Chapter 10
Dana Scully's apartment
Saturday – 9.13am
At first, I don't understand what I'm doing in my own bed, since I don't remember getting there. Then, as I feel Mulder arms around me, I understand that I must be dreaming. This is such a nice dream. Mulder's scent is surrounding me and I feel warm, safe and rested. Wait a minute, I've never smelled anything in any of my dream before. This can have only two explanations. Either my unconscious has gained a sense, or… .God. I'm wide awake now, and no, it wasn't a dream. I'm in Mulder's arms. I search my mind to find what happened last night, but I can't remember anything after the moment where he held me on the couch. I must have fallen asleep then. But then what, why is he here? Not that I mind, but…
I feel him stir and, by the change in his breathing, wake up. I keep my eyes closed, giving me a few more seconds to figure out the situation. Then I feel his hand brush my hair softly, and I can't keep the shiver to run through my body. He feels it and stops.
"Mulder…"
No answer.
"Mulder… what are you doing here?"
"You, hum, you fell asleep so I carried you to your bed."
My God, he sounds like a child caught with his hands in the cookie's jar. I can feel a small smile wander on my face, and a twinge of hope in my heart. But I don't dare give it too much attention.
"I meant what are you doing in the mentioned bed?"
"You… you asked me to stay."
Ok, now I'm humiliated. I must have babbled in my sleep. I've really lost it. First, I force my partner to witness a life altering emotional breakdown. And as if this was not enough, after he's been compassionate enough to comfort me, I drag him into my bed. I feel tears sting my eyes again, they are so close to the surface now that I've opened the gates. I can't find the strength to move away from him, so I just lay there in silence, trying to regain some control. Then I hear him.
"Scully… it's ok."
Yeah, right. Somehow I find my voice and manage to croak out
"I don't want you to pity me, Mulder."
"Dana, look at me"
Here we go again. I turn around and pause before I dive into his eyes. What I see there, I don't want to believe. It will hurt more. Yet my heart is screaming something at me, but I can't hear it. Or can I?
"Why are you here?"
My voice is a whisper, as if I was afraid to break the silent connection between us.
"Don't you know that by now?"
"No, I don't"
He takes a deep breath and close his eyes, and when he opens them again his gaze takes my breath away.
"I love you Scully. I'm so in love with you that I ache. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I am so grateful to you for letting me see your soul yesterday night, even if it broke my heart to see you in pain. You are the most beautiful gift I've ever received, I've quit trying to find what I've done to deserve you. And I am so sorry that I was not brave enough to tell you before, because it would have saved you a lot of pain. Please forgive me. Please. The only reason why I get up every morning is because I know I will spend the day with you. I need you in my life, I need you so much it makes me want to scream sometimes. God Dana, I *cherish* you."
I am speechless. A lump is forming in my throat and all I can say is
"Would you think less of me if I cried a little?"
We both laugh at this, and it feels so good, even if it's a teary laugh. I snuggle up closer to him and look in his eyes. I see it there before it happens, so I am not surprised when he lowers his head to mine and brushes my lips with his own. He lingers for a moment, and the mere feel of his lips on mine sends shivers down my spine. We open both our mouths is sync, and let our breaths mingle, before he closes the space between us and locks his lips to mine.
God that man can kiss! I feel like I'm about to dissolve. We explore each other, taking our time. My body is already reacting, just from that one kiss, there is fire in my hips and wetness between my legs. I moan in his mouth and he swallows the sound, delighting in it as if it was a delicacy. I need him, I need him to touch me like I've never needed anyone in my life. Christ, I don't think I've ever *needed* anyone before! I disengage from the kiss to be able to breath. Did he just whimper?
"Mulder"
"Mmm?"
"As much as I love those pajamas… Mulder, undress me, please."