A/N: This chapter is pretty Dick heavy so prepare for the language. Also, this is pre TDTL, any and all reviews welcome and appreciated!
Guilt was a great force, Veronica pondered as she manoeuvred Logan's car through the gates of the Neptune Memorial Cemetery for what seemed like the thousandth time, the hood up on the car and sunglasses covering her eyes, hoping to avoid being spotted by the paparazzi thronging the entrance. This would be tomorrow's sordid front page story, a decade long saga of excess, money, lust, murder and appearance versus reality. Guilt had brought her here, even though she wasn't too sure on the protocol for such things. When you're the person to hold a dying woman's hand and reassure her that everything would be okay when it clearly wouldn't be do you attend the funeral or not? Veronica has decided to go, well it was more like her guilty self and a heady sense of obligation had driven her to go.
She remembered to snag the flowers from the passenger seat at the last minute. She knew that she couldn't compete with bouquets supplied by the 09ers who liked to try and one up each other in their own money splashing version of the grief Olympics. She had chosen the flowers with care, remembering that particular health class. It consisted of chrysanthemums, the flower that sounded the most like a certain STD, of pale pink peony roses for a bit of glamour, delicate blue borage that meant courage and some baby's breath to try and tie it all together. The florist was confused at this particular choice of funeral bouquet and tried to direct Veronica towards something a bit more traditional and cohesive, but she had stuck to her guns.
She entered the opulent chapel alone, taking a minute to adjust to the cool, dim light after being in the high sun. She surveyed the occupants quickly, taking stock of those who had showed up. It was a very Neptune funeral, photos blown up on canvas around the foyer showed Gia in her teenage years, in her mid- twenties with her mother and brother, skiing in Aspen last year. There was a noticeable absence of pictures of her with friends after the age eighteen. Who wanted to be reminded that she had been manipulated and blackmailed into not one, but two romantic relationships, was involved in the disposal of a body of a friend and was partly responsible for killing another member of her friend group?
The fashion was typical of an 09er funeral, women in sky high stilettos and designer black dresses, many wearing black wide brimmed, floppy hats that were 'so in' this season on top of their perfectly highlighted and blow dried hair. They all had funeral chic down to a t, Veronica felt hugely underdressed in her simple black knee length wrap dress paired with velvet black ballerina pumps and her hair pulled up into a pony. She also noticed the many hip flasks being passed around the small groups of people mingling around the room, apparently people couldn't face this kind of thing without a bit of liquid courage.
She kept to the edge of the room, knowing full well that she was a pariah and the fact that she was involved in Gia's shooting didn't help matters. She tensed up when she felt someone come up to her side, bracing herself for accusations or insults. She's taken off guard when a familiar, deep voice speaks, "This is getting kind of old, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?" She asks angling herself so she can look up into his sorrowful eyes, but he turns his head away so he can scan the crowd.
"All the funerals and memorials and burials of friends. Started with Lily, then Meg, Susan, Carrie, now GG. Also all the court trials, they're getting pretty fucking old too. I was called as a witness at my Dads trial, at Cassidys inquest, I'm getting called up for Stu's and Luke's trials. I told them I don't know jackshit about what happened but they don't seem to give a damn."
"You also sick of me being a common denominator in all of this?" She asked, hedging a bet that the answer would be 'hell yes'.
His real answer took her off guard, "I'm as involved in all of this as you are Ronnie, more so actually. God knows I encouraged Lily in her reckless behaviour, always told her to have one more shot or five more or whatever. Probably didn't make much difference in the end, but she still had the confidence and the guts to get with Aaron. I was on the boat that day, took the drugs along with everyone else, I was lucky that I blacked out, but I was still there. And I was still here when Carrie began to spiral downwards, I didn't know the real reason, but still I could have helped her a bit. I knew she was vulnerable." He paused, examining his shoes before looking up with regret in his eyes, "And don't even start about Cassidy, he was my brother, my goddamn brother and he killed so many people. He did what he did to you, he was a monster. But it's my fault, I was shit to him, I was his brother and I tormented him. So, if you want to talk about common denominators I'm your man."
She took a deep breath, steeling herself, "Richard, you are allowed to look me in the eyes you know. Don't think I haven't noticed that you don't. You did have a part to play in what happened that night, but so did a lot of other people. It was like a line of dominos, you were just one of those dominos. Also, I know about the work you do with the California Network of Sexual Abuse and Assault Victims, the money and time that you've given. I also know about the drink spiking awareness campaign you set up at colleges up and down the West Coast. You may not have said sorry outright but your actions have done a pretty job."
"I'm sorry for all of it. For all the pain I've caused and not just to you, to everyone, but you're the only one who's left alive to say sorry to." He was close to tears, his voice thick.
"Thank you Dick, though you do need to forgive yourself too. It seems to be a Neptune special, doesn't it? A dash of self-loathing mixed with a large dollop of regret which bakes to make toxic situations" She laughed mirthlessly.
"Pretty accurate description there Ronnie. Speaking of forgiveness, it's not your fault that she died, like at all. Cobb was the one that pulled the trigger, he was the one that shot her in cold blood, and he tried to kill you too. Knowing you, you're probably blaming yourself. Gia would have slipped up eventually, tried to get out of the blackmail, she would have made Cobb angry or gone the same way as Carrie in the guilt department. She had a death sentence hanging over her head, one that you didn't put there."
Veronica had never heard him be so philosophical, so adult. The surprise was evident on her face as for once in her life she struggled to find words.
I'm back to Dick now, huh?" He questions after a couple of minutes, trying to put her back at ease.
"Yup, the emotional Oprah moment has passed." She recovered quickly. "Oh shit, hide."
"What the hell-"He protested as she pulled him behind a pillar.
"Madison and posse, I figured you wouldn't want to spar with Medusa either" She explained, peeking out from behind a column to check on the whereabouts of her nemesis.
"You figured right. Looks like everyone else is heading in, let's get this thing over with" Offering Veronica his left arm and adjusting his tie with his right, they followed everyone into the main room.
The service was typical, bar the fact that the minister made pains to avoid the topic of Gia's part in two other peoples death and her double life that she had been forced to live. She was referred to as 'outgoing and friendly, with a love of travel and culture'. Veronica though about how sad it was that someone's life could be boiled down to just that. That her relationship was fake, her public life a façade as she tried desperately trying to hide from the past. Dick was right, she did feel guilty. But maybe he was right about the death sentence thing too, maybe some things were just inevitable. After all, Gia did make a choice that day with Susan, she also made a choice to follow orders and kill Carrie. Not that that meant she deserved to die, but it was just another reminder for Veronica that nothing was ever black a white. There was just a spectrum of grey.
After the burial they walked back towards their respective cars. She was surprised when he reached down to hug her when they reached Logan's car. "Take care of yourself Mars, Logan seems kind of attached to you, and he needs you in one piece when he gets home."
"I could say the same thing about you. You have my number if you need anything."
"Bye Ronnie."
"Goodbye Dick."
A/N 2: I've always felt that Dick needs a bit of absolution in order to move on with his life and I'm a sucker for forgiveness. I also like to pretend that Dick was not Gutiérrez house in TDTL as it kind of ruins the image of new and improved Dick I currently have in my head. I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my copy of Mr Kiss and Tell, it's due to arrive tomorrow!