happy. I assumed she didn't like to be interrupted.

I got up off the couch and walked over to give Edward a hug.

"Hello." I mumbled the word; it was lost in the fabric of his shirt but some how he managed to understand me.

"How are you?" His velvety smooth voice asked me.

I looked up at him. "I'm okay. How are you?"

"Better now." His smile was genuine and happy.

I was glad I made him feel this way…

I was happy that I was in his arms…

So close to him…his scent enveloped me and pulled me in…closer to him than I had ever felt.

I pulled away from his chest slightly and looked into his eyes…they peered into mine and I felt all the walls I had tried to build up start to crumble.

His lips…Lush. Red. Inviting. They beckoned me to come closer. I'd never felt this before, it was amazing, and scary and crazy, but I had to touch them.

I stared into his eyes and hoped mine would convey the feelings I couldn't form words to express. Edward looked almost confused as I leaned up ever so slowly and gently brushed my lips against his.

I heard him slightly moan as he surrendered his will to our kiss. He kissed me back, ever so gently, as he raised his hand from my waist to the back of my head holding me there as these feelings I had spread through my body and caused me to forget where I was and that we weren't alone.

All too suddenly I heard reality in the form of Emmett who whistled and said "Damn, I can't wait to hear what he writes now."

I chuckled as I pulled away from Edward, he looked slightly shocked but he never broke eye contact as he stroked my cheek and whispered. "You are my life now."