Chapter 10
A couple of days had passed and things at the house were extremely tense. Everyone could see now quite clearly that Gaby had an eating disorder, however no one could get through to her or get her to open up. Meal times were a constant battle, Amy would shout at Gaby to eat, Rachel would try and stay calm, but this was becoming increasingly difficult, she just wished Gaby would stop all of this and start to eat normally again.
Rachel was at a complete loss as to what to do about Gaby, she just wished that she could help, but she didn't know how.
Gaby had become completely withdrawn from everyone, in just a matter of weeks she'd gone from being a bubbly, confident girl to someone who barely comes out her room. All she cared about at the moment was losing more and more weight. She couldn't bare to give it up because that would mean losing all control, she felt like she would feel completely lost without her restrictive diet, it had totally consumed her.
She'd also started to become more and more obsessive over school work too. Gaby had never been overly studious, however now she was becoming obsessive over things like homework and grades and was terrified of failing anything. She was just trying to strive for perfection.
It was a Friday afternoon and they were getting their science papers back from the exams they'd taken last week. After Gaby had been so upset about her English mark, she was praying science had gone a little better. However, when her teacher handed back her paper she realised it had gone even worse than English. Gaby couldn't believe it, her eyes filled with tears. She felt like such a failure. She felt like she had to leave the classroom, or she would pass out again. Gaby didn't even ask to leave she grabbed her stuff and walked out.
Her breathing was becoming really rapid and she could feel her chest getting tighter. She could barely concentrate at all; her head was completely foggy. She didn't know what to do. Suddenly all she wanted was her Mum. Although Gaby had no intentions of opening up to her about her eating, she felt really scared and panicky and knew Rachel would be able to calm her down.
Gaby could barely see, but somehow managed to get to her Mums office. She walked straight in.
Rachel looked up from her computer and saw Gaby in a real state. She looked like she was having a panic attack
"Mum .. I don't feel very well" Gaby said sobbing, sounding completely hysterical
Rachel rushed over and grabbed her hand
"Okay Gab, come on it's all going to be okay" she said calmly "here's what we're going to do I'm going to close this door so no one comes in, then we're going to sit you down on the sofa and get you calmed down"
Rachel carefully led her over to the sofa.
"Right come on my love, deep breathes, breathe with me" Rachel ordered, she was always really good at calming people down when they were having a panic attack
Slowly but surely, Gaby's breathing started to return to normal and she was managing to calm down a little bit.
A few minutes later Gaby felt really tired and floppy, she also felt quite nauseous too after the panic attack
"I feel sick" she mumbled
Rachel grabbed her bin and Gaby was sick into, Rachel held her hair back for her and rubbed her back
When she'd finished Gaby collapsed against her Mums chest
"Oh Gaby, I'm surprised you have anything left in you to sick up the little you've eaten these past few days" Rachel sighed, planting a soft kiss on Gaby's forehead
"What triggered that love?"
"I got a really bad mark in science" Gaby mumbled, she felt exhausted now and didn't really have the energy to speak
"Oh gab" Rachel sighed "Surely a bad mark in science isn't the end of the world"
"I wanted to do well" Gaby cried "I worked really hard"
"I know you did Gaby, but its only a silly test, it doesn't mean anything" Rachel said "And it's no wonder you can't concentrate on your exams when you're barely eating anything"
For once Gaby didn't argue, she didn't have the energy too.
Rachel sat and stroked her hair for a minute or so.
"Gaby how much weight have you lost, truthfully?" Rachel asked
"Not that much" Gaby lied, the truth was she'd lost over a stone now in such a short amount of time
Rachel sighed, she knew she was never going to get any truth out of Gaby
"Love, how would you feel about going to see a doctor, they might be able to put you in touch with someone you find it easier to open up to"
"No, I don't need one" Gaby said, knowing the doctor would try and make her gain weight, just as she was starting to finally get a little bit closer to the way she wanted to look
Gaby thought for a moment and then said "I guess I'm just missing out on some fresh air and stuff at the moment"
"Well yeah, your probably right Gab, staying cooped up in your room all day it really isn't healthy"
"Maybe I could go on your morning run with you tomorrow morning"
Rachel could see straight through this, knowing Gaby would just be wanting to burn more calories
"Okay" she said "Tomorrow we'll go running together but only if you eat all your tea tonight"
Gaby instantly started to panic at this, knowing that if she ate all her tea tonight that would mean consuming way over the number of calories she wanted to for today, but she also realised she needed to start exercising as well to burn more calories off. She thought maybe she could agree to eat it but then throw it up afterwards.
"I still feel sick though, I have been sick already today"
"You were sick because of your panic attack, but it's your choice Gaby, don't eat, don't run"
"What is for tea tonight"
"How about vegetable stir fry, there's nothing in that, that's going to make you fat, it's good healthy food"
"Okay"
"You can help me make it" Rachel said, "Are you feeling a bit better now?"
"a little bit"
"Have you got much homework to do this weekend?"
"Yeah quite a bit"
"Well how about you make a start on it now, just stay up here for the rest of the afternoon. I'll make you some coffee"
"Can I have it with no milk?"
Rachel sighed but didn't say anything and made her what she asked for.
The two of them then got on with some work quietly until the end of the day.
Rachel couldn't believe it when the bell rang, the afternoon seemed to have gone so quickly
"Right Gab, I've still got a bit of work to do unfortunately, do you mind staying?"
"No, it's okay" Gaby said, she was more than used to staying late with her Mum
"Ivy's staying at Grandma's tonight so I think she's picking her up from school, I've still got to pick Hannah up after after-school club"
"How come ivy's staying at Grandma's"
"She just fancied a sleepover" Rachel said "no doubt she'll be fed a load of sweets and stay up all night, which will mean she's shattered tomorrow"
Gaby smiled slightly
A while later Amy came up to the office, they had to stay for a little bit longer while Rachel worked and then they headed off.
"Rach did you see what I got in my English mock?" Amy asked
"No I haven't had the results of the year 10s yet, how did you do"
"I got an A" Amy said smiling
"Oh, that's fantastic, you worked so hard on it too, well done love"
"Thanks, can we get a bottle of wine to celebrate"
"No you're 14, I might let you have a tiny glass of wine with dinner and you can count yourself lucky"
Amy rolled her eyes
"Oi I saw that"
The three of them then got in the car and drove to Hannah's school.
"Are you two going to stay in the car while I nip and get her"
"Yeah"
Rachel then left to get Hannah.
While they were in the car Gaby suddenly started to get a really bad pain in her head, it was all behind her eyes too
"Gaby are you okay" Amy asked
"My head hurts"
"have some water" Amy said throwing her a bottle
Gaby opened it and started to sip
"You know it might have something to do with the fact you've only consumed about 10 calories today" Amy said making Gaby feel awkward
"No I haven't"
"Go on then what have you eaten?"
"I cant remember" Gaby mumbled
"Yeah right" Amy said "You look terrible Gaby, you've clearly lost a load of weight, you've barely eaten anything"
"Leave me alone, you're not my Mum"
"Well your Mums worried sick about you, it's so selfish Gaby, I can't understand why you would do this"
"It's alright for you you're naturally skinny, I'm ft so I've just got to work harder to stay healthy"
"Healthy?" Amy said shaking her head "Listen to yourself Gaby, you sound completely deluded, your becoming skin and bone"
"No I'm not" Gaby said tears forming in her eyes again "I'm still fat"
Amy was about to reply when Rachel came back to the car with Hannah. She could tell the girls must have had an argument but didn't want to say anything in front of Hannah
Rachel drove back home and it all felt a bit tense in the car
"How was school Hannah?" Rachel asked, she hadn't really had chance to speak to Hannah yet as she'd kind of rushed out of school
"Okay" Hannah said sounding a bit upset
"Has something happened?" Rachel asked
"No" Hannah said
"Are you sure?"
Hannah nodded her head, but Rachel could tell something had upset her, she decided to leave it for now though and talk to her about it back home when it was just the two of them
A minute or so later Rachel pulled up on the drive, as soon as she opened the door they ran in but Rachel stopped Amy
"Wait a sec"
Rachel then waited until Hannah and Gaby were out of ear shot"
"What did you and Gaby argue about in the car?"
"What do you think?" Amy said "I told her that she needs to start eating, you do realise she throws most of her lunch away every day, she's turning into skin and bone, she's dizzy and faint all the time"
"Don't you think I don't know that" Rachel snapped, it came out more aggressive than she'd intended, but she just felt stressed and tired "Sorry, it's just I'm so worried and I don't know how to help her"
"Can't you get her to a doctor"
"I've suggested It loads of times, but she doesn't want to go and I can't exactly drag her in kicking and screaming"
"I'm just worried, she looks awful and she acts completely different to how she used to"
"I know and I'm at my wits end about what to do" Rachel said "She's going to end up killing herself if she goes on at this rate"
Rachel and Amy talked for a little while and then Amy went upstairs to get ready
Rachel made herself a coffee and then decided to go up to Hannah's room. She felt bad because she knew Hannah was having quite a tough time at the moment, with her Mum being away and everything, but with everything that was going on with Gaby, Rachel felt that she hadn't really given her enough time.
She decided to go and get changed out of her work stuff first though.
She'd taken off her suit and was just in some jeans when there was a knock at the door
"yeah" Rachel shouted, as she looked for a top to put on, the door opened, and Hannah walked in
"Hey love, is everything okay?"
"Can I talk to you about something?" Hannah asked sounding a little nervous
"Of course, just sit on the bed for a minute while I finish getting changed"
As she went over and found a t-shit she could feel Hannah staring at her
"Auntie Rachel, when will I look like you do?"
"How do you mean love?"
"When will I get boobs?"
"Oh right" Rachel said laughing slightly "When you're a little bit older, though you probably are starting to develop a bit now"
"Does it just happen overnight"
"No darling, it's over a few years"
Rachel went and sat down next to Hannah
"it's funny, I was just about to come and find you and have a little chat"
"What about?"
"I thought you seemed a bit upset after school"
"I'm okay, they were just talking about stuff I didn't get"
"What do you mean?"
"What's a period?" Hannah asked "Is it something bad?"
Rachel was shocked by this, she thought it a bit strange that by age 10 Hannah had no idea about this, she thought Mel would have at least told her the basics
"What has nobody ever spoken about this with you before?"
Hannah shook her head
"Okay you and I need to have a little chat" Rachel said
She wasn't entirely sure how to approach this
"Okay, so over the next few years your bodies going to be going through some changes, as you turn from being a little girl into a woman and one of these changes is that about once every month you'll start having periods. So a periods when you start to bleed for about 5 days"
"Where do you bleed from"
"It's from near where you go to the toilet" Rachel explained
"Won't the blood go everywhere"
"Well you wear something called a pad, which you stick onto your knickers to stop it going everywhere"
"It sounds horrible"
"It's a bit strange at first, but you do get used to it, I promise" Rachel said "But what's really important is that you tell someone it's happened so that they can help you, it might be your Mum, or me but it might happen at school, but a teacher will always be there to help you If you need it"
"I'd never tell a teacher, I'd be too embarrassed"
"It might seem like that, but every woman has had to go through it, so there's no need to be embarrassed, it can seem a bit scary at first, so you need to have some support"
"I hope it happens here and not at Mums"
"Darling, your Mum would want to help you"
"No she wouldn't, she doesn't even like me that much" Hannah said starting to cry
It broke Rachel's heart hearing this and she put her arm around Hannah
"That's not true, your Mum loves you"
"Why does she never want me at home with her then?"
Rachel sighed, she didn't know how to respond to this
"She's just going through a hard time"
She stayed with Hannah for a little bit longer and then went to check on Gaby
She made sure she knocked before coming into Gaby's room, to her surprise she had put some makeup on and curled her hair
"You look nice love"
"Would it be okay if I go to Jess's for tea"
"Tea?" Rachel said raising her eyebrows slightly
"Yeah there's a few of us going round there" Gaby said
Rachel sighed, she wanted to keep an eye on what Gaby was eating, but she thought maybe if she went around to her friends she'd be more likely to eat something as she wouldn't want to seem rude in front of Jess's Mum, plus it was nice to see Gaby showing an interest in leaving the house.
"alright Gab well have a nice time" Rachel said "What time do you think you'll be back"
"Maybe about 8"
"Okay, see you later, text if you need a lift back"
"Yeah I will do"
Gaby then went downstairs and left
Rachel started to clean Gaby's room up a bit, she noticed that Gaby had left her laptop open on her bed and hadn't logged off.
She was about to close it down but then noticed a site that Gaby must have been on. Rachel couldn't believe it when she looked through it, it was full of loads of pictures of dangerously thin girls, there were loads of comment sections too with people posting about how to lose weight in secret. Rachel scrolled through Gaby's search history, it was all full of the same sort of stuff. She clicked through all the sites, all full of starving girls and diet tips.
"oh Gaby" Rachel whispered, she couldn't believe how serious this was all getting.
Rachel couldn't help herself from searching through Gaby's room, she wasn't sure what she was looking for exactly.
She went through her pyjama drawer and right at the bottom found a box of pills, it was obvious that they were slimming pills and had been bought online.
Rachel didn't know what to do, she wanted to confront Gaby right now but obviously she couldn't
She didn't know how to handle it, half of her wanted to go completely mad, she couldn't believe what Gaby was doing to herself but on the other hand she knew that this would make Gaby close up to her even more.
It was painful waiting for Gaby to come home, she just wanted to speak to her as soon as she could.
However, about half an hour later Rachel's mobile rang. She saw it was Gaby
"Hey Gaby, what's up"
"Rachel it's Jess's Mum, Gaby isn't feeling that well, she's all shaky and faint, I think she needs to go home"
"Right I'll be round as quick as I can"
Rachel quickly grabbed her coat and car keys
She found Amy downstairs in the lounge
"Amy, I need to go and get Gaby, she's not feeling well"
"Probably has something to do with the fact she hasn't eaten since yesterday"
"Can you take Hannah out to the park for me" Rachel asked "only for an hour or so, and call at the shop on the way back, get some salad to go with the pizza for tonight, I'll give you some money"
Rachel reached in her purse and gave Amy a fiver "get an ice cream for you and Hannah too"
"Thanks, Rach is Gaby going to be okay?"
"I don't know love, it's all getting a bit serious" Rachel sighed "Right I've got to go"
Rachel jumped in her car and went around to Jess's house
She quickly got out and knocked on the door
Jess's Mum answered more or less straight away
"Rachel thanks for coming, I'd have dropped her off myself, but Harry's taken the car"
"Oh it's not a problem" Rachel said "is Gaby okay?"
"She's feeling a bit better now, she just had a really funny turn, and she barely touched her tea because she was feeling sick"
Rachel rolled her eyes, knowing full well that Gaby not eating her tea would have had nothing to do with the fact she was feeling sick
"Right, well thanks for looking after her"
"Rachel, I know it's not my place …but I couldn't help but notice how much weight Gaby has lost and Jess has told me she's been a bit worried about her"
"Okay, thanks for letting me know" Rachel said forcing a smile "Is Gaby ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'll go and shout her through"
A minute or so later Gaby came through to the hall, her face was white, and she was still quite shivery
"Come on Gaby, lets go home" Rachel said
She helped Gaby to the car and got her in the passenger seat
"Sorry you had to come and get me Mum" Gaby said
Rachel didn't reply. The journey back home felt awkward as Rachel wasn't talking at all to Gaby.
When they got back the two of them went back in.
"Gaby come and sit in the back room with me please"
"I'm tired and I've got loads of homework, can't I just …."
"No come and sit in the back room like I asked"
Gaby knew better than to argue so went through with Rachel to the back room
Gaby sat looking really nervous
"So you managed to avoid tea at Jess's too did you?"
"I felt sick"
"Right, bit of a coincidence that you feel sick around every single meal time isn't it" Rachel said
Gaby just shrugged her shoulders
"How much weight have you lost Gaby?" Rachel asked, she knew she'd asked this question a lot and had never got a straight answer, but she was determined to get one this time
"a bit"
"How much?"
"I don't know, how would I?"
"Because you're on the scales about 5 times every day, now you've got a choice, you can either tell me or I'll bring the scales down and you can get on them in front of me"
"I don't know" Gaby said crying
"Right, I did give you the choice"
Rachel then disappeared and came back a few minutes later with the scales
"On you get" Rachel said
"You can't do this to me"
"I can Gaby, because I'm your Mum and I'm worried sick about you"
"Mum please don't make me" Gaby begged
"Gaby I'm not going to argue" Rachel said, she hated doing this to Gaby, but she didn't see how there was any other way
After a bit more arguing Gaby eventually got on
"Gaby, you must have lost about 2 stone now" Rachel said shaking her head "You must know that's not a healthy weight"
"Yes, it is"
"No Gaby, it really isn't" Rachel said
"It's not a big deal"
"It is a big deal Gaby, if you carry on the way you are you're going to end up in hospital or worse"
Gaby was clearly getting very upset, so Rachel sat back down with her
"Now, I'm going to write down your weight and I'm afraid I'm going to be taking it everyday to check you haven't lost anymore"
Gaby didn't say anything but continued to cry
"Gaby I know you're angry at me and you don't want help, but I'm doing it because I love you" Rachel said "Now, can you explain these to me" Rachel asked holding up the box of diet pills
"You've been through my things" Gaby said outraged
"Yes, you left your computer on and I saw the sites you've been going on, pictures of girls looking like they're about 30 minutes from death, tips on how to only consume 200 calories a day, do you think that's healthy Gaby?" Rachel asked, raising her voice slightly
"You don't get it" Gaby sobbed
"Then tell me, what is it that makes you want to do this to yourself? Because you know what Gaby I don't get it, you were a beautiful healthy girl, with so much going for you"
"The whole reason people didn't like me was because I was fat and now every time I eat I feel revolting. I just want to be thin" Gaby cried
"Gaby the reason people were so awful to you wasn't because you were fat it's because they are cowardly, scum and they were jealous of you, anyone could see that" Rachel said
"No, it wasn't" Gaby screamed through sobs
Rachel took a deep breathe, she could clearly see they weren't getting anywhere
"Right here's what we're going to do, I'm going to keep the pills, in fact I'm going to flush them down the loo, I'm keeping your laptop and phone for the next few days and I'm going to take the scales, the only time they'll come out is when I take your weight" Rachel said "and I've also booked a doctor's appointment for Monday morning"
"I won't go"
"You don't have a choice, it's not up for debate" Rachel said "I'm not going to sit back and watch you kill yourself"
Gaby didn't know what to say, it was so rare for her Mum to speak so firmly to her when she was upset, but Rachel didn't know what else to do.
"and you're going to eat something tonight, you're not going to leave the table till it's gone, and you can stay downstairs with me for 20 minutes after to make sure you don't throw it back up"
"Don't you trust me?"
"No Gaby, I don't trust you at all at the moment"
"Can I go and have a bath"
"Yes, but can you leave the door unlocked please"
"What, are you going to come and watch me every time I have a bath or go to the loo?"
"No, it's so I can check you don't faint in the bath, because it wouldn't surprise me"
Gaby rolled her eyes and went upstairs.
She ran the bath and got in. It felt nice to be able to relax without anyone bothering her.
Her Mum kept calling through every 10 minutes though to check she was okay.
Gaby had been in the bath for ages when Rachel shouted her down for tea.
Instantly she began to panic, she knew there was no way she could get away without eating today.
Gaby wrapped a dressing gown around herself and went downstairs.
Amy and Hannah were already tucking into their dinner. Rachel put a plate in front of Gaby, her portion was smaller than everyone else's but it still made her feel terrified
Slowly Gaby picked up her fork. She had a tiny bite. Instantly she felt guilty. She was finding it so hard to eat, it was the first time she'd had a proper meal in ages.
She tried a bit more, tears started to form in her eyes. She began to work out how many calories must be in all of it and panicked.
Before long Amy and Hannah had finished so went off
Rachel stayed at the table with Gaby
"Mum I can't eat it" Gaby cried
"Yes, you can" Rachel said firmly "and we're not going to leave this table until you do"
Gaby forced some more down herself
"Keep going Gaby" Rachel said
Gaby sobbed as she put more food in her mouth
It took her ages to finish it, but eventually it was gone. She felt so fat and disgusting, as if all the weeks she'd been dieting had been ruined.
"Right do you want to stay in here or go through to the lounge and watch tv"
"Can't I go to my room"
"Not unless you want me to follow you"
"Mum I promise I won't throw up"
"I don't believe you Gaby" Rachel said "Come on lets go and watch some tv"
Reluctantly Gaby followed her Mum into the lounge
After a while Rachel let Gaby go off
A few hours passed, and everyone had gone to bed. Gaby was still wide awake and was struggling to get to sleep, she couldn't seem to stop crying.
Gaby suddenly wanted her Mum, she felt scared and alone and knew her Mum would be able to make her feel better
She crept through to her room and woke her up
"What's up Gab" Rachel asked half asleep
"Can I come in with you?"
"Of course, you can" she said
Gaby slid into bed next to her Mum and Rachel wrapped her arms around her
"I'm sorry" Gaby cried "For making you so stressed"
"Oh Gaby" Rachel sighed "I don't want you to be sorry, I just want my happy, bubbly girl back"
"I wish I could stop but I can't" Gaby whispered, it was the first time she'd told anyone this
"Let me help you gaby, please" Rachel almost begged
Gaby didn't respond
"You know I love you so much" Rachel said
"Yeah" Gaby replied "I love you too"
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