Here we are! For day 24 of the advent, I present a one-shot featuring Puddlefrost! I really hope you enjoy it, it was a lot of fun to write, though I did have to rush it a bit at the end to get it done I'm afraid. ^^' I hope you still enjoy it! Apologies for any typos!
Song lyrics: Polarize - Twenty One Pilots
You know where I'm coming from
Though I am running to you
All our feelings deny, deny, denial...
I'm imagining things. I have to be imagining things.
But when Puddlefrost opened his eyes, nothing had changed. There was a patrol of Division cats before him. And they were all looking right at him.
He didn't move a muscle. He hardly even breathed. The tension in the air prickled like a spark, waiting to be ignited. He wasn't going to be the cat who started the fire.
The first thought that occurred to him, as he stared at them, was that perhaps he could capture them and bring them back to ThunderClan. That would catch his Clanmates' eyes. Lionblaze would be proud. Puddlefrost could picture his expression now: his eyes wide with surprise, but warm.
So that was why Puddlefrost approached the patrol. That was why he didn't run away the instant he caught a whiff of them. He couldn't turn down this opportunity when it had presented itself so perfectly.
Never mind that he was outnumbered, two to one. He was a strong fighter, he could defeat them.
"Why are you here?"
Puddlefrost's words simmered with aggression, his eyes narrowed dangerously as he took in the two cats. The first was a heavy-set reddish tabby tom with an assortment of scars. His companion looked dainty and fragile in comparison, a slender black tom with ice-blue eyes.
"Greetings, Puddlefrost," the smaller tom purred, his expression contorting into an unnerving grin that revealed his teeth.
"You didn't answer my ques- Wait." His pulse quickened. He should have taken them back to the Stone Hollow straight away, should have knocked them out cold the moment he saw them, but how could he deny the tickle of curiosity that he now felt. "How do you know my name?" he demanded, his voice sharp. But there was a strange little shiver of pleasure that also ran through him. A feeling of… importance. They know my name. What reason did they have for knowing him, of all cats? He wasn't a leader or a medicine cat, someone of importance. He was just Puddlefrost. Always just Puddlefrost.
"We know you better than you can ever imagine," the black tom purred, a gleam in his blue eyes. "My name is Night. I'm one of the Guardian's close advisors."
One of the Guardian's close advisors… The words rattled around in his head. This wasn't just any Division cat standing before him. This was someone.
What do they want with me?
He tried to push the thoughts aside. These were Division cats. It didn't matter how important their titles, they were cold-hearted murderers beneath. He couldn't afford to forget that. So what if they knew his name?
Puddlefrost drew his lips back into a snarl. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill the both of you now. You're trespassing."
Night glanced up at the surrounding oak trees as if hadn't even noticed. "So we are."
The grey tom's tail-tip twitched with impatience. "Just tell me what you want," he growled.
The black tom glanced at his companion and then smirked. "You."
I wanted to be a better brother, better son,
Wanted to be a better adversary to the evil that I have done...
Having been born into a large litter of five, Puddlefrost had always had to fight to get attention. It wasn't that his parents deliberately ignored him (or at least he tried to reassure himself), he just had so many brothers and sisters that sometimes he seemed to blend in.
His brother, Pebblefall, had always been the natural leader. He didn't even have to raise a paw to get attention, cats just naturally flocked to him like moths to the light.
Then there was Honeyflower. She was the kind one, the one that cats turned to when they needed someone to listen or a shoulder to cry on. She's always been good at comforting others, even as a kitten. When Puddlefrost had stepped on a thorn, she'd been the one soothing his pain. His mother had been too busy fussing over Stormgazer to notice.
Stormgazer. The quiet flame. Though he never purposefully drew attention to it, he was the smart one, the thinker. He noticed things other didn't, the little things. Puddlefrost had always envied his ability to focus.
Next, of course, was Mossfire. The funny one. Puddlefrost still wasn't sure whether it was intentional or not, but she always seemed to bring a smile to cats' faces, mostly through her obvious statements and her tendency to be gullible. She was a cat who you couldn't help but love, even if half the time her daft comments could make you shake your head in despair.
And Puddlefrost. Who was he?
The other one.
It had always been that way. For moons, he'd tried different personas. He'd been the prankster, the flirt, the adventurer. None of them had felt right.
So, for a while he'd accepted it. Accepted that not everyone could be the main character in the story, accepted that he would forever just linger in the background.
But now he was sick of being forgotten.
He didn't want to be the other one any more.
Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me down
Those stairs is where I'll be hiding all my problems...
By the time they reached the gathering island, the moon had almost reached the highest point in the sky. Puddlepaw shuddered, fluffing up his pelt against the leaf-bare chill. But not even the cold could chase away the excitement inside of him.
This was his second gathering, but if anything he was more excited than he had been the first time. He and his littermates had befriended a few WindClan apprentices at their last gathering. Would they be here again tonight?
He hoped so.
However, what was perhaps most exciting about tonight was that only he and Mosspaw had been invited. To their disappointment, Pebblepaw, Stormpaw and Honeypaw had been left in the Stone Hollow. When he closed his eyes, he could still see their faces, the bitter disappointment written across them. Puddlepaw felt a smug sense of satisfaction. Ha! He had been invited! Bramblestar had chosen him instead of his littermates!
Still, determined to keep up a respectable image, he didn't let the pride show as the patrol finally spilled into the gathering clearing. He wasn't some immature apprentice getting excited about a gathering and he certainly didn't want the other Clans thinking that.
Immediately, it was clear that they weren't the first to arrive. Already the clearing was teeming with cats, but when Puddlepaw drew in a breath he could only scent WindClan and RiverClan. ShadowClan had yet to arrive.
Mosspaw pressed close to him, her eyes wide with a mixture of awe and fear. Puddlepaw felt the same, not that he let it show. It was an exhilarating experience to be around so many different cats and to have the opportunity to learn about the other Clans, but at the same time, he was very much aware of how quickly this peaceful gathering could turn to blood-shed.
He tried to quiet these thoughts though and instead turned to his sister, finally allowing a smile. "Should we go see if Swiftpaw and Wildpaw are here?"
The tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat nodded eagerly. "Okay!"
Puddlepaw didn't wait a moment more. With a grin, he broke forwards into a run and began racing across the clearing. Several times, he nearly collided with other cats and had to duck out of the way at the last minute.
Soon, they had reached a huddle of WindClan cats, gathered in the shade of the spreading oak. Remembering that he was supposed to be making a good impression, Puddlepaw quickly slowed to a leisurely walk and began scanning the crowd for any sign of their friends.
Mosspaw fell in beside him, her flanks heaving. She took one look at the crowd of cats and instantly chirruped, "Look, there they are!"
The grey apprentice followed her gaze to find that she was right. Sitting towards the back of the edge of the crowd were Swiftpaw and Wildpaw, both deeply engrossed in conversation.
Mosspaw nudged his side and then bounded ahead.
A little resigned at being behind again, Puddlepaw padded after her.
"Hi, Swiftpaw! Hi, Wildpaw!" Mosspaw meowed enthusiastically upon reaching them. The uncertainty had left her gaze now, she was on familiar ground now, talking with cats she already knew.
Both apprentices smiled at her and dipped their heads in greeting.
"Hey, Mosspaw. We weren't sure if you'd be here tonight." Swiftpaw's words were friendly, but measured, not forgetting that these were ThunderClan apprentices she was talking to. She had been much more open and friendly at the last gathering, Puddlepaw seemed to recall. Then again, Pebblepaw had been there; he seemed to have that effect on cats.
Slowly, Wildpaw and Swiftpaw looked to him, as if only just realising he was there. "Oh, hi."
The grey tom ducked his head to each of them in turn, smiling politely. "Hey, Swiftpaw, Wildpaw."
Both cats mirrored the gesture. However, there was a stiffness to their movements. Swiftpaw nibbled her tongue, clearly thinking. After a moment of awkward silence, she asked. "Aren't Pebblepaw and Honeypaw here tonight?"
Puddlepaw shook his head. "Nope, just me and Mosspaw this time," he beamed, unable to disguise his pride at the fact.
Both apprentices nodded, but didn't speak. Eventually, Wildpaw dared speak, his voice carrying a cautious tone. "I'm sorry, what was your name again? I don't remember."
Puddlepaw's shoulders dropped. Oh.
They didn't remember his name.
They remembered Mosspaw's name and of course they remembered Pebblepaw and Honeypaw, but they didn't remember him.
Of course they didn't remember him.
"Puddlepaw," he mewed quietly. "My name's Puddlepaw."
Swiftpaw nodded, smiling. "Oh, Puddlepaw, of course! I remember now."
He saw through her act immediately. She didn't remember him at all. He tried to conceal his hurt.
Mosspaw waved a tail dismissively. "Don't worry about it," she purred. "He just blends in."
Puddlepaw didn't remember much of the rest of that conversation. He was sure Mosspaw did most of the talking.
But he did remember that. Those words haunted him for moons.
He just blends in.
The other one. The spare part. The background noise.
"-such an impressive size too! The Queens will be delighted!"
"We're so proud of you, Pebblepaw. ThunderClan is lucky to have such a gifted hunter."
Puddlepaw rolled his eyes, a snort escaping his maw. "You're so perfect, Pebblepaw! We love you so much, Pebblepaw! You're so talented and brave! Why don't we just make you a warrior right away?" he grumbled sarcastically under his breath. It was almost sun-high and his parents were still enthusing about the pigeon Pebblepaw had caught earlier. So what if it had been pretty big? It was just a dumb pigeon.
"What was that, Puddlepaw?"
At the sound of his brother's voice, the grey tom glanced around.
Oh, so you've finally noticed I'm here, have you?
He gave an exasperated sigh. "Nothing."
Pebblepaw frowned, glancing over at Cinderheart and Lionblaze. "Oh come on, you haven't said anything all morning. Is something wrong?"
I haven't been able to say anything! You haven't given me the chance to speak!
"Everything's just perfect, thanks," he replied, flashing a sneer. Okay, perhaps he'd laid the sarcasm on a bit too heavily.
He turned his attention back to the path ahead, his brow furrowed. When Pebblepaw had suggested that they go out hunting with Cinderheart and Lionblaze, Puddlepaw had agreed thinking that it would be a good chance to show his parents how much he'd learnt. Yet he'd caught two sparrows and they'd hardly even noticed. He wasn't sure why he'd ever kidded himself. Why would they even spare a glance in his direction when Pebblepaw was around?
Perfect Pebblepaw and his perfect life, with his perfect Hunter's crouch and his perfect smile and-
"Great StarClan, you look like all the happiness has drained from the world."
His brother had fallen in step beside him a perturbed expression on his face.
Puddlepaw rolled his eyes. "I'm fine."
The golden tabby eyed him dubiously. "I find that hard to believe. What's wrong?"
The grey tom shot his brother a sharp look. "I said I'm fine." He didn't want Pebblepaw, of all cats, prodding him about this.
The other apprentice looked taken aback. He ducked his head bashfully, clearly a little hurt by Puddlepaw's tone. "Oh. Uh, I'm sorry."
Puddlepaw ignored the flash of guilt and instead focused his thoughts on the world around them. Green-leaf was approaching, he could smell it in the sweetness in the air, feel it in the warmth in the breeze. He parted his jaws and took in a deep breath. Maybe if he could catch something really impressive, like a rabbit or-
A single scent leapt out at him.
Squirrel.
Puddlepaw grinned privately. Perfect. That would catch his parents' eyes! Squirrels were notoriously difficult to catch. Even though they were unable to fly away like birds, they were impossibly fast when darting through the tree-tops. Ha! Pebblepaw's pigeon would pale in comparison to this!
He breathed in once more and this time he was able to pinpoint the location of the creature. His head lifted upwards.
There. In the branches of a spreading sycamore tree, a plump squirrel sat gnawing at an acorn. Puddlepaw grinned slyly.
One of Puddlepaw's worst habits, and one that his mentor, Berrynose, was constantly reprimanding him for, was his tendency to leap into things before thinking about them. Had he thought carefully about it that morning, perhaps he would have caught that squirrel. But instead, Puddlepaw did what he always did. He charged head-first into the situation.
In a burst of speed, the apprentice scrambled up the trunk, adrenaline pumping through him. He'd show his parents what a great hunter he was! He'd show them he was worth paying attention to!
Spurred on by these thoughts, he leapt up into the next branch, grinning to himself.
But the branch where the squirrel had been was empty.
Puddlepaw's heart sank.
In the corner of his eye, he saw a blur of motion. There. It had leapt into the next tree and was now scrambling away in a state of panic. Puddlepaw hissed inwardly. Mouse-dung. He'd been too loud and startled it way.
He braved a glance at the forest floor below. Lionblaze and Cinderheart were frowning up at them, baffled.
Puddlepaw gritted his teeth. There was no way he was letting that squirrel get away so quickly.
Gripped by a rush of determination, the grey apprentice bounded forwards onto the branch. The tree groaned under his weight, but he could hardly hear it above the noise of his thundering heart. He narrowed his eyes, keeping his eyes fixed upon the opposite tree as he built his pace. Faster and faster and faster…
By the time his parents realised what he was about to do it was too late to stop him.
"Puddlepaw, no!"
Bunching his muscles, Puddlepaw leapt.
That instant of being air-born seemed to drag out into an age. Puddlepaw was acutely aware of everything around him, the breeze caressing his pelt, the fresh scent of new growth, the air beneath his paws, the sun on his back.
And then it all came crashing down around him. Quite literally.
He wasn't going to make the gap. He wasn't going to reach the other tree. Puddlepaw hardly even had time to panic, one moment he was in mid-air, the next he was flying towards the ground.
The impact of the fall seemed to reverberate through him. Puddlepaw heard the thump as he hit the ground, felt the dull thud of pain shudder through him. Ouch.
A groan sounded. It took a moment to realise it had come from him.
Dazedly, he sat up, blinking groggily. That hadn't gone well. That hadn't gone well at all. Oh mouse-dung, what would his parent say?
Cinderheart and Lionblaze were at his side in an instant.
They grey tabby instantly reverted into overly protective mother mode and started fussing over him, checking his body for injuries. "Puddlepaw… Oh Puddlepaw."
"Great StarClan, Puddlepaw!" Lionblaze exclaimed, his eyes wide with fear. "Did you hit your head? Can you talk? Are you-"
"I'm fine," he mumbled, trying to push himself to his paws. "I haven't broken anything. Probably just bruised."
Painful bruises at that. But he wasn't going to tell them that.
Puddlepaw could pin-point the precise moment when the concern on his parents' faces gave away to anger.
Cinderheart pulled away, her eyes hardening. "What was that, Puddlepaw?" she snapped. "Do you realise how dangerous that was? You could have been killed!"
Oh StarClan. Of course this would backfire on him.
Puddlepaw shrunk away from her. "I just wanted to catch the squirrel, I-"
"A squirrel is not worth you risking your life for," Lionblaze growled. "Thank StarClan you're not hurt. If you'd hit your head or damaged your spine or…" He trailed off, swallowing thickly. "What were you thinking?"
Puddlepaw opened his jaws to speak, but in the end a sigh was all that came out. I did it to impress you. Somehow, he thought that would anger them even more.
Eventually, he lowered his head and mumbled, "I don't know."
"Don't ever pull another stunt like that again."
Cinderheart shook her head in exasperation. "Don't ever pull a stunt like that again."
He refrained from snarling, instead leashing his temper. With narrow eyes, he muttered, "I won't."
Some of the tension left his mother's shoulders, though there was still disapproval in her eyes. "Good."
"Come on, we should get back to camp so Leafpool can check you out," Lionblaze murmured.
"Dad, I told you, I'm not hurt, I-"
"No arguing."
Puddlepaw heaved a sigh. "Fine."
Great job, Puddlepaw. Great job.
"-sometimes I just feel like I could vanish and they wouldn't even notice! They probably wouldn't even realise until a few days later. The only time they actually look at me is when they're telling me off! I didn't mean to fall out of that tree, accidents happen! If Pebblepaw had fallen out of a tree, they would have been fussing over him for days, but nooo, as soon as they realised I was okay, they started shouting at me! "What were you thinking, Puddlepaw?" "Do you know how dangerous that was, Puddlepaw?" "That was a mouse-brained thing to do Puddlepaw!" It was almost a quarter-moon ago now, but they still won't drop it!"
"Puddlepaw?"
"Yes?"
"Will you please stop pacing? It's making me dizzy."
"Oh." Puddlepaw stopped abruptly. "Sorry."
Lakepaw shrugged it off. She was silent for a moment, studying him with those clear blue eyes. Puddlepaw couldn't help but feel like she was seeing straight through him, to the real Puddlepaw underneath. She seemed to do that better than anyone else; see him for who he really was.
"I think you should talk to them," she meowed eventually.
Puddlepaw gawked at her. "You're not serious."
The ginger-and-white she-cat gave him a look. "Of course I'm serious. Talk to your parents. Tell them how you feel."
He gave a dry laugh. "Talk to them?" he echoed incredulously. "What good do you think will come of that? They'll just accuse me of being attention-seeking."
"How do you know?"
"Because… Because they just will! I'm not talking to them about it."
Lakepaw heaved a sigh. "Fine. Suit yourself. I'm all out suggestions."
Puddlepaw's shoulders dropped. "Oh."
His friend's face softened. "You know that's not true though," she murmured, holding his gaze. "I know it may not feel like it, but your parents care about you a lot. They're just worried about you."
A frown weighed on Puddlepaw's features. "Why are they worried about me? What is there to worry about?"
Lakepaw bit her lip. "Well… You do do some mouse-brained things sometimes."
The grey tom was instantly on his paws again. "What? No, I don't!" he exclaimed, defensive. "Whose side are you on?"
"I'm on your side, of course I am. But I think sometimes you need to think more before you do things."
Puddlepaw snorted indignantly, turning away from his friend. She was right. Of course she was right, Lakepaw was always right, but it still hurt to hear the words come from her mouth.
"I'm trying," he mumbled. "It's just hard sometimes. I can't stop myself." He frowned at his paws. "Still, it wouldn't make a difference even if I never got into trouble again. They'd still forget about me. I'm just… the other one."
He could hear his sister's words ringing in his ears, the pain sharp as ever. He just blends in. She had been right.
"I could never forget you."
Lakepaw's words were so soft, they were almost inaudible. But Puddlepaw heard them. Somewhere inside his chest, he felt a light fluttering. He lifted his eyes from his paws, meeting his friend's gaze. "I don't think I've ever heard you give anyone a compliment before," he teased slyly, but his words had struck a chord on him. Sometimes, it felt like she was the only cat who cared about him.
Lakepaw rolled her eyes, a gesture which looked much more natural on her than the solemn expression she'd worn a moment before. "Mouse-brain."
They lapsed into silence for a moment, a comfortable silence. Puddlepaw was still thinking about what she'd said, the words rolling around in his head.
Around them, the forest filled the silence with bird-song.
"I still think you should talk to them," Lakepaw eventually meowed.
Reluctantly, Puddlepaw retracted from his thoughts. A frown formed upon his face. "No, I can't, I-"
"Why not?" she pressed, cutting him short. Any other cat would have waited to let him speak, but Lakepaw wasn't like that. She pushed him, forced him to open up. It was why she was so good for him.
"Because… Because…" He searched for an answer, but after several moments, he still had nothing. He scowled at himself. "Just because! They won't understand."
Lakepaw held his gaze evenly, unblinking. "See. You don't have a real reason. You're just afraid."
"Afraid!" He turned up his note, his neck fur bristling. "I'm not afraid!"
"Then why don't you want to talk to them?" Lakepaw challenged.
"I… I…" He swallowed, the flames of his anger dying away. "I don't know."
A new emotion had entered Lakepaw's expression. It took a moment for Puddlepaw to recognise it as wistfulness. "I just think you should try and make things right with them," she whispered, a wan smile tugging at her lips. "At least you have both your parents."
Oh.
So that was what this was really about.
Instantly, Puddlepaw felt like a self-absorbed idiot. He should have realised sooner. He'd been ranting about his parents not being there for him when Lakepaw had never even met her father.
Oh StarClan.
"I'm so sorry," he blurted out, stepping towards her. "I wasn't thinking, I-"
"I don't want your sympathy," she murmured. But there was a softness in her eyes and her frown gave way to a faint smile. "Can you just talk to them? Please? For me?"
He took her in, the vulnerability in her expression, the tension in her shoulders. She was his best friend. How could he say no?
Puddlepaw shuffled closer to her, shivering when their pelts brushed. "Okay," he whispered. "For you."
I think I lost my halo,
I don't know where you are,
You'll have to come and find me, find me...
Puddlepaw didn't talk to them.
He didn't tell Lakepaw that.
He knew he should have. He planned on it, planned to keep his word to her. But there never seemed to be the right moment. He kept waiting for it to happen, but the days dragged into moons, the moons into a season, and before he knew it, he was a warrior and he'd forgotten all about it.
So nothing changed.
His littermates tried to stay close with him, but he just kept shrugged them off. Eventually, they too gave up. It wasn't long before he drifted away entirely.
Polarize is taking your disguises,
Separating them, splitting them up from wrong and right,
It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight,
Deny, deny, denial...
"-we've seen the potential you hold, Puddlefrost. Such wasted potential. The Divisions has a place for talented cats like you. You could be great, you know. No one would ever forget you again."
Night said everything that Puddlefrost needed to hear. Everything that had never been said to him. Everything that had been eating him alive for so long.
When Night had finished speaking, all he could do was stare in shock at him, at this cat who he'd never met before, yet somehow he knew him better that anyone.
For a while, Puddlefrost didn't speak, trying to process what Night had said. He should have been repulsed by him, by this Division cat who had approached him.
But… But…
His words had triggered something inside him.
He didn't want to be forgotten.
He was fed up of being left out.
He wasn't going to be the other one any more.
Slowly, the grey tom lifted his head. He looked to the second Division cat and then to Night, meeting his cold blue gaze evenly.
The black tom knew he'd caught him. A smirk twisted at his lips. "Well? What do you say?"
Puddlefrost's breath caught.
This was the opportunity he'd been waiting for for so long, the chance to prove himself. It might be the only one he got.
His head spun with thoughts. These were the Divisions he was talking to. They weren't soft-hearted kittypets; if he made a mistake, he would pay for it with his life. But the Clans were fighting a losing battle. The Divisions were too strong, that was clear already; they were going to slaughter them and they wouldn't spare a single cat.
He had made up his mind.
He wasn't going to throw his shot away.
Puddlefrost breathed out. Anticipation prickled in his paws. His heart stuttered in his chest. This was it.
"I'll do it."
I wanted to be a better brother, better son…
I wanted to be a better brother, better son…
So there we are! The reason why Puddlefrost joined the Divisions, as was suggested by someone in a review. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was a bit rushed in places. ^^; I absolutely adore Puddlefrost, I hope this has given you a better insight into his decisions and his character! ^^ Also, kudos if you noticed the Hamilton reference! ;)
Finally, happy holidays! Whatever you celebrate, be it Christmas, or Hanukkah or... Uh... I don't know any others. But anyway, I hope you have a wonderful time!
~Leafy