Here the next chapter. It actually didn't take me too long to write this time! Most of it was written today, actually. Even though this was a very angsty chapter, it was one of my favorites to write. I love to write raw emotion and by the time this chapter is done, you'll just want to give poor Lorelai a hug! We are beginning to get into the meat of this story now. Please review and make my day! It really does make me write faster. I'd start writing chapter 11 now, but as it's 3:30am I really need to sleep! Lol! I'll start it tomorrow so everyone can find out the aftermath of this dark day.Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! You are all awesome!
Disclaimer: I own only the characters I create. All others belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino.
Chapter 10: Questions
Time marks the passage of life's treasured moments, of births, first smiles, and the joyous laughter bubbling forth from a chubby baby. Time marks events, birthdays, holidays, triumphant accomplishments and goals. Time also marks change, the passage of moments in increments so seemingly small that they go unnoticed. But eventually these small moments add up and become part of the big picture. It is in the big picture that questions are answered, as time brings clarity to the puzzling moments.
Lorelai and Luke brought Matthew to his pediatrician to have his hearing checked. Everything was normal. His vision was normal as well. Blood work showed no signs of illness or disease. Matthew was a healthy two and a half year old boy. Relieved to find nothing physically wrong with their son, Luke and Lorelai decided that Matthew was just quirky and a bit eccentric.
As time passed Matthew began to slowly change. He stopped interacting with other children. Even Emmy received very little attention from her brother. He stopped using the words that once rolled off his tongue at a year old and whereas Emmy now spoke in full sentences, Matthew didn't utter a word. Dr. Peters was concerned with Matthew's lack of language skills and referred him to a speech therapist for an evaluation. At three and a half years old, Matthew should have had an extensive vocabulary. He showed no interest in working with the speech therapist and became increasingly agitated around new people.
He zoned out much more frequently now and preferred objects to people. He didn't like to be picked up or hugged and had to have a very rigid routine. If the structure was broken, he would melt down and tantrum. These tantrums could last hours. It was now painfully apparent that Matthew was not developing normally. Luke and Lorelai could no longer ignore the signs. Their boy was nowhere near ready to begin preschool in the fall.
The bells above the door rang out as Emmy bounced into the diner one day. Lorelai was right behind, holding Matthew's hand. Emmy climbed up on a stool at the counter and began spinning it. When she spotted her father coming out of the kitchen with his hands full of plates, she abruptly stopped. She rested her head on her hands, her elbows on the table, and turned on the full hundred-watt smile.
"Daddydaddydaddy," Emmy called out. "Hi Daddy!"
"Hey Sweetpea," Luke answered, giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head as he passed by with the plates full of food.
"I'm hungry! I want a cheeseburger and French fries and chocolate milk," Emmy rattled off for her father.
"Me too," Lorelai announced, sitting Matthew at a nearby table. "Except I want coffee with mine. Emmy, come sit next to your brother. Matty, what do you want?"
When Matthew didn't respond, Emmy chimed in, "He wants grilled cheese. He always wants grilled cheese Mommy."
"Two cheeseburgers with fries, a grilled cheese, two chocolate milks and one coffee coming right up," Luke said, writing it down on his order pad. He put the order in to Caesar in the kitchen then grabbed a mug and the coffee pot for Lorelai.
Matthew sat at the table staring at himself in a spoon. He then held the spoon up and wiggled it in his fingers next to his face. He rocked slightly back and forth as he wiggled the spoon. Lorelai was glad for the lull in the diner. Less people meant less stress for Matthew. Lorelai sipped her coffee as she watched his unusual behavior.
Luke brought their food out and placed each plate in front of the intended recipient. Emmy grabbed the ketchup bottle and tried to pour some onto her cheeseburger with no success. Lorelai took the bottle from her, added ketchup to her burger and made a good sized puddle for her to dip her fries in. She gave herself a puddle of ketchup and one for Matthew too. He completely ignored his mother and began to dip his grilled cheese into the ketchup puddle then take little nibbles. He ate his fries with just as much attention to detail, one fry at a time, each bite dipped in ketchup.
The bells above the door rang out once more. Lorelai looked up to see Rory entering with Ariel in her stroller. She jumped up and helped her daughter wrestle the bulky stroller through the doorway and then pushed it over to the table where Matthew and Emmy were. Emmy jumped down from her chair and ran over to see Ariel. She greeted her little niece with a hug and began to unbuckle the toddler.
Luke came over with a high chair for Ariel and Rory placed the squirming baby in and fastened the tray. She snagged a fry from her mother and popped it in her mouth as she pulled up a chair. When she spotted the frown on Lorelai's face, she smiled and wrapped her arms around her mother, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Mommy doesn't like when you take her fries," Emmy scolded her sister.
"That's okay Emmy, Mommy takes my fries too, so she doesn't really mind," Rory said, grabbing another fry from her mother's plate and dragging it through the puddle of ketchup.
"Hey thief, get your own fries," Lorelai said, swatting Rory's hand.
"See, I told you," Emmy giggled. Lorelai grabbed one of Emmy's fries and ate it. "Hey! Not fair Mommy!"
"All's fair in love and French fries," Lorelai replied to her little girl, as her elder daughter giggled. "Remember Emmy…sharing is caring," Lorelai stated solemnly.
"I bet Barney doesn't have to share his French fries," Emmy grumbled with a pout.
Lorelai smiled and placed one of her fries on Emmy's plate.
"Here Ariel," Emmy said, handing a fry to her little niece. "You can have one of my fries."
Ariel took the fry in her pudgy hand and stuck the tip in her mouth. She chewed a bite then stretched her arm out toward Emmy's plate.
"Here baby girl," Rory said, taking the fry and dipping it in some ketchup. She handed the fry back to her daughter and watched as Ariel licked the ketchup off.
"Mmm," Ariel said, as she stuck her fry out for her mother to try.
"Thank you, Mommy loves French fries," Rory said, pretending to take a bite of the fry in her daughter's outstretched fist.
A group of kids from the high school came bounding in, chattering away as they pulled two tables together. Kirk was getting into a debate with Luke over whether the croutons in his salad were parmesan or garlic.
"They're croutons," Luke snapped. "What difference is it if they're parmesan or garlic!"
"Garlic makes me break out in hives, " Kirk whined.
"They're little pieces of toasted bread," Luke roared. "Pick 'em off if you don't want 'em!"
"Hey! Is someone gonna take our orders," one of the teenagers called out across the room.
"Hold your horses," Luke bellowed. "Kirk! Eat the damn croutons or don't! I don't care!"
"But if they're garlic, then I'll have garlic crumbs in my salad," Kirk said. "I don't have any antihistamine on me. Mother always says to carry some just in case. I keep forgetting."
Lorelai watched as Matthew began to tug at his ears and rock back and forth, as the once quiet diner became loud and boisterous. Patty and Babette entered laughing uproariously at the latest gossip.
"You shoulda seen 'em Patty," Babette screeched. "He was runnin' down the middle of the street naked and she was chasin' him screamin' while shootin' at his ass with a BB gun! Oh! Sorry kids," she added, noticing the little ones.
"I'll bet his girlfriend isn't gonna fair much better," Patty howled. "Luke, be a doll and bring us a couple of iced teas."
"We were here first," a pimply-faced boy snapped.
"Oh pipe down," Patty called out, "You'll get served."
"Oh Rory, doll, we didn't see you," Babette exclaimed, rushing over to plant kisses on Ariel's cheeks. "Look at this gorgeous baby, would ya! I could just eat her up!"
"Can't you just make me another salad without the croutons," Kirk called out to Luke, who was in the kitchen.
Luke rushed out from the kitchen, stuck his hand in Kirk's salad and threw a fistful of croutons into the trash. "There! Eat it or get the hell out," he roared at the trembling man.
"How do I know where that hand has been," Kirk grimaced.
"That's it! Out!" Luke grabbed Kirk by the back of his shirt and tossed him out the door. "Any other complaints?"
Matthew had decided that he'd had enough. He let out a shriek and began hitting himself on the sides of his head with his fists. Emmy jumped up from her seat and ran over to Rory. She climbed up into Rory's lap and began crying. Matthew continued to scream, sliding down off his chair onto the floor, arms and legs flailing, kicking and hitting anyone within reach.
"Mommy, make him stop," Emmy sobbed. "I don't want him to bite me again."
"Matty, baby, come on," Lorelai said, as she tried to gather her tanrumming boy in her arms. "It's okay Matty." He struggled even harder in her embrace, as he pinched her arms.
"Mom, we need to get him out of here," Rory said.
"Check out the little brat havin' a meltdown," one of the teens called out.
"Yeah, if I acted like that when I was little, my dad woulda throttled me," another boy retorted with a laugh.
"You think this is funny," Lorelai yelled. "You think we just encourage this kind of behavior?"
"Lorelai, honey, calm down," Patty stated, trying to defuse the situation.
"No! I won't calm down! I'm sick and tired of people looking at me like Matthew's tantrums are all my fault," Lorelai said, her voice strangled with emotion. "I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not a bad mother!"
"No one said you were sugar," Babette said, sympathetically.
"What the hell is going on out here," Luke growled, coming out of the kitchen. "Jeez Lorelai, get him out of here!"
"I'm trying! He won't move," Lorelai yelled back.
"Take him home! Now! He's out of control," Luke barked. He strode across the room in four steps and picked his screaming son up off the floor. Matthew kicked his father and Luke, in his frustration, turned the boy over and administered a few swats to his bottom.
"Oh, so you think spanking him is gonna get him to snap out of it," Lorelai cried out in frustration.
"What do you want me to do, Lorelai," Luke bellowed. "I've got a diner to run! Just get him home and we'll deal with this later!" He stormed off into the kitchen to retrieve orders.
"Fine! Come on Emmy," Lorelai yelled, gathering their things. Emmy continued to cling to Rory, crying.
"No Mommy, I wanna stay with Rory," Emmy sobbed.
"Look Mom, I'll take Emmy with me for a while," Rory said, lifting Ariel from the high chair. "I'll take her to a movie so you have some quiet time to settle Matthew down."
Lorelai said nothing but continued to make her way outside, dragging a screaming Matthew. She opened the SUV and wrestled him into his car seat. Rory followed behind, pushing Ariel in her stroller, as Emmy trotted along side. Once Matthew was fastened snuggly into his seat, Lorelai removed Emmy's car seat and walked over to Rory's car. She installed the seat in the back, next to Ariel's. She looked at her own car, parked in the space ahead of Rory and could see Matthew flinging his head back against the seat, his screams muffled by the closed car door.
Rory looked down at her mother's arms, noticing the bleeding scratches for the first time.
"I'm so sorry, Mom," she said, with genuine concern. "If I'd have know that Matthew was going to meltdown this bad, I wouldn't have suggested we meet at the diner for lunch."
"You couldn't have known, hon," Lorelai said wearily.
"But you're hurt," Rory said softly, pointing out the scratches on her mother's arms.
"I'm fine. I've gotta get him home before he hurts himself," Lorelai murmured. "The last time he did this he ended up banging his head so hard on the coffee table that he had to get stitches."
"Oh my god, Mom," Rory gasped. "When did it get so bad?"
"I don't know," Lorelai mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. "Luke and I have been fighting and I just don't know what to do."
Rory wrapped her arms around her mother and held her. "Maybe it's time to seek out a specialist in child development," Rory muttered softly in Lorelai's ear. "You can't go on like this, Mom."
"I'll talk to Luke about it," Lorelai said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I've really got to get Matthew home."
"I'll bring Emmy back later," Rory said. "She'll be fine. I know this really upset her, but she'll be okay. She loves to play with Ariel and I'll take her to a movie to get her mind off it. We'll see you later."
"Thanks for doing this, sweets," Lorelai said, giving her daughter a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Lorelai scooped Emmy up in her arms and showered her with hugs and kisses, then set her down again. She returned to her car and climbed into the drivers seat. Looking into the rear view mirror, she could see that Matthew had removed his shoes and socks and was struggling to pull off his shirt, the harness preventing him from accomplishing that goal. He was still screaming in agitation, his little face tear stained, the sides of his face red from pummeling himself. She started the car and headed home.
Once the car began to move, Matthew calmed down slightly, the movement soothing him. Within a few minutes, his screaming had settled down to hoarse, gasping sobs. He grabbed his beloved blanky from the seat next to him and bunched it up in his hands, hugging it to his body. Lorelai decided to take advantage of the lull and drove around for a while, hoping he would fall asleep. She was exhausted, the kind of exhaustion that could only be compared to battle fatigue. Every muscle in her body ached and her head felt like it was going to explode. Her stomach was in knots and her nerves still trembled, ready for the next battle. She sighed and drove around town, listening to Matthew's ragged breathing and muffled sobs.
After driving around for a half hour, Lorelai decided to head back home. Matthew had stopped crying and was now staring out the window. Lorelai pulled the car into the driveway and shut off the engine. She sat back for a moment and took a deep breath. She dragged herself out of the car and walked around to retrieve Matthew. After opening the door, she was greeted by her son's weary countenance. She unbuckled him and lifted him from his car seat. His body hung limp in her arms. He no longer snuggled against her or gave her hugs. No sooner had she set him on the ground to retrieve his discarded clothing, than a neighbor decided now was a perfect time to mow his lawn. The sound startled Matthew and set him off again. He screamed and began to strip the rest of his clothing off. Lorelai, also startled, slammed her head on the door frame in an effort to get out of the vehicle.
Now she was angry! She had finally gotten her son to calm down and now he was agitated again! She cussed as she rubbed the growing knot on the top of her head. When she turned, Matthew was completely naked and running around the front lawn in circles, with his hands over his ears. Some of the neighbors, alerted by Matthew's screaming, had gathered on their front lawns to view the spectacle.
"What are you looking at," Lorelai shouted to her nosy neighbors.
"Sugar, you need some help," Babette inquired, running over from her porch. "Waddaya starin' at? Stop gawkin' and give her some privacy," she screeched at her neighbors.
Matthew stopped running long enough to pee on the lawn, to the horrified gasps of the neighbors, and Lorelai took advantage of that moment to scoop him up under one arm as soon as he finished. She carried her squirming naked boy quickly to the house, as Babette gathered Matthew's clothes from the lawn and followed her. Once inside the privacy of her home, Lorelai dashed upstairs with Matthew and brought him to his bedroom. She diapered him and put a sleeper, that she'd cut the feet out of, on him backwards so he couldn't remove it.
"Lorelai, sugar, I put Matthew's clothes on the couch. Ya need anything else while I'm here," Babette called out from the bottom of the stairs.
"Thanks Babette, but I've got it," Lorelai called out. "Luke'll be home soon."
"Call if you need anything, doll," Babette yelled up the stairs. "And don't worry about the nosy neighbors. I'll set 'em straight!"
"Thanks again Babette," Lorelai shouted over the roar of the lawnmower. She gasped as she remembered the windows were open in the house. "Wait! Babette, could you please shut all the windows for me? The lawnmower is driving Matthew crazy."
"Sure thing doll," Babette yelled back, as she ran around the house shutting all the windows.
Lorelai tried to soothe Matthew, as he cried and rolled around on the floor holding his ears.
"Lorelai! I closed the windows. I'm gonna go," Babette called out. "Morey, I'm comin' home," she screeched loudly, as she exited through the side door.
Luke pulled his truck up in the driveway and turned off the ignition. He sat for a moment rubbing his temples. He had a throbbing headache and wasn't looking forward to what surely would be round two with Lorelai. Matthew's increasingly out of control behavior was putting a serious strain on their relationship. He sighed and got out of the truck, slamming the door behind him in frustration.
The house was quiet, as Luke walked up the porch steps. He tried the front door but it was locked. He pulled out his key and unlocked it. He turned the knob, expecting the door to yield to his efforts, only to slam his shoulder against the unmoving object. He let lose a string of obscenities, as he rubbed his shoulder. Apparently Matthew was still in rare form, as Lorelai must have bolted the door to prevent him from running out into the street. After trying the other doors, to no avail, Luke climbed in through Rory's bedroom window, which was unlocked.
It had been hours since the debacle in the diner, and Luke could only hope that things had settled down. He surveyed the premises, spotting Matthew's discarded clothes and shoes tossed carelessly on the couch. Everything else seemed to be intact. He could hear the repetitive clacking of Lorelai's sewing machine emanating from their bedroom, and he drew in a deep breath as he ascended the stairs. He peeked into the twins' bedroom. Emmy wasn't there but Matthew was sound asleep, face down, on his knees, with his butt in the air and his blanky bunched under his chest. He silently closed the door and walked across the hall.
The door was ajar, the light from the bedroom illuminating the darkened hallway with a ribbon of soft glow. Luke pushed the door open slightly and braced himself. He peered in and spotted Lorelai diligently at work at her sewing machine. She was making little one-piece jumpers for Matthew that zipped up the back. The texture of certain fabrics seemed to irritate their son and he often stripped naked, usually in public places, much to the embarrassment of his overwrought parents.
Luke entered and softly stepped up behind Lorelai. He placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump and jab herself with the pin she was inserting into the seam of the sleeve on the latest garment she was working on.
"Crap! Luke, you scared the hell out of me," She scolded, placing her bleeding fingertip into her mouth.
"Sorry," he muttered, backing away. He sat down on the bed and began to untie his boots. "We seem to be short a kid," he commented, as he removed his boot.
"Emmy is with Rory," Lorelai replied shortly. Apparently she was still angry with him.
"Did Matthew eat dinner before he passed out," Luke inquired, making small talk.
"No, I didn't feed him! I just let him scream for hours till he finally fell asleep," Lorelai snarked. "Yes, he ate."
"Why the hell are you going off on me," Luke snapped, throwing the other boot across the room in anger. "I just asked you a question!"
Lorelai spun around from the sewing machine to face him, her eyes blazing with pent up anger.
"Why the hell am I going off on you, Mr. I've-got-a-diner-to-run," Lorelai repeated loudly. "I needed you today Luke! I needed you to help me with Matthew! I can't do this all by myself," she lamented, the pitch of her voice rising along with her frustration.
"What the hell was I supposed to do," Luke growled, "I was working!"
"Jesus, Luke, I've had to give up going to the Dragonfly and work from home because Matthew needs constant supervision, and you're complaining? What about me," Lorelai shouted. "We can't keep a baby sitter, so I have to stay home and deal with him. I needed your support today and you wouldn't help!"
"If he's that hard to deal with, then don't come into the diner with him anymore," Luke roared. "Then you won't have to worry about him having a meltdown!"
"I was meeting Rory for lunch," Lorelai yelled. "I needed to get out and feel normal for once!"
"Well obviously our kid is not normal, so we can't live a normal life," Luke shouted, standing up. "You don't think I need a break too? Working at the diner IS my break from this insanity!"
"This 'insanity' is our son," Lorelai shrieked, "and he needs help!" She inhaled a ragged breath, letting it out slowly in an effort to calm herself down. "WE need help," she added, her voice choked with pain.
"Maybe he needs to be in some kind of mental hospital," Luke stated wearily.
Lorelai snapped, her anger and frustration mounting a stranglehold on her good sense.
"Get out," she screamed at the top of her lungs, as she shoved Luke toward the door.
"Lorelai," Luke growled, "You're gonna wake Matthew!"
"I don't care," she screamed. "If he wakes up, YOU can deal with him! I'm done! Now get the hell out!" She shoved him through the bedroom door and slammed it shut.
Luke paced outside in the hallway, debating whether or not to confront Lorelai, but decided it was best to let her calm down. This was beginning to be a regular occurrence and he didn't know how much more he, or their marriage, could take. He padded over to check on Matthew, certain that the boy would be awake, but found him sleeping soundly. The little boy was in a deep sleep, completely spent from the day's events. Luke dragged his exhausted body downstairs and flopped down on the couch to wait for Rory to bring Emmy home.
Luke's mind was buzzing with questions. What now? Would Matthew ever be normal? What was really wrong with him? Why did he tune everyone out? Why did loud noises send him into an apoplectic fit? Why did he stop speaking? Why the intense fascination with inanimate objects? How was this affecting poor little Emmy? Did she feel left out because of all the attention her brother was getting?
Luke must have dosed off because a knock at the door startled him. He jumped up and let Rory into the house. He'd forgotten to unbolt the front door. Rory handed him a sleeping Emmy and inquired about her mother. Luke filled her in. She needed to get Ariel home, but told Luke to tell Lorelai she'd call her tomorrow. After Rory left, Luke carried Emmy upstairs and put her to bed.
Luke closed up the house and turned off the lights. He dragged his sore body upstairs to check on Lorelai. He wasn't sure she'd even let him in the room, let alone their bed, but he needed to try to make things better. The bedroom was dark, but Luke could make out Lorelai's form in bed. He could hear her sniffling and figured she was awake. He quietly undressed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. Lorelai remained silent. He went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, then returned to the bedroom. Lorelai still said nothing.
Luke climbed into bed and lay on his back. He could tell by her ragged breathing that Lorelai was crying. It broke his heart. He turned to her, brushing the tears from her cheek gently with his thumb and whispered, "I'm an ass. And I'm sorry… for everything. I love you so much, Lorelai."
"I'm sorry too," Lorelai choked out. "Matty needs help and so do we."
Luke kissed her tenderly, taking her into his arms, as she wept uncontrollably.