A/N: I know this is a long time coming, but school's been busy. Thanks to those of you who've stuck with this story. :) I plan on finishing up with an epilogue, but that could always change, lol.
This chapter came from a suggestion from BillAtWork. So thank you.
Chuck sits at the bar, feigning interest in the football game being shown on the numerous televisions around the sports bar. Between the sportscasters, the noise of the game, and the cheers and boos of the crowd gathered in the restaurant, he feels the annoying beginnings of a headache.
"Havin' fun, Chuckster?" Devon booms over the din as he slaps him on the back and shoots him a ridiculously wide grin.
Chuck nods, trying to look excited about the game, and tosses a few peanuts into his mouth.
"Dude," Awesome continues, "we need to do guys' night more often! Hey, tell me, how's the semester going?"
Tuning out the outside noise, Chuck answers loudly, "It's going well. I'm really enjoying my classes, but it's tough getting all my schoolwork done when I have actual work to do."
"Why don't you quit the Buy More? Sarah seems to like her new job, and she makes good money. Let her support you for just a couple of months." He takes a sip of his beer. Chuck is pensive. "Let me tell you, Chuck. It seems tough now, but you stick this out together, and you'll be better than you ever were. It'll make you stronger as a couple." He punctuates his words by poking Chuck on the arm. With a shrug, he adds. "And that can never be bad, dude."
Chuck spins his beer bottle, staring at the rim of condensation it leaves on the bar with a dark expression. The advice would actually be good if he could trust in Sarah to take the lead in their relationship. Devon's eyes are turned toward the nearest television. But his gaze flickers over, and he lowers his beer.
"What's a matter? You're not having trouble at home, are you?"
Chuck sighs. "We've been living together for three months now, and she's still as emotionally distant as she ever was."
Devon purses his lips. "How do you mean, bro?"
Chuck takes a sip of beer before answering. Understandably, he's reluctant to admit this to his awesome soon-to-be brother-in-law. "For one thing, she's only told me she loves me once. And that was even before we moved in together."
"Whoa. Harsh."
There's a heavy pause during which the team Devon's rooting for scores, though he has the tact to not get distracted from their downer of a conversation.
Devon cocks an eyebrow. "So what are you going to do about that?"
Chuck almost chokes on a swig of beer. "Excuse me?"
"Well, I mean, what does she say when you tell her that you love her?"
"Um, well, she usually just says something like, 'Me, too,' but sometimes she just smiles and doesn't say anything. And sometimes she even turns away with this . . . closed-off look on her face." He lets out a breath and rests his head against his fist.
Devon exhales slowly, his eyes on the verge of bugging out. "That sucks, man," he intones. Turning to his friend, he says more brightly, "But look at it this way, she's already moved in with you, so you know she's not afraid to commit to you. Maybe she's just scared of what it'll mean when she actually says it out loud."
"Yeah, I suppose," Chuck agrees reluctantly. He and Sarah are due for a "define-the-relationship" conversation, but he's simply not up to it tonight. Because he can already see how she'll be evasive and withdrawn, and how his spirits will depress during the painful discussion.
"Sarah's not as open as you are, bro. Just give it some time," Awesome says reassuringly. "She'll come around."
Bringing her water glass to her mouth, Sarah snorts quietly as Ellie flirts outrageously with their waiter. He leaves to hand in their order, but not before shooting Ellie a dazzling smile.
"You're awful," Sarah accuses light-heartedly.
"Oh, it's just a little harmless flirting," Ellie replies with a grin. "Devon doesn't mind. It keeps the spark alive."
Sarah laughs. As reluctant as she'd be to admit this, she loves spending time with Ellie. Her time with the doctor feels remarkably normal, something she could get used to.
"Are you suggesting I try that tack with Chuck?" she asks, unable to keep the laughter from spilling out.
Ellie rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "Good Lord, no! As much as I love them both, Chuck and Devon are pretty much on opposite sides of the spectrum personality-wise." She chuckles and continues, "So tell me, how's the job coming?"
"Oh, it's great. I love it." A few weeks ago, Graham had set her up as a CIA liaison for the EPA. Her work schedule allows her ample time to run off whenever there's a mission that needs attending to, and, to her surprise, there's a lot of vital communication between the two government agencies. The actual job's not that different from what she's done in the past, and luckily, it's something she can see herself doing for a long time to come.
"That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you," Ellie says, and the excitement in her voice is not lost on Sarah.
"Yeah," Sarah agrees with a smile, "I can't believe I'm finally settling down."
"This isn't exactly what you pictured, is it?"
"Honestly?" Sarah asks with raised eyebrows, "I'm not even sure what I pictured." Her gaze wanders around the restaurant as she searches for words. She looks back at the older woman sitting across from her. "But life with Chuck is turning out to be better than I ever could have imagined."
Ellie's smile falters for a fraction of a second, but Sarah's quick enough to catch it. "How are you adjusting now that Chuck's back at school?"
Her throat suddenly dry, Sarah nods and takes a sip of her water. "Well, his classes are going well," she replies. "He seems happy to be finishing up his degree, but I think working and going to school is tiring him out."
"But how are you doing?"
Sarah is touched by Ellie's concern, but she's out of practice with confiding in a friend. She stretches a smile across her lips. "Fine."
Ellie pokes at her salad, her disappointment palpable. Sarah hates letting her down.
The doctor looks up, a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Sarah," she says quietly, "After all this time, I hope you know that you can be honest with me."
Sarah sighs, torn between unburdening her heart and relying on herself, as she's done for the last seven years. But Ellie's gaze is so supportive that her nervousness falls away. Hesitantly, she says, "He's been distant the past week or so – quiet, irritable." Frowning, she shrugs, unable to explain his behavior. There's a note of hysteria in her voice as she continues. "I don't really know what's wrong, if it's something I did, or –"
"Sarah," Ellie says, mercifully cutting her off. She smiles sympathetically. "Calm down. I'm sure it's just a rough patch. Every relationship goes through them."
"This is different," she protests with a shake of her head. It's different because this is Chuck, and Chuck simply doesn't act that way. Because he loves her.
Right?
Before she can dwell on her despair any further, Ellie assures her, "You'll be fine. I promise."
Sarah looks up quickly. That was far from a generic reassurance. It was the confident promise of someone with insider knowledge. "How do you know?" she asks, keeping her tone even.
Smiling, Ellie practically ignores the real question. "Because I've seen you two together. You'll be fine. More than fine."
Not giving up, Sarah narrows her gaze and says seriously, "No, you said we'll be fine, like you know what's bothering him."
Ellie glances down at the table, spears a cucumber with her fork. "I was just . . . speaking from experience," she covers. "Guys are predictable. They get in these funks."
The lack of eye contact, the swallowing before speaking, the faint blush that rises to her cheeks – all indicative of lying, or, at the very least, withholding information.
"This isn't a funk," Sarah presses softly but forcefully.
Because she's been dealing with this for nine days now and she doesn't know what she's done wrong. The thought that he's slipping through her fingers after so little time together cuts her. She's not good at relationships. She knows that. So Ellie's the only person who can help her.
"Ellie," she pleads, "if you know what's bothering him, please just tell me."
The doctor takes a sip of water, buying some time before saying softly, "Devon and Chuck had a good talk when they went out the other night."
Swallowing, Sarah lifts a brow.
Ellie nods. "I think . . . that maybe Chuck thinks you're not . . ."
"What?" Sarah asks quickly. "He thinks I'm not what, Ellie?" The other woman's expression worries her, but she needs to know if Chuck's keeping something from her.
With a sigh, Ellie says, "Chuck's not the most confident guy, Sarah. I think he's just afraid that you're not in this like he is."
Sarah's brow furrows, her eyes narrowed in confusion and regret. "How could he think that?"
Pursing her lips, Ellie takes a deep breath before replying, "He did mention that you never tell him how you feel."
Sarah looks down at her lap and runs a hand over her eyes. She knew this would happen. She knew it had been too good, that they'd never meet in the middle on certain things.
"Hey, look at me," Ellie urges, and Sarah's afraid her eyes are sparkling with tears as she looks up at the woman she's come to view as a sister. "He's a guy, and he's awkward, and maybe he just doesn't understand that you two relate to people differently."
Sarah breathes a sigh, covering her mouth with her hands. She shakes her head and asks, "Should I talk to him? What do I say?"
"Sarah," Ellie says reassuringly, "things like this take time to work out. Just . . . don't fret about it." She smiles. "You and Chuck are great together. You're not going to let something like this stand in the way of what you have."
Sarah nods, the ghost of a smile gracing her lips. "Thank you, Ellie. I don't know what I'd do without you to talk to."
Sarah walks home from Ellie's, breathing in the cool night air. She's been living with Chuck for three months, and their relationship has been stronger and steadier than she could have imagined. But, full of reservations, she hasn't given herself to him.
And her conversation with Ellie tonight has made her realize that it's decision time. Until now, she's only had one foot in, and Chuck's been doing most of the relationship caretaking.
But not anymore.
She's ready.
Both feet.
She's putting both feet in, and from now on it'll be her and Chuck taking care of four feet instead of just Chuck taking care of three.
Grinning, she picks up her pace down the sidewalk. This weekend. That's when she'll tell him. She plans it as she walks the short distance to their apartment – stargazing on Saturday night. They'll get a few hours out of the city, far enough away to forget about everything but themselves for the evening. A picnic, perhaps? That'll be a nice touch, but if she wants to keep it a good – and edible – surprise, she'll have to get Ellie to help with the food.
As she steps up to the apartment and unlocks the front door, she loves the feeling that every little detail of her life is falling into place. She takes off her jacket and hangs it up on a hook behind the door. Chuck's sitting on the couch, engrossed in a video game. As she leans against the door and crosses her arms, a huge smile comes across her face. If someone had told her fifteen months ago that she would enjoy watching a grown man play video games, she would have been skeptical at the least. But here she is, and there's no place on earth she'd rather be.
She can tell that he's noticed her because of the tension in his shoulders. He's never completely relaxed when he's trying to impress her with his video-game prowess.
Anticipating the weekend to come, she grins and says, "Keep your schedule clear this Saturday, okay?"
Not even sparing her a glance, Chuck scowls. "I have friends, you know, and a life outside of the Intersect. What if I have plans for Saturday?"
Her smile is gone almost as quickly as it came. Anger and shock overtake her, and she's at a loss for words. Recognizing the tiny feeling underneath it all as hurt, she exhales and says in a low voice, "Do whatever the hell you want, Chuck." She turns and, her hand on the door, tells him, "I'll be at Ellie's," but she says it so quietly she's not sure he hears it.
Without a backward glance, she walks out the door and into the night. She knows he's not following her and hates how uncertain she feels about that. She needs the space and would probably brush him away if he tried to follow, but it also seems as if he's giving up.
The thought brings tears to her eyes. She tightens her throat and blinks them away, willing them not to spill. The night air is chilly, and, hugging her torso and hunching up against the cold, she wishes she'd had the foresight to grab her jacket from the hallway. Luckily, the walk to Ellie's apartment is only a few minutes.
She doesn't even get a chance to knock. Ellie opens the door when she's still five feet away. Sarah barely opens her mouth to speak before the brunette ushers her inside, sits her on the couch, and wraps a blanket around her shoulders. She disappears into the kitchen and returns a few minutes later with a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Ellie settles into a nearby armchair, her expression full of concern. Sarah stares down at the mug in her hands. She's been on an emotional whirlwind the whole evening, and this the lowest she's felt since before she met Chuck.
Chuck tosses his game controller onto the couch. Pyramus, sitting on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, whimpers as it flies past his ear. With a sigh, Chuck covers his eyes in frustration and shame. He's never lashed out at Sarah since they've been living together. Yes, they have issues to discuss, but she deserves a grown-up conversation, not an indirect, petulant accusation.
Taking his hands away from his eyes, he looks despondently at his dog, mildly amused by their matching dejected expressions. Pyramus perks up a bit when he gets a well-deserved scratch behind the ears.
"What do you think, buddy?" he asks, exhaling heavily. "Should we give her some time to cool off?"
Pyramus lays a paw on his knee, which Chuck takes as acquiescence.
"Yep, let's give her a while."
He leans back against the couch and tilts his head, staring up at the ceiling. He's too deep in this to let one night, one stupid, insignificant fight screw this up.
Ellie opens the door and stares at her brother, standing on the doorstep with pathetic look on his face, Pyramus sitting on the pavement beside his feet. For the first time, she's not happy to see him.
"What do you want?" she asks, and there's pain in her voice.
His cheeks burning, he looks at his Converses and is struck by the immensity of the situation. By hurting Sarah, he hurt Ellie by association. The thought simultaneously hardens and pleases him. If their pain is not their own, then he and Sarah don't have to go through this alone. They don't have to worry about figuring out what a relationship is supposed to be like. They can learn from their mistakes, and there'll always be someone watching out for them to make sure they don't screw up too horribly.
Swallowing, he looks up at her. "Can I talk to her?" Ellie doesn't look like she's about to back down, so he adds, "I want to apologize."
"Chuck, I thought you knew better than –"
Before she can get very far in her condemnation, Sarah appears behind the brunette and says, "Ellie, I think I can handle it from here."
With a sad smile, Ellie rubs her shoulder and moves out of the way.
"Thank you, though, for everything," Sarah calls softly before turning to him. She leans her head against the door, eyes heavy with emotion, lips poised in a guilt-producing pout.
Chuck tilts his head, silently asking her to follow him. Pyramus's leash still wrapped around one palm, he hooks both hands into his jean pockets, his shoulders shrugging involuntarily. Though Pyramus walks in between them, Sarah maintains an unusual distance between herself and Chuck as she follows.
She gives him the lead, and he walks a minute in silence, collecting his thoughts, before drawing a deep breath.
Without looking at her, he finally says, "Do you know the story of Pyramus and Thisbe?"
Sensing that her answer is irrelevant, she shakes her head.
He keeps his eyes fixed on the pavement as he tells the story, his words slow and even. "They lived next to each other their whole lives, their houses only separated by a wall. Their parents wouldn't let them marry, so they used a small hole in the wall to talk to each other. One day, they decided they had enough, and they made plans to meet under a nearby mulberry tree."
He pauses, breathing deeply. She finds that she enjoys the lyrical, storytelling quality his voice has taken on.
"That night, Thisbe stole out of her house and got to the mulberry tree first. She waited, but before Pyramus could arrive, a lioness appeared near the tree, her mouth bloody and stained from a recent kill. Thisbe ran to safety, but in her haste, she dropped her cloak. When Pyramus came a few minutes later, he took in the scene, assuming that the lioness had gotten to his beloved."
Her arms tucked into her sides, Sarah shivers, partly from the chill night air, partly from the story. Breaking off the narrative, Chuck stops walking, shrugs off his jacket and hands it to her. She accepts it with a small smile and wraps it tightly around her, but no words pass between them.
They resume walking, and Chuck continues speaking as if there had been no interruption. "Beside himself with grief, he thrust his sword into his heart. When Thisbe finally aroused the courage to return to the tree, she saw her lover dead beneath its branches. With a sob, she pressed a kiss to his cold lips and took her own life.
"The white fruit of the mulberry tree was stained red from their blood, and it remains that color today."
Noticing that they're outside the apartment, Sarah stops walking, hugging Chuck's jacket closer to her. He stops beside her, planting himself directly in front of her as Pyramus winds between their legs. He takes her hands in his, and she can feel the tears burning behind her eyes. They stand like that, connected, for a long time.
After a few false starts, Chuck finally speaks, his voice softer, less sure, than it had been when he was telling his story. "I don't want us to be like that," he whispers, choking back emotion. "I don't want us to lose what we could have before we even get a chance to really have it."
A tear streaks down her face, and she sniffles. He takes a step closer, and suddenly her arms are around him.
"I know," she whispers into his shoulder, "I know." She holds him fiercely, because there's no way she's giving him up.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I've been stupid."
"No, I know. And we've both been stupid."
She pulls away and puts a hand on the side of his face, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.
He chuckles and asks, "Forgive me?"
She nods. "How could I not?"
He smiles, one of his genuine Chuck Bartowski smiles, and her heart soars. One look at him and she knows they're going to get past this. In just a few weeks, tonight will be a distant memory, and they'll have other, much happier things to occupy their thoughts.
She moves her hand down to his neck to pull him closer, feeling a jolt of electricity as their lips meet. She leans into him, trying to show him exactly what he needs to know.
But just in case he doesn't get it, as she reluctantly pulls away, she whispers, "I love you, Charles Irving Bartowski. Never doubt that."
It doesn't come out at all how she'd planned, how she'd wanted it to, but it's enough.
Stunned, Chuck recovers quickly and says, "I'm sorry for pushing you. I know you're not big on talking about your feelings."
"It's all right," she reassures him. "We both made mistakes. I knew something was bothering you and wasn't able to put the pieces together. For that, I'm sorry."
"So we're good?" he questions with another smile.
"Yeah," she says softly. "We're good."
"Great," he exhales. "So you were saying something about this weekend? Before I thought it was Intersect-related, but now I get that it isn't, so are we still on for whatever it is? Do you need me to clear the whole weekend or just Satur-"
"Chuck," she cuts him off.
His eyes had wandered during his rambling, but his gaze, now wide and receptive, snaps back up to meet hers.
"Shut up and kiss me," she breathes as she pulls him against her once more, her arms tight around his neck. Reveling in just how amazingly good he feels, she laces her fingers through his hair and crushes his lips even harder against her own.
He breaks away with a flustered yet happy expression. His breathing is rapid, his breath hot on her face.
"I hope you don't have any plans for the rest of the night," she says, her eyes sparkling.
His eyebrows shoot up, but he manages to inject a confident tone into his voice as he asks, "Oh, yeah? Why's that?"
In a low, sultry voice, she replies, "Because I intend to take you inside and have my way with you until your limbs feel like jello." Smirking, she grabs his hand and leads him towards the door. "Think you can keep up?"
Chuck grins. "I have every night before."
"Please, Chuck. You haven't seen anything yet."